A little update... And a question.... 🙄

[Positive2022]

Morning everyone

Some of may know that I had my sugery almost 3 weeks ago. Phew, what a relief to have got that over with. One minor setback ... I've been on a double dose of antibiotics for a suspected infection so have felt a bit rubbish and about a week behind where i'm suppose to be. However... Another hospital check tomorrow so hopefully that will give me some reasurrance that things are healing 🤞

For those of you that have gone through fertility treatment and are considering another via fertility treatment, how did you prepare yourself for the 'journey' again?

I did not cope well the first time round and given all the complications since, i'm feeling very emotionally fragile. As time isn't on my side and i've already been told by gynae to get the ball rolling with a referral to the fertility clinic I want to avoid any possible risk of me going through what I went through last time.

My GP is calling me on Monday but I would really like to talk to her in private and my health visitor has suggested I request a face to face now that services are starting to open up, i'm hoping this is a possibility. Given my fertility trratment, traumatic birth, postpartum haemorrhage, surgery and PND some things are just easier to discuss face to face.

Sadly, gynae were very insensitive and I felt lacked compassion to my sitiation. Basically told me that I will most likely be unsuccessful trying naturally and fertility treatment will be required but then followed with - I quote verbatim' - 'even if you were successful the first time, there is a much lower chance second time round and the longer you leave it the less likely it will work.' I felt crushed.

But... I can't life my life without giving my daughter the chance of a sibling.

If there are any positive stories or words of wisdom I would be so grateful 🙏😘♥️

[Hidden]

Glad your starting to get on the mend.

Re having IVF again. I’ve heard that you are more likely to be successful the second time round if you’ve had a baby 🤔.

We stopped the pill last August in the hope that it would work naturally before the IVF route. We’ve only really tried properly in the last 6 months though as I had an op last year so couldnt for a few cycles. I did start tracking my ovulation too just to see but I’ve stopped that now and resigned myself to the fact we will have to go down the IVF route.

I’m literally not preparing myself at all for this one really. I haven’t booked any appointments yet but thinking maybe September/October. I wasn’t one last time to prepare so I’m taking the same approach this time but I’m not that hopeful as it’s our last embryo so can’t see it being the greatest one.

I just think what will be will be and nothing I do to prepare will change it. Just got to hope for the best. Probably not the best way to look at it but I don’t want to stress myself out with changing myself for it.

Although I’m desperate to give my LG a sibling I think at least we have her so there isn’t that same pressure as there was trying to get her. Who knows I might feel differently once we get going 😬 xx

[Positive2022 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for taking the time to respond and I have everything crossed for you that things go well and are successful.

We were listed for IVF and whilst waiting we were prescribed clomid. We are so thankful that it worked and we were successful. The whole 'journey' was very hard for me though. I had a lot of difficulty coming to terms with my diagnosis and and it was the fear of 'will it work?' whilst trying to hide what we were going through from others as I felt too ashamed to admit that I had been diagnosed with primary infertility.

The volume of stumbling blocks spiralled me downhill and I was so poorly after having such a difficult birth it has left me feeling very emotionally fragile.

But I was feeling positive that we had success with treatment and perhaps next time things wouldn't be so complicated.... That was until I was seen in the emergency gynae clinic where they basically told me i've left it too long, and therefore treatment is less likely to work. Through no fault of my own I have had so many complications which has prevented me from moving a step forwards.

Surgery done, which is an amazing step but what they said to me has left me feeling v low 😔

I'm just focussing on keeping healthy and staying positive as much as possible xxx

[destiny121]

It’s strange feeling isn’t it. My baba will be 2 in March and when I had him I thought ‘great no need to think about another and all the questions on ‘when you having a baby’ stopped!! And now ppl are saying when is the next 😬😬😬..... not their business but anyhow!! Time goes so quickly. I’m not sure how I feel tbh... I know I want another to give him a sibling and that would really be our family complete. I say just to go for it... you’ve got a child already so if it works great but if not you’re already a mum or give it another go. I think the worry beforehand can kind of take over but once you start you’ll be in full swing and excited to see the outcome.... good luck 😘😘

[Positive2022 in reply to destiny121]

Thank you for your support. I'm in a similar position.... my daughter will be two in October. When she was only 6 weeks old, I was already being asked about 'number two'. Felt like saying 'I had a number two this morning... Thanks for asking!'

I'm going to talk to my GP on Monday and see what her advice is regarding the next step. I think gynae just upset me a bit with their lack of compassion xxx

[Hidden]

I am glad your surgery is done I know what a struggle you had to have it done & I hope you are recovering well.

I haven’t had IVF ( so can’t advise on that front) but did endure a 7 year struggle to have our daughter ( including 3 surgeries to treat my endometriosis which took nearly 6 years to diagnose)

We discussed at lengths whether to try again or not- both of us want another baby. but I was worried I would feel as stressed as was trying for our daughter- I decided unless I could try without caring & getting very stressed I wouldn’t do it again. I couldn’t put Francesca through that & she deserves me to be there 💯 to me she is more important than whether or not we can conceive again.

I feel if I didn’t try again I would regret it (at least I can say I tried if it doesn’t happen. )We have discussed a plan- to try for 6 months ( with ovulation tests to max our chances)& if nothing happens I’ll ask for a referral to my endo surgeon for another lap hopefully nhs & COVID19 will be better by then ( but really that is my last resort) I think making & a plan makes it feel a bit more relaxed about it all.

I did read somewhere if you’ve had a successful pregnancy you’ll more likely to be able to conceive again 🤞🏻

I’m currently in my 2ww -2nd month of trying ( first month was a disaster no Lh surge but at least I saw one this month) be nice to have another mum to talk to going through similar ( I don’t feel it’s right for me to post on fertility after our success & the fact I’m just trying naturally so might upset others)

I do wish you the best xxx

[Positive2022]

Hi Jess1981, thank you for your kind words and amazing support. We have so much in common, you have put things down so well and everything that you have written I can relate to.

Our 'journey' started a number of years back. It's been a very bumpy one with lots of stressful moments along the way. I think I always knew I had a problem when after a year, nothing was happening. My cycles were quite irregular and I always had heavy painful periods. Initially, my GP was useless. After pushing, they finally agreed bloods and no surprise... There was a problem and we were referred to the fertility clinic. At this point I became very low. Had a lot of difficulty coming to terms with everything.

We were listed for IVF and whilst awaiting, prescribed clomid and to our amazement it worked. I had a stressful pregnancy, multiple scans and bleeds and admitted for reduced movement. Made it to 40 weeks but had a very traumatic birth. 43 hr labour - ventouse - postpartum haemorrhage - poorly healed episiotomy. Very poorly with anaemia for months meaning I couldn't breastfeed. Diagnosed with postnatal depression.

Massively under supported postnatally. Changed GP surgeries and wow what an improvement. After hitting a v v low point, the support I was then receiving was helping me so much. Then boom, covid hit. ALL treatment stopped.

Now that surgery has been done, I feel i'm in a much better place to think about the next step but after being told that as a result of everything, I have now most likely left it too late, through no fault of my own, I feel crushed. As much as I try and ignore that negative feedback, it's so hard, especially when they are the specialists.

I can accept things if we are unsuccessful and have explored the option of giving our daughter a sibling. What I will find hard is living with myself having not explored this option.

I'm just still feeling so emotionally fragile. I think it's just an accumulation of so many hic ups along the way (and lack of sleep).

Like you, I do best with a plan. Having something to aim for gives me some reassurance (and hope).

My husband is naturally and understandably worried about me having another postpartum haemorrhage and the risk of developing PND again. It's frustrating with covid, as therapy has been difficult to access. They were meant to call me today in fact for a booked appointment and never rang.

Tonight i'm just feeling overwhelmed.... My lady bits are still a bit sore and after being on antibiotics I just hope things are healing as they should be. I also feel exhausted. Abnormally exhausted and have had a few dizzy spells so I know i am not 100% still. I'm tempted to ask for an extra week off work just to get myself in the right place physically and mentally.

I do hope you are doing okay and it's lovely to have found a friend on here for support. It would be great to keep in touch 🥰

Please do pm me any time, my inbox is always open xxx

[Hidden in reply to Positive2022]

How are you? I hope the recovery is going well. Still find it sad women are so poorly treated with gynae issues 😢 I am sorry for what you went through. I’m still not “over” our journey. (This I hope can offer hope) I have found out I’m pregnant. I cannot believe it after such a long struggle to have our daughter it happened so quickly ( did not expect that at all thought my endo was returning) xxx

[Positive2022 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Jess1981, lovely to hear from you and huge congratulations. I'm so v happy for you and wish you all the best. Such wonderful news and it does give me hope so thank you for sharing. I am doing okay, I think. Physically much better after the antibiotics but awaiting blood test. Start back at work tomorrow which I think will be a healthy distraction for me. I still have a long way to go with conservative treatment and that's hit home but at least it's healing and over and done with. I'm still feeling a bit up and down emotionally and i'm finding this particularly hard. Just a culmination of everything I think. But I so pleased for you. I hope we can keep in touch ♥️ take care xxx

[Hidden in reply to Positive2022]

Thank you. Definitely keep in touch. I have heard you are more likely to conceive if you’ve had a successful pregnancy. Just because it was struggle to have your first one doesn’t mean number two will be and I hope it happens quickly for you when you’re ready to try again. I would never have believed we would be having another baby (at one point I didn’t think we’d have one baby. ) We are due the same time we were due 3 years ago ( but had a chemical pregnancy) Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better, good luck with your blood test let me know how you get on. I hope work goes well distractions are essential with TTC/fertility treatment!!! Good to have a sense of normality. xxx 😘

[Positive2022 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much, it's always nice to hear positive stories and it does give me hope. Huge congratulations ♥️💕♥️

I saw my GP last week and explained how I was feeling. I talked. I cried. I think i'm still v low to be honest. She has referred me to the fertility clinic after I requested fertility counselling as it did help last time. We don't know when or even if I can be seen but at least it's a start. Given my emotional state, it's not the best time for trying but it almost felt like the gynae team were leaving me no choice given the bleak picture they painted. I have found processing the information from the gynaecologist v difficult and with the whole covid situation it has felt a very lonely few months.

I have started conservative treatment following on from my op and it's been quite uncomfortable but I will give it more time in the hope it gets easier and then perhaps we can start to consider the next step. I'm also massively sleep deprived which I don't think is helping my mood.

Thank you for keeping in touch and keep me posted on how you're doing. I'll update after my blood test. Take care and BIG hugs 😘😘😘

[Pasaeoco01]

Hi Poppy149, good to see your update. Whilst I haven’t experienced fertility treatment it did take a long time to conceive my first son after a missed miscarriage and I also experienced a traumatic birth with my second son followed by PTSD and a very long healing process/physio.

What I was wondering is why the specialists have mentioned you’ve ‘left it too late’? It’s only been almost 2 years since your daughter was born? Personally I think having a baby within 2 years of the first is a very brave step!!

Is it you’re age that they feel is reducing the effectiveness of fertility treatment? May I ask how old you are?

Clearly I’m no expert on the matter but you read stories all the time of women having success with fertility well into their 40’s albeit I appreciate the odds reduce with age.

Just curious more than anything,

Really hope you’re feeling better soon. I would suggest if you’re still on antibiotics and not feeling 100% some further time off work sounds sensible. Take care x

[Positive2022 in reply to Pasaeoco01]

Thank you so much for your support. I'm so sorry that you had a tough time too and I really hope that things are feeling better for you now.

Yes it's my age and my fertility diagnosis 😔 we started trying for children in my early 30s not knowing that I had a problem. I'm now 36 (soon to be 37 in sept) and as the waiting times for fertility treatment are so long (longer now with covid) and with my history of fertility issues they said my chances are v slim. I personally feel they came across in a very insensitive manner. I took the news badly as I was alone (hubby not allowed to attend due to bloody covid). The doctor even questioned my original diagnosis. I tried to explain my understanding of the whole problem and she promply said 'well, just because it worked for you first time, your chances are much lower second time'. Even asked why I need surgery to have a baby - told me to skip surgery to 'save time'. At this point I burst into tears explaining that to make a baby is physically impossible due to the damage caused by the traumatic birth. She did apologise for upsetting me so much and my GP said that to skip surgery would be ridiculous. Why work in an area like this and lack so much compassion? I explained that I was meant to have had surgery in February - cancelled twice and this miserable doctor just said 'well we can't help covid.' But then as a patient, neither can I.

I saw another gynaecologist in January when I was listed for surgery and she said I have 'wiggle room' but to get the surgery done first. Massive stumbling block with covid but it's done now albeit a minor complication with the suspected infection. I'd convinced myself that I still have some time, until I was seen in the emergency clinic a month back 😔

I guess i'm looking for some positive stories for those who have been successful in their late 30's / early 40's. I'm lucky that I have a v good and supportive GP who has really helped me with my PND so i'm hoping I can book some time with her to chat everything through xxx