Hope you are all well this Saturday morning 🙂x

[Bazzak]

Why do Dasher & Dancer enjoy coffee so much?

Because they are Santa's star bucks..

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.The king of Spain has abdicated.

Another Juan bites the dust

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.An earwig gets signed for his first professional football contract. When he goes in to the dressing room before his first game, he sees he's got the number 0 on his shirt.

Understandably, he objects and asks the manager why he can't have a normal number like everyone else.

The manager tells him he gave him that number because the fans are already singing about him, and to prove it, he takes the earwig for a walk up the tunnel. As they near the pitch, they can here the crowd:

"Earwig O, Earwig O, Earwig O..."..

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Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

1. It's the dog’s mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6amhis cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16.. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.