I hope you’re all well. I don’t really like to share too much personal stuff on here and want to keep being in this group to feel positive, informed and have easy going friendship and support- which I have found and I’m so grateful to all of you who ever ever stopped by my posts to comment and send kind words and said hello. It’s all really cheered my days and been highlights. Thank you for encouraging me to continue to paint as well whilst in sometimes unbearable pain. Your comments have really kept me going as I don’t share my paintings anywhere else. As I said I don’t share too much personal stuff in my posts but Ive going through quite a bit of emotional turmoil, my best friend of of more than ten years is dying of cancer.. she’s been battling it since 2015 and yesterday she texted me to say that she wants to see me as she doesn’t think she has long left..., they’ve now provided end of life care which is 3 months- as they don’t think she’ll have more than that term left. I’m absolutely devastated... last night I cried until my eyes literally swelled up and closed on me. I am going to see her on Monday but I honestly don’t know how I’m going to pull myself together in front of her. Even writing this is making me cry. I want to be strong for her and just tell her I love her and hold her hand but I feel like I’m falling apart. I also feel guilty for not seeing her more often in the past three months ( last time I visited her was on my birthday in March before the lockdown) and even though I don’t want to put her at risk, I know other friends have been to see her and I feel guilty. I feel so scared and all these feelings are surfacing which are making me feel terribly sad... it’s been five years since my dad and another school friend passed away just days from each other in June 2015- and I’m still trying to get over the grief from that.. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with this loss..
I’m sorry I know this is a heavy Post for a Thursday morning. Here’s my latest painting which I did yesterday. Love Dalia ❤️
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Dalia74
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Go, Dalia, visit your friend. You will both be happier for your visit. Does it matter if you cry in front of her? I think not. To me you are sharing an emotion which doesn't need words. Just by being there at her time of need you are giving her the support and love she deserves. You maybe upset but which is natural but you will always remember when shes not here any longer, you gave her something money cannot buy, your time, presence and love. Xxx
Sometimes there are situations where you simply cannot put a brave face on. It is very difficult to be in a situation like this but I think being open and honest about what is happening in a very delicate manner could be something your friend may want too share with you, so you must be prepared to try to face what she might have to say. Also I think you can never be prepared for the inevitable even though you know it is coming. You have some time now, that is important for both of you. Also I am very sorry for you and your friend at what you both have to face. 🌼🌼
I’m very touched by what you’ve said Bobbybobb, thank you. You’re right, I need to see her and even if no words are exchanged at least I know I was there with her. ❤️❤️❤️
The difference is that my caregivers haven't told me how long I have left - and I dare not ask. I wake up every morning somewhat surprised to still be here and incredibly grateful for each instant with my fabulous, annoying, wonderful, infuriating family and friends!
My appetite for life is not diminished, but my capacity for living is in decline.
If you were my friend irl, I would want to spend time with you.
I would want to sit silently, to gaze, to reminisce, to laugh, to cry and then to laugh and cry together.
I would want to look you in the eyes and see my love for you reflected there.
All the times we've shared. And all the times we will now not share.
We wouldn't need words. We would just know.
Yes, it will be hard. Some things have to be hard.
Not going will be harder.
Go see your friend; take all the love, memories, yearnings and hopes you can along with you, surround her with those treasures so that when you leave her - as you must - she is not alone.
Sweetheart, I’m so sorry I hope my post hasn’t upset you. 🙏🏽😘 thank you for your moving message. I Know if wasn't easy to reply but I really needed to hear that. I’m so sorry for you and what you are going through, I certainly am grateful for each day I’m here on this wonderful planet learning and loving time. At the day of the day, you’re right: all there is left is Love. Thank you. Love Dalia ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Dalia, I'm constantly reflecting on circumstances and what ifs... And I think of my own mortality now in a more immediate way than ever before. But you certainly haven't upset me in any conventional sense. I am just slightly more reflective; that is all.
I will be thinking of your friend and the time you will spend with her. I know you'll make every second count ❣️❣️❣️
Hi darling... I hope you’re as well as you can be and enjoying moments in the day. I’m looking forward to seeing my dear friend... I’m glad I didn’t upset you. You’re quite right in being reflective... this certainly teaches me a lot about life and it’s fragile beauty and my own mortality... I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.
Dalia, today I received another message from an old, old friend of mine who has hurt me, very much, through the years. We were so very close - at uni, then at work (I arranged for her interview in the organisation I was working with at the time) and all the years thereafter. We were born within four days of each other and we even used to do the whole birthday thing together each year. But what she specialised in was dealing me unkindnesses over and over and over again. Then, each time, she would regret what she had done, beg me for forgiveness - and then do it all over again. She broke me so many times. My family were left to pick up the pieces of what was left of me. So many tears. So much heartache. Stupidly, I forgave her. Every time. I even looked out for her because that's what I do. If you are a friend, you have my unequivocal, inviolable love and support. She took that love and support for granted. But the last time she did this to me, around the time of my third diagnosis, something shifted inside me. When, ultimately, she begged me to forgive her, I remained intractable. I don't intend to spend this precious time I have being a victim. I stood my ground. I blocked every single channel of communication that linked the two of us. She found a chink! Skype. And left a message for me there, again begging me to forgive her. I remained silent. And blocked her on Skype. Today, she enlisted the help of her niece (a lovely young lady for whom I have a great deal of time and affection), who had no idea of my 'friend's' machinations over the years. I say 'had' because she certainly knows now. I told her everything. What a release I experienced! I'm not entirely sure why I'm telling you all this! I only know that there is some sort of tenuous link between my narrative and your relationship with your friend. By refusing to accept an insincere and inconstant apology, I have finally achieved peace. By going to see your friend, you will help her achieve peace and, in so doing, will be at peace, too. I suppose what I'm trying to get at (in a terribly laboured way! please bear with me) is that the only way to achieve peace is by being true to our inner selves. By giving ourselves the space to achieve grace and dignity and self-worth. I apologise if this confuses you in any way: it really isn't intended to!
I don’t know you irl TheDrivenSnow... but I have nothing but an outpouring of respect and love for you. I’m so glad (I whooped!) when you said you told your friend’s niece and you’ve refused to stay broken and keep forgiving someone who clearly doesn’t respect the level of friendship and love you had for her. I completely understand why you’ve decided to release and tell me.. you’ve not confused me. 😚
When my dad passed Something in me shifted, I let go of a couple of “ so called friends” who were cruel and unkindness but would haul me back in with their apologies or for doing one nice thing ( because I felt so undeserving I was grateful for any scrap of kindness they gave me ) but 80% of the time it was hurt, pain and lot of tears... all silently suffered whilst I put on a smile for them and still be there giving advice, my time and my love. I spent a lot of time recently regretting wasting my life after these kind of fickle friends- it taught me he experiences of real friendship and what that should feel like. It’s changed me... I’m very private now and keep things to myself but I’m scared to trust and become vulnerable with people who I trust as friends and then to get broken.. it’s certainly a very valuable lesson/ to love yourself and set the level of respect and love you want for yourself.. my friend who I’m seeing tomorrow has had her whole family turn their backs on her throughout her life. Although I’ve tried to be there for her everyday whether that’s through a message of telling her I love her or a voice note or reading to her.. listening to her cry- I’m at a Lost for words And feel helpless at how un -compassionate and uncaring her family were. All I can do is just be there and show her that genuine people who love her care. Thank you again , honey. ❤️🌈🙏🏽🌺☘️🌸
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Do you throw things out people have given to you ?declutter in lockdown 
Rock bottom