Just had this text from my mate: “I told my wife we’re going to Egypt for her birthday. She said: ‘Great can we go on a camel?’ I said: ‘No chance it’ll take months to get there.’”
.
.
A woman was in court for shoplifting. The judge said: “What did you take?” She replied: “A tin of pears.” “How many pears in the tin? Six. Ok, I’m giving you six weeks in prison to teach you a lesson.” Her husband stood up and said: “Excuse me, she also took a large tin of peas.”
.
.
The man who created hard boiled eggs wrapped in sausage meat has died.
RIP Scott Chegg
.
.
I'm reading a horror book written in Braille and something bad is about to happen. I can feel it
.
.
Isn't it weird how some of the best F1 drivers share their names with places in Scotland ...
STIRLING Moss,
Eddie IRVINE,
Lewis HAMILTON,
AYR TOWN CENTRE
.
.
I just phoned the Tinnitus Helpline.
Bloody pointless, no one answered.
It just kept Ringing!.
.
.
How much does it cost pirates to get their ears pierced?
.About a buccaneer.
.
.
Prince Charles arrives in Iran on an official visit. and enquires to the president, 'Where's the Shah?'
'What do you mean?', replies the president. 'There is no shah. We got rid of the shah years ago.'
'Alright then', says Prince Charles, 'in that case I'll have a bath!' ( I pmd Marnie this one earlier 🙂).
.
.
.A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the
Head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your jacket pocket".
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied. "Your horse phoned".
Student Jokes, from MY Days.....