GP's Behind Closed Doors

I watch this proramme for two reasons. I would love to be registered at any of those surgeries featured and I wait in anticipation to see if anyone presents with PMR to see diagnosis, treatment offered and the GP's knowledge on it. Also what was on offer for support.

Last night there was a couple on who were struggling to cope with the wife's disability (osteoarthriris) and the husband working full time. Very much similar to what we on this forum have deal with being either the carer or person needing care.

He was struggling at work because he had the extra work of looking after his wife. She felt she was causing all his stress low mood and anger issues due to being needy and asking him for help as she was housebound. The small things like going to the shop for bread when he came home could start an argument.

I know how fortunate I am to have a husband who was able to adapt to our situation. We use humour to defuse any bad feelings that may arise. Hence Parker was created. For 30 years I worked full time and looked after the kids and all things housekeeping.

Parker comes from a social background where this is how it is. None of the women in his family worked or had to drive.

I am originally from Manchester. All my family work all the kids work and all the women are fiercly independant and adaptable to change. It was a culture shock when I met everyone who only lived 100 miles away over the Penines as to how differently we lived. Mill v Miners towns.

This suited me as I am a bit of a control freak and like things done my way. I did not plan for anything to change or think for one minute I would need to be looked after. The onset of my PMR its contribution to my arthritis was rapid. All within 6 months.

Not everyone will have the resilience, mental capacity and strength to cope with the "Grumpy Sad Miserable Sorry I'm a Burden Whinging Why Me" personality that takes over on bad days.

So in conclusion I would like to celebrate all Parkers great and small, male or female. I invite you to share (or not) coping strategies you have for when you have days where you really need to vent.

Parker has racing pigeons, a large Loft for them at the bottom of tbe garden. He knows I cant get up there so its his sancturay till he regains his inner smiley calm personna. Usually by that time I have forgotten what I what on about and moved on. Now I am more mobile he is training me in Pigeon Husbandary. I will be scraping out, feeding up and providing general healthcare for them next summer to repay all the time and effort he put in to getting me back on my feet.

Not a great fan of stinky sky rats but small price to pay. Probably wont do it right. Bit like putting on a quilt cover? We will see how long it lasts. Most likely scenario is till I can drive again and run away shopping.

29 Replies

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  • Hi. Been on both sides of this scenario as I'm sure most of us have at sometime. How we have survived some of the emotional stuff God only knows. Somehow after, one or both (so far) regain balance & we are ok. Lucky anyone is to have a supporting understanding partner it can be hard work with any chronic illness (never mind the steroids)! It's great to share our experiences on this forum. Thanks for your post. It reminds me what damage I can do without realising. Must stop shouting at the Tele News would be good start! ------- though they are.

    ATB

  • Shouting at Tele News and the Daily Paper in our house. Oh how we laugh later.

  • Hi ESTTELLEMAC

    I too watch GPS behind closed doors, and about w possibly months ago, an elderly lady was diagnosed with PMR, unfortunately we did not get to see any advice or treatment being offered, as her diagnoses was a result of blood tests being taken, & it was in the end segment of the show where the patients photo is shown & the show the outcome of the blood tests, positive or not, anyway hers were revealed to show she had PMR..And “Treatment was now being administered” Guess we have missed our chance to see a patient in surgery now..

    Kate

  • Wonder if there will be any follow up? I missed that one. Nice how they avoided any further information for those who dont understand whay it is. The coverage would have been very beneficial for a lot of people.

  • I met someone when I had an appointment recently in hospital. He had been asked to go on GPs Behind Closed Doors. He said the whole thing was a bit of a con. He was not even a patient for the surgery although his wife was, who had been in a bad car crash so he would take her there. They asked him to be on it as he spoke well and they effectively wanted to think up something wrong with him. The trouble seemed to be that a lot of people did not want to be on it.

  • To be honest I think it is a less offensive version of the dreadful reality shows that are popular. I am nosy though and do like to see what they come up with. I certainly wouldn’t want be filmed talking about my health to the world at large.

  • Thank you for sharing your positive story. I'm blessed with a supportive husband who never judges or criticises. He works hard at a job he loves and is away a lot ( I guess this saves his sanity). He is a wonderful, willing cook who is more responsible for my curves than Pred. We're lucky. I was watching the documentary Ambulance and was struck by the lonely souls with no one, who ring the Ambulance for a bit of human contact, often quite disabled people. But for the grace of God go I, I thought.

  • I rejoice in how fortunate I am. I never thought I would use Social media like this to communicate with like minded people. I glad I learned how before it was too late and I was alone and in need of emergency services just for human contact.

  • Hi Estellemac,

    You are so right in saying how life changes, and how you have adapt.

    When we got married my hubby was in the Army and although I come from a military town it was all new to me. First posting abroad, only the second time I’d been out of England (1960s), having first child, no grandmother to baby sit or advise. Hubby away on manoeuvres for weeks at a time. Learning to live in a totally new environment.

    He was always the outdoor man, was either gardening or felling trees or messing about with furry, feathered or scaled animals of some sort or another.

    I’ve spent many a happy day covered in grime post Army trying to catch ferrets, pheasants, ducks, chickens - said no thank you to eels - not necessarily in that order, helped build chicken coops, nearly got killed doing that - but that’s another story. Completely different from my day job in the Civil Service, suited and booted! No bowler though!

    Then he had a number of heart attacks, followed by not totally successful triple bypass op, and more angina attacks until the outdoor life became but a distant memory, and he began to feel he wasn’t contributing to our marriage as he should. I never thought that, but when I lost my sight it gave him back something he could do for me - drive - I didn’t want to for six months. I know he felt useful again.

    I can’t say I’m pleased to have got GCA, but it gave him a last chance to look after me once again before he died.

    But what got us through all those times, good and not so good was humour - we both had/have a sense of the ridiculous and I’m pleased to say it has been passed down the generations. As a family we only need to say certain phrases and all the laughter and good memories come flooding back.

    As I’ve said in another post, I’ve been out to lunch today with two other ladies I worked with 20 years ago, we’re all 70ish, widows, and have had to adapt our lives, all had health issues, but we agreed we are so lucky to be here and still enjoying each other’s company. I’m pleased to say we were the table with the most laughter - and no booze involved.

  • Everything that happens in our short time on this planet can be a positive if we accept things for what they are and find the good things to cherish and celebrate. Keeping memories alive with sayings or phrases will hold people in our hearts and minds forever.

  • You ought to write a book DL. I'd love to read it. You are a glass half full girl.

  • Yep always have been, and if it’s half full of something bubbly all the better!

  • That's more like it.

  • You know me so well...oh dear🤦🏻‍♀️

  • Thank you for sharing your beautiful, touching story. Humor and meaningful relationships get us through the challenges of this unpredictable journey called life! Memories bring joy!

  • A touching story DL. Is that showing my feminine side? if so I had better watch out :-( anyway a lovely story no less :-)

  • No, not in the least. Men can and do care as much as women, it’s just usually they don’t show it because they don’t think it’s macho! That’s rubbish, both my hubby and my son might have a roughy, toughy exteriors, but they were/are very caring.

  • No booze involved? That doesn't sound like you.

  • Well it was lunchtime, plus we were all driving! Didn’t organise that very well did we?

  • Having been on both sides - and failed miserably the very first time I was on the non-ill side - I have developed a habit of swearing roundly when I feel things getting out of hand. It happens a lot - research has shown that swearing helps us bear pain. It is also a very effective release...

  • I put young people to shame with my swearing. They use swear words as adjectives nouns and verbs as part of an everyday standard conversation.

  • Great news!

    ! No wonder I feel so good most of the time then! **&#,,.&&#@*🙊

    Obviously only used in extreme moments! Golly I seem to have had a lot of them in my life. 🤔🤔

  • Yep, PMRpro I agree with that, but I usually regret it after, especially if I'm overheard :-( :-)

  • That’s one benefit of living on your own!

  • My Parker watched this weeks GPs behind closed doors and I think the penny dropped. He is trying to look after me and work whilst not being in the best of health himself. He's also going through a stressful situation at work. He kept accusing me of being very critical and "having a go at him". He has been really snappy with me. Yes I know I am Grumpy but there's no way I was deliberately doing this. I got very upset. However after seeing that episode he realised that perhaps he should be looking after himself a bit better too. He's off to see his GP next week so that's good. Poor man is struggling, I can see that but he didn't acknowledge it until that couple on the telly :) Thank goodness that everything changes xxx

  • It is so much fun to hear you all say “telly”...it makes the slight arm pain while I wait for Pred to kick in dimish!

  • Love your stories Estellemac re Parker. I too have a Parker who is much better than me at keeping a tidy house, housework and gardening and I'm pleased to say that I am really glad and appreciative of him doing that. I was talking though with a friend the other day who said that she resents her husband trying to take over since he has retired. I know my Parker feels that no one does the washing up as well as he does; no one tidies up as well as him and that he is totally in charge of the kitchen, except for cooking , which he hates. I reckon I could get irritated by this ( if I'm honest on a few occasions I do) but most of the time I let it go over my head and let him get on with it!! I think when we've got a Parker we should be very grateful and celebrate them xx

  • I reckon we need a national Parker Day. We have Mothers and Fathers Day? Why not? We could all get together and have a party with speeches and awards. Best Quilt Cover Changer Best Dressed Driver Best Telly Shouter. I could think of loads 🤣🤣🤣

  • Lord - I'll swap!!!!!!!!!!!!

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