Twice in one week i have not brought all my shopping home,what with leaving flowers on top of the car and yesterday arrived home without the 4 pints of milk i bought,what is wrong with me.?
And yesterday i could'nt set the satnav on my car to find my friends address in Weston Super Mare ,i fiddled with it and then resorted to using my old tomtom satnav which was ok but as i drove along i had 2 voices blaring at me,one saying turn right,and another saying turn left,and my car satnav wanted me to head to Liverpool instead ffs,so i eventually stopped and switched off the fitted one.
However i finally arrived at my destination,but could i find house number 22,no,I walked up and down for what seemed like miles,asking several people along the way,all of whom pointed me in other directions,eventually i walked back to the car about to drive home,when my friend Sheila spotted me and i explained i was unable to find her house,number 22,but she then said but i am at number 6...doh.
My only excuse is that i have had 15 months of daily solicitors correspondence to deal with and its knocked me for six and i dont know if i'm on my head or my heels,plus i am not au fait with all things techno or legal,i am rubbish,and hate to admit i can barely use a mobile phone.
It so happens that my late partner David had a brilliant mind,and i left everything techno up to him to deal with and its true to say i am not coping well at all.
My solicitor told me that David's estate would be completed within a year,but that has'nt happened and i am deluged with so much mail every single day,and i'm done....stop the world !!!
Roddy.
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secrets22
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I’m across the pond. I think I’ve understood all that you’ve written in your post.
It sounds like you’re truly overwhelmed by the loss of your partner and all the stress that legal maters regarding this entail.
Firstly you have my deepest sympathy for your loss.
Secondly please take a moment to take a deep breath hold for 3 seconds and slowly exhale.
Thirdly please know you’re not alone in your struggles as there are countless loved ones left behind (especially with this covid/variants virus).
You need to try to make your environment more tolerable at this difficult time.
Essential lavender oil by diffusers will fill the air with a calming effect as you smell its wonderful aroma.
Play soothing music in your waking hours.
At bedtime place David’s pillow against your back (I did this during my husband’s absence while in the military) it may give you some comfort due to the warm pressure from his pillow.
Watch feel good movies eat some comfort food if needed.
I did what I call letter therapy. I was severely tortured and abused during my childhood all aspects of abuse. Then in adulthood I’m still suffering verbal and emotional abuse from my dad; my mothers total abuse of me ended upon her death 22 years ago.
I write letters to everyone that abused me; said exactly what I needed to tell them but never allowed to. This helped me to empty all that raw excruciating emotional baggage festering inside me. I kept those letters until I didn’t need them anymore then destroyed them. This was very cleansing for me.
Although your situation is different the therapeutic effect is the same.
Then whenever you need to you can come on here and get much support as all members are so wonderful at doing.
Please take care stay safe.
I just said a special prayer for you.
Sending much empathy hugs support and prayers and love.
oh honeybug.....your comments are so helpful to me,and means so much,thank you so much.And i also have suffered a great deal of abuse throughout my life,and those hurts stay around us forever.Not sure what part of the military your husband was in,but David also spent most of his working life in the Royal Navy ,and was a Commander,and was so accomplished in everything ,and yet he succumbed to the dreadful disease of Dementia,and i nursed him almost for all that time.x
Hi sweetie 😊🌸🌿🦋I’m so glad to hear that I was somewhat helpful to you.
I’m also saddened that you too were victimized by the evil atrocities of abuse.
I turn 70 this month. My abuse really started from birth as my mother didn’t want girls.
But it escalated once I was 5 when my mentally ill mother became drug and alcohol dependent. I had to care for her as my dad would abandon me to her so he could escape and cope. He has his mental issues too.
In my 65 years I’ve learned that whatever abuse you’re subjected to it’s the predators mental issues that they are projecting their own torturous trauma onto someone else.
We are not whatever we’ve been accused of or whatever names we’re called or that we’re worthless or undeserving to live life.
I was 7 when my brother was born. He became everything to mother. She drank while pregnant with him so he has brain damage and inherited my parents depression issues too.
My mother’s son was finally born but as much as she desired him she was too deep into her mental illness and ever increasing self medicating with her drugs and booze. She really wasn’t able to be present and celebrate his life.
She caused such mental issues with him by never setting boundaries made to mind or being held accountable for his actions.
My parents failed miserably at parenting. I was forced to grow up age 5. I was the carer for both mother/brother at such a young age ; being robbed of my childhood essentially.
I’ve been a carer ever since.
My parents are human and did the best they could with such PTSD from their childhoods.
I forgave them not so much for their wrongdoings against me but for myself so I could cut those emotional chains and move forward with living.
I’m soooooo very sorry that your beloved David with all of his wonderful accomplishments succumbed to Dementia.
My hubby’s mother was my Mom too. She became the mom I never had and we bonded as mother and daughter. It was wonderful such a blessing.
On August 9 2004 my hubby myself and his/our parents just came back from a birthday/anniversary lunch when mom had go inside her house to potty. The rest of us waited in the driveway for her to return.
After a few minutes I heard mom yelling. I went in the house to check on her.
In the matter of just a few short minutes Mom disappeared. As I asked her what was wrong she answered in a childish voice and words.
I went outside to get our dad to go to attend her needs.
That quickly a mental switch was flipped and mom disappeared into the realm of Alzheimer’s. She never returned. I cared for her medical appointments tests getting meds and having the tough talks with her that hubby and dad couldn’t do themselves.
Then dad being on blood thinners with a very bad heart disease on August 18 2010 fell in the garage and hit his head on the side wall then concrete floor. We didn’t find out until 6 hours later. We rushed him to the ER but his brain had been bleeding for 7 whole hours with multiple tears throughout and no hope of survival.
He spent 3 months in hospital steady decline until death.
The day after his accident Mom came to our house to live.
It was a nightmare as my health was fragile before all of this tragedy occurred. I spent 2 years by myself caring for her without a single break. Finally the toll of her 24/7 care/needs caused the beginning of my failing health.
We had to place Mom in an Alzheimer’s care facility...it broke my heart.
So I understand fully what it involves to care for a loved one in such mental decline.
You have my sincerest loving empathy sweetie.
I lost a son age 12 3/4 years to inoperable lung tumor.
I grieved for over 30 years when I learned a very important thing.
We must grieve in our own way and as long as necessary.
However we must also celebrate the years and the previous life of our loved one lost.
It took me a while but eventually whenever I think about or gaze upon my son’s photo I now am filled with love joy and happiness and seldom cry these days.
Let’s keep in touch okay.
I’m not very up on this amazing technology we have either. But I’d like to send you a poem I read at my mother’s funeral for my dad.
You take care hun. Have as good an Easter as possible.
Time is of help and talking things over as its one of those things that's beyond my control as I don't control other peoples behaviour or attitude towards me.
Many years ago an argument had erupted over a Chinese takeaway as we had arranged to have gone out for lunch at an Italian restaurant with my grandpa and my father had wanted a Chinese takeaway for dinner that day.
I had said how wouldn't that be a bit much having takeout for dinner when we were eating out at lunch that day and I had said how about we save the Chinese for another day as something to look forward to another time and the way my father had reacted like what usually happens with selfish people when they can't have their own way you would think the world had ended and the sky had fallen in which is ridiculous in my view!
My ex boyfriend said I shouldn't have offered another day for the Chinese if he was going to have behaved like that and to stuff selfish people when they start throwing tantrums!
There was an incident back in 1998 when I was 21 when I had arranged to have stayed over with some friends for a few days that they didn't approve of as to have attended a christening when I became a godparent for the first time.
I had said to them why don't we meet up in the town centre and have a cup of tea there and this wasn't right and I had been on the receiving end of sulking and the silent treatment like with spoilt children who don't know any better!
Then in the town centre they had said about a day out that Sunday when the christening was happening and I had said sorry I can't make Sunday as I was off to the christening and had suggested another time as an alternative and this had caused an argument as well!
I did stand my ground though and had gone to the christening as planned that Sunday and had a great time there with my friends.
They said how that kind of behaviour is that of spoilt children and had said I shouldn't have offered an alternative if they were going to be like that.
I understand being disappointed and arrange for another time without argument but with all due respect that was ridiculous!
When I drove I never used a sat nav, but just a thought, I've looked at a route planner online from my address to my family home, both in Bristol, so it might be worth doing that, it may or may not be more reliable than a sat nav, thinking of you while you've got all this going on, David would be proud of you
Stress can do horrible things to us secrets22 and it's not to be wondered at after all that's gone on in your life over recent times.Remember the song McArthur's Park with the 'someone left a cake out in the rain' line. Well that might have been sung about me. During my divorce from my first husband I'd had to start a new job in a new location and one lunch time paid a visit to a local cake shop to cheer myself up with a nice airy confection, given to me in a pretty box. I parked my car and went back to work for the afternoon. I was happy to leave, looking forward to my little treat. It had rained all afternoon and I hurried through the puddles into the car park. Yes... there was my cake in a swimming pool of water, on top of the car! So be assured you are in good company! Be kind to yourself! 🙏
I really feel for you Roddy and everyone else who has been abused. You have all done so well in opening up. . I'm so sorry to read about the sad loss of your husband Roddy. This in itself must be absolutely awful but then all you've had to do while in pandemic must be horrendous. Never feel alone as we are all here for you. This community is absolutely fantastic. I'm forever doing scatty things. Like one Christmas I was putting what I thought was oil on a baking tray. Dave came in , said there's a funny smell, I'd out whiskey instead of oil on the tray🤣😂🤣😂My mother in law was sexually abused by her paternal grandfather as were her sisters. She tried to tell her Mum who didn't believe her. The first and only people she told apart from her sisters was myself, Dave and then my Mum . We just held her tightly as she sobbed, it was heartbreaking but I was pleased that she felt she could open up to us. We said are you not bitter and she said no because it would spoil the rest of my life and also I got the gold as I had the children then grandchildren. Dave remembers his Dad hitting his Mum when he was little. He had an affair with someone they'd taken in!! He let Dave and his brothers down all the time. My mother in law found the courage to divorce him. My mother in law made sure he didn't hit Dave and his brothers. She had an inner strength.Then my mother in law met Arthur (whose wife had an affair)who as Dave said was his Dad every which way except biologically. Thankfully Dave and his brothers were not like their biological father. Dave and his brothers changed their names to Atkinson as soon as they could, they had so much respect for him and obviously their Mum. The happiness Arthur brought was fantastic. They went on to have a daughter. I'm so sorry for rabbiting on, it's just your post reminded me of my mother in law. I feel so lucky to have had a wonderful childhood and marriage with lovely memories.
Oh gosh Lynne.......so many of us have gone through the most difficult and horrendous times,and its hard to believe we are still here.Sending you hugs xxxx Roddy.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel very lucky to have had a wonderful childhood and marriage. Dave never wanted to get in touch with his own Dad which I totally understand, after what he did to his Mum and then he let down the lads so often. Dave's Mum didn't poison their minds about their Dad, she wanted them to make their own minds up which I think is remarkable. Dave said he remembers his Mum getting him ready to go out with his Dad and him not turning up. He said I never want to see him, he couldn't be bothered with us. Dave has gone out of his way to make sure the lads had a lovely childhood, he is like his Mum for that. She was a wonderful role model as was Arthur. Apparently he looks like his Dad especially with a tash, hense why he doesn't have one. Obviously I have also made sure the lads had a great childhood and I also had 2 wonderful role models.
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I realise mentally I struggle