Low carb.....again.

[scats]

In my never ending search for more low carb goodies to brighten my life I spend many an hour searching the web, there are numerous helpful sites and blogs. Another of my hunting grounds is Amazon, looking inside recipe books.

The other day I discovered chaffles, a low carb waffle. Basically a batter is made of one egg, 1tbs ground almonds and half a cup of grated cheese and put in a waffle iron. Very nice too!

While searching through a book on chaffles I accidently clicked on buy now, and found my kindle app with a new and unexpected form of amusement. With the weather as it is I thought I might share with you as we could all do with extra amusing as this time of year.

Here I will appologise to our American friends if I offend by my missunderstading but I believe most of the humour derives from a very bad translation.

Ingredients listed include;

Destroyed cheddar

Mollified cream cheddar

Discretionary water

Small bunch of destroyed mozzarella cheddar

Preparing powder

1tsp ginger/garlic glue.

Hacked tomatoes

I hope you are as amused as I was, I'm off to mollify my cream cheese and heat the waffle iron.

[SheffieldJane]

Chinese translation maybe. Sounds like a violent kitchen.

[scats in reply to SheffieldJane]

good point, I hadn't thought of it like that, the onions had to be slashed too!

[Blearyeyed in reply to scats]

You told me about snaffling those chaffles last week , I did point out you might be arrested for cruelty for cheese !

Now you are encouraging others to go and destroy their cheddar.

Are we meant to guess about the actual recipe , or are you going to add an explanation later .

Love it xx

[scats in reply to Blearyeyed]

The basic recipe is hidden in the post, these ingredients come in later recipes. If you mollify your cheese first it won't mind so much about being distroyed with luck.

[Blearyeyed in reply to scats]

😂😂😂😂😂 you keep telling yourself that I can hear your cheese yelling from here!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer]

Love it!

Some of my cheddar and tomatoes are a bit destroyed/hacked at the moment - some activities are not so easy one-handed!

Slicing tomatoes being one!

[scats in reply to DorsetLady]

Of course, how's it going? I'm sure you could hack them though!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to scats]

Hack them? Not a problem.

Going well thanks - apart the usual rigmarole with the compression stockings. I thought they were bad enough trying to get off and on with a recovering knee or hip - but with a shoulder out of commission it’s a nightmare.

Think I have to revert to showering with them on, and drying with a hairdryer!

Such fun!

[scats in reply to DorsetLady]

That sounds a wise move to me. xx

[SheffieldJane in reply to DorsetLady]

I am sure that there is a device that helps with this. Grammy80 discussed it in a recent post. I think it’s a kind of frame that you put the stocking on and then slip your foot into it. I will try to find it. You’ll catch cold!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to SheffieldJane]

Thanks for that - but I’ve got one - got it for hip last year. But you still have to pull the stocking up using both hands - and at the moment that’s the difficult bit.

Changed them yesterday - and tweaked operated shoulder.

So I’d rather catch cold that mess my shoulder up. 🤣😂🤣

[SheffieldJane in reply to DorsetLady]

Ouch! Gosh yes! Amazon has lots of variations though.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to SheffieldJane]

I’ll have another look - mine came from local mobility shop and was quite expensive.

What made me laugh when I looked at the video on line on how to use it - the presenter was a young woman who obviously had no joint issues whatsoever! So it looked easy!

[SheffieldJane in reply to DorsetLady]

I have been wracking my brains and inventing wonderful devices. Good luck!

[SheffieldJane in reply to DorsetLady]

I am beginning to see your own solution as genius. My invention involved a hollow rubber tube and a small electric pump to inflate it once the stocking was on it and then slide your foot/ leg in, then deflate it and slide it off or undo Velcro, but then there’s getting them off.🤪Some people say lubrication helps.

A company called Brightlife Direct, sell compression wraps as an alternative to stockings. Don’t know how well that would work?

I am in distance nursing mode as my son in Edinburgh had minor but emergency surgery last week, doesn’t want us to drop everything and go. He still needs advice and solutions and food hampers.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to SheffieldJane]

Surprising how inventive we mere souls can be when necessary!

“Necessity is the mother of invention”

I’ll have a look at the compression wraps - thanks for suggestion!

Hope your son soon recovers - mine provided a sort of food hamper yesterday - went out to lunch with family!

[Legsy0714 in reply to SheffieldJane]

Hi. I'm near Edinburgh if I can help.

[SheffieldJane in reply to Legsy0714]

How very kind of you to think of helping Legsy0714. He feels almost like his normal self now and back attending his lectures . So not this time thank you. Edinburgh is my old home town. I think she looked after him.

[scats in reply to DorsetLady]

I had one to get my mother's stockings on, and we couldn't manage it with the two of us, very hard work! It would not help your shoulder that's for sure.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to scats]

Nearly 2 weeks down - so I can manage another 4 if needs be! At least you get an end date for these things - unlike PMR or GCA! 😉

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to DorsetLady]

This was what I found then

livingmadeeasy.org.uk/cloth...

there is also a off version

livingmadeeasy.org.uk/cloth...

Not sure how they'd function with thigh length stockings, though himself manages above the calf ok, it's the foot that is so hard I suppose.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to PMRpro]

It’s getting them off over the heel that worse.

Thanks for links, but they both need two hands! 🤦🏻‍♀️

[powerwalk in reply to DorsetLady]

Oh I'm cringing!!!! Thoughts of hurting your shoulder. Hope you're well on the road to recovery.

[jinasc in reply to DorsetLady]

Foot in plaster for six months 14 years ago so I bought Adult Short Waterproof Leg Cast and Bandage Protector Designed to Protect Dressings and Injuries While Showering or Bathing. Still got it and it has been borrowed many times.

Guess who sells them?

Your mate Hel🔥

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to jinasc]

Spot on - I’ll have look.

Hope you’re not affected by all the rain!

Might have to resurrect a longboat or two. Freyja 🤦🏻‍♀️

[jinasc in reply to DorsetLady]

What rain - we have had a few showers.................mainly through the night. However wind is awful and its cold.

Where we are, Pennines to the West, North Yorkshire Moors to South, Cheviot Hills to North...........so geographically we are OK most of the time..................however, anything coming in from the North or North East - nothing between us and Siberia - we call it "Lazy Wind"..............goes right through you.

BTW daffs, crocus, marigolds are all out. Climate change - yup and the 3rd year, so far, without any snow...............mind it can come up to Easter when it wants.

There are a couple of Viking Boats that could be dug up here..............they came up the River Team, which flows into the Tyne. 🤞

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to jinasc]

I can't understand how your garden survives the onslaught of the wind from the North Sea!

[jinasc in reply to PMRpro]

Since the end of November weather coming in from the West.

Also remember I am half way up the West side of the valley the top of the Valley is above us on the East side.

Remember when you sat on the seat in the garden and the slop downhill was on your right. Must dig out a photo.

[Yellowbluebell in reply to jinasc]

I have daffs and primroses through but nothing much else. Things are still appearing that we didnt see when we moved in may 19.

[jinasc in reply to Yellowbluebell]

Whenever you move into a new house with an established garden, the trick is to do nothing for one year (except pull up weeds and water if necessary. Note what comes up and where..................ten you can start out knowing what you want to replace or remove or just move.

So good on you moving in May 2019...............2 months till your 1st Anniversary.

[Yellowbluebell in reply to jinasc]

You mentioned before about leaving the garden alone which is what we did and its been interesting looking at whats in there. We have some lovely fuchias which are one of my favourite but we also gotsome gorgeous gladiolli which i initially thought were iris's which i dislike. So waiting to see whats there has definitely been worth it so thanks for your advicexx

[Whippetygirl in reply to DorsetLady]

I could not bear it if they got cold whilst wet, pure torture.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Whippetygirl]

Hence the hairdryer😂🤣😂

[Whippetygirl in reply to DorsetLady]

I could not hold a hair dryer long enough to get round the back of my legs , my arms would drop off or the dryer would be on the floor and my legs are very slim I only weigh 8 st 2lbs.

[Hidden in reply to DorsetLady]

I have a spike board. If I was closer you could have it! Tomatoes easy to get off the spike but root veg a no no.

LOTS of supposed one handed adverts but does it look to you like a 25yr old using both hands in this picture?? I have had a few things from this place. My hand gripper that hold the shoe and has a shoe horn was best!

completecareshop.co.uk/dres...

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Hidden]

Have a gripper from hip op, and long handled shoe horn (late hubby’s) and various kitchen openers etc for arthritic wrists.

Cutting a sweet potato was fun a few days ago - but no injuries!

But compression socks are the devil incarnate as far as I’m concerned - even with 2 good hands!

Never mind - looks as if my mate Hel has solved it! Thank goodness for the mighty A!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to DorsetLady]

Himself can't bend at present as a result of a fractured vertebra - mercifully he's managing to get his stockings on but I have to pull them off! Even I struggle ...

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to PMRpro]

Yes, getting them off is worse!

I know I need them, but it a pain in the proverbial!

[Legsy0714 in reply to DorsetLady]

So you are into hip op. What about drill and rap?

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Legsy0714]

More of a 50s and 60s rock & roll chick! 💃 🤣😂🤣

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

I started to read your reply and wondered what a spike board had to do with putting compression socks on

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to PMRpro]

Any suggestions welcome!

[scats in reply to DorsetLady]

Every now and again your true viking nature is evident.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to scats]

Knew it there for a purpose!

But I’d like to put it to rest for just a little while.

[Hidden in reply to PMRpro]

😂🤣😂 Don't knock it until you try it. They ought to try Velcro fastened compression socks that can be tightened once on. I tried what was supposedly a large enough pair and couldn't squeeze them over my poor toes at the tines.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

I can't even cope with flight socks! So seeing some study that said they aren't worth it was a joy! I'm on anticoags, the chances of a DVT are fairly small ...

[Hidden in reply to PMRpro]

They never account for a lifetime of hard cycling but narrow ankles either. Never had a pair of boots above the ankle over my muscly calves... More rightly calf these days.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

They do made to measure here - suggested himself asks as he is so skinny they don't do them small enough.

I can now get boots that would fit over my calves - but it is never cold enough for me to wear them! That isn't to say it doesn't get cold!

[Hidden in reply to PMRpro]

He can have what's left over from mine!

[Blearyeyed in reply to Hidden]

They do have versions with zips now , not tried them yet though .

The secret Sadist in me likes to torture my OH by making him drag my full leg and arm ones off .

I get particular satisfaction when he pulls too hard at the point that they are close to giving way and ends up falling back onto the floor on his bum with the thing slapping him in the face or waving about like a victory flag.

Who says you can't have some fun in the bedroom with your partner with a Chronic condition !😋😂😂😂

[Blearyeyed in reply to Hidden]

I can feel your tomatoes and other vegetables shaking in their boots as you describe that. They are all sitting in the fridge , quaking , whispering , " Not me , please not me!" 😋😂😂😂

[Hidden in reply to Blearyeyed]

😂🤣😂

[PMRpro Ambassador]

As a former professional translator - oh yes, chinglish/franglish/germlish ... Hours of innocent fun You can always predict what the second or third word in the dictionary was ...

Even big European companies need a kick - I never read the English instructions for white goods.

[scats in reply to PMRpro]

Thats more fun you're missing!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to scats]

Been there, done that!

[Blearyeyed in reply to PMRpro]

I looked it up , it was a translation from an Italian cookbook for the English/ American market , but I think the translators must have got Chaffle related Brain Fog when they translated it . I'm tempted to buy it for the comedy value alone , oh , and the added brain training from trying to work out what things like , "Preparing Powder" actually are !😋😂

Discretionary water , 😂😂😂😂😂 priceless!

[Highlandtiger]

'Chaffles'? 🤔 .......

You really do learn something new every day on this forum!

[scats in reply to Highlandtiger]

That's the whole point, some of it's even useful!

[Hidden]

I was inspired to shop.... The supermarket had a recipe in its magazine... A certain plum x apricot, walnuts, gorganzola, watercress and savory seeds and a dressing. They didn't sell the plums, no gorganzola, no savory seeds. What a joke!!! Back to avocado salad!

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Hidden]

You obviously didn’t go to the right shop!

[Hidden in reply to DorsetLady]

That's what the veg shelfer said.... But it's supposed to be an "extra" shop. Not travelling 10 miles for plums! 🙄😂🤣😂

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to Hidden]

Really! You disappoint me 🤣😂

[Hidden in reply to DorsetLady]

😂🤣😂

[Blearyeyed]

Have you got a photo of one of your chaffles creations you could add to the post to tempt us all to get in the kitchen and destroy some cheese?

[scats in reply to Blearyeyed]

Mmmm, just eaten the last on, shame. It looks just like a waffle.

[Blearyeyed in reply to scats]

You've got an excuse to make another batch now , I pity your poor cheese xxx

[scats in reply to Blearyeyed]

Just got the mallet out to distroy it, but I've still got to pick a bunch of mozzarella cheddar!

[scats in reply to scats]

There you go made one especially for you.xx

[scats in reply to Blearyeyed]

See new post

[CT-5012]

Thanks all of you for the laughs. 🤪😂🤣 Reminded me of the owner’s manual for the “noodle” bike which I had in the early 1960’s which was translated from Japanese.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to CT-5012]

Laughs?? I’ll have you know it’s all deadly serious!

[CT-5012 in reply to DorsetLady]

Sorry, posted halfway through. 😩

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to CT-5012]

Never ever be sorry........

an occasional wander off into uncharted waters if not the ridiculous side of life is required at times!🤦🏻‍♀️

[Bridge31]

Savage rice was on the menu in Spain in the early 70ies

[scats in reply to Bridge31]

I bet that had bite!

[Pixix]

Oh no...I guess I better start talking nicely to my cheese collection! Currently...Shropshire Blue, Double Gloucester, Halloumi & Mozzarella are quaking in their boots in my fridge! Whoops, S x

[scats in reply to Pixix]

Sounds very like my fridge. Thank goodness cheese is low carb!

[Pixix in reply to scats]

My main choice of the week...which cheeses for the next one! S x

[Amkoffee]

I am an American and I find this hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

[Constance13 in reply to Amkoffee]

Think we should offer the list to our friends (with a straight face when they look back at us)!😂😂

[IdasMum]

I discovered that Cauliflower Cheese is Keto the other day. I am overjoyed that something so comforting can be so good for me , served with fine streaky bacon slices (poitrine) I am in heaven

[scats in reply to IdasMum]

I think it depends how you make the sauce, no cornflour!

[Hidden in reply to IdasMum]

I had Cauliflower cheese for breakfast/brunch a couple of weeks ago. I made a soft cheese and cream sauce that was filled with butter fried mushrooms and sliced spring onion.

[IdasMum]

Just use cream and cheese

[scats in reply to IdasMum]

Ooh, that sounds nicer!