Hi I am shielding until 30th June, due to methotrexate and abatacept and type 2 diabetes. However, I know the rules have relaxed only very slightly for us but I have a bit of a dilemma, my mother is in a care home and they are relaxing visiting rules so that by appointment and for only 30 min she can have a visitor outside in garden 2 metres apart of course, weather permitting. I really would like to go (we have gone and waved through the window on a couple of occasions ) but should I, what do you think, oh and it is her 91st birthday next week. Any comments please.
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jayne17
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Definitely I would go. Take your own chair and have a lovely visit.
Only you can decide if you should do this because you must consider your own safety.
However that said, since you ask for comments.... I would go if it was me as long as you are outside at a distance and I would wear a mask. If you don't have one ask the home if they will supply one.
The home my father in law was living at are going to do this.
They will arrange appointments like your mother's home is doing and have said they will provide masks and prefer visitors to wear them.
I do understand your concerns, I am a high risk shielder.
Ellie
I expect a lot of people are having to make these difficult decisions and do their best at such times. I will go and take extra special care, yes I will wear a mask, she will be pleased. Thanks for your reply and all the best to you.
It's a difficult one.
I know that you would love to see your Mum but you are on serious immune suppressants.
I'd ask yourself very carefully what the risk is to you? Have they had any cases of CV-19 amongst residents or staff?
The rules were changed due to pressure about the MH state of those shielding. The head of primary care for NHS England Dr Nikita Kanani didn't even know about the new guidelines until they were announced. Alot of people who are on the same or similar meds as you have been told to continue shielding after being contacted by GPs etc and NOT go out, me included.
Is there any way that they could take extra special measures for you and your Mum? Like making it super, super safe for you? It's so tough.
If it were me my gut instinct would be to go to see my Mum but I would phone in advance and explain my circumstances and make certain that I didn't have any interaction with anyone else.
It will be so hard to not go in for that hug!
Good luck on what you decide.
Yes it's a difficult decision, but made easier by voicing my fears with you all. I will go and be careful, letting the staff know my concerns, she will be so pleased. Everyone has to just try and do their best in these times and be sensible. Thanks for your reply and take care yourself.
I’d say go with your heart on this one. If your mum’s care home is relaxing the rules it’s probably one of the safer places to be. And your dear mum is of significant age. I think you’d always deeply regret not being there one day.
The rules are all made for generalisation. One size can’t fit all, and this is one time when they don’t fit you. So go and be with her! 🙏🌈
jayne17• in reply to
Thanks for your reply and yes you're right I would regret it if I didn't, it has helped enormously having other people's views. All the best to you.
Hi yes I would visit I am shielding but follow the guidelines and do what’s needed to keep me safe am sure you will be fine x
Thanks for your reply, it's so helpful having other people's views and opinions, it makes it easier to decide what to do. All the best to you.
I would say yes you should go as you regret things you don't do more than those you do.
Best of luck!
jayne17• in reply to
Yes I shall go as you're right I would regret it. I shall be very careful and I'm sure it'll make her day. Thanks for your reply and all the best to you.
Although it is risky still for us I would take this opportunity to see your mum, my last memories of my mum are a garden party at her home when she was 90, singing along to Roy Orbison songs making loads of money on the bottle stall for the homes extras fund. Plus eating lovely big ice creams. My sister still visits the home for raising funds. So try to go if you are virus free or you may regret the lost chance . Best Wishes.
Thanks for your reply, I shall go and risk it but be extremely careful and it will be good for both of us. All the best to you.
I would go, we have no idea what the next few weeks will bring now people are moving around more, you may not get another opportunity. Carpe diem. Best Wishes.
You're right, who knows what the next few weeks will bring, I shall go and be very careful. Thanks for your reply and all the best to you.
Is your mother set up with a tablet or laptop? You could ask for the care home to have a small cake for her and celebrate together remotely. Sorry if you've already thought of this.
Go for it employing all the precutions you can. Take a mask and a chair if possible and take your own drink perhaps a bottle of water or flask of tea/coffee.
Thanks for your reply, I will go armed with mask and chair, it will make her day.
The risk is minimal. Can you reach the garden via a side gate which would be ideal? Enjoy your time there! Julia
Yes I can go via a gate to the garden and will be careful. Thanks for your reply and all the best to you.
I'd have to politely disagree. If you are immune-suppressed and on a biological therapy then the risk is not minimal. It puts you in the Shielded catagory so there is more than a minimal risk.
PHE and NHSE have said shielded can go out once a day and meet one other person but that decision was driven by mental health concerns.
The R rate is still 0.7-0.9. It had been expected to decrease by now. The virus is still out there and although it is now 1 in 1000 who are carrying the virus it is still a significant risk, especially to anyone on a biological.
Those are my thoughts anyway.
Thanks for your reply and I do agree with you really, but I have convinced myself that as long as I take precautions and be extremely careful it will only be the same as going outside and seeing one other person, which we are now permitted to do.
All the best to you.
I absolutely see where you are coming from and I 100% respect your decision to go. All I wanted to point out that it isn't without risk to you. But as you said you are taking every precaution that you can.
I really hope you enjoy your visit and get a boost from it.
I would go, Jayne.
Your mother is precious and she will be very sad if you didn't come.
In nice weather and keeping the proper distance, and as was suggested here earlier, bringing your own chair, wearing a mask, I would think it should be fine.
You'll be at peace afterwards, knowing you visited your mum and made her day.
But, after all is said and done, we just offer our individual opinions, and ultimately it is your decision and yours alone, because only you know all the circumstances.
One thing is for sure, you will NOT be judged one way or the other, no one is qualified to do that.
As long as it is an honest decision, you will be fine with that.
I absolutely understand your concern, as I am shielding myself. This is not an easy decision....
All the best to you and your mum.
pigeon
Thanks for your reply and I do appreciate your thoughts, I will go and my mom will be so pleased, you're right it will make her day.
All the best to you.
Jayne, I am really pleased for you, now that your mind is at peace, and you feel that you've made the right decision.
It will be lovely, both of you will so enjoy that special day.
The most difficult thing will be not being able to hug your mama, but I'm sure she will understand.
That will be a birthday to remember forever.
pigeon.
I'm also in shielding group.. I thought that the latest regs /guidelines said we can meet with 1 other person outside our household outside.. So surely this fits in with this...
As long as you can go straight into the garden and touch nothing... Do not accept anything like a drink from the home, it's OK if you take stuff for her but put it down and move well back while someone else passes things to her..
Arrange with the home to go in via the back entrance if that means you can go straight into the garden, and then they can bring your mother out...
The difficulty is trusting yourself not to hug her...
Take drink and cake but don't take anything someone else has been within 2 metres of home with you... Just leave there... You can collect plates or mugs in a few months time...
Sorry being bossy but you have to be stitch with yourself or all your shielding is for nothing....
Also ask the staff to warn her you can't hug or kiss, and have their no. Ready to ring in case she needs any help while in the garden...
Good luck... Not easy but worth it I'm sure...
Very best wishes cazer.. X
Sorry.. Should have said strict...
P. S. Under no circumstances would I go in to the building at all... Make sure you've been to the loo before you go... Ha ha... X
I can understand your dilemma - i am shielding too and would find it very difficult like you if I had to make the decision - it's often been said for those shielding it's a case of weighing up risk over benefit for your own individual medical situation - and as others have said there may be a way to do it safely with some planning and input from staff that will benefit you both but keep you risk free too - all the best
Yes with the right planning I'm sure it will be OK.
All the best to you and thanks for your reply.
I'm Sheilding too and decided I wasn't going to venture out, I've heard we are going to be asked to sheild until August 16th. A long time to stay away from your mum so I think in your case and as someone else said maybe take your own chair or wear gloves and remove before you get back in the car and sanitise(what an operation) maybe take a small flask of tea for you. Only virtual hugs. 😍
Thanks for your reply and thoughts and yes I will go and be careful.
All the best to you.
Thanks for your reply and yes I am going to go, as you say 91 it's a big age and she has been a wonderful mom to me, I don't want to regret not going. I shall be very careful and I am sure the home will be too. It has been so helpful having all these caring replies and has enabled me make the right decision. All the best to you.
Good luck xx
Well i for one will be carrying shielding myself for a long time yet, being in wales people who are in the shielding group are having another letter asking us to shield until middle of august and that is fine by me, the reason is the virus has not gone and is still very dangerous, in England there are
5000 cases a day and that is frightening in itself, and we all must be very careful and look after ourselves as best we see fit, only problem i see is the protesters, if they want to protest do so but do it safely which is not happening as i see it, it will be the N H S will have to deal with the fallout if the virus spreads into these people, stay safe everyone
I agree about the protesters. I understand the protest but the social distancing isn't happening. X
Yes Bobby, I think you are right.
We have not rushed to go out even though guidelines say we can....
Especially as South West which is where we are is having a rise above 1 on the r
Best wishes cazer.
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