Please allow me a time to vent and I would like feed back too. So I am retired and struggle with ocd and depression. Lately I'm being told by my drs and family members to "stay busy" Well if I hear that one more time, I'm going to scream. I am trying to stay busy, for crying out loud! I go to stores, I watch YouTube videos, play games on my phone anything I can think of to keep this brain occupied! But, there is only so much i can do. What are some things people tell you that frustrate you?
Venting: Please allow me a time to vent... - Positive Wellbein...
Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation
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Venting
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MrsMapdog
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Oh that one's so frequently heard during the pandemic isn't it MrsMapdog? It's irritating, but not just that, I find it really depressing to keep looking for things to do which I wouldn't normally entertain. What on earth is wrong with sitting and just being? We should all do a bit more of it, instead of trying to bat away unwanted thoughts. We can't be busy all of the time. It's exhausting.What I hate the most is when I'm trying to make something work and it won't and some bright spark says, 'oh have you tried so-and-so?, and suggests something really basic which anyone would have tried first. I always feel like saying, 'yes dozens and dozens of times, but thanks for taking me for a complete idiot'!
MrsMapdog• in reply to
Lol. Its just not the pandemic it's just tiring to push through life coming up with ideas to keep occupied. I want to be able to just sit and be still. Even watching movies which I've always liked to do has become a trap for my mind to obsess. Ugh! Such is life. OCD is a bully and one Im growing more tired each day of living with! Thank you for your input.
Hope you have a great day!
• in reply to
Nothing's wrong with just sitting and being every so often.
I had a try at it this afternoon after lunch.
Imaaan• in reply to
Lol@ Some bright spark
Things that I can't stand are getting told to be positive and also about being thankful.
Yes in lots of ways I am thankful but it doesn't mean I have no right to have difficulties!
MrsMapdog• in reply to
I understand
I always think in those situations "walk a mile in my shoes and let's see how you would fare" 👣👣
I hate hearing "just try it". Trust and believe, I have. If for whatever reason I haven't there is a DAMN good reason.
• in reply toImaaan
Thats the thing though the privileged people who give out this stupid advice don't realise they have opportunities in life that others haven't and haven't had experience of being chronically ill and disabled as the people they give the condescending advice to.
Condescending unhelpful advice off these privileged people really aggravates me as what do they know anyway?
Imaaan• in reply to
100% factual
hi mapdog...
there seems to be very little that doesn't frustrate me these days.... 
you said you'd like some feedback... allow me to offer this thought:
it isn't JUST about keeping busy... IMHO - i think it's about keeping busy with something that provides you some fulfillment! ie: helping others (participating on forums like this, or volunteering @ soup kitchen or animal shelter); playing games with other humans (online card games, chess, backgammon etc); doing things that provide human interactions (virtually) (video chat support groups); grow some plants / veggie / herbs; build models; fix/refinish furniture; start a new hobby.
i think we need the kind of payoff that comes with these kinds of activities to provide us with a sense of purpose, meaning, and fulfillment; something to show for the time and effort. and THAT is what makes us want to get out of bed the next day.
I usually do find things to do that I enjoy. But, I'm just tired of doing, doing, doing. I just want to relax and enjoy quietness and do nothing! Just me and silence.
Thanks for your time and input.
Wish you the best!
great point, mapdog!
i think there's 1 more thing to remember also...
part of "self care" IS about getting what you need - and if quiet and doing nothing is part of what you need... you need to work that in to your 'busy time' also!
if you need an 'excuse' for that time - how about meditation? meditation IS all about getting some quiet, do nothing time - give your mind time to 'reset' and re-center.
meditation; quiet time; self reflection - whatever you want to call it - is an important part of wholistic (spelled that way purposely) health for mind and body.
and i'm wishing you not only the best - but also some peace, quiet, and nothing time! 
I probably should try some calming sounds to unwind. I have an app on my phone that I can listen to waves or forest sounds or whatever. I guess I forget to do it.As a mother of 2 grown children and now retired I need to learn some "me" time. Even if that means listening to relaxing things, enough to unwind but, not too quiet to allow the intrusive thoughts to come.
Much 💘
That sound wonderful definitely agree with 13Ga I really recommend meditation it has changed my life. It just relieves stress and gives u quiet time. enjoy a walk and juts listen to nature. Give your mind and body what it needs. Not what other people think u need. hugs and kisses love. pm any time if you need to vent or talk ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Thank you so much for your kind words.
always love we are all here for u ❤️
Thank you!
Sorry to but in on your conversation, I just wanted to say that your post is so apt for me 13ga, and has inspired me. Thank you.
Yes I totally agree with you - I can't keep busy all day-I do the things you mention-plus phoning friends etc- but still miss the social interactions that we used to have (here in UK)I am just a 'people person'-my husband says should get hobby- ? He has his photography and boys stuff!
Hopoing we'll be allowed some 'fun time' soon!
Good wishes -Ratton 726
“Stay busy” is the classic saying that physicians, therapists, friends and even your dog (If they were capable of speech.) use when all other means have been exhausted or a quick fix that is a 50/50 chance of working. Hi, I can emphasize with you on your OCD because my brother- in-law has had it for many years but neither him or my sister were willing to give it the name until things finally came to a head & they had no choice. I have Major Depression , Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD. MS (& a few other “wonderful things .) I, too, am retired but then I sent from being disabled to Retired. And, I am as active as I want to be! Which is the attitude you need to take. Sure, I would love to be “more busy” just to keep my mind “busy” but there is just so much I can do! I read, on my PC or cell phone, getting dental work done on my Grandson (He’s 21, Autistic [very high-functioning]), . I live with my partner going on 27 yrs (& haven’t killed each other yet!).......So, sorry to talk to much but even tho I have lived in this area since 1983 have no “real” friends close by so it’s nice to be able to chat with someone who has similar disorders as myself. So, my next question is pretty obvious: what brought your question on? And how long have you been diagnosed with O D & Depression?
I was diagnosed with OCD and Depression in 1998. My husband was in the Navy and on one of his deployments I had a nervous breakdown I would say. They ran some tests, couldn't find anything wrong. Several suicide attempts and then I was hospitalized. What brought in the question was a visit to the dr. He made that statement. Then I was texting my sister the other day because I'm struggling with depression again and she texted, "stay busy"
Thanks for your imput!
• in reply toMrsMapdog
It's aggravating isn't it when you need support and get given stupid unhelpful advice!
Many years ago when I worked the “Crisis LIne”, we would constantly get calls from patients who were hearing voices, were “nervous”, having anxiety issues.....and there wasn’t much we could offer as far as a quick fix. We would make suggestions, such as if nice weather, perhaps take a walk, listen to music , read a book - whatever we could think of to keep them “busy” in hope that this Crisis will pass. It was also that because of my boss at this job that I had my “Meltdown”, I called my Breakdown. Couldn’t hold things together anymore s This was around 1997 or 1998. My “Shrink” is from the VA as is most of my medication. She doesn’t pry; actually I think she’s disinterested in me. And, since MentalHealth was involved in my Major in college she knew not to BS with me. I know my medications, I know about my Disorders so our conversations are basically if I need refills. Lol .........
Thanks for your reply
Because of my depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia, fatigue, etc. I’ve been unable to commit to going to a family reunion this year. It was very frustrating when I tried to convey my hesitancy to one of my siblings. Her reply was “Sounds like you need to get out of the house.” 🤪😅 Might as well laugh, right?❤️🏄♀️
focused1Reading Rabbits
I have found some Drs are on another planet . After my 5th baby was born I knew my exhaustion wasn’t just a result of the birth . I was advised to get a home help . I asked whether they were available via the NHS . What wonderfulperson would look after me and 5 boys under 11 whilst my husband worked 15 hour days . Eventually after 3 visits to the Drs I was found to
have protein in my blood and kidney malfunction. The Dr still advised a home help but considering the area we were living in at the time surely she knew this was financially impossible. We lived off yellow stickered reductions and large veg stew packs whilst I couldn’t work .
I'm sorry to hear this. Its terrible to be dealing with health issues when one is financially strapped.
It was then but we managed well . Not any spare money to employ housekeeper for 5 boys but I thought it a silly suggestion from a GP at the time . Well we all muddled in and my oldest was wonderful and just shows as he is a fantastic father . All my children went to University and some beyond . Money isn't everything but luckily as the boys got older I found a college with a creche and trained 2 years there to become a nursery nurse so I could take my youngest to work with me . Saturdays - my husband looked after them whilst I had another paid job as a cook in a staff supermarket restaurant. We worked our way out of poverty and my family life was busy , frantic but happy .
Your chronic back pain (30years+) will get better if you exercise and dstract yourself with things you like to do. No. It takes as much as I can muster to get out of bed and dressed in the morning. If I exercise, that is the only activity I’ll be able to do that day. I have loads of hobbies, crafting, knitting, writing reading - and still back pain!
That doc is unbelievable. They weren't thinking at all.
I was given a suggestions of exercise while I was experiencing a phase of excruciating chest pain and tachycardia. The pain was soo awful that I was bent over clutching my chest and they suggest to walk it off ?🤔
When folk tell me to wear lots of layers to keep warm. As if I did not know this already! Also, when they tell me to take my coat off indoors otherwise I won’t feel the benefit when I go out. The opposite is true. If you build up heat before you leave you’re well insulated and the cold won’t strike you so much when you leave a warm building. You take the heat with you. There are many more but I won’t bore you. I hope you feel better soon. Con amore Bx
Oh don’t start me off ....panic attacks “just breath” .....there’s always someone worse off then you ....in that moment there doesn’t feel that way ....I’m agoraphobic .....why do you never visit me ...that’s to name just a few ...people aren’t positive all the time and that’s ok xxx
• in reply toMissveronica
I can't stand the worse off thing either!
Thing is you are allowed to have difficulties and your difficulties aren't taking a worse off award from someone else.
Perhaps there are plenty worse off but that doesn't solve your problems!
Grumpyoldmaid99• in reply to
Well said, catgirl1976, how very true. Sending love xx
If you feel like you just want to sit then that is what you must do. I have to keep busy, I can not relax I need to tire myself out so I can fall asleep. I have to be busy in things that are either physically exhausting or that require a lot of brain work.The worst thing been said to me is "you have to be strong" and "you are too sensitive" or particularly anger making my husband saying "you have your problem" ie depression I have worked it out that HE is the cause of my depression.
Hello, that makes me chuckle as it shows just how disconnected doctors can be. Mine told me to go swimming or go out for walks...... Totally overlooking the fact I'm in a wheelchair (manual) and have very limited function in one arm! I personally found this "advice" to be borderline offensive. No wonder you need to vent. It's utterly frustrating not being heard. Sending much love to you.
Lol. Thank you for the chuckle. Best wishes to you.
All of them need vigorous training in compassionate dialogue before earning their degree
• in reply toImaaan
Where there's no sense there's no feeling is my view!
You could say "I've got OCD; I'm always doing something!" even if it doesn't affect you that way. It might shut them up. I can only do one thing a day so it looks as if I'm sitting down all the time. So I can't always help when help is needed.
• in reply toMaggieSylvie
Point is you can't help out every time you get asked!
MaggieSylvie• in reply to
Well I'm usually in the middle of doing something already, when I'm asked in no uncertain terms to do something else! Today it was something that I physically couldn't do so I went back to hanging the curtains. Fixing the light-pull in the bathroom is clearly something that (having historically had cowboys in the house) neither of us is able to do without a comeback.
CraftypersonReading Rabbits
Hope the can't helped.It most be hard nowadays coping with OCD when this virus still out there and everyone talking about cleaning.
Also with depression when can't get out and do things......and people telling you to do this.
I had depression when I had to retire at age of 32 following an accident and starting crafting really helped me. Have you thought about a hobby or maybe on line class for something. I didn't do well in maths at school so to get me out of house, doing stuff and meeting people I did a maths class.
Do you have a pet? Maybe getting one for company would help and a dog gets you out exercising. Good luck.
I had a pet. Our only ever dog we will have. Our sweet boy, Chipper had to be put down in 2016. It broke my heart so bad. We try to help with our grandbabies and try to leave the house when we can so no more dogs for us. Thanks for your imput
I had to have my old dog put down at 1 month off 18years old and it broke my heart. We'd had her from 12 weeks old and didn't want another straight away but 18 months later we got Archie and when David died 18 months later I wad so glad I had him.
• in reply toCraftyperson
How's your Archie getting on?
Thats bloody unfair having to retire at 32!
He's fine he's loving smelling out the rabbits and goodness knows what at moment.It broke my heart having to finish work
• in reply toCraftyperson
That's it you grieve for what you've lost and for the dreams you had for the future when things like that happen.
You sure do and I didn't accept it for a few years
Hello MrsMapdog
I am not surprised at the suggestions people have given you to help you, after all the only things that will help you are yourself. It is all right to have a rant though because when you have to convince other people you are as bad off as you think you are, you find it is not as bad as you think. I would suggest going for a walk, this will help you physically and mentally. Blessings.
• in reply toBig_Dee
I find that walking helps as well.
Thank you for your response
• in reply toMrsMapdog
I hope you understood it because I can't make head nor tail of my response :)🤔
Would you like to try some yoga or pilates or tail chi. These forms of excercise are gentle but very effective if you stick with them for some time. Plenty of options online at the moment although I would prefer a real class for some human contact where possible.
Hi Mrs Mapdog,Im sorry to hear of your frustration,sometimes the best way is shout out loud,bash pillows/you seem to be doing all you can,and all I can say is being in the same boat,only I havent got OCD-thank goodness,my own predicament and possibly yours is not speaking out enough,,im feeling so distressed by lack of peoples understanding care,!im an independent,just turned 75yrs and it makes me sad to hear others given out silly thoughtless remarks.where is common-sense gone or was it ever here!!im willing to listen to you anytime ---😇🥰
Thanks sweetheart. You seem like a kind soul. I rather someone say. "I dont understand" to what I'm going through, than to make some stupid suggestions.Thanks for your imput
Your most welcome and thanks for your understanding;I have been an anxiety sufferer for most of my life ,no im not intending to give you my tale of woe but anytime you cant find a listening ear /whatever,i will be there.its debilitating enough to even attempt to explain to someone who doesnt understand,,I know theres different versions of OCD,and I can only imagine how distressing this condition is ,and how to alleviate the symptoms.....I know the late Dr Claire Weeks has varios methods for panic attacks, as well as phobias and the mighty anxiety-shes online video and of course the legacy of down to earth self-help books-she was a Scientist before becoming a Gp...do looke her up and tell me what you think,do you have a dog ?take care ,trying to help!
I will look her up. No, I had a dog but he's been gone since 2016. With my health seeming worse I don't want or need the added responsibility. Have a good day!
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