Cats and dogs : I told my wife I had... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Cats and dogs

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits
96 Replies

I told my wife I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.

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A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ...

Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche....

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Angela Merkel has advised Germans to stock up on cheese and sausages as COVID infections rise exponentially across the country - the government is putting the Wurst Kaese scenario into action.

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Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said 'white' they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes.

I think they were those J Hovis Witnesses.

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Paddy was on his death bed and knew the end was near.....

His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast . He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.

When all is ready he begins to speak: "My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra." "My daughter Gráinne, you take the apartments over in Malone Road." "My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre." "Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."

The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They’d no idea the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, "Mrs. O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..

"Property?”, his wife replies. “The bloody eejit had a window cleaning round." 😊

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I've quit my job at the cat shelter today.....

I had no choice they reduced meowers.......

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Bazzak profile image
Bazzak
Reading Rabbits
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96 Replies
Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22

Very good! Love the Egyptian one and how you spelt 'eejit' for a good Irish pronunciation. I know I will regret telling you this, but I am half Irish. I am waiting for the comeback......😄🌸

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

Darling, I had one granny that was Irish, the other was Scottish. And one grandad that was half German and the other was called Newman so could have come from anywhere!! 😊😘

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

Always thought you were a bit of a (delightful) mixture of some sort! Kind of like Dolly Mixtures! 😁🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

Marnie what is wrong with you you've been nice to Pilker Boy😳🤨

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

I don't indulge in Dolly Mixtures because they contain gelatine. You know better than to take my retorts at face value, Pilker Boy! 😆🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

😁😁😁🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Maria, she loves the Pilker 😊😊😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Oh I didn't know there was another one😁😘

LOL😁😁😁😁😁😁😺😺

springcross profile image
springcross

😁😁

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004

My favorite one is the cat shelter!😹

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toActivity2004

Mine too Leah 🤣🤣😂😊

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

Hope you are well Charlie 😘xx

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply toNarwhal10

Really made me smile when I saw it. :-)

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toActivity2004

Hope you are well to Leah xx

Activity2004 profile image
Activity2004 in reply toBazzak

Feeling a lot better than I was this morning. Thanks, Barry! Had a bad headache from being up too many times in the night with my alarms going off. How's things going for you? 😀👍🌈

Ghounds profile image
GhoundsReading Rabbits

😂

Adlon57 profile image
Adlon57

Major groans as usual! Actually thought it was a cat that had been pulled out of a hoover! Like the local jokes from my part of the world! Seriously I wondered what had happened to my window cleaner?😿👏👷

You've caused trouble now my mam said she is going to tell spoiled pixie that the electric socket taistes like tuna 🙀so if there is a strange looking picture of pixie on in morning your to Blaime lol 🤯

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to

Sorry Curly, 😊 I have a cartoon picture that reminds me of Pixie, I may put it up later 😊😚x

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

I thought you'd started a cat grooming business and it was one of your clients😊😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

I have started a cat grooming business, when do you want to book yourself in ! 😊😊 (joke) 😘😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

I'd have been more offended if you'd started a dog grooming business 😁😘

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toMadBunny

He's looking for fur to knit into those socks! 😁🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

😁🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMarnie22

Trouble is, I think I'm allergic to cat fur, my doctor gave me some cream and I am feline a lot better. 😊( I just made that up girls) 😁xx

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Yeah and it's catastrophic😁😁😁

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Very good 🤣🤣😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Obviously I've got a good teacher😁🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Do you mean me ??😊😊😊😚 x

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

What??? Marnie of course😊😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Yes but you can't play kiss chase with Marnie !!😊. Well I don't think so 🤔🤔xx

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Naughty!😘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

I will slap you if I have to 😵

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toHb2003

Please do 😁

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMadBunny

I am kidding I would never do that 😊😁

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toHb2003

😁🐰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

I know you wouldn't Hiba, you are the rose among these thorns. !!!⚘⚘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

😊

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

Hiba, George Eliot was born on your birthday a very famouse lady novelist. !! 🙂xx

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Ooh 😊

Marnie22 profile image
Marnie22 in reply toBazzak

Haven't you heard of Equal Opportunities? 😆🌸

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toMarnie22

Exactly😊🐰

S11m profile image
S11m in reply toMadBunny

I would not expect you to be dogmatic!

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toS11m

😊

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toBazzak

🤣😂there was a SURGE ON lols 🙃😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

Charlie, be nice 😘

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toBazzak

😞 I thought we were doing doctor jokes so was using N.I.C.E. 😉🥰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

Yes

N - No

H - harrising

S - Sir Barrington

!!!😊

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

🙄🙄🙄

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

😁😘

Big_Dee profile image
Big_Dee in reply toMadBunny

Hello MadBunny

I thought the photo was a little dodgy. :) My new word for this week.

in reply toBazzak

Oh that be good lol I'm just watching my comedy not going out it's funny xx I'll be on later

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10

🤣😂🤣😂 hilHAIRYous reduced me hours was the best. Hope all good with you the Pilker 😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

Yes all good Charlie, good to see you are keeping your nose 😊 out of the latest round of let's gave a go at Barrington 😘

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toBazzak

Hello may I join the fun please my birthday is tomorrow and I need a good laugh

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toHb2003

Happy birthday for tomorrow Hiba 💕🎂 You can always join in. Xx

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toHb2003

Well you won't get one from Bazzak hahaha.

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMadBunny

Well my cat said that tuna tasted like fish paradise 😊

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toHb2003

Happy birthday for tomorrow 🥰🤩🥳 Hope you are doing something nice 😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

You wait...she's just working up to it😁

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

We prefer to call it Bazzak Baiting

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply toMadBunny

I will bait some fish instead 😊

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toHb2003

No- bait Bazzak it's more fun.

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Bleedin hell girl, your like a machine gun I can't keep up!!"😚

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

😁

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

You should have learned by now that when us girls get together you don't stand a chance😘🥰

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Yes well Marnie has gone off to quote the Guardian, so now there are only two of you!! 😘🥰

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

No there's still Hiba and Curly so 🤪 to you darling😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toMadBunny

Hiba and Curly will be on my side soon, the Bassak charm will work! 😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

I think you've tried that one before and it didn't😁😘

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toMadBunny

Do you think the Pimlico Pilker pilfered pitiful pilchards ? 😊

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

Your going to go over my pilking knee If you carry on, my little whale !!!😊

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toBazzak

😱 then I might be ichysoreass (Ichthyosaurs)🤐🤣😘

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

🙉🙊😳 keep it clean it's a family show. Funny though 😁x

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toBazzak

🤐🤐🤐🤐🤐😉😘

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toNarwhal10

Just re read that and got it🤣🤣🤣I'm slow tonight.

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toNarwhal10

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toBazzak

I’m just a snuffling around 😉

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

It must be terrible when you get a runny nose !🤧x

Narwhal10 profile image
Narwhal10 in reply toBazzak

Yes I’ve tried to get a refund at the ol factory 😘😂🙃🤣

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toNarwhal10

😘x

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toNarwhal10

🤣🤣👍🐰

Sheila_G profile image
Sheila_G

Absolutely brilliant. I couldn't drink my coffee for laughing this morning. 😂😂😂

Virago1367 profile image
Virago1367

😂😂😂😂 Thank you I needed that this morning

nosher profile image
nosher

@I I have a shady dog story for you. A Magician got a job on a cruise ship . The captain had a pet parrot that he took everywhere with him even to the shows the 1st few times the show went well and then suddenly the parrot would say watches hand the right 1 watchers hand the left 1 and he was ruining all of his tricks and then it's a look for the box under the table there's magician got terribly frustrated but it couldn't do it thing about it cause it was the captain's parrot so this went on for two weeks Until 1 night the ship hit an iceberg and was shattered the only 2 that survived and 1 raft was they parrot and the magician and they cleared angrily at each other for 2 days find the on the 3Until 1 night the ship hit and iceberg and was shattered the only 2 that survived on a raft was they parrot and the magician . They stared angrily at each other for 2 days. Finally the Parrot couldn't stand anymore and turned to the magician and said "okay I give up what did you do with the ship"

nosher profile image
nosher

Oh,lord, I did voice to text because of the tendinitis in my fingers and I forgot to edit it sorry I come off as totally illiterate which I am not hope you get the gist That is the last joke I will tell Be well everybody and stay safe

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply tonosher

🤣x

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply tonosher

No worries. Please keep posting jokes😊🐰

coat2003 profile image
coat2003

fab.had a laugh.

SquirrelsHolt profile image
SquirrelsHolt

🙋‍♀️hi Bazzak! Ive just read two days of brilliant jokes - from the one or two liners to the fuller, more story-lined ones. I ❤ them all. I'm so dreadful at remembering them, I hope you don't object to me sharing your witt with my best friend and my son? Have a good Sunday 🐿🌈.

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply toSquirrelsHolt

Of corse not 💕

SquirrelsHolt profile image
SquirrelsHolt in reply toBazzak

Many 👍 thanks - I just can never, ever remember the punchline or even "tell" any joke, without killing it dead, lol😂😂😂. 🐿🌈.

MadBunny profile image
MadBunny in reply toBazzak

Seems you've got competition from nosher😊😘

Craftyperson profile image
CraftypersonReading Rabbits

Ooohhh pic good though!!

Smiler53 profile image
Smiler53

😂😂 they were all good ones 😂

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