Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I want to share a little about me. I am Samantha, i have got issues of height phobia and anxiety sometimes. I also am a researcher and looking to find ways to cure and treat depression and anxiety to help people.
The first thing i want to know from you people is how do you guys trust someone and what is on your mind in midst of that?
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Hi sam1232, Thanks for your first post and with such an interesting question. I think of myself as quite a trusting soul, but it's especially conditional with someone new in my life. And I say that especially, because I've also been betrayed by the person in my life who once, for many years, meant the most to me. I still like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but it's a sort of informed opinion, knowing that people let others down all of the time, and not always deliberately.
Hi Sam......, when you ask how do we trust someone, did you mean in a personal telationship, or people on this community, my thoughts are.....
When in a personal relationship, over a long period you will get to know someone and if they are trustworthy, its only something you will know, but if that person does something to lose your trust(if they cheated, for instance) the dont give them a second chance, get rid of that person!
Trusting someone online is a different matter..... firstly, you do not give snyone, not post it here for all to see, your..... email address, home address, or telephone number...... and only give it if you have come to know someone, even if they are virtual friends, you can always block them!
Hope this helps
Take care and stay safe. 😀🌈
Well said Don x
you have made this more interesting. As how can you trust a person again you already betrayed you? how can you prepare yourself to give that specific person the benefit of doubt?
I haven't every been able to truly regain trust in any betrayal. I can forgive, little by little, but trust is something which is won, and when it's lost, there's no going back.... for me anyway.
Personally, it would depend on the type of betrayal for me. Some things are forgivable, others aren't.
If it was a relationship, I would not trust them again, if they can be tempted once, it can happen again, no matter what their protests.
Money matters are slightly less important to me; I don't mind wiping off a smallish debt if the person is truly unable to pay.
Friendship betrayal, like secrets shared with the wrong people, that person is not a good friend and is discarded, it depends on what else they have shared about you. I would not be inclined to trust them again, and distance myself from them.
Hope this helps.
Cheers,Midori
That is an interesting problem. I focus more on my “core value system “ and let that guide my interactions with people. My 43 year old son was born with adhd and suffered traumatic brain injury when he was 17 and now is manic depressive, and probably has other undiagnosed problems as well. For many years he has declined psych meds. He lives alone in the same city as we do, but he suffers greatly but his personality is such that my wife and I cannot help him. Tragic.
🙂 That is a question which deserves a book Sam, not just a post and is hugely dependent on context. So you could trust someone to repair your car, but would you leave your kids with them? Some car lovers would reverse that proposition!! What goes into trust building; what you know about someone, what they say, more importantly what they do, their qualifications and experience (in some cases) ...is there evidence that others you trust have confidence in them, do they have an established reputation, ....all of that goes on in people’s heads and feelings come into this too....do they sound and feel “right”. Brain and feelings work together to make a judgement. A vast but really interesting topic I think.
hey comber, thanks for this response. I like the way you have molded your answer with saying brain and feelings work together to make a judgement.
A brilliant reply. x
Trust is earned and you earn trust. xx
Hello, Samantha. Welcome to HU.
"I'm a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you again."
I'm not sure who said that, but it's a helpful credo and one that I follow subconsciously.
Being a good judge of character helps.
thats right, you can not be stupid enough to trust again
How to trust someone
It will take time for me to gain someone’s trust given my own personal experiences
Some people can be kind some quite brutal
It takes time for you and your judgement to trust someone
Older and wiser I am careful and the true colours of a person always come through in the end
A very interesting question.
Unfortunately, I don't trust anybody. I have been having EMDR for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and have discussed this with my psychologist. It seems to stem from early childhood. I have only ever truly trusted one person. I have one friend that I trust quite a bit, but no-one else, ever. Sorry if that's too gloomy.🌸🤔
I read your post with interest because I sometimes think to myself if you don't trust anyone it's quite a hard life we make for ourselves....... When you become old and look back you will find that there are some good people and trustworthy. It's a very nice acquisition to think he or she is a good un. they are there but it's finding them that is the difficulty.
There are so many ups and downs in life and if you find someone is not trustworthy the only thing to do is avoid them......
If you don't trust many it may well be the right thing to do and may well be born out of experience........ Where would we be without experience?
A solicitor once told me -'I'd go & take a chance if I were you' which appertained to salmon fishing in scotland. The locals could not catch a thing but I did...... That taught me a lesson re the worst thing a person can do is to be too successful!
Every one must be able to face the future even if you fail......
It is very hard not trusting anyone, but it's not an active choice for me - it has been a survival mechanism I learned when I was a very little child. Things like that are hard to change, even though I have tried by working on it with a psychologist.
It's not that I stop trusting people after they have let me down, I never trust them to start with. I have puzzled over how and why I came to have some trust in the one particular friend I do trust some, but I haven't figured it out
I would like to learn how to trust others but I don't have a clue how to do it. I once read an article that said that you learn to trust by trusting. Yeah, really helpful!
🤔🌸
I live in an area where trust is a normal thing, worked in an environment that was the same.
Couldn’t imagine doing otherwise.
I normally trust people until given a reason not to (which doesn’t happen often) or unless my alarm bells are ringing.
From my profession my alarm bells normally ring for liars and illegal activities.
It's surprising how the toughest of us can suffer anxiety which is sometimes caused chemically! I've been a diver and surfaced to see damn great waves all around me and never was anxious although perhaps I should have been!
I must say though I was thankful to see the little inflatable about 100 yards away and more thankful still when he saw my arm stuck up straight in the air.
A nasty sea was running and there were other more experience divers swept off and were a mile away sitting there on the shore waving as if this was what to do.......
Definitely not is the answer to that but when we are young and fit we do take chances
and find it exhilarating at the time.
I don't quite know how people can jump out of planes and do other clearly dangerous things but they do.....they must have nerves of steel!
I suppose you have to tell yourself you can overcome and just do it. If you can control your breathing and think deeply about that it's a good thing to learn because if you control your breathing this controls the brain.
If I cannot sort myself out by my own willpower I succumb to taking a pill..... I know I shouldn't but look at all the smokers which I feel is the worst habit which is supposed to make the smoker feel better but that is one habit I have never felt is valid.
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What is your ideal lunch? 
what do you want /don’t want for New Years ?
Just to finally give you and idea of what is going on