Saturday Night Live! Open Mic ๐ŸŽค All ... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Saturday Night Live! Open Mic ๐ŸŽค All jokes are welcomed!๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™

GreatMindfulness
GreatMindfulness
โ€ข79 Replies

The Struggle is Real!!! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

79 Replies
โ€ข

Since you asked........ It's long , be patient.

A priest, a rabbi ,and a minister, were talking about how they manage the funds for the weekly collection of the offering.

The priest said, "I draw the out line of a cross in the courtyard. I toss the offering in the air. What lands inside the cross, I keep. The rest God keeps."

The minister said, I do a similar ritual. I draw a circle on the ground, toss the offering in the air, what lands outside the circle The Lord keeps. Of course what lands inside the circle I keep,"

The rabbi then says. "Well, I go out in the court yard, and simply throw the offering in the air, What God catches he can keep.........

Brilliant! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™

Rabbi is the most โ€œenlightenedโ€ one ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚.

Thank you.. Thought that one up myself I did. Yup! Rabbi got Da Juice!

Oh wow Mr. Tao is a comedian too ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™

A frustrated comedian at that... Frustrated that I can't make a living at it. But thank you... you so kind.๐Ÿฅฐ

He Said...She Said....๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

"To start from the self and try to understand all things is delusion. To let the self be awakened by all things is enlightenment."

Dogan

Hit me with a stick please ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Oh, I think not.You'd probably enjoy it.

๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜˜

Instant Satori โ˜๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

I aim to please.

๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

Teacherโ€™s petโ˜๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Wish I'd thought of that๐Ÿ˜

Right up your alley Mr. Tao ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Teacher's pet? Who is teaching whom here?

๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ™

Always so humble Mr. Tao ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™

Yes Grasshopper. It is a wise person who knows humility.

Wisdom is knowing when to leave the room. TTFN ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ‘‹

Later Mr. Tao ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™

And to you have a good evening... Pleasant repartee as usual thank you.๐Ÿ˜โค๏ธ

Thank you Mr. Tao for participation. Have a good evening ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ™๐ŸŒˆ

Have a good night Mr Tao๐Ÿ™. Good joke๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ™‚

Callendersgal
CallendersgalAdministrator in reply to GreatMindfulness

Perfect GreatMindfulness!๐Ÿคฃ

Thank you Callendersgal! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™

Returning from his holiday, Mulla Nasrudin asked for two weeks more in which to get married."But you just had two weeks off," said the boss. "Why didn't you get married then?"

"WHAT, AND RUIN MY HOLIDAY?"

The awareness is off the chain ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Mulla Nasrudin was attempting to smuggle a jar of whiskey across the border of his country. When asked what the jar contained, he said, "Holy Water."The Customs officer insisted on opening it and taking a sniff.

Good God, man, this is whiskey! he said "SAINTS BE PRAISED!" cried the Mulla. "A MIRACLE!"

Brilliant! Mulla is awesome ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

So much wisdom๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

Undoubtedly the best-known trickster and wit in human history โ˜๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹๐Ÿ˜‹

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

You have to come back for chocolate ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ

Gotta give what people want or elseโ˜๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Chocolate comes out the back end....

We got one truth teller here โ˜๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to GreatMindfulness

Oh no ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Oreo and Chocolate Milk ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to GreatMindfulness

Yes ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Imnotright
Imnotright in reply to Hb2003

Only if you share Hiba

Karate Kid ๐Ÿ™

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Google ainโ€™t all dat.... ๐Ÿ™„

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚
Hb2003
Hb2003Star

Hiba never misses Ramadan and always wakes up for suhur her favorite movies are the hunger games and fasting and furious ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Brilliant! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚xox

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to GreatMindfulness

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ lol

ZazenRiver345
ZazenRiver345 in reply to Hb2003

You get a little grumpy when you're fasting? ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to ZazenRiver345

Yes ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Doesnโ€™t take much to fix ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธJust load her up with Oreos ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to GreatMindfulness

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ 6 Oreos a day keeps Hibaโ€™s anger away ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Daz wisdom right der โ˜๏ธ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚โค๏ธ

ZazenRiver345
ZazenRiver345 in reply to Hb2003

6 is a good number๐Ÿ‘. Not too much, not too little

Gotta get her oreo levels back up๐Ÿ˜…

Itโ€™s so slow it needs to hit control alt delete boost ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to ZazenRiver345

Iโ€™m a whole other person when fasting ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

ZazenRiver345
ZazenRiver345 in reply to Hb2003

Like the hulk? ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

Iโ€™ll say Itโ€™s mix between alladin and the 40 thieves ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

A man was arrested at the airport for having a sharp object in his luggage. He had a ruler, compass and protractor. He was a math teacher! But it turns out he was also a member of the notorious terrorist group, Al Gebra.

Nice ๐Ÿ‘We have a different kind of Notorious over here in US called Notorious Big ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Up north were also sicker than the average. I sometimes twist cabbage on instinct. Some people donโ€™t think it stinks think gators and my Detroit players , Tims for my hooligans in Brooklyn

Oh dang no limit to the ultimate ! Brooklyn bounce ๐Ÿ˜Ž

Hahahh. I can rap him karaoke word for word believe it or not.

Show me whatchu got ๐Ÿ˜‰

Who shot ya , separate the weak from the obsolete itโ€™s on sista, forget all that bickering beef, your heartbeat sound like Sasquatch feet thunderin shakin the concrete

Girls walk to us, wanna do us, screw us

Who us? Yeah, Poppa and Puff

Close like Starsky and Hutch, stick the clutch

Dare I squeeze three at your cherry M-3

Bang every MC easily, busily

Recently sistaโ€™s frontin ainโ€™t saying nothing so I just speak my piece keep my peace cubans with the Jesus piece with my peeeps! Itโ€™s so catchy itโ€™s hard not to say it. Never thought Iโ€™d rap a biggie duet

Itโ€™s your lucky day I guess๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ Bring it back to Century Club heyyyy ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

What kind of concert costs only 45 cents?

Kainan_li
Kainan_li in reply to Kainan_li

50 cent ft. Nickelback

Nickel back ๐Ÿ˜… ๐Ÿ˜… 50cent in da clubbb ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ

The only way is up โ˜๏ธ

and then it comes back down

What comes up must go down ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

"Is there any reason why the board should not draft you into the army, Mulla?""Yes, I have defective eyesight," said Mulla Nasrudin.

"Are you able to substantiate that claim?"

"WELL -- HERE'S A PHOTOGRAPH OF MY WIFE."

Such a sore for an eyesight ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Poor Mulla cant catch a break๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

Hang in there buddy... ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

When old Mulla Nasrudin was asked why he talked to himself, he replied: "IT IS BECAUSE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I LIKE TO TALK TO A SMART MAN, AND IN THE SECOND PLACE, BECAUSE I LIKE TO HEAR A SMART MAN TALK."

Know Thyself ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ™