Bed wetting advice on behalf of my partner and his 4 year old daughter.

[jay1987]

Ok so my partner has a little girl from a previous relationship who stays with us 3 days and nights per week, I also have a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship (obviously lives with us full time) there is 5 month age difference but mentally and physically both at very different ages and stages with everything.

Main issue however is bed wetting - something my daughter has never done.

I feel abit helpless when it comes to bet wetting accidents as my daughter was potty trained very late (due to me not feeling she was ready) she was almost 3 but was fully toilet trained within 2 weeks and since then has only ever had 3 accidents none of which were during the night. My partners daughter on the other had is bed wetting every night at ours or at her mams but 2 and sometimes even 3 times throughout one night.

Not only must it be stressful for her waking up in the night crying shes wet and needing to be changed when she's half asleep but its also very stressful for my partner having to get up and change all the covers, clean little one up and get her settled back down for bed before getting back to sleep for another 11hour shift at work the following day (hes a chef)

We have tried reducing her fluids close to bedtime infact not giving her a drink at all from 6.30 and making sure she goes for a wee before bed at 8.00 but this inst helping.

My partner is almost at breakdown stage with her and we don't no what to do.

We have tried talking to her mum (his ex) but we get no positive response out of her apart from (well we can put her back in pull up's) we did try that last year as it was a problem then but discovered she was getting used to wearing them at night and not bothering to even wake and tell us so we have taken her back out of them. I have suggested to her mam that she takes her to the doctors to see if there is an under lying problem to the situation thinking maybe a child psychologist could help but she refuses. We have even tried speak to my health visitor however they are unable to see his daughter unless her mam takes her as we don't have full custody of her. Any advice on ways of getting her out of this nasty habit would be much appreciated I am hoping to get this issue under control before our baby comes along, I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant.

Thank you in advance for listening and for any feedback.

[Skyblueboston]

Well done you for at least trying, sounds like mum has given up!

I really am a believer in children will potty train in their own time, but I wonder if this little girl is now anxious, so now wets the bed more than she would have if training had been done as a joint venture from day one. It must be an upheaval living at two properties.

How about trying the following, I'm no expert but the following makes sense to me

Stop liquids at 6pm if bed is at 7:30pm

Ask her to use the toilet at least once before she settles down

Then I would wake her every three to four hours and get her to use the toilet, I know this will mean you or your partner will be tired but this way you are training her mind and body to wake for a wee.

I really can't see any other way to make her more alert of her body actions.

Good luck xxx

[Hidden]

Oh must be hard for u all... so has she always done it and never been trained? I would understand wetting herself once in the night but 2 or 3 times is alot.. think a trip to the drs to make sure everything is working properly... I know u said about taking her for a wee before bed but have u tried then just getting her out of bed before u go to bed for a wee, they usually are half asleep but I found this helpful but u have to be consistent then they start to realise the need for a wee when they are sleeping and sleepy to wake up and go to the toilet. . Is she frightened to get up for a wee? I always leave the toilet light on and the toilet door ajar so they can see if they wake up. .. Also have u bought them disposable covers to put over bedsheets saves on alot of washing! I know advice doesn't work for everyone but did for me, hope it helps for u xx

[Megzey]

My little boy was potty trained at just under 2 1/2year in the day and he took to it really well. He is 4 1/2 now and he still wears a pull up at night. I read in a book that if they have been in a pull up at night and it has been dry for over a month and they are waking up at night to go to the loo then they are mentally ready to go dry at night. It is not a bladder control issue, it is a mental issue sending signals from there brain to wake them up that they need the toilet at night. She (like my son) must be that tired at night that her brain doesn't signal that she needs the loo so just wets herself. I personally dont think being 4 and still being in pull ups at night is an issue as they will learn. I dont know of any teenagers that still wear nappies so they will stop at some point. Buying pull ups is cheaper than washing bedding everyday and stressing over it. I would much rather my son drink fluids than restrict his fluid intake after a certain time at night which some people say they do.

[jay1987]

Thanks for the comments in relation to skyblue any advice is much appreciated thank you.

Mum has given up and its always hard to have any kind of routine with her as the family on the other side (ie her mums) is hopeless and obviously doesn't continue to carry out the same routine and rules as us to its always going to be hard in that way. To be perfectly honest I think her mam is abit of a waste of space the poor kid is passed from pillow to post when shes at her mams which is why we have started having her 3 nights a week sometimes even 4 to prevent her being passed around so many different houses and giving her a change to have some sort of routine in her life at least at one home.

Baby mother... No she hasn't always done it she went through fits a starts at the beginning of last year but after a few nights she stopped and had dry nights again but its been persistent like this since February and not showing any signs of getting easier.

I will try what ever anyone can recommend as like I said i haven't had this issue with my daughter so not really sure what to do. Shes fine going to the toilet through the day most of the time unless shes playing sometimes she leave it to late and has accidents.

Her mam did take her out of nappies all together at 18 months which I think is far to early and my partner refused to allow it so he had her in nappies when he had her (mixed signals I know). We do need to get a mattress protector as its a nightmare to keep cleaning. Duvet covers take about 3 days to dry once been in the washer too so that's abit annoying but we manage. (Just about)

Thanks again x

[Hidden in reply to jay1987]

Oh bless her I'm not surprised this is happening the poor child doesn't seem to have any stability...great that you are trying your best, sounds like she would be better off living with you guys hope u get it sorted out xx

[jay1987]

I no we are trying to give her a much a stable life as possible hopefully when she starts school things will run more smoothly as she wont be going between houses so much.

I do have to agree there is no harm in children on 4 been in pull ups I might some kids are 7 years old and still have to wear dry nights (as proven on other forums) but unfortunately I am not in a place to put my foot down I just have to work along side and support my partner on whatever decisions he or his ex makes when it comes to caring for the little one.

Thank you all again for your advise we will take it all on board xx

[Allyemo1985]

Orh bless you both I can imagine the shear tiredness your feeling. I had a few occasions with my daughter. We stopped giving drink 1 hour before bedtime use of toilet at bedtime, and when we went to bed we used to get her up and hold her on the loo she was half asleep but would have a really long wee. Then back to bed. We had no wetting instantly and was recommended by my hubby's mum who did the same for her first son. If you haven't already try it it may cure the holding into it and wetting bed. X

[jay1987]

Aw we've bee talking and were gunna try that from tonight so fingers croased thanks again xx

[Trish198]

Hello jay I understand your worries, every child is different, just to let you know I have a 10 years old son and I m still in that situation although is not so often now. I have tried everything from pills to control the bladder to not giving liquids to psychological help he even had a chart with suns and rainy clouds in his bedroom and at the end of tge suns he would have a gift but still not working, he has been tested and nothing is wrong so I guess sometimes there's nothing you can do but I believe your case is not like mine and will be sorted she is still young. Best wishes

[minime61]

4 years old is not that bad. And I do understand as my stepson is 9 and still in pull-ups.

I would - give it a total rest for at least 2 months. Then start afresh, really positive.

Give her a chart with one week at a time on it and put stickers on it in the morning for a dry bed. (print off another one for her mum and give her same stickers - fingers crossed she'll follow it too)

Buy 3 or 4 new pyjamas which hopefully she won't want to get wet (disney princess haha!)

Even new duvet cover if you have the cash.

Double sheet (at least) the bed so that you don't have to change everything in the middle of the night. ----disposable bed mat, bed sheet, disposable bed mat, bed sheet.

Praise her for getting up in the morning and going straight to the loo (if she never does this - call to her as soon as you hear her get up to go to the loo). That gets her in the habit...get out of bed, then go to the loo.

Good luck xx

[jay1987]

Hi all thanks for your advice last night we had a fulm dry night we give her her last drink at half 6.45 and bed at 8 she went for a wee before bed then when we went to bed at half 11 we woke her again for the toilet and again at 3 and she woke up very pleased she was dry and we prased her for it although she didnt like been woken in the night she managed the loo and went straight back to sleep. Cant thank you enough for your help lets hope she keeps it up shes at home now till monday so will see how her mam copes. Xx

[gingerbaby]

Sorry to hear about your struggles, sometimes bed wetting can be stress related, but sometimes it not obvious what is causing the stress, bit of a trial and error. What is her bed rroutine at her mothers home, is she missing favourite toys, does she feel inferior to your other child. Think of as many ways stress could be introduced and try different routes to help your child, sometimes they can feel helpless at a situation, anything you can do to give some control, of something, no matter how small. Good luck, its a stressful situation for all, esp if mamma and pappa are getting an interupted sleep again good luckxx