Aladdin has been banned from the magic carpet race. Apparently he's been using performance enhancing rugs.
I got a Womble pepper grinder for Christmas. It's rubbish. Everything is either underground or overground.
..
If you ever find a magic lamp don't make the same mistake as my mate made. He found one and the genie offered him one wish. He is not materialistic so he said he just wanted to be happy. He is now working in a mine and living in a house with six other dwarfs.
.
.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
.
.
If cigarette tax is to discourage smoking, is income tax to discourage working?
There will be a minor baby boom in nine months, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the "quarenteens."
The World Health Organisation has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released - To be clear - WHO let the dogs out..
My mate met his wife when they worked at the Stock Exchange. On their first date they played FTSE.
.
.Got bored and changed the wrappers round on the leftover sweets in the tin of Celebrations. My wife’s not happy, she really got her Snickers in a Twix.
.
.
We've booked for a trip to Iceland in late February.
If that goes OK, we might try Sainsbury's in early March
.
.Why was the student confused when he went from English class to maths class? Because he was taught that a double negative in English is bad, but in maths, it’s a positive.
.
My wife woke up just now. She was dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She was Tolkien in her sleep.
Old Macdonald got into debt and has to sell his farm. To pay off what he e-i-e-i owes.
.
I saw someone waving but I wasn’t sure if they were waving at me or someone else. Don’t think I’m cut out to be a lifeguard
