The Lighter Side: Ok ok ok! So I've been quiet for a couple of weeks - But Don't let That Fool You into a False Sense of Security... ;-)

[markbenjamin57]

Greetings to all of You Lot of Polymalingerers, Pred Perambulators and Mirth Merchants.

It's Friday Night here, although I don't know what night it is where you are. Yes, I've been busy helping my older 'Twister' after her step-ladder acrobatics (and 3 broken ribs). So, here's my news in Brief (or is it 'briefs'?). No.. don't even try to imagine it... ;-/

First, the Local News from Sunny WSM, UK:

Local World Champion Hokey-Cokey Dance Winner, Bill Peabody, died this week aged 103 - but his funeral was delayed by 6 hours. When the funeral directors tried to place him peacefully in his coffin, they put his left leg in - but he put his right leg out and shook-it-all-about. (I’ll leave you to imagine the remainder of Bill’s lengthly and traumatic Journey to 'The Other Side'...).

Sir Ken Dodd (the veteran UK Comedy entertainer) reported that his dear father’s loyal canine friend, ‘Billy the Terrier’, had also passed away at a very old age. The Local Tabloid News Headline read: ‘KEN DODD’S DAD’S DOG’S DEAD!!’. Try saying that with Brain Fog or after a couple of glasses of the Red Stuff.. !

‘WESTON-SUPER-MARE MAN BREAKS LEG IN 3 PLACES’. According to our Reporter, the victim (Mr Marcus Brimblewick) said: “That’s it, I’ll never visit Bristol, Bath or Salisbury ever again. The world is too dangerous nowadays!”

'A STEROID IN COLLISION PATH WITH PLANET EARTH'. Is there something else we don't know about the Preds..?

A large Sink-Hole suddenly appeared on the main road into WSM, disrupting traffic and causing long delays. A Police Spokesperson at the scene said: “We don’t know why the hole appeared - we are looking into it..”.

I took my girlfriend (Samantha..) out for a takeaway dinner from the local Fish and Chip shop. I said to the Manager:

“Cod and Chips twice please!”. He replied: “Ok, I heard you the first time!” ;-/

I re-decorated my living room at Benjamin Mansions today in a delightful, nostalgic shade of ‘Sepia’. When I looked at the result, I was overcome with Emulsion…

I realised today that Money isn’t the cause of Happiness, nor the solution to Sadness. That said, it's more comfortable crying on the back seat of a Mercedes Limo than on a park bench in the rain. I know, I've tried both...

I was out at the local seaside pub with my best mate, Pete. I commented: "Pete, how do you like being by the shores?" He replied: "What shores, MB?" I said: "Thanks Pete, I'll have a large glass of Red..". (It works every time...! ).

Two elderly, very respectable local 'spinster' sisters were approached by a 'Flasher' (man of dubious character, exposing himself) whilst walking in the local park. The Police report that both ladies were very shocked, but in different ways. Apparently, one sister fell-over backwards and fainted. But the other sister fell-over forwards and had a stroke...

My local Chinese restaurant is very popular with counsellors and psychotherapists, amongst many other health professionals. Does that explain why 'Freud Rice and Foo Jung' are the most requested dishes on the Menu?

I saw a stack of donated, unused Personal Development books at the local charity shop. No prices, just a notice saying 'Help Yourself'. So I grabbed the lot and ran out quickly...

On the floor in a corner of the charity shop, there was another Self-Development book, 'Reach Your Personal Heights'. But, due to my PMR, I couldn't bend down far enough to grab it.

Life is so ironic sometimes...

I keep imagining that the wheels on my car are slightly out of shape - I put it down to mild eccentricity.

I told my newly-qualified, garden-loving psychoanalyst that I think my girlfriend is a Narcissist, and asked what should I do? His response: "Water her every day and keep her out of direct sunlight".

I asked my GP: "With PMR, which self-help treatment is most effective for insomnia?" His advice: "

Sleep on it and you’ll find out..".

I’ve developed an obsession with gravy - is it time to take stock?

I keep imagining that I’m stuck on November 13 1976 in my diary. Is it time to turn the page?

I keep having an uncontrollable urge to speak in random clusters of words without using a subject or verb. My psychiatrist says it’s just a phrase I’m going through.

Last week I went to see an alternative clairvoyant - she told me what kind of a past I’m going to have.

And finally...

I’m embarrassed to report that I've been caught impersonating a famous psychoanalyst with the intention of making money as a result. The Police have charged me with 'Attempted Freud'.

*********

Well Folks, if this latest nonsense has sent you into convulsions of groaning and pledging to never hit the button 'FOLLOW MB' on your PC again, you only have yourselves to blame. As usual, I only write this stuff - and I disclaim all responsibility for the consequences for those of You Recidivist Lot who are deranged enough to even consider reading more of it.

Happy Days and wishing you all a peaceful weekend. As always, try to keep smiling on the Journey...

'Uncle' MB

aka Swivel Hips, Four Eyes, etc etc

[Rosbud]

Have A wonderful , peaceful led weekend , I so enjoy your posts , they never cease to make me smile , so thank you from sunny Dorset x

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Rosbud]

Many thanks Rosbud, all part of the silly service!

Greetings to Dorset - I have family in Poole.. am down there regularly from WSM.

[allykat]

Well my goodness you sure do beat the dismal, boring repetitive television programmes this evening from someone who sits in on a Friday night. Great humour along with a glass of red. Keep it coming!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to allykat]

Thanks Kath, I agree with you about the Telly... Will do!

[marigoldb]

Enjoyed, thankyou. By the way where is WSM? Im in West Sussex.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to marigoldb]

Greetings and Thanks marigoldb, 'WSM' is in fact Weston super Mare' - on the North Somerset coast. A bit like Hastings... ?

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to markbenjamin57]

That's stretching it a bit isn't it?

[Hidden]

Nice ones Mark, or should I say old ones 😉

You know I'm only kidding 😀

Pete 😉

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Hidden]

Ha Pete! As they say, the old ones are the best

[Hidden in reply to markbenjamin57]

Keep doing it Mark, you're a gem 🤗😂

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Pete, although maybe more of a rough diamond?!

[lindaoquilts]

Thank you for making me laugh out loud. Laughing is so much healthier than crying.

L.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to lindaoquilts]

Greetings and thanks linda... I agree!

Try to keep smiling on the Journey..

'Uncle' MB

[Janll]

Thank you Mark. And it’s good night from me and it’s good night from him.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Janll]

Ahh... I remember them well (The Two Ronnies...)

Keep well Jan - and keep in touch

MB

[SheffieldJane]

You've excelled yourself Mark! Truly funny! 😂

Trouble is I had root canal work at the dentist today and it's hard and very odd looking to laugh. So here's to you, shaking my shoulders.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to SheffieldJane]

Thanks Jane :-).

Oh, nooohhh, root canal work - I know it well. :-/. I suppose you'll be 'laughing on the other side of your face' then? (sorry!).

Hope you get back to your normal smile very soon

[Mary63]

Thanks Mark. I now love Friday eves. I think that’s when you regularly present your funnies? Jane I hope you’re over fast from your dental work.

Mary

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Mary63]

Thanks Mary. Yes, I try to post on a Friday evening - just to keep You Lot on your toes!

[MaryA_]

Humm, I want to hear more about Bill Peabody!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to MaryA_]

Thanks maryanne

Ok, I'll come clean: 'Bill Peabody' is my fictional title for the equally fictional 'Hokey Cokey World Champion' character. To be honest, it's all a bunch of lies (as usual). But can you imagine it...?!

MB

[alexgranma13]

Morning.... my Internet connection was down last night so reading this just now. What a good read to wake up to...better than the Beano......aka The Mail. Who needs telly on a Friday night anyway when they have their 6 year old grandson with them making a marble (or liggy) ....( geordie speak ) run ...to knock down his lego creation?? ...Beautiful grandson a glass of vino and some penny chews what more cld a girl ask for? Keep well all of you..

Christine

[Hidden]

Thanks yet again, Mark. You are what, in our family, is called a Funniment!

[JulieR2]

Well Mark I was thinking of moving to Clevedon but with all that is happening in WSM I will be staying safely over the bridge until the tolls stop and the invasion happens

[Sandradsn in reply to JulieR2]

Hi Julie,my son is moving to Clevedon and getting married there in June! WSM is the 'in' place to be apparently...so much happening there !!

[Jackoh]

How long did it take to compose your message? It was almost like bullets being shot at fast speed!! Don't know how you remember them all- had a good laugh- good start to the day- thanks!!! 👍😂 Jackie

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Jackoh]

Hi Jackie Most of the time my posts are fairly spontaneous, but I do confess to having some of the one-liners already written and / or lifted from previous posts. I've learned that the art of the one-liner takes some practise!

[Sandy1947]

Thanks for the diversion from taking ourselves too seriously.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Sandy1947]

Thanks Sandy, I agree

[S4ndy]

Mr Benjamin your news from Weston is very different from what my cousin tells me who lives in the brand new "village" up the road! Think you are in an alternate universe yours sounds much more fun 😂😂😂 Enjoy your posts very much, helps alleviate the suffering xxx

[markbenjamin57 in reply to S4ndy]

Thanks S4ndy, I know Weston Village - always get lost when I go there! Glad you enjoy the ramblings - but remember it's the first sign of FMB (Full-Monty Bonkers)!

[May10]

MB I am sore laughing. I don't like it .....it hurts. I remember when i came to England all those years ago we went out with new friends and they said to us "would you like one of each"????? Oh my goodness what had we let ourselves in for!!!!!!!!! May

[Routy]

Brillian!!!!..loved reading that.Thankyou so much for making me laugh,your a good person!!!!😍😂😇

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Routy]

Thanks Routy, I try

[EdithWales]

Oh dear. Weston Super Mare? That’s a bit near.

I am in Chepstow, it might be catching.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to EdithWales]

Better keep your head down then Edith...

[EdithWales in reply to markbenjamin57]

I sailed from Southampton yesterday and am en route to Boston followed by New York. Bermuda, the Bahamas and Maimi not returning until the middle of November. Hopefully if it’s catching I will have escaped the madness by the time I get back.

Me GCA 2014 TA+ now on 4.5 mgms of Prednisone

[markbenjamin57 in reply to EdithWales]

Bon Voyage Edith!

Yes, hopefully, you have safely avoided being infected by the Bonkers Factor by escaping across the Pond. Or have you?....

Have a lovely trip

MB

Me: PMR dx 04.2015. Never been so 'low' (i.e. now at 2.5mgpd Pred)

[EdithWales in reply to markbenjamin57]

Thank you. I am hoping that the incubation period will have passed by the time I return.

By the way, how does one qualify to be an Auntie?

[jinasc in reply to EdithWales]

You need nephews and nieces

[EdithWales in reply to jinasc]

Of course, silly me!

GCA April 2014 TA+ 4.5mgms Prednisone

[jinasc in reply to EdithWales]

I only have nephews, so not sure I would qualify.

Enjoy your holiday and keep in touch.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to EdithWales]

Best ask the 'Aunties'..?! I am a mere and humble 'Uncle'..

[jinasc in reply to markbenjamin57]

Ah but............you have one saving grace..........a lightness of soul.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to jinasc]

Thanks jinasc, I like to think so!

[PMRpro Ambassador]

They say the old ones are the best. Who's kidding whom?

[jannie21]

Thank you Mark, another wonderful epistle, think I must have "FMB" lol

I send greetings from our new home in a very blowy Lincolnshire.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to jannie21]

Many thanks jannie, greetings from blowy North Somerset too!

I used to visit Lincoln regularly when I ran Communication Skills courses for HMRC at their training college (Lawress Hall). Had some great times there working with tax inspectors (can you believe that?!). I love the east coast of England - differently nice from the south west.

Yep, with PMR, I think FMB really is the only way to go if you want to remain sane

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to markbenjamin57]

Knew you were totally crackers - enjoying working with tax inspectors and liking the east coast...

[markbenjamin57 in reply to PMRpro]

It was my birthday on one of the courses I ran for some stern-looking, grey suited tax inspectors. They wished me 'Many Happy Returns'

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to markbenjamin57]

Oh ha...

[BlueLara in reply to markbenjamin57]

Oh dear!! I worked in the field of taxation (HMRC and private) for most of my working life - why does everyone think we are grey, weird and horrible? We're really not! Or is that the sinister reason why I developed PMR .... 😕

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to BlueLara]

You never know...

[BlueLara in reply to PMRpro]

You could be right!! Stressful was one way of describing it!

[markbenjamin57 in reply to BlueLara]

Ha, Smuppet!

I know, I had lots of fun with HMRC people during my years of running training for them - in and outside of the training rooms at Lawress Hall (i.e. in the bar and at dinner in the evenings).

If you're / anyone else is interested, a few years ago I wrote a witty piece for a training journal about an initially tough experience of working with a bunch of 'grey' tax inspectors - but which turned out very happily all round. Yep, they're People Like Us too!

Send me a PM with your private e.mail add. if you want a copy?

MB

[BlueLara in reply to markbenjamin57]

Thanks, MB! 😊

[HeronNS]

I wonder why one of the topics randomly assigned to this post is thioguanin-gsk? What is that?

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to HeronNS]

How bizarre. It's an antineoplastic and immunomodulatory drug. From GlaxoSmithKline and used for AML, ALL and CML (i.e. the leukaemias).

I've always harboured suspicions about this site...

[shella]

😂 hilarious ..... beginning to get odd looks from my neighbours! 😳

Looking forward to next batch of funnies.....

[markbenjamin57 in reply to shella]

Thanks shella - just blame me if they think you're going Bonkers

[Estellemac]

I propose a central celebration event with MB as the star turn. No whinging aloud or allowed. Just lots of laughing, sharing amusing stories and copious amounts of red, white and other coloured fluids. With pork scratching and crisps of course for the buffet. For additional entertainment everyone can do a two minute humorous talk on a random subject not related to PMR and the winner gets a surprise package of donated prescription drugs to go home with take the edge off the pain and effort of attending the event? Then we can all revel in the joy that MB brings to this forum?? Thanks MB your ace.

[markbenjamin57 in reply to Estellemac]

Wow, thanks Estellemac!

What a great idea about a bit of shared Fun and Laughter at a meet-up in the UK - if only we could arrange this somehow? But maybe at my more local / regional (south & west) group meetings? - my friends say I need to get out more ;-/. I'm up for that - the pork scratchings & crisps are on me :-).

I don't know about being the star turn though - I'm sure a few of You Lot would upstage me with your SOH - but I like a bit of 'healthy' competition!

Either way I agree - some giggles and mirth can be a great antidote to the more serious and tough bits of PMR and I'd be delighted to meet some of you in person.

By then, I should also have 'THE LIGHTER SIDE..' book available for sale - with a percentage of the proceeds going to PMRGCAuk of course. First prize: 1 signed copy. Runner-up: 2 signed copies etc..?

Let's see what people think..?

MB x

aka 'Bonkers Uncle Mark' / 'Old Four Eyes' / 'Swivel Hips' etc

[shella]

Great idea 👍... comedy night with book signing ..... 😊