Hi all
I hope everyone is okay. I've not posted for a while as I have been really struggling so needed some time out. I wasn't sure where to post as a large part of my struggles are due to infertility but as I have already been through this 'journey' I have opted for this forum. I hope this is okay.
Most of you know my history. It's been a v bumpy few years. Infertility diagnosis and treatment... Stressful pregnancy.... Traumatic birth with multiple complications including PPH and surgery..... PND. Admitted into hospital as an emergency end of May and seen by gynae team, only to be told my chances of having another baby is very slim even with fertility treatment. Surgery in June which in truth i'm still recovering from. Between all of these incidents, trauma from years ago has resurfaced which has not helped things. Promptly discharged with no psychological support due to covid.
Fast forward to now. I am v motivated with self management and for the most part, can self manage v well through diet, exercise, distraction techniques etc.
But it got too much. One weekend, out of the blue, my body seemed to just 'shut down' and I was feeling v low.
I am now signed off work and slowly getting my energy back. Running is helping. I have lost a stone in weight. But nothing seems to have been resolved. My GP has been fantastic and equally frustrated as she has been desperately trying to access some appropriate support for me which has been challenging.
Every referral sent through has been either 'lost' in the system somewhere or refused.
Now clearly is not the right time to be thinking about another baby. I know this. But I don't want to miss the small 'window' I have. I would deeply regret living my life knowing that we never pursued this opportunity.
The problem is my referral has been 'lost' somewhere. I was referred to the fertility clinic back in July, really to access some fertility counselling and hopefully start the ball rolling with things again. After being bounced between my GP surgery and the fertility clinic several times, I finally located my referral in the triage unit only to be told 'all services are stood down, we don't know if the referral will get accepted and even if it does, the service is stood down indefinitely'. Back to square one. Not heard anything since.
I'm just feeling at a loss as to where to go and what to do and how to move forwards.
Perhaps I just need more time to digest things. It's been such a difficult year for everyone, I almost want to write 2020 off completely and just look forward to hopefully a better year in 2021. But at this time, I have needed some space and time out. I have even taken myself off social media and whatsapp so I can just be alone for a while.
If you have got this far, thank you so much for listening xxx