Depressed

[Doublef]

I am on Sertraline for army PTSD anger management. This year is really awful, diagnosed GCA, blocked artery,, poor eyesight. Diabetes on top of Heart failure. After lock down I am more house bound and getting more and more depressed and so tired. My wife is wonderful but it is taking its toll and after 57 years we are rather impatient with one another.I am 6 into Pred not sure what to do next ☹️

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

As an army widow and post GCA patent, I am so sorry to hear your situation.

At six months into GCA the high doses of Pred won’t be helping your depression, but I think you really do need profession help.. either through the GP initially or any contacts you may still have as a service veteran..

Are you aware of this -

gov.uk/guidance/veterans-se....

Or this -

veteransgateway.org.uk/ment...

Or have you tried RBL?

All my best wishes to you and your wife…

[SheffieldJane]

I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. I agree that lockdown has had a bigger on-going impact than people realise. It is tempting to become really insular particularly when you have multiple health problems.

I would certainly talk to my GP about the medication you are on and see if it needs to be changed or adjusted. I would strongly advise some form of talking therapy - perhaps related to your ex-Forces status. It certainly would take the pressure off your relationship with your wife and help you both, ie for you to have another outlet for your feelings and the greater insight that therapy brings.

Try to get out each day for a little stroll as I tell myself. It helps to do something each day. We can all relate to the additional burden of these diseases.

As they say in America thank you for your service.

[Bluey-1]

Very sorry to hear things are difficult for you. These illnesses are hard to cope with, particularly if you’re suffering from several, as many of us are. I agree with SheffieldJane, try to do one thing a day, getting out if possible. I needed help with low mood at one point and sought advice from my GP. I wish I had requested this earlier as the sleep disturbances over months on high pred doses were really affecting my mental state and on those around me! I was recently diagnosed with Afib and a consequent TIA. Thought I was coping well with another influx of meds but the psychological reality of another health problem is beginning to hit me. I was as fit as a flea before all this and such an outgoing person. I now have to pace myself to not overdo it, being ruled by my body not by what my mind wants to do. It is as it is unfortunately and it is hard as the unpredictability of what we’re dealing with is frustrating. Good luck with support from your GP.

[PMRpro Ambassador]

WHY are you housebound? Is it physical limitations because of your diagnoses and loss of condition during lockdown? Is your vision good enough to be able to use a mobility scooter?

There are ways of getting out and meeting others and your GP practice can give you the contact details for local options for talking therapies, many of which are self-referral. You are by no means alone - and a trouble shared really is a trouble halved. Plus - it will give the Mrs a bit of respite!

[Toolie2]

ssafa.org.ukSSAFA, the Armed Forces charity.

When I volunteered at the CAB in Salisbury, we often referred people with army connections to SSAFA, and they always helped with all sorts of problems. There is a page "Supporting older veterans" which says, under mobility, they "can give advice and financial support for those experiencing physical impairment"

I do hope you find the help you need and will feel better soon.

[Hoofprints in reply to Toolie2]

Yes, I too can endorse how absolutely wonderful and understanding SSAFA are. They helped my dad and us as a family enormously after he suffered a severe stroke. They came to his bedside in hospital and had a chat to support him morally and to find out what practical help he required with finances in order to get back to living in his own home again.

There were horrendous local authority waiting lists for stairlifts and SSAFA were incredibly generous in paying for a reconditioned stairlift to be installed. This made all the difference in helping him to adjust to his new disability both practically, and in terms of having that understanding and encouragement from fellow ex-service personnel.

I got the impression that the volunteers themselves knew what it was to have a hard time through their own personal experience. They were very 'real' in the support they offered if that makes sense.

I'd never seen my dad break down and cry before his realisation of the extent of his new body - he was 70 but still playing football and working part-time before. It was a massive shock. But this is the place our broken bodies sometimes lead us too at some point. But there's a way out of it for you even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Keep in touch with the good people on this forum and do consider reaching out to SSAFA 🍀

[Ridge]

I am so sorry. I have no suggestions but want to thank you for being a soldier and looking after us all. Do pursue all the helpful suggestions above in the knowledge that all of us are so grateful and very supportive.

[Gimme]

I am sorry that you are feeling low. I think that dealing with the impact on mental health from this horrible illness can be harder than the physical effects, at times, plus there are the side effects of medication to deal with. And there is also certainly a grieving process for the loss of your old life before you became unwell that most of us go through, along with a period of adjustment. Unfortunately, the grieving can be much like PMR and GCA, they take their own time to get better and they can come and go. Taking steroids along with having PTSD can be particularly challenging, especially with the higher doses of pred needed for GCA, so I am not surprised that you say that you are struggling. The pred alone feels very much like the more unpleasant aspects of having PTSD. I think that the suggestion of talking therapies are a good idea, and if you can afford it, you might get seen quicker and seeing someone who specialises in trauma work might help. I don't know if you have already had support for the PTSD, but some people find EMDR treatment helpful. There are also self soothing and grounding techniques that can help, which are just as good for the jitteriness you get from the pred as for the PTSD. Whatever you do, take small steps and make small achievable changes with lots of self care. Try to do some things each day that make you happy. You say that you are housebound, so I wondered if you have a garden where you can sit? Fresh air and being in nature often help low mood, and I was told that even watching it on TV or listening to nature sounds can be just as good. Be kind to yourself and I hope that things look up for you soon. 💗

[musicalJ]

The British Library has created an audio archive of sounds of nature, which is available free online. I found it by searching for archive of sounds of nature. It also came up with a similar archive from an American university. You may like to investigate these and see whether any of the sounds offered help you; I hope something will.

[PMRCanada]

That’s a lot to contend with!

I get it…at least the PTSD part. I suffered 8 years but got help from a specialized therapist. I also joined a peer support group and found talking with others in trauma related professions very beneficial and a safe outlet to discuss shared challenges. It meant my partner didn’t have to bare all the burden associated with my mental health challenges (and I was easier to live with when my sleep disturbances were better managed). I can only imagine your lack of quality sleep given the PTSD combined with high doses of pred for GCA.

Please consider some sort of support, clinical or otherwise. Yes, Vicarious Trauma and PTSD can certainly impact our lives and relationships, but Vicarious Resilience and Post Traumatic Growth are possible.

Along with your mental health, it sounds like your physical woes are piling up. That is a lot to juggle, and the combination of both with COVID thrown in, would certainly impact your mood (and subsequently your relationship).

There certainly were times at high doses of pred when I found my emotions were all over the place, so much so that I isolated because I just didn’t feel myself, therefore I didn’t want to be around others. I told my husband that I may, at times, simply go upstairs to the bedroom, or out for a walk by myself as to avoid conflict when I was feeling particularly annoyed/frustrated. I believe this saved plenty of hurt feelings by avoiding arguments.

As others have mentioned you are not alone. Please feel free to post on this forum whenever you want/need to. No judgement here. You can also send me a direct message if it would be helpful. My hope is that you will find ways in which to exercise self-care throughout your ordeal. Rest well and dream sweet (as we used to say in the support group).