.
How do you console an English Teacher?
There, their, they're. .
.
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.' What do they want a medal?
Just went into a shop and said: "Can I pay by card?" He said: "No problem, what card do you have?"
I said: "The ace of spades!"
.
.
Just finished reading a book called 'Fear of Sunlight' ...
by Gladys Knight. .
As I get older, I think of all the people I've lost along the way...
Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn't for me?
.
.
I finally caught the person at work who has been stealing my beetroot ....
caught him red handed.
.
.
I saw Diana Ross trying to push in at the queue at Tesco and I said to her: "You canβt hurry love you just have to wait". .
.
I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.
The celery was unacceptable. .
I was disappointed that I only got a rucksack for Christmas;
but Iβve put it behind me now. .
.
.
.I think that men who shorten their name to Pat are missing a trick.
.
.
.
.
.
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The two songs as jokes are my favorites! The celery comes in after them!ππππ₯¬
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Hidden 4 years ago
The Gladys Knight one was ππ
I heard this one and it reminded me of your jokes Barry-
A linguistics professors said, "In English, a double negative can form a positive. But in some languages, like Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative."
A voice pipes up from the back of the class:
"Yeah right"
π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago π€£ very good, hope you are well and happy Jasmin π
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago I hope I'm Jasmin too or I'm in the wrong body π³π
Enjoy your day Barrington β€οΈ
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Yes sorry the Pilker pilks againππ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Never apologize for your pilky pilks, Pilker π
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Omg Barry has a face!!!!! Alert the press!!! ππ€©
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Shssssss
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago I will not shush! This is a grand day indeed! π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago They won't notice !!!shssss
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago I'm sure they already have and all the girls are busy photoshopping you onto various Bazzak Enterprise product this very moment π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago God,I never thought abou that !!ππ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Really?! Oh Baz, you're slipping π That was my FIRST thought π€£
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago π€£π€£tell you now they will no see it if you keep quiet ππ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Well maybe I kinda want them to... And who knows? It might help your business! π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Shsssπ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Fiiiiine I'll shhh π It's my New Years gift to you. Don't say I never got you nothin' π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago πππππ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago πβ€οΈ
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago It's quite funny how you can have two lots of conversations going on and never the twain will meet πππ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago We're delightfully complex like that π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago And
π (0)Report
ππππ
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yes I admire both of you equality πβ€οΈ
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Do you really think I didn't notice???ππππ
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What ?ππ
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The picture. Put me off me hot chocolate it didππππ
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Got my eye on you nowππππ
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Perche?πππ
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perchΓ© la bellezza Γ¨ negli occhi di chi guardaππππ
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Oh Baz Caroππππ
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Actually that photo is a bit disturbingππππ
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ππππ sorry
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Only joking luv ππππ
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Told you I look 43 ππππ
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Yeah and I look 23ππ
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Well I'm sure to do ππ
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Actually my hairdresser told me I don't look 60. I know I don't. Cos I'm notππ
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π well my barber won't give me the pensioner price πππππ
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ππ€£πππβ₯οΈππ
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Off to sleep in a min will be awake at 4 πππππ
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Ok I can take the hintπππβ₯οΈπ
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Hb2003 in reply to Hidden 4 years ago ππππππ€£ππ€£π€£
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Sorry Jas, I pilkered my reply πxx
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago No worries Baz, I knew what you meant π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago ππ
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That's a good one! A great joke for me because my degree is in English language and literature and I studied linguistics as part of it - plus I took Russian at school! ππΈ
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My degree is in English too!!! π But I took Spanish instead of Russian π
No wonder you're so cool β€οΈ
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Thank you. I have never been called 'cool' before. I shall treasure your remark. ππΈ
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HOW?! You are freakin' rad. Truly. I'm honored to be the one to finally tell you this β€οΈ
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Thank you. I am not sure whether to take that seriously or to persuade you to see a therapist! ππΈ But I shall choose the former!Actually, I had a teenage student say to me once that I couldn't be a teacher because I was too weird! I took it as a compliment!
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I've actually been told by my therapist that I am her best patient because (despite my best efforts) I'm perfectly normal π So there you have it- a professional opinion. You gotta take me seriously now!
I've been called weird too. And bizarre. And strange. π I wear it all as a badge of honor. All of us English folks are odd little ducks. But I wouldn't have it any other way β€οΈ
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Well I think you are lovely !x
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Awwww thank you, and right back at ya! You can be so sweet sometimes πβ€οΈ
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Occasionallyππ°
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She did say sometimes!!ππ
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I hope you're not daring to correct meπππ
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No Miss, sometimes and occasionally Are synonyms aren't they πππππ
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I suppose soπππ
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Did you really agree with me !!! I feel faintπ³ππ
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Yes I suppose I did πππ
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I was waiting to see how long it would take you to chime in ππ€£ We can always count on you to keep him grounded
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You can always rely on meπI'm usually pretty good at keeping him under controlππ°
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Too true π
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Had plenty of practiceππ°
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Are you lurking around waiting for opportunities to practice your charm on unsuspecting victims πππ
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No, I was all tucked up ready to go to sleep, now I've poured myself another glass of red!πππ
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Me too- tucked up that is πππ
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Wine in bed? Che decadenteπππ
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Wait till I attack the profiterolesππ
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Don't get the chocolate sauce everywhereπππ
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There's all kinds of thoughts running through my mind which I won't post.....ππ
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Youve got me wanting some nowππππ
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ππππππ
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Never tried profiteroles in bed before.....ππππ
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There's always a first time for everything ππππ
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Mmmmmππππβ₯οΈ
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A versatile dessert, profiterolesππππ
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These are Waitrose hazelnut chocolate mmmmmππππ
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Oh don't it's too much for me to cope withππππβ₯οΈ
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They actually go very nice with malbecπ·πππ
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Stop it!!!!πππππ
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Carry on like this and I'll have to raid the box of chocolates ππππ
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πππI do love our conversations πππππ
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Me too πππππππππ
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Too late- I've caved in. Raisins soaked in Amarettoππππππ
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And coated in chocolateππππ
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So, you give in easy to temptation young lady ππππππ
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Depends on who's doing the temptingπππππ
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And what's on offer.ππππ
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I can't answer that, it reminds me of.... the name slips my mind ππππ
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I'll just have to use my imagination themππππ
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π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£ππππ
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You are such a bad influence on me. But I love it ππππππβ₯οΈ
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πππ
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ππππ
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I don't think I'll be able to look at a box of profiteroles in the same way again ππ
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π€£π€£π€£ I think I may have the dame problemππ
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ππbtw do you like chocolate eclairsπππ
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Yes not had one for ages thoughππ
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ππππ
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Virtual for you Hiba
ππ (1)Report
Looks very yummy
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I thought of you when I posted it, and can you converse in Russian ??, surely not π€π
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It was about 400 years ago! ππΈ
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Buona Sera. Ricorda- tirare un cracker con te in qualsiasi momento ππ
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potresti sempre essere il cracker sul mio braccio, signorina π€π
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Non lo solo gia ?πͺπ
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l'unico che voglio tirareπ€π
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Adesso sono confusoπ€π€π
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Non io sono gia?
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sΓ¬, naturalmente π
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Pilko italiano πππ
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Shhhπ€«non in pubblicoππ
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Please can I have the English versions so I know what I'm laughing at ππ€£ππ€£
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Google translate will do the trick- unless one of us makes a mistakeππ°
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π€£ππ€£π loved the pic. π
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π hope you and yours are well Charlieππ
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Hidden 4 years ago
Hi Baz very good I needed cheering up I had a great day yesterday as in park about 2 hours in the sun taking photos I just put one on of me and pixie at the table with turkeyπΈ x
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Will take a look, you have a good rest π
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago I've got you a present have a look at my pixie post too from yesterday there's a funny one when you read first reply maby easier to find by going in my profile posts x
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Hidden 4 years ago
I walked I on him just cought him in time before he eat our tea lol he gets more like you each day do naughty π
Pixie thief (2)Report
Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago Yes I've been caught doing thatπ
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago Luv pixie x
Present off pixie (1)Report
Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago I have a few of them π€π€
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago I dare you to slip the odd one in on your next jokes lol
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago We will see π but it would have to be the reader's imagination otherwise I'm banned!!π€
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Don't you dareππ
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Uuuurrrrgggghhhh......π€πΈ
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So that's what was rummaging through my bags πππ
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits 4 years ago Think you may have to edit again before Jerry does π
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Hidden in reply to Bazzak 4 years ago It's gone lol good night have fun check my pixie posts out sometime from yesterday there's only 2 so far you not seen ππππxx
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Hidden 4 years ago
Pixie hugs a tree in park yesterday,like his mummy lol not sure if you saw that post I did it was ages ago
Pixie hugs a tree bless him (2)Report
Hidden 4 years ago
Some real crackers Bazzak!π
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Bazzak Reading Rabbits in reply to Hidden 4 years ago π€£π€£ very good xx
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I thought of you when pulling crackers the jokes sooooooo bad
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ππ yes, I think its about time I retired gracefully π€πxx
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Oh no you can't stop!!
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You retire gracefully?- maiπππ
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Probably not πππ
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Good because I need A dose if youβre humor every single day ππ
gosh I feel Shaky but I am fine ππ Better than what I experienced yesterday
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Good to hear you're feeling better.Stomach problems are not good and they can leave you feeling exhausted xxπ°
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That is true β€οΈ
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Since drawing a watch on my wrist with a ballpoint pen,I've been living on biroed time.
πxx
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What does that mean Bazzak ? . You should watch something fun or entertaining are you alright ? β€οΈβ€οΈ
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ππ
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I donβt know ππππ tell me
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I guess I have to find out myself π€£π€£π€£
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Yesπ€£π€£π
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Uggh great π« ππππ
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Is it a type of pen ππ€£π€£π€£
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Yes, you don't have biros in the US ?π€
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We do we call them ball point pens π
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we do have them I was just confused I am sorry about that
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I confuse lots of people Hiba ππ
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π€¦ββοΈ You donβt you make people laugh of course βΊοΈ Your not confusing i promise β€οΈππ»
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Im just sitting here in my high viz vest reflecting on things...π€π
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are you In a happy mood today Bazzak ? I hope so π .
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I'm always in a happy mood Hibaπ
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Good πβ€οΈβ€οΈ
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You are relentless darlingπππ
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I have a bad dad Christmas card but I think you will get it π€ππ
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Wot you on about?You been on the sherryπππ
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My Christmas card do you get it ???π€
ππ (1)Report
That is awfulπ₯΄πππ
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Yes, can't argue with you πππ
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Clever though.I don't mind admitting I had to think about it π₯΄πππ
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Do you like italian food ?
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I've got to be careful what I say here........yes very much.Now sit back and wait for it..........πππ
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I will type it out later I have just seen a word obscured on the side that is offensive doh πππ
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Oh Baz what are you like darling. Is it all getting a bit too much for you πππ
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DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE ITALIAN CHEF THAT DIED.
He pasta away. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history here today, gone tomato. It's so sad that he ran out of thyme. For no other reason except the fact I looked up to him, I'd like to send olive my love to his family. He's wife is so upset cheese taking it very hard.
I can't espresso how much I feel for her at this difficult time. You never mortadella such a tragic thing. It's such a shame when people die fusilli reasons. Who would have thought that at such a young age he'd be gnocchi on heavens door ? In the end it was a farfal from grace. The funeral service will be held by
Paster Carbonara
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πππCannoli- yum!πππππ
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I just liked the play on words πππππI'm partial Carbonara π
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Me too. Have you had cannoli?ππ
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No always wanted to, but wasn't allowed πππ
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I shouldn't really but we've got a little Sicilian cafe in town and if I go in for a coffee well you've just got to haven't you?They also do lovely arancini- worth trying if you haven't already.If you like rice. πππ
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I make a mean sausage canneloni ππππ
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Ooh...I make a mean carbonara but not good if you're watching your cholesterolπππ
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If you like italian food, as we do, not much of it is good for your cholesterol π πππ
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Well not the way I make itπ The food I have when in Italy is generally healthier. All this talk of Italian food is making me realise how much I missed it this year
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I love all that! Where abouts in italy do you usually go ?, I've been to quite a few places there, but did love Sorrento and also Sicily π
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Lake Garda.Garda town itself. I love Sorrento and the Amalfi coast but haven't been there for years. And I adore Verona (apart from the naff Romeo and Juliet stuff though)Never been to Sicily. I wanted to go to Florence this Autumn but it wasn't to beππ
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Have you had farinata? ππΈ
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Yes I had that in Sardinia,very nice xx
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I had it in a tiny local cafe just north of La Spezia in Liguria. Tried to make it back home - total disaster! ππΈ
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What is it? Never heard of it.Havent seen it so I assume it's a Sardinian speciality?
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It's like a chickpea flat bread if I remember
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Yes, it is. It's an unleavened pancake/bread made of chickpea flour. When I had it it was cooked in a massive pizza oven. Yum! ππΈ
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Does sound yummy. I can't ever recall seeing it on a menu though. If and when I get back there I'll have to have a lookππ°
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There's a local cafe (not Italian) that I used to have it on the menu, but I haven't tried it. ππΈ
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GROAN! ππΈ
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Bad wasn't it. Although quite clever.
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Like Bazzak then....... ππΈ
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Bad or clever?
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I am here ladies π€
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I assumed that. Why do you think I said itπππ
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Yay your back π
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Don't encourage him Hibaππ°π°
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Whyyyy ππππππ
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Because he'll start making silly comments againππ°
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I love silly ness πππ
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Both. And yes, Bazzak, I know you're there. ππΈ
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Not sure about the clever bit. Of course we know he's there . We've got built in Pilker detectorsππ°
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Wait until he comes out a silliness extravaganza
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Maybe it's a bit too late for it tonightππ°
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Your right π
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just tell me already π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£
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Which letter is missing? π€πΈ
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I donβt know π€·ββοΈ
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Go through the alphabet. There is no ........? ππΈ
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L !!
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YAY! NO 'l' = Noel! ππΈ
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Oh now I get it πππ
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Never expect a teacher to do anything other than make you work out the answer yourself! ππΈ
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lol π
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Once a teacher, always a teacher! ππΈ
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That is true ππππ€¦ββοΈ Please punish me ππ€£π€£
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change that face turn it into a smiley face π
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DEFINITELY not. βΊπΈ
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Hello Bazzak
The Patrick was great
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Hello Big_Dee, hope you and your loved ones had a good Christmas xx
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Hello Bazzak
You too and have a Happy New Year.
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Good morning thanks for a laugh β€οΈ
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You ok Hiba π
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I am ok I was super sick yesterday I feel good but my stomach hurts
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Sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon xx
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I hope so too I feel better now β€οΈβ€οΈ
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Oh Bazzak,
These Jokes ARE the 'Pits'.... Don't EVER STOP 'sending' them, not EVER. ππππ€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£π€£ππππ.
AndrewT
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LOL @ the Diana Ross one, and the Beetroot one . Happy Holidays, and Happy 2021
(1)Report
the beet root joke is hilarious I love beets πβ€οΈπππ
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We shall call you the pickler from now πππ
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