A Mother's Worst Nightmare

Four years ago today, while visiting the USA, I received a call from my youngest daughter; she called to tell me she had been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and had been admitted to the hospital, here in England.

Below is a link to the first "blog post" I had ever written. It is rough and raw and it made me cry, as I read it and remembered that horrible "Independence Day" and the months that followed.

In September, she'll be 4 years cancer free. She's married, has an 18month old "miracle" son, named Max and next year, year 5... we will have one helluva celebration!

For today... we'll cry, we'll remember and we'll remind ourselves that we made it through.

Namaste.

rantingsofamadwomanblog.com...

{Photo>>>> these were happier times for both of us! Pre-cancer, Pre-GCA/PMR}

[Telian]

Very moving Melissa, and truly an Independence Day you will not forget.

4 years on now and look what's been achieved, a miracle indeed for you all especially with Max! Each day is a celebration I would say.

I'll be 5 years c/free next September too - yippee! Anniversaries are very profound aren't they?

Take care x

Your daughter is very much like you!

[Hidden in reply to Telian]

WOW! Cool Telian, We will have to celebrate that 5 year Anniversary together, even if it's remotely via Skype. We'll have a toast to you both being cancer free!"

Her date will be Sept 15th, 2019.

[Telian in reply to Hidden]

Wonderful idea, mine is 30th September 2019, date of 2nd surgery, although I take my c/drug until January 2020 at least - so not sure officially.... but who cares as long as it happens - wherever we are the celebrations will begin for sure! Terri x

[Hidden in reply to Telian]

Perfect! Yup, her surgery date was 15/09, so we can "celebrate" at the September half way point; September 16th, 2019!!!! Have a toast of the bubbly (or whatever) in hand and Skype fired up!!!!!

[Telian in reply to Hidden]

Perfect, that date is also my nephew's daughter's 1st birthday and the date my late grandmother died! not to panic a celebration indeed she would have been 120 years old! - that's a happy rememberance for me, lived until she was 89 years young. x

[Hidden in reply to Telian]

OHHHH WOW, freaky!!!!! I just realised September 16, 2019, will be 11years, to the day, that my brother Charlie died!!!!! Same day as you lovely Gran... : ) Wow! ...not such a happy remembrance for me, but I remember when Arielle had her surgery (on the 15th) I thought that Charlie was there with us.

Also I screwed up as I thought I was doing half way between her surgery date and yours (which would the 22n) but we will keep it 16 as there must have been some "cosmic" reason my mind chose that date!!!! xxxx

[Telian in reply to Hidden]

No, I don't think you should adjust it at all, I've been thinking about it since we spoke and thought you know it should be kept to the 15th for Arielle and particularly now the 16th was Charlie's anniversary, he'll be waiting around otherwise, if you know what I mean? xxx

[Rimmy]

Dear Melissa - There isn't a mother anywhere who wouldn't draw in a huge breath reading this post - and just wait, wait to 'exhale' .... But I am breathing out with a huge smile as it is

just fantastic your daughter has done so well and also had your beautiful grandson Max - the 'good angels' are looking over you - and you have so much to be 'joyful' about now !!

Love

Rimmy

XX

[Hidden in reply to Rimmy]

...funny you should use that word Rimmy, "exhale." As I was reading some of the old "Arielle" blog posts, this morning (and crying, of course!) I had written a lot about waiting to "exhale" and not being able to "breathe."

You are right, we do have so much to be joyful about... thank you for celebrating our joy, with us. : )

Love, Melissa xxx

[Slowdown]

'The journey that I never, ever wanted to take'.. how true and I'm so very glad your daughter is now cancer-free. I had a Skype from my daughter in NZ 3 years ago who was sitting with her lovely husband and son (9 years old) trying to tell me without breaking down that she had breast cancer. Looking at her eyes full of tears, and my little grandson sitting so close was one of the worst times in my life. I went out to help for some months - being in rural NZ she was required to fly to a hospital near Auckland for the op and then every few weeks for checks..superb care. She is now also free of cancer. Salutations to all our wonderful children - their bravery is heart-rending.

[Hidden in reply to Slowdown]

Oh my goodness Slowdown... so you have traveled that road too!!!! Amazing. I am so happy she is doing well now!!!! Hooray! I can't imagine having to look into Arielle's eyes, while we had that conversation... it was bad enough having to hold it together while on the phone. Yes, "...to our wonderful children, their bravery is heart-rending."

[Jean56]

Yes, every mother’s nightmare. I’m so pleased your daughter has made such a wonderful recovery. Now you have Max, a happy family after dreadful trauma. A friend was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer, she refused part of the treatment, she didn’t want to loose her hair. We all thought she was mad for not taking everything on offer. Ten years on she is cancer free. Miracles do happen. Lovely photo by the way.

[Hidden in reply to Jean56]

Thank you Jean54, WoW! A miracle indeed!!! I'm so happy it turned out as it did!

[SheffieldJane]

So precious mamici! Momma Mode ever since and hidden. She’s beautiful. Speechless really. Motherhood has its moments of unbearable pain that mothers bear from labour onwards, and moments of wordless joy that give us the strength. Thank you for sharing, you have my prayers as well. Hurrah! for Max the bringer of hope and happiness. ❤️

[Hidden]

Great post. Sometimes we forget to count our blessings xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. ...and yes, so very true.

[Hev1964]

Can’t begin to imagine how that would feel if it was my daughter, doesn’t matter their age they are still OUR babies. Am so so pleased your story has a happy ending and resulted in a beautiful son for your daughter and grandson for you. 💕 xxx

[Hidden]

Thank you Hev1964! Yes, they are ALWAYS our baby! Finger's crossed the happy ending will go on, and on, and on, and on...

[Hidden]

So pleased for you. I have known so many people lose their battle it's love to see people being cancer free, my heart goes out to you all. Love and hugs Lynne xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Lynne_MA, It's not 100% over yet, but at 5 years she has as much chance as having cancer as the rest of us (who have never had it) do... Those odds are fabulous but we'll take em!!!! Thanks!

[Footfairy-1]

What a miracle Max is. I'm so pleased it's all turned out well.

You daughter looks just like you. Beautiful.

[Hidden in reply to Footfairy-1]

Ohhhhhhh, thank you Footfairy-1! We are both older now and obviously a wee bit more worn out, but thank you! : )

[sondya]

Not just mothers, but grandmas as well feel the horror. It's like the umbilical is still intact. My son nearly killed himself in three motorcycle accidents and his stupid father would buy him a new one after each one!!! Until I put a stop to that. Never again. I am close to my little tribe, worried sick even if (son again) cuts his finger which gets infected but I think there is a whispered rule among them 'don't tell mum, you know how much she worries'. I've got a Max grandson as well. Gorgeous boy, just turned 11.

(Grandsons Jack left and Max)

flickr.com/photos/sondyaust...

[Hidden in reply to sondya]

Ohhhhh, damn... i got a message that said, "It appears you don’t have permission to view this photo or video." : (

Yes, Mothers... Grandmothers... we have that maternal instinct, to protect at all costs, that we can never turn off.

[sondya in reply to Hidden]

Oh sorry. I've changed viewing rights to public.

[Hidden in reply to sondya]

OH MY GOODNESS! What handsome, lovely boys!!!!!! I loved the name Jack too, but one of my daughter's friend had just named their son Jack... They are gorgeous!

[sondya in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. Lovely kids. When my son lost his job with Vodafone as lead telecommunications architect, he decided to follow his dream of owning a private ambulance company. That's quite a reality now and Jack works with him. Jack got his St John first aid certificate and helps enormously. Clients, of course, love him. Just the two of them on patient transfers. He was so effective that on his last birthday, son Derek gave him a share in the company. Jack grew inches that day with pride!!

(pic- Derek's ambulance in the Kumeu (North Auckland) Santa Parade)

flickr.com/photos/sondyaust...

It was quite amusing, early GCA days, Derek insisted on driving me to doctor's visits, to the hospital even for the most trivial visit. I didn't mind, he had parking right in front of the building.

[Hidden in reply to sondya]

That is so cool your son wanted his own ambulance company... and achieved it!!!!

You must be so proud of all of them. : )

Hold them dear.

[Pipalina]

Hello Melissa - sometimes looking back can, indeed, make us realise how much we now have to celebrate. And, I wish you all nothing but better days to come...

FABALISS - photo of you both - Kathy xxx

[Hidden]

Thank you Kathy... yes looking back made yesterday made for a very emotional day... but well worth it!

[morrison]

You see there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Just wait. You will get better, you're just a little stuck in the middle at the moment.. your first blog about your daughter was heartbreaking, but look at her now. You are so alike. Better days are coming. Could be a song.xxx😊😊