I don't sleep, well really I can't sleep! Usually I get , on average, 1 to 3 hours a night, and then I am up all night just roaming. I miss sleeping! My doctor has run through the gamut of sleep drugs not finding a one that works. So, without sleep for years now, my depression is now three fold. I now see a psychiatrist who is pumping me full of anti-depressants, sleep meds, and nightmare meds that also help with my high blood pressure. The anti-depressant are not working on may levels so I began with Doctors approval to withdrawal from the Effexor Xr 75mg, 3 X's a day. This Saturday after a busy day I sat down on the sofa with "My Robert" to watch a little T.V.. Next thing I know I hear"my Robert" telling me if I don't get it together soon he's going to take me to the hospital and have me put in the psych ward for observation! Take the ativan,Jane, take it now. Okay, Okay, I said. It seems I had spent a half an hour or so ranting and raving , crying and begging about whatever was going on with the hallucinations in my head. At one point "My Robert" said I jumped into his lap and held on to him tightly begging that he never leave me and telling him over and over how much I love him.As he was holding me he could feel my heart beating very fast and furious. It was then that the threat to call an ambulance brought me back to the presence. I do not remember much except that my hallucinations were very bright and colorful, and the moved fast and frantically.And they scared the hell out of me! After coming back to reality I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom throwing up, ending in dry heaves. My stomach and my rib cage hurt like hell.
I believe I did not monitor my withdrawal very well and I may have skipped a few days or a week of meds. Ei-yi-yi! My psychiatrist will not be happy. I see him today! I have never had hallucinations like this and I don't ever want to again. I have found though over the last week I have been sleeping 4 to 6 hours straight!
I really hate being sick, I hate medicines, I'd rather not see Doctors or Psychiatrists and as much as I love you people, I would like to have met you all on some other site!
Whew! Thanks for letting me purge!