How to cope in anxious times - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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How to cope in anxious times

Roukaya profile image
50 Replies

I was wondering for those who live alone what are you coping strategies.

I only have my Mum who is overseas and after sitting the resit my anxiety is getting worse .

I suffer from isolation and anxiety and realising that if I do not find a purpose it is most likely I will settle overseas

I have always aimed to requalify in Wills and Probate but unless I start passing the remaining exams and finding a years work experience there is no reason for me to stay alone and unhappy

Also I have had triggers, a contacted the Islamic Priest a day before my exam , he did not answer

My neighbour boasting that she will get married and buy a house

All of this reminded me of the aspects missing in my life .

I do charitable work and this refocuses the mind the help those worse off and this gives me real fulfilment but at times I become very lonely and alienated living in fear

50 Replies
Roukaya profile image
Roukaya

Very kind and thoughtful wordsThank you

san_ray70 profile image
san_ray70 in reply to Roukaya

Roukaya, you say you have tried to speak to your priest, I do not know about your religion but mine is Evangelist. We have more than one person we can talk to. You say you do work for charity, I myself call people on the phone, recently I was asked to call a lady, I knew her and it was a nice catch up. I have made friends of the people I call, if they want to talk about themselves I let them. Sometimes it is hard because they are house bound or depressed. I can not ask them about outings etc., I am told I am making a difference, so I am happy with that. We hope this time of staying home, going no where will not be for much longer. Please message me if you need to, I have hurt my back, so I am not going out for more than a very short walk.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to san_ray70

Good morning I hope you get better and thank you for your reply

People on here are kind and genuinely very supportive

Thank you and take care of your health

Zara0123 profile image
Zara0123

Hiya Roukaya I hope your well. I have been following you a short while after you joint this forum. I'm so happy you've had your exams and I wish you all the best for the results. I hope you can pass and can progress in finding a years work experience. Roukaya I have always read in your post how you say you are 51 and unmarried and have not been able to pass in Wills and Probate. You have to understand as humans we can only plan things and try, after that we have to leave things to God. Life doesn't always work out the way we plan it but then we have to change our plans and as long as we are happy that's all that matters. There will always be a easier option and if that option makes us happy then we should take that option if we've tried everything else and there is no other way. There will always be people better off then us and as humans we have a habit of comparing ourselves to others. But this is your life and your journey and don't let what others have or want to do make you feel down. Life is a challenge for all of us. You are so lucky you have a safe place to live. Financially you are better off then many. Please don't compare yourself to your neighbour. You may have more then her in others ways but your just looking at what she is saying and getting disheartened, please don't. Does your neighbour have as many friends that care about you and give you advice like people do on this forum. We are all going through difficulties. It's a testing time for all of us. Do what makes you happy Roukaya. If you are not happy living alone and it is causing you a lot of stress and anxiety then consider if it is best for you to live with your mum overseas. Will you be happy living alone if you pass your exams as this year is going to be difficult and even if we all take the Vaccine things will not become normal suddenly. Will you be happy after you pass because even if you go out to work you will come home to a empty house at the end of the day. Sit down and write what is important to you. As long as your happy that's what is important. Sometimes we have to let go of one dream to live another. You have to decide what will make you happier and do that. Non of us are completely happy with life but we have to count our blessings. Take care and I wish you all the best in what you decide to do xxx

in reply to Zara0123

Hi what a lovely reply and replies I'm not sure I can add to these other than I have a cat and I don't think I could live alone without a pet they certainly keep us entertained busy giving a reason to get out bed and go out my pixie is like a dog too I can only come on here when he's out or asleep I have to play with him and this takes my mind of everything so roukeya if it's possible for you to get a pet although not rush into this if you may be going to live back overseas, my plans have fell through again another let down a viewer has just cancelled today and so I'm going to have a new room done and move back home and put it back on market in spring as you know of my situation I'm with my mam and things are often strained I lived on my own many years and never found happiness with a man I don't think a man is the answer, I think I'll get a cocker spaniel dog when my mam dies, when I lived one I saw her everyday for a few hours and I have a friend I used to see once a week I'm a loner and like Jerry in a lot of ways I enjoy my own company it has its Benefits were lucky we live in a nice environment near a park and he has his Forrest and nice location, maby you could move somewhere nicer I'm unsure where I'll end up maby the seaside or somewhere more remote as I don't like town life, I think you should come on here more and get more involved I have made good friends and chat regular with them, I like watching comedy on TV and all-sorts of interesting programmes, I am trusting in fate to guide me I'm 56 I have no children never been married just a few disastraus relationships, I miss my independance, and family days out but as I said last night the vaccine is here now, there are different fields of work you could try that suit older people I was unemoyed for a long time and I got a job as a passenger assistant for special needs children I gave it up but can go back as of to keep my mam safe I was upset about this as it was a great job, I'm charging my phone now but I will be on later I don't go walking much as too many people I tend to go in rain as there's less people sometimes I put cheery music on and exercise dance and it helps my mood and keeps me fit, take care and I'll reply later hugs from Mandy and my pixiebob in bed steeling my haha 😁😸xxx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

I hope you are well and thank you for your understanding replyI also realise that I will keep on trying for two more years and then take steps to either move to a home or move and join Mum

I managed a property portfolio of 15 properties and your property will sell in its own time for a price acceptable for you

Every thing in its own time

in reply to Roukaya

Hi my phone's now charging near a seat and I am able to come on here for a while I am sat near my new luma light something may be helpful to you I suffer as a lot do from winter lack of sunlight s a d seasonal associated disorder I feel low in energy and mood too more this time of year and is difficult to get motivated, I'm full of beans and want to live life to the full in summer, you can look it up I got mine online from loyeds pharmacy these lights are for people with depresshion too it's surprising how the brain needs the light we just don't get in winter, if you read through my latest post you may find them enlightening and amusing were spending more time in our dressing gowns as it's cold out and my mam won't go out hardly now and my mam likes baking it's her hobby I plan to bake again when I am in my own house I have demons to over come in going to live back at my house as of traumatic events that happened there, and now the kitchen ceiling is leaking when it rains I think it will come down soon there's always problems in life and I read books to help and positive thinking and mind training is the key, distraction from our currant problems when things have got me down here I go out in park as said Before and take photos I know you don't have my park but if you could look into visiting somewhere, and you could maby take on a older cat that's owner has died having a let makes us feel loved and needed and we all need that xxx

in reply to

Baby the cat gets eggs in her dish as it keeps her fur nice and glossy.

in reply to

Pixie doesn't like the white he took a bread soldier I took it off him he's allergic to bread xx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Zara0123

Good morning I hope you are safe and well

I appreciate your well thought out reply and thank you

I would like to explain that I sat two papers in September and I passed one , this is why I did the resit on Thursday

I tried and as you say God is our best planner

I also sponsor a few children and provide food parcels to countries such as Yemen , Syria , Ethiopia Rohinga , Palestine , Nepal and try to assist with feeding those who are truly impoverished .

I have learnt to appreciate the hardship of others as by looking after my Father due to his own mental illness he almost lost all that he had worked for

As for your understanding, I have given myself a limit of two more years to see if I can pass the remainder and find a years work experience

If I join Mum overseas , I will not not be able to follow Wills and Probate as you need to know the right people

I have always surrendered to the Will of God as all we do is out best

I hope you are keeping well

How are you managing?

Zara0123 profile image
Zara0123 in reply to Roukaya

Two years is a long time. Do you think you are strong enough to try for that long.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Zara0123

Good morning I hope you are well

There is a reason behind the two years

I have a flat which is rented out and there is a tenant who has a two year tenancy

This is my main income as I am not working

When I look back I managed my Fathers business interests and learnt a great deal as well

So in two years I will face the decision to sell the rented property and either relocate in U.K. or sell up to join Mum

In the two years I will keep on trying

Zara0123 profile image
Zara0123 in reply to Roukaya

I wish you all the best in your plans and I hope whatever you choose to do you find happiness in it xxx

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Zara0123

I hope you are feeling wellI thank you for your understanding but I will know in time which path to chose

It is prayer I ask every day

I hope you keep well

in reply to Zara0123

Thats what I have learned is how nothing is guaranteed to anyone in this life and no matter who you are there will always be plenty better or worse off than you.

Perhaps what that neighbour said was a gift to roukaya as when you have a reaction like that when someone else gets something it's a sign that it's something you are interested in and want for yourself as if you aren't interested you wouldn't have minded.

in reply to

I had a house viewer this morning let me down messaged said not coming I had decided on Wednesday I would get in touch with my builder to do my loft into a room making it 3 bedrooms attracting a bigger market, I contact him and got message about viewing so I had to message him back saying I'll wait until she decides if wants it or not then take it off market he so ok he's a friend and busy at moment, I rang the agent and said find out of she wants to reschedule if not take it off sale for 3 month's then I can relaunch with Rightmove and strike for free, and spring is best time to sell and vaccine Bo out by then more, my mam gets hers on Friday I'm looking to move home when the loft is done I'll be ok up there and will still see mam few hours during day and have tea with her and lunch probably we can go out too we like Morrisons fish n chips in cafe pixie gets a doggy bag lol I'm going out for walk in street soon I'm still in my dressing gown pixies looking out window making funny noises he's seen something sounds funny 😁😸

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good Afternoon I hope you are well

I am think you are very exactly right about the neighbour

But she is very young with her Partner and young child

She always reminds me of what I do not have and also they wanted to buy my car which I inherited

I hardly drive due to lack of confidence and I said no and since then she brags and boasts but I do not see her Partner working like before and she could be saying all of this to make me feel worse because I told her I own my property as she is renting her home

Zara0123 profile image
Zara0123 in reply to

Thats true but we can only try to achieve certain things after that we have to see whether the effort is worth all the energy we are putting into achieving something that is out of reach or is making us so stressed and unhappy. We shouldn't stop living whilst trying to achieve our goals in life. Take care

Troilus profile image
Troilus

Hi Roukaya.This won’t solve your problems, but have you thought of playing computer games? I play Hay Day. It passes the time and distracts the mind. This game also gives you the opportunity to join a neighbourhood where you can get to know people. Some are more chattier than others.

I also used to play the dash games, diner dash, diner town etc.

Like I say, they are just useful to break the boredom and distract the mind.

Unfortunately, life is on hold for a lot of us at the moment. BUT... there are better times ahead.......we just don’t know when 😁

in reply to Troilus

I like the computer games when I have a spare 5 minutes!

Hi Roukaya, good to see you here again. I've been wondering how you were.

It's so hard to be on your own at most times, but so much more difficult right now with no outside distractions. I'm also aware that your mum, even though you both love each other, can sometimes be an irritant in terms of maintaining a good mood.

Being in the present is absolutely the key to more contentment. Hankering after a way of life that's gone, or becoming frustrated because you have no control over the future can only make you feel much worse.

There's no cure to our troubles. Not only with covid19 but in all aspects of life. Troubles come and go. Naturally we don't like them, but why add to the discomfort by becoming frustrated, because unfortunately that doesn't make them go away and only adds to your level of stress and anxiety. Accepting what is, and not what you want it to be, right here in this moment is a wonderful skill to acquire. It's never perfect of course, but it does make it possible to let many things go. And of course we find when we look back that lots of what we worried about in the future, came and went in a very different way to that we imagined.

Hang in there! You've done so very well for a really long time now. Take care and I hope you have a good day today!

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good morning I hope you are well

I am realising that acceptance is key

COVID and it’s implications has hit all of us very hard be it economically and emotionally

I was able in 2020 to concentrate on the Diploma and I passed one paper in Sept and I did the resit on Thursday for the other paper

I have a very good course tutor who coached me for free and gave me past papers very similar to the exam

But I was able to complete but a huge struggle to complete

The exam paper very simply to one I have done but the answers may be short in some cases due to pressure of time

I hope you are well and hopefully if I can accept where I am and look ahead and not backwards

I hope you are well

in reply to Roukaya

Wishing you a great outcome in your exam result. How long do you have to wait to find out? The suspense must be awful.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good evening I hope you are ok

In the midst of the resits , the former course tutor befriended me and gave me past papers to complete and gave me great encouragement

One of the past papers was very similar to the exam

I did better in Part A and even though I completed Part B I would struggle with time

Plus I lost the form and I had to call the invigilation team to restart me with 15 minutes to go

I did complete and amazing what we can do when we have to

It’s strange because I did not understand what was being asked of me

Once the form disappeared and I called the invigilation team I could see what was needed to be done

I completed the form with a minute to spare

I hope this time I have obtained enough but the issue is that you need to pass both components and not the average of the two

I know I tried very hard so I will wait and see

Thank you for asking

BTCCET profile image
BTCCET in reply to

That's a lovely reply Sue xx

Trains60 profile image
Trains60

Roukaya good to read your post. I relate to your loneliness and anxiety. I also live on my own and find it difficult to keep self motivated. I am finding the need to feel a complete sense of freedom within my flat and have started a puzzle that my sister gave me which l am finding therapeutic.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Trains60

I hope you are keeping wellIt is hard being in a confined space and even if we go out , we have to be so careful

Batteria profile image
Batteria

Since lockdown I’ve finished all my jigsaws, learned Scottish Gaelic and Swedish, become a telly addict, sorted out all my paper work, zoomed with my singles group, taught Italian to my grandsons on zoom, kept in touch with friends, played the mandolin and the drums And mourned the passing of several close friends and one relative. Had my first jab yesterday. The most important thing I did was resolve the issue of my IBS (42 years) by changing my diet completely. Perhaps better things are on the horizon for everyone. Con amore Bx

in reply to Batteria

I'm learning Scottish Gaelic and I'm really enjoying it!

Batteria profile image
Batteria in reply to

I’m really enjoying it too. Are you doing it on line with Jason or with learn Gaelic? I’m pretty good at reading and writing and I hope to go Stornoway for two weeks for my next holiday. Cheeri Bx

Hi Roukaya

I'll admit I don't live on my own, I live with my hubby. I'll admit I'm missing my youngest daughter, her hubby and children. I have found, at times, that this virus has got to me and I can't do the things I love like meeting friends for coffee, walking into a shop freely without restrictions and enjoy the National Trust houses and grounds here in the UK.

What I am now doing, if I start to feel down, is to exercise by going out on a power walk, enjoy the nature around me and focus on my good health as it's so much better than it was.

Try and write down positive thoughts each day and read them, think of those positive thoughts and add more each day. This is what I did when following The Thrive Programme (have a look at it online).

You've got this, positive thoughts.🌈🙏

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003

Hello Roukaya I hope that your doing well ❤️❤️ a few years ago my mom and dad went to do the pilgrimage in hajj I haven’t seen them for a month my mom’s friend or my aunt was going to take care of us I felt so sad without my mom or dad at home but it got easier I distracted myself by reading books watching videos about my classes I felt so weird without my parents . I am sending you some love and kindness ❤️❤️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

Good morning I hope you are well

My parents separated many years ago and I am an only child

I moved to be near my Father now gone and all I have is my Mother overseas

I did Umra last January and it was an incredible experience,

I have asked Allah to show me a way either to requalify and find a years work experience or join Mum overseas

But where my Mum lives you need to know the right people to find a job so Allah in his own time will show the way

Also U.K. is becoming quite worrying for COVID so I can’t even plan to see my Mother until I have the vaccine

I hope you are keeping well

I have been reading your posts and you should never be ashamed of being a Muslim

I am a Muslim and without my faith I would have the roof I have nor the food I eat

I always have gratitude for the protection he gives and provision he provide.

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

thank you ❤️❤️ I also am really sorry that your alone at least you have us to support you when times are tough so your not really alone ❤️❤️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

Thank you for your kind replyAs I have said unless I pass and requalify by Gods grace I may have no alternative but to join Mum due to the loneliness

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

I do hope that If it does come to that you’re mom will not be mean to you ❤️❤️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

Mum is not mean to meShe can be very supportive at times but difficult as well

She is all that I have so in our religion we have to have respect for our parents

It is part of our religion I accept this

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

That is true ❤️ I apologize for saying that ❤️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

I am much older than you so I can understand why you said thisIt is ok no apology needed

You are a true Muslim to show kindness and compassion , this is what our religion teaches us to be

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

Thank you ❤️🥰 I hope that this year is going to be better and hopefully Eid will be better this year ❤️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

I think inshallah I would like to spend Eid with MumI have not seen Mum for a year and it is most likely I will only be able to travel once I have the vaccine later this year

How are you

Which part of the US do you live in

Exciting times with the new President and and New female Vice President

For some people , their greatest dream came true

But as Muslims we have no choice but to accept the Will of Allah as Allah knows what is best for us

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

I am doing alright. I live in Indianapolis . Yes exiting times allah is the best of planners ❤️❤️

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

that is true I also wanted to thank you for your charity work and giving refugees what they need ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

I actually sponsor three children one from Bangladesh , one boy from Palestine and a girl from Syria I also send out food parcels as I understand too well how difficult life can be without a home and food

If I was to requalify I would do even more as it is unlikely I will have children

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

your amazing Roukaya ❤️❤️❤️ I am deeply touched by what your doing 🥰

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ that is amazing you are changing peoples lives ☺️

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Hb2003

I try I learnt some lessons from my Father sadly now gone

He was a very successful person but in the end he was wasting so much of his money

I was involving in caring for Dad and managing his business and finances

If I had not looked after Dad , we would have lost everything

Everything he had worked for would have gone

Due to my personal experience I always said if I could help those who desperately need help I would

May be this is why I would like to be a Lawyer for the elderly as it would not be possible to do this where my Mum is

Also a kind word , a smile is an act of charity to

Just by listening to is an act of charity

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Roukaya

That is true ❤️❤️🙏

focused1 profile image
focused1Reading Rabbits

You are obviously very intelligent but maybe have a plan B study wise if you don't attain the grades you need . Could you go down another avenue as there are so many other things you could do with law ? Family law is very rewarding and according to my friend the exams are more straight forward as she was finding some aspects of law very hard to pass even at Uni until she found a subject that she could grasp more easily as she was going to give up in panic mode as she came from a family that seemed to breeze through everything and never thought she was clever enough but of course she was . You seem to be really getting down about the studying and from reading a few of your past posts I feel that this is really rubbing off onto a lot of the other aspects of your life ., dominating a lot of negative thoughts when you have so much to give and have given . I think we all want to travel and we will eventually .I would explore where else you can go with your career as this seems to limiting so many positives.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to focused1

Good evening I hope you are well

I think you have a great deal of maturity and life experience

Thank you for your opinion and I realise that I try but as you know exams can be very difficult to perform to your best performance

I did study but I did a paper very similar but I am concerned that it is essential to pass both parts

I am hoping to keep going and trying but if in two years I have not made the required progress I will walk away

This will break my heart but there is a limit to the heartache of failure and stagnation

I hope you are well

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