Greetings to all of You Lot of Polymalingerers, Pred Perambulators and Mirth Merchants.
It's Friday Night here, although I don't know what night it is where you are. Yes, I've been busy helping my older 'Twister' after her step-ladder acrobatics (and 3 broken ribs). So, here's my news in Brief (or is it 'briefs'?). No.. don't even try to imagine it... ;-/
First, the Local News from Sunny WSM, UK:
Local World Champion Hokey-Cokey Dance Winner, Bill Peabody, died this week aged 103 - but his funeral was delayed by 6 hours. When the funeral directors tried to place him peacefully in his coffin, they put his left leg in - but he put his right leg out and shook-it-all-about. (I’ll leave you to imagine the remainder of Bill’s lengthly and traumatic Journey to 'The Other Side'...).
Sir Ken Dodd (the veteran UK Comedy entertainer) reported that his dear father’s loyal canine friend, ‘Billy the Terrier’, had also passed away at a very old age. The Local Tabloid News Headline read: ‘KEN DODD’S DAD’S DOG’S DEAD!!’. Try saying that with Brain Fog or after a couple of glasses of the Red Stuff.. !
‘WESTON-SUPER-MARE MAN BREAKS LEG IN 3 PLACES’. According to our Reporter, the victim (Mr Marcus Brimblewick) said: “That’s it, I’ll never visit Bristol, Bath or Salisbury ever again. The world is too dangerous nowadays!”
'A STEROID IN COLLISION PATH WITH PLANET EARTH'. Is there something else we don't know about the Preds..? 
A large Sink-Hole suddenly appeared on the main road into WSM, disrupting traffic and causing long delays. A Police Spokesperson at the scene said: “We don’t know why the hole appeared - we are looking into it..”.
I took my girlfriend (Samantha..) out for a takeaway dinner from the local Fish and Chip shop. I said to the Manager:
“Cod and Chips twice please!”. He replied: “Ok, I heard you the first time!” ;-/
I re-decorated my living room at Benjamin Mansions today in a delightful, nostalgic shade of ‘Sepia’. When I looked at the result, I was overcome with Emulsion…
I realised today that Money isn’t the cause of Happiness, nor the solution to Sadness. That said, it's more comfortable crying on the back seat of a Mercedes Limo than on a park bench in the rain. I know, I've tried both...
I was out at the local seaside pub with my best mate, Pete. I commented: "Pete, how do you like being by the shores?" He replied: "What shores, MB?" I said: "Thanks Pete, I'll have a large glass of Red..". (It works every time...! 
).
Two elderly, very respectable local 'spinster' sisters were approached by a 'Flasher' (man of dubious character, exposing himself) whilst walking in the local park. The Police report that both ladies were very shocked, but in different ways. Apparently, one sister fell-over backwards and fainted. But the other sister fell-over forwards and had a stroke...
My local Chinese restaurant is very popular with counsellors and psychotherapists, amongst many other health professionals. Does that explain why 'Freud Rice and Foo Jung' are the most requested dishes on the Menu?
I saw a stack of donated, unused Personal Development books at the local charity shop. No prices, just a notice saying 'Help Yourself'. So I grabbed the lot and ran out quickly...
On the floor in a corner of the charity shop, there was another Self-Development book, 'Reach Your Personal Heights'. But, due to my PMR, I couldn't bend down far enough to grab it.
Life is so ironic sometimes...
I keep imagining that the wheels on my car are slightly out of shape - I put it down to mild eccentricity.
I told my newly-qualified, garden-loving psychoanalyst that I think my girlfriend is a Narcissist, and asked what should I do? His response: "Water her every day and keep her out of direct sunlight".
I asked my GP: "With PMR, which self-help treatment is most effective for insomnia?" His advice: "
Sleep on it and you’ll find out..".
I’ve developed an obsession with gravy - is it time to take stock?
I keep imagining that I’m stuck on November 13 1976 in my diary. Is it time to turn the page?
I keep having an uncontrollable urge to speak in random clusters of words without using a subject or verb. My psychiatrist says it’s just a phrase I’m going through.
Last week I went to see an alternative clairvoyant - she told me what kind of a past I’m going to have.
And finally...
I’m embarrassed to report that I've been caught impersonating a famous psychoanalyst with the intention of making money as a result. The Police have charged me with 'Attempted Freud'.
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Well Folks, if this latest nonsense has sent you into convulsions of groaning and pledging to never hit the button 'FOLLOW MB' on your PC again, you only have yourselves to blame. As usual, I only write this stuff - and I disclaim all responsibility for the consequences for those of You Recidivist Lot who are deranged enough to even consider reading more of it.
Happy Days and wishing you all a peaceful weekend. As always, try to keep smiling on the Journey...
'Uncle' MB 
aka Swivel Hips, Four Eyes, etc etc 
