My BIL has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s for 20 years. It had progressively gotten worse over the years but the last 5 have been really bad. He was falling constantly and they just adjust the medication but the biggest changes have come within the last 3. He has become verbally abusive to my sister. He cusses her out. Then says it is the meds. If he wants something and she doesn’t drop everything he tells her how unGodly a wife she is. He can go to church and look like a saint but behind closed door or in front of family he can be someone I would never would have dreamed him to become but see all the time now. He accuses her of being unfaithful but all she does is work as he hasn’t been able to for many years and was continually denied for disability. There was only 1 instance of physical abuse that happen at night but he said he was asleep so my sister has been sleeping in a chair in the living room for over 2 years. Scared to go to sleep in her own home. She has had no help from any physicians other than medicine changes. I fear for her mental and physical health. He will blow up at her lately and if she doesn’t say anything or respond the way he feels she should he threatens to kill himself. She is talking about leaving him which scares me also. At what point can someone help? What can I do to help?
Brother in law with Parkinson’s disease n... - Cure Parkinson's
Brother in law with Parkinson’s disease need help for him and my sister
I suggest changing the title to something like "Husband With Parkinson's Has Become Abusive Towards Elderly Caregiver Wife. Need Help!". *** Done!***.
Some kind of intervention is necessary. I will defer to others as to what exactly is appropriate.
Thank you. I did know what to title it to be honest because I am so fearful for my sister and her children’s safety as well as well as the safety of my BIL. She documents everything and has spoke with his numerologist as well as psychiatrist but again there is no advice on what to do or how to handle everything. They just change prescriptions and say let us know how things go, but know it will only get worse. How bad does it have to get for there to be help for both of them.
They're just not up to the task. Is it possible to get her some home visitation help? Someone who can help her set appropriate boundaries?
Also, acting out In sleep is known as REM Sleep Behavior Disorder (RBD)
my.clevelandclinic.org/heal...
"While there aren’t any U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA)-approved medications specifically for RBD, studies have shown that melatonin, clonazepam and pramipexole can reduce symptoms in some cases."
Who would home visitation help come from? Both of our parents had cancer so I am familiar with Hospice but no other outlets. Like a home health nurse or is it people specific groups or organizations that deal with Parkinsons
It may be an early sign of dementia. Early signs is they get extremely moody quickly. They may get mean to others or suspicious of others.
It has been 7 years since I've been diagnosed so I really haven't had many issues until this year. I never dreamed. This year year was different. I developed sleep problems and I started dreaming a lot. First and only incident, I acted out my dream. I dreamed someone was behind and restraining me. I turned to throw a few punches at him to release me (actually at hitting my pillow) before i woke up. Thank god i did not hit my wife. Early this year I replaced our King bed with 2 Twin XL because this scared me. I want to keep us separate since I don't want an accident. My wife wants to keep it together since she likes to cuddle. There are options.
It is abuse well beyond Dementia.
I agree.
Hubby can be like this sometimes as when the meds are off (especially too high) the hallucinations and delusions lead him to be nasty.
If the neurologist doesn’t already diagnose cognitive impairment, she could ask for a neuropsych evaluation for him.
Then it comes down to treating the med dosing, figuring out which med is giving him delusions, and or treating the dementia properly.
She needs to learn the triggers and how not to set him off. She may also need in home additional caregiver help who is trained for this like a certified home health aide or CNA.
It’s a very difficult situation and I’m so sorry to hear it.
She probably stays because she loves him and knows it’s the disease, but she does need to learn how to manage it better if she’s going to keep him in the home. And she needs a highly supportive care team. In our case we have neuro appointments every 6-8 weeks to really stay on top of the dosing.
Yes he had the cognitive and I don’t know if it is on a pass or fail set up but if it is he failed it miserable from what my sister explained. He does t have a care team and his appointments are every 6 months. They can’t appointments earlier than that. He has hallucinations from time to time and I do believe dementia is at play as well but she has begged for help writes constantly in his my chart and it’s like she’s on her own. She walks on egg shells so I don’t know what else she can do to not set him off. One minute he’ll talk normal and then he is angry. He will raise his voice and be funky and then in the next breathe will say I’m sorry it’s the medicine. And i am speaking on stuff I e seen. She does love him but I have never seen her as defeated and broken as she is right now.
Here are a few thoughts:
1) get his medication, supplements, dosing and symptom list as well as the cognitive or dementia diagnosis and post it here for additional support on the meds. He also may need a new neurologist or at least a second opinion. But with dementia a full care team is needed.
2) as others have said make sure she is safe. I also have a lift chair that I guide hubby to when he’s hallucinating. I recline him and hide the remote so he’s stuck there and can’t hurt anyone
3) get power of attorney for her before he is medically incompetent
4) get as many friends or relatives as you can together to help her. Maybe a family meeting? Or just a weekend of rest for her? She’s currently on a sinking ship and she has no time to figure out the big decisions she may need to make. Nursing home, caregivers, going on disability herself, downsizing, all of these are major decisions and she’ll need rest and help to tackle them.
The most important thing, and when I say most important, that means this comes before everything else, is that your sister and her children are safe.
PB is right about REM Sleep Behavior Disorder. I have that. Mine is pretty mild, I have never hit my wife, but I will be splitting our bed into two Twin XL beds soon.
If he hit her while asleep, that was probably RBD and not an act of violence towards your sister. Separate beds are a must if she is in danger of getting hit.
Good luck. PS: You can still edit the title of this post if you want to.
Thank you. I am very new to this and I am trying to figure out how to get back to my post to edit the title
She should leave him and take the kids with.
In the end, she'll be glad she did.
Sounds like the Stockholm Syndrome at work (as to why she stays.)
Where are you living? .Your profile doesn't say.
South Carolina
Sorry to hear of your troubles. My suggestions would have been for the UK. But in addition to the other good suggestions, consider installing cctv monitoring
So is he seeing a movement disorder specialist?
It looks like muschealth.org/medical-serv...
MUSC has the specialty clinic there which would offer the type of support needed in terms of eliminating possible medication causes of the aggressive behavior, also would have social workers, PT/OT, neuropsych etc all familiar with Parkinson’s dementia.
(Not sure if that’s where they already go or if they’re in a different area.)
how old are they and are their kids at home?
Medication made my hubby suicidal and a different person so I locked him in with a deadlock at night then got him slowly off the meds. Maybe she can sleep in different room and lock herself in. Put key around her neck in case of fire.
If there are kids she needs to leave with them or Have him removed if he is violent.
maybe call pastor and get counselling
He’s sounds very abusive, and since you didn’t see that in the past, that sounds like delusions and dementia. He seems to not be who he used to be any longer annd will only get worse. Imagine living with someone you used to love but now terrifies you. Placing him may be the best answer for the family’s safety..
Oftentimes, police need to be called so that the patient can be brought to the ER and then transferred to a geriatric psychiatry unit in order to get the medications figured out. It is extreme but sometimes this is the only way to be safe. In addition, the family must say that he cannot come back to the home due to concerns of violence and then the hospital social worker needs to find a living space. It is not a great situation. Alternative is for her to leave.
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