Feeling so hurt

[Kt19]

So my partner said to me last night that I’ve failed my eldest daughter she’s 15 not his because she stayed out at a friends now I’ve found that in fact this friend is actually her girlfriend 😏I know she’s gay that doesn’t bother me but I am mad that she lied as I would never of let her stay at a girlfriends house like I said to her I wouldn’t allow you to sleep at a boys so why would I allow to you to sleep at your girlfriends . Any way my partner said I’ve failed as a Mum and failed my daughter and he’s now worried for our daughter and unborn daughter this was not said in a argument this was said just talking to each other. I don’t know what do or say I’m shocked upset have I failed.

[Sisi14]

Well failed is wrong my lovely, my daughter is 16 in December and I am strict but also have to have trust in her too. Your partner is wrong to say that to you as your doing your best and believing what your daughter says and tells you.

Now that your daughter has lied to you just explain she won’t be staying out at night at anybody’s house asshe broke your trust and when your ready yourself then she can ! My daughter lied once and I took her phone for 2 months but now she knows there’s a trust and honesty line and you have to be trusted or you don’t get or go anywhere. The role model in my daughters life isn’t her dad either but I knee wouldn’t say that to me if you have been together for a while he should be working with you .

He’s forgetting they are 15 and think they know it all we just have to guide them and set rules and boundaries now. Don’t blame your self or question your self you’ve done nothing wrong xx

[Kt19 in reply to Sisi14]

Thank you for your reply my daughter is 16 in November and now is saying I can’t tell her then I think shock she’s just being rebellious. I know we’ve all done this at some point I think it’s just hurt more in what he’s said he did apologise and said he shouldn’t said the things he did that he just cares x

[Sisi14 in reply to Kt19]

Hun all children try and push it but my rule in my house is as long as your living under my roof and are under 18 then you stick to the rules as they’re all push the boundaries! I’m glad your partner apologised to you as it does hurt . Xx

[roxannacar]

Of.course you haven't failed. teenagers can be difficult sadly they do lie at times and like to be rebellious. It happens. They feel there are mature and know everything about the world, and parents don't understand them ... because I love him/her etc.

Don't blame yourself, these things happen, have a good chat with your daughter and explain why you're disappointed and try and move on. Also this has nothing to do with your younger daughters.

[Hidden]

Wow he’s very supportive, in that case even tho he’s not her dad he’s the man in her life so he’s failed her too! Christ 15 I’d lie too go out drinking and I’d do something stupid they’d have to deal with my stupidity my parents didn’t fail me at all they saved my ass they still support me whatever i do in life. Harsh words I feel nobody’s perfect there’s not manual how to deal with kids behaviour you do your best.

[Kt19 in reply to Hidden]

He just thinks I’m too soft because I didn’t shout and scream I spoke to her calmly as I’m 31 weeks pregnant and suffer band with my nerves and anxiety so sometimes it’s just so much easier to talk then shout and get upset xx

[Kate91]

Is he saying you've failed and he's worried because she lied to you or because he found out tour daughter has a girlfriend. Either way you haven't failed. We've all lied at some point to our parents about where we were in sure. She is 15 and it's going to happen. However if he's mad because he found out she has a girlfriend and is worried she is going to 'corrupt' your other daughters?

[Kt19 in reply to Kate91]

He just thinks I’m too soft because I didn’t shout and scream I spoke to her calmly as I’m 31 weeks pregnant and suffer band with my nerves and anxiety so sometimes it’s just so much easier to talk then shout and get upset xx

[Kate91 in reply to Kt19]

Trust me on this shouting at a 15 year old is only going to make her break the rules even more. She's at that age where she is going to break the rules and push boundaries. He needs to realise that shouting doesn't work with older kids. It may shock younger kids into behaving but when I was a teen it only made my attitude worse than before and made me.more inclined to go on well mum says I can't do that so im going to do it anyway. She's nearly 16 and she's going to find ways around experimenting even if you don't allow sleepovers anyway.

On a bright side if she has a girlfriend not a boyfriend she isn't going to come home telling you she is pregnant.

[Kt19 in reply to Kate91]

That is one thing I’m happy happy about 😂 just hurts that not only was she speaking to me like I was a crazy women and he was then saying I’d failed 😢 she’d got a bloody love bite too. I wouldn’t of dreamt of letting my mum see me with a hicky I know we’ve all had one or two but for sure not matter how warm it was out side it would be covered up 😏 it’s the disrespect she showed me that hurt. And he didn’t help eitherx

[Hidden]

Well I’m too soft and I still shout and scream makes no difference.

[Kt19 in reply to Hidden]

Same here I just get stressed and upset so figured there’s just no point in shouting when she looks at me like I’m crazy x

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

At 15. I lied to get what I wanted I knew my dad wouldn't let me do certain things. That doesn't show he failed it shows I knew that he wouldn't let me do what I wanted if he knew the truth but boy did I get it when he found out he always did. Now I'm 32 with my own child and one on the way and my dad has passed I know everything he told me and taught me was right and he said to me I would learn the hard way as a teen and I did learn very very hard. I will never think or feel that he's failed me. Teens will lie when they've got boundaries it's about how you deal with it and you've dealt with it right they are challenging and think they know it all I know I did as soon as I hit 16 I moved out thought I was big woman knew it all, biggest regret of my life.

Don't beat yourself up hun. Keep talking to her keep her luxuries away and let her know your doing these things for her OWN good, she'll see. It's hard but being a parent in this day and age is really hard with all the crap that goes on In this world. Your doing great hun just don't let it get you down, keep talking to your partner too tell him to remember when he was a teem it's easy to forget when we're adults but we've all been there. 😘💝