Positive Wellbeing
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Insecure

Hi,

Ok so I’m 27, in long term relationship and have low self esteem. I never feel sexy, or attractive yet people always tell me I’m naturally pretty. I’m very petite size 6-8 and 5ft 2. My boyfriend always says I’m too thin, and that guys perfer some curves. I’m not skinny and do have shape but Iv always been this way, I keep fit and go to the gym. I have suffered with adult acne but I’m so used to it now, my GP always said t wasn’t servere enough for medication. But that’s not an issue it’s getting better now.... I want to feel attractive and confident, but today via social media reality tv and magazines it’s all about this plastic look? And when I here a comment by my boyfriend like “she’s perfect” about a person I consider very fake it shocks me why the hell men find this attractive, it shouldn’t make me feel bad because I don’t clover myself in makeup or have plastic body parts. I don’t want to feel insecure but how can I train myself to stop comparing? I also look very young and people don’t take me serious especially in employment hence my I feel I’m being held bAck. I’m degree educated, worked bloody hard working full time during studies and have worked non stop since the age of 16. I just want to feel good and like I can hit the world head on!

Any advise on how I can stop comparing myself to fulse ideals?

Thanks

8 Replies
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It's just a matter of self training.

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Maybe you need to stop and look at why your feeling this way, you sound like a clever girl don't let anyone put you down. Life is to short And Please remember you can do anything you want to. You ve worked since 16 and have a degree, you can go a long way. Do you ever comment on your boyfriends looks ? As I said earlier don't allow anyone to put you down this effects you confidents. Wishing you all Go for it 😊

Regards

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Others may not be straightforward like you. So take the comments of others with a pinch of salt!

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It strikes me as strange that your boyfriend says you're too thin and that "men like" more curvy. He speaks for everyone? Defining your self worth based on what he thinks you should look like is simply no good. This is unhealthy for both of you. I say you address this with him and look for clarification.

If he wants other women he deems 'perfect' over you, then tell him to go for it. Everyone deserves better than that. Especially when it's based so much on superficial bullshit.

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My best guess, you're boyfriend is very insecure and putting you down and letting you know you're not perfect insures him that you will be grateful to him and not leave him for a more perfect male. The sexiest thing, the most attractive characteristic is a humorous intellect ,a person who can connect to you with a glance . Traveling, reading, writing, meeting unusual people all of these things will grow you as a person and secure your self worth. You want a man who is your equal in this. Remember that old saying 'pretty is as pretty does' . It makes sense now doesn't it? Pam

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Dear Lemonade (What a Lovely 'Name'!),

I'm quite sure, from what you have said here, that you ARE an attractive young lady, almost certainly, with a VERY pretty face (despite a 'trace' of acne). You are clearly a VERY hard worker and are very diligent. The fact that you don't wear, 'tons' of Make Up, well, in my book, makes you even lovelier. You ask why Men find these 'Enhanced Girls' attractive- a question I cannot answer, I'm afraid. Personally I Hate THAT look...YUK! I'd much rather see a Normal girl; warts, acne, dirty feet, smelly pits and all. (So what if your hair is out of place, unless your Repunzel, that won't be a problem. I suspect even SHE had Bad hair days, don't you?)

Anyway Lemonade take a good look, in a mirror, there will be a VERY lovely girl looking back at you! I think you need to get to know her better.

Sending you my, very best, wishes.

AndrewT

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Dear Lemonade,

I would look around for a new boyfriend; any man that attacks your looks should get the boot. You are probably too self conscious (it happens to all of us at times no matter what age). Try to get out of that

pattern.

You are what YOU think you are. 27 is still very young. Beauty is in your soul, spirit ,warmth and accomplishments. I think your current boyfriend is causing your insecurity; not good.

And that plastic look is for boys, not real men. Clean, neat and well groomed is enough, and with the right man even that won't matter. True men respond to kindness, humor, intelligence and nice smiles; lively eyes help. Find another guy. He is hurting you psychologically.Enjoy yourself; learn to find pleasure within and you will grow into "your looks."

Women who are independent and alone can be very attractive to a man. Don't rely on others for your sense of self worth or your sense of sexiness. Don't let HIM manipulate how you think of yourself. I am sure self confidence will come in time.

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I have just read your comments, that Followed mine. I, quite agree, though I didn't actually Say it. Yes she needs a more caring, less critical Boyfriend. I have always tried, to support, my girlfriends- I don't have one presently, no fault of either of us....She had heart surgery.

As I said, in my reply above, she needs to look into a mirror. She WILL find a beautiful girl, looking back. How are YOU, by the way?

AndrewT

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