Since it is now 3:40am and I'm 'wide awake'...
A, man goes his Doctor, complaining of 'Always Oversleeping'. The man goes on, to explain, that his Boss, has now threatened to sack him, if things don't improve. The Doctor is quite sympathetic and advises the man thus.... Don't have a 'Take Away' meal, on Saturday night, have Meatballs and Rice (or similar). On Sunday Skip the Roast, instead have a Bolognaise. About six, in the evening, have a Horlicks - or similar beverage. At eight get yourself Ready for bed then, wash, clean your teeth and come downstairs. Put on some relaxing music, for half an hour, before retiring to bed before nine.
The Doctor then suggested he got up, about six-thirty, had a shave and shower, followed by a light breakfast, with a cup/ mug of tea. After breakfast he should, clean his teeth and get dressed into his work clothes. All this, the man did.
He awoke, feeling, Refreshed and enjoyed his shower and breakfast- somehow feeling Relaxed and unhurried. Noticing the time he finished his tea, used the Loo, and left the house. He arrived, at work, by 8:40- twenty minutes Before Time. When his Boss, came out, he said "Here I am Mr Peters, twenty minutes early". "That's Good" replied his boss "but tell me, where were you YESTERDAY?"
A joke the Proves, that Men NEVER Women, no matter how hard they try....sorry Girls but it's true.
A Loving Husband says to his wife, of twenty-five years, "Darling it's your Birthday, next week, what do you want- my Love?" "I'd Like to be Eight" replies his wife.
So, on the morning of her birthday, the Husband, wakes his Wife to a tray of Coco Pops, toast and orange squash. He then picks her up and carries her, to the Bathroom. In the bathroom he puts her into, a bath of, sweet smelling Bubbles- Next he gently bathes her before washing her hair. He picks her, back out the bath, into a large 'fluffy' towel before gently patting her dry. Next he takes her into the Bedroom, where he presents her with a new 'flowery' dress, black shoes and 'ruffles', for her hair.
When his, a little confused, wife comes downstairs he takes her by the hand and leads her to the car. The man drives her to a Shopping Mall, where he buys her Cami-knickers, hair grips, knee length socks and bead necklaceses. Next he takes her Roller Skating, round and round they go until the poor Wife is 'dizzy'. Next it is off to Pizza Hut, for a Lunch Time Special- 'Tasters' of all the different Pizzas, washed down with Coca Cola. After a Much Needed, visit to the toilet, it is off to see, the latest Disney release. The man buys more Coke, Popcorn and 'sticky' nuts and, during the film, he 'stuffs' his wife non stop.
Next it's off to the Fun Fair, the poor woman, is put on all the Rides- spun this way, and that, until she is Sick! Afterwards her Husband sits her down, somewhere quiet, until she feels Better. The wife is then taken to Mac Donald's, where she is bought a 'Happy Meal', yet more coke, and given a Toy.
Finally the man brings his wife home, and puts her, in front of the TV. Unbelievably he then comes in, with Ham sandwiches, Dr Pepper and Crisps which he proceeds to Almost, force feed, her. Finally the man picks up his, very dis-orientated wife, carries her upstairs and puts her under the shower. After drying her once again, and letting her use the toilet, he caries his, by now totally exhausted, wife into the bedroom. After he Tucks Her In, he asks "How was your day 'Being Eight'?" "You Idiot" screams his wife "I meant DRESS SIZE!".
I hope that these make you smile.
AndrewT
