Some Simple Funnies, some I've Told B... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Some Simple Funnies, some I've Told Before

AndrewT
AndrewT

Dear People,

People, yes you can have 'A People'- if describing a Nation, Religion or Race. A Person is an Individual, although you can get 'Personal' about a Person. I'm NOT sure but, I don't think that, you can get 'Peopleable' about People though???

Until only a 'Few Years Ago', if someone was walking down the Street 'Talking Away To Themselves- at the Top Of Their Voices', they would have been considered 'Mad'.... now Everyone, would Assume that (s)he is 'on the Phone'- with a Bad Line.

A man, or Woman- it doesn't matter, is running down the road, as fast as his/ her legs can carry them. "Are you 'Training For a Race"'? asked a passer-by " No... I'm 'Racing For A Train!'".

In Russia, every year, they have a Competition where 'Cows Eat Clover'. A farmer, called Klonskie decides that he wants to Win, one year. As such he doesn't feed 'Daisy-ski' for few days. By the time poor Daisy-ski, reaches the the Competition, she is Ravenous. Once allowed to start eating Daisy-sky, positively devours, Eighteen Tons- one the first day- and Twelve tons the next. Clearly this is 'Well enough', to win outright.

As they make their way Home....Daisy-ski now Completely Full, and carrying all the 'Winning' Rosettes and Ribbons, someone asks "Who are they?". "Don't you recognise them..... That's Chia Klonskie, and his Eighteen/ Twelve Clovature"!

Mandy, Dave's Wife, wakes up in Agony- one night. "Quick Dave" she screams "call the Doctor, I think it's my appendix!" So David dutifully gets On The 'Blower'. "Relax David... I took your Wife's Appendix out Six Years ago and, in ALL my time as a Doctor, I never heard of anyone having Another one". "Have you heard of Anyone... Having another Wife?" replied Dave.

Two Male centipedes are walking along, when a Female goes the other way. One, of the males, says to the other "There goes a 'nice' pair of legs....pair of legs....pair of legs.....".

Two snakes, are going through the grass, when one turns to the other and askes "Are we 'Poisonous?'" "I really don't know" replies his mate "why do you ask?" "because" begins the second "I have just 'Bitten My Lip'!"

The Teacher has a 'Real Smart Kid', in her class... knows his 'tables', up to six, can spell 'unnecessary' without a Dictionary- all by seven, and a half, years old. She will 'Fix' him..... "Simon" "Yes Miss" replies the boy. "You have Thirteen Potatoes, all different sizes, four small, four large and five damaged. You have to give Nineteen Children, the same amount of potato, how would you 'Do' so"? ('Get out Of That Smart A**e' thought the Teacher). Without any hesitation, Simon simply replied, "I'd Mash them Miss".

A Lady goes to the Police Station, to report her Husband 'Missing'. The Coppers ask, all the usual questions... Age, Height, Hair Colour, what he was wearing and so forth. Finally, the Sargent asks "Any Message, we can give him if/when, we Find him?" "Yes" replies the wife "tell him 'Mother Didn't Come, After All'".

A 'None Too Bright' Cowboy is Concerned that, every night, a Strange White Object 'Rises Up' from under his bed sheets. After a few days, of observing this, he takes his Gun to bed. When the 'Object' appears, he Takes Aim and Shoots....his Own Foot off!

Finally a Riddle.... What 'Stays In The Corner, But Goes All Around The World'? Answers on a Postcard.... or in your Comments!

Take Care All

AndrewT

169 Replies
oldestnewest
Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits

🤣🤣 I think I will let you take over😁

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Bazzak

Yes you should just watching Corrie and early night sleep tight don't fall asleep.in the bath again 😁xx

Corner of a page showing a map of the world ☹️? 😊?

AndrewT
AndrewT in reply to Jennymary

Not QUITE, corner of 'Something' else... Very close, please Try again.

AndrewT

😁😁your the new improved bazzak for sure lol xx

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Curly1_

🙄

Hb2003
Hb2003Star in reply to Bazzak

Don’t be jealous 🤣🤣🤣♥️♥️

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Yes you'll always be our no 1 ❤️😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

❤😘

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

I have created a chant for Bazzak...... see my answer to Curly1. ☺🌸

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to Curly1_

"There's only one lovely Bazzak! There's only one lovely Bazzak......One lovely Bazzak....." You know the tune..... 😊🌸

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

😘😘😘😘😘🥰

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

See- you may be mean to us sometimes but we're still loyal to you😘Aren't we girls?

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

😘😘😘💕

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Bazzak

But Andy rhymes so well with Mandy so I'm pondering where my loyalties lie 🤔😁

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Curly1_

😪

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Bazzak

There just crocodile tears you know you only have eyes for one but which one 🤔😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

I wonder 🤔

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

One has a tash on the picture is it you lol good night 😁xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

Good job you're going before I respond to that😁

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

😂😂you can always have a shave lovie night night 😁🛌🌷

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

Meeeooow😁

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Bazzak

Bazzak crocodile tears lol

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Bazzak

On the picture where your crying over me Marnie Maria one has a moustache I zoomed in lol not sure which one is which I'll leave that thought with you lol sweet dreams😁 xx

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Absolutely 😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

😘😘

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

You livenned up then lol knew you would I'm waiting for my series not going out as it's on then sleep 🛌let's hope your beds ok 🤔😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

Not really still very tired but if my darling Baz needs defending I'll be there😊

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

😘💕

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

I have a new friend Andy has same name as me 😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

😁

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

See crocodile pic above its Baz lol

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

😊

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

Have you zoomed in on who he's crying over is it me you Marnie I can't see it properly lol I'm going in 2 mins xx

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to MadBunny

He's not a bad old stick is he ?!?! Sorry!! Honest!!

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Oldham65

He's ok I suppose.😁

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to MadBunny

Why aren't you asleep naughty bunny 😁

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

Watching all the David Bowie progs on TV. It would have been his birthday today and it's 5 yrs on Sunday since he died.

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to MadBunny

😉😊🤗👍xxxx

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to Oldham65

Hi Lynne full steam ahead on doing some funnies and making us all smile now so me and pixie for 2 will be working hard tomorror hope you get more sleep tonight big hugs from me and naughty pixie who is sulking downstairs his choice not mine long story lol he's like a naughty child tiger mam thought the ceiling was coming through the noise he made getting his biscuit draw open I had to hide them 😁😸🌟💛🌷xxxx

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to Curly1_

😺😺xxxx❣️💓

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Marnie22

I know the tune 😍xx

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to BTCCET

All together now..... 🎶

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Got your rattle ready S. Utd? No throwing toilet rolls though, you'll start a pitch invasion😂😂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

🤣🤣🤣nice one .Now that's showing our ages. Rattle and toilet rolls.

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

And your rosettes😁😛

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Omg yes!!!

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Hang on....Did you mean that I'm old enough to remember rosettes??? What about you as well😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

I of course, remember them you maybe slightly young,😘😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

No I'm not 😘😘😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

I was being nice🙂🙂 😘😘😘Serious question, were the rattles originally used by air raid wardens or

Railway workers ??? Im5 not sure??

😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Not sure. Maybe both?

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

Idk, only remember ducking out the way of them on the terraces! xx

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

I had one, we used to buy them from the junk shop and then paint them Claret and blue of cause!!😁😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

My brother had one too.

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

Bet you had a red and white one in the cupboard "just in case" 😂

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

As I have said, I have never had a problem with Arsenal, I know they are a bigger club than West Ham and always will be. There were the biggest club in London and I would rather see a London club win the league, so always had a soft spot for them. My dad told me that he played for West Ham at Highbury in the first game after the marble halls were opened !!😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Were😁😁😁

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Yes Chelsea and the Russian put paid to that!🙂🙂😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Although they're not doing too well either at the moment😁

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

No but Lampard will be sacked soon!

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Who cares anyway ?😁😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

True😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

Cocky git!

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

Yes😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

No way, he was so lucky and what a story to have to tell his son🤗I know I do go on about it, but I do love them dearly, but I'm not obsessed🤭I feel the same as you, love it when West Ham win and couldn't have been more delighted when they won the bid for the London, we all have more important things to think about than footie right now but I do love to have a bit of banter, Wow I've written an essay! The teachers will be proud of me😂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

I wouldn't know anything about footie, being a Sheff Utd fan 😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Where were you? Broke the bed again? xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

😁😁No watching the David Bowie stuff on telly. The bed has been repaired. Apparently it was warped. No comments from YOU either Baz😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Same as some of our minds😜

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

🤣🤣🤣

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

😁😁 yes he played there for the reserve side, he was only 17, he got banned for life at 18 but that's another story😁😁😁😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

I'd love to hear it PM if it's really shocking! xx

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

No, not shocking, ad I said he was only 17/18 and a professional, but they only had the first team and reserves. Well the first team goalkeeper was Ted Ufton who played for England and the reserve goalkeeper was well established, so he wasn't getting many games. So West Ham decided to loan him to Barking fc who were amateurs.They liked him so much that they were putting extra money in his boots to keep him, long and short of it he got caught by the fa and they banned him for life 🙄

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

Omg how disappointing for him how different his life could have been! Was the club fined or anything?

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

No just him but to be fare to the west ham owners, The Cearns family,they then payed him to play for their factory team even though he didn't work for them, factory football was was big then with attendances in the thousands.😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

I remember the Tate and Lyle team👍

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

Do you know virtually everybody went to work in Tate and Lyle from my school😁😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

I've read so much about Tate and Lyle, some fiction and some real life, what fascinating reading!

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

My mum said she remembered when it got bombed in the war and the sky was blue where the sugar was burning. 😁😄

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

One of my girls partners is from Silvertown, he always says the pavements are still sticky😂xx

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

Yes I used to go past it when I went to play on the Woolwich ferry kids of today don't know what they missed!!😁😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

What a really lovely photo xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Lovely photo. Wonder what might have been if he hadn't got banned.........

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Absolutely Maria, what an amazing story xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Such a shame😒

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Apparently he was very very good 😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

That makes it even more sad.

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Yes, but I think he lived a good life even in the war he had some stories to tell😁😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Bazzak

I had all West Hams programmes from 1930 and he was mentioned many times in them 😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

You say had. Do you no longer have them?😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

No when we had the kids and they were all young although I had a good job and Sue couldn't work, Christmas was coming up and we needed money for the kids presents so I sold them. Regretted it ever since, even though I got £1500 🙄🙄

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Oh that's a shame. Sorry.

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Sorry I shouldn't have asked 😒😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Don5 be daft it's life😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Still upsets me though.😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

I think about it often but hey no point crying over split milk, life has to go on😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

I know. I dwell on the past too much sometimes😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to MadBunny

Yes my darling, but you have to look to the future, you can't change the past, but you can the future.God that was a bit heavy😁😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

😘😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Don't do that Maria (says she who does it all the time) 🙈

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

😊🐰

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

It's all part of life Maria, it's just friends talking, it's lovely 😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Thanks😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Gettin'a bit sentimental now, think it's time for bed, hope it's not broken! xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Doesn't take much to set me off these days. I'm banned from using the bed tonight til the wood glue sets😊I won't be going yet still loads of Bowie left to watch! Night😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Good old no more nails night night Maria and the pilker thanks for a lovely evening 😘😘

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

And you . Sleep wellxx

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

The things we sold when the kids were young 😱

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

Yes, but they were worth it😘😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

They must have been we still stand by them😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

Yes and we ways will 😘😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

So sorry about my one tracked mind😂😂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

No probs. I confess to having thrown a few in my time😁

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to BTCCET

😂🤣😂🤣

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Oldham65

Lynne I'm totally lost😂xx

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to BTCCET

I can't remember what I was laughing at 🤣😂 xxxx

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Oldham65

Nor me, but my family think I've gone mad laughing at the phone 😂

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to BTCCET

Mine think I'm mad anyway 🤣😂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Oldham65

😁😁😁

AndrewT
AndrewT in reply to Marnie22

Dear Marnie,

I agree, whole heartedly... and I'm NOT, trying to, steel his 'Thunder'. Is there not room for two 'Jokers' in a pack? What a Sad world, if one Comedian can't 'Join' another- On Stage, as it were.

Incidentally the answer, to my Riddle... What stays In The Corner But goes all Round The World is..... A Stamp, obvious when your 'Told'. Truth be know it Stumped ME, for a while.

Take care, my friend.

AndrewT

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to AndrewT

I didn't say anything about there only being room for one joker. Please don't jump to conclusions. It's all lighthearted.

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Of course. The more the merrier.

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to MadBunny

As long as it it's not more Bazzaks! If they've cloned him, we're all doomed! 🤪🌸

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Could be a good idea though. One each😁

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to Marnie22

Sounds like Dad's Army. We are all doomed!!!

AndrewT
AndrewT in reply to Marnie22

That's good😀😀😀😊😊😄😄😄.

AndrewT

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to AndrewT

Andrew, they are only joking, Marnie and the girls have been having banter/ sarcasm with me for months.Please post your jokes they are most welcome by everybody.🙂🙂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Absolutely. And it's not very often I agree with you Baz. 😘

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to Bazzak

Yes, definitely 😉🤗

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Bazzak

Is that a euphemism😂😂😂😘

Curly1_
Curly1_ in reply to AndrewT

Hi I was going to say on my post to tomorro let's have more joke fun posts as that's what we need it's lovely that your sensitive it's shoes how caring you are and a valued member here it's just our humour we just take a bit of getting used to were just pulling yours and Baz leg to speak pixie is working on his fun posts he's doing his shopping trip tomorror and I have a bazzak new enterprise post lined up take care and have a peaceful sleep xx

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to Curly1_

Looking forward to your post 😊😊 xxxx

Look what you've started lol 😁just what we need to keep our spirits up thank you xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Curly1_

We❤️our Barrington

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

We love you Barry because you've still got hair! We love you Barry because you're everywhere.... 😂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

🎶Barry, we love you, Barry we do. Though you're really far away, we think of you.🎶

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Trust you to bring the"spice into things"😜

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Are we thinking of the same song?

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

And no ageist comments please 😂

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to BTCCET

No that's wrong😂I was thinking of Mama we love you🙄 I'm that easy to 😕

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to BTCCET

That's Grandad ain't it?

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Yep! Which is true. Well not ours. He's not that old😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

Then I was thinking of Grandad, Grandad you're lovely, that's what we all think of you? With Clive Dunne, no? 😂

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Yep that's the one.There's also that ghastly girls school one' there's no one quite like grandma' 😝

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to BTCCET

It's Grandma actually! He'd have to have an operation for that to apply.......🤗🌸

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to BTCCET

The correct lyrics are, 'We love you even though you have hair everywhere......' (Ugh.) 🤪🌸

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to Marnie22

Oh please 😝

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to MadBunny

I need to calm down I think I'm a bit manic about my Theresa's good news😳xx

MadBunny
MadBunny in reply to BTCCET

Youre entitled to be😘

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

❤❤❤

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Marnie22

But Miss, I was talking about. Freddie Lunbergs red hair! It was a football chant, "we love you Freddie because you've got red hair" etc etc. 😂😂

Marnie22
Marnie22 in reply to BTCCET

Ah! Not overly familiar with football chants! I have had a sheltered life,(Yeah, right!) 😜🌸

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to BTCCET

To the tune of "oh pretty baby" 🙊

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to BTCCET

Confused? Not as confused as me😂

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to BTCCET

😂🤣😂🤣

Oldham65
Oldham65 in reply to Marnie22

😂🤣😂🤣

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Marnie22

I am here ladies😊😊😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

I think you've been left hangin'B😭

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to BTCCET

And you're soooo not used to it😂

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

My ladies have gone, and I was going to play kiss chase 🙄 are you free ?😊😁😁

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

Can't think of a suitable retort, but you must know by now I'm only here for the sport😜

Bazzak
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to BTCCET

That is sport! But I would never manage to catch you !😁😁😁😘

BTCCET
BTCCET in reply to Bazzak

Oh I think you probably would I'm not so quick on my feet these days 😭

🤣 a stamp?

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