my first question is how do you all manage with housework? I am someone who used to take pride in my home and now I don't let anybody in anymore as I am embarrassed by it. Even on the days I've managed to somehow get it clean and tidy, I am embarrassed by all the decorating and little touches here and there I would have been able to do once upon a time. Does it get easier? I'm 2 years into an undiagnosed chronic illness (fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis my guess so far)
Is there a way I can be proud of my home without feeling sore or exhausted for days? X
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Stephanieq9
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Hi! I think you'll like it here. Everyone is really supportive.
To tell the truth, I don't manage. I alternate between days of trying desperately to make real progress and trying to recover from how much I hurt myself getting things done. Which means everything goes more downhill. If someone has a real plan, I'd love to hear it.
A full-time staff of cleaning people would do nicely. (Not in this life. Unless someone wants to introduce me to a real nice tycoon.)
Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I never like asking for help and even when I was busy (old life) snd could afford a cleaner I still did everything myself, so now that I am physically restricted I find it very difficult. The way I manage is to have little goals a day, so the things I can manage in my usual routine, so for example make the bed, then I have little goals through the week so things like clean a cupboard, dust the living room, whatever I can cope with. By doing this I make things more manageable in my head and body, so it doesn’t become too overwhelming. However, things like painting are beyond me currently so I will have to get someone in, as it is getting me down seeing things like that pile up. Having a chronic condition is so frustrating and you have to learn new ways to live your life without beating yourself up, it’s very hard I know - best wishes 😊
Simple answer is I don’t! However I am “fortunate” in receiving Personal Independence Payment (PIP) so use that money for a cleaner every 2 weeks. I have breathing issues so believe is money well spent to keep on top of dust and so on.I also use a firm who will do “odd jobs” around the home plus decorating. In fact they only recently decorated 2 rooms for me. Part of what I pay for is for them to help clear and replace items in rooms whilst decorating. I had my spare room done and he replaced (under my direction) all books on bookshelves. It took him 20mins to do and would have taken me many days and lots of pain to achieve the same!
Hi and welcome to you and I'm sure you receive support here ☺
I feel the very same as you do about the house and it really gets me down.
My hubby hasn't worked for many years too due to health issues and chronic back problems so neither of us is able to do much. We do what we can but like you I see all the jobs needing done both decorating and cleaning!
I have all the lists in my head but nothing really gets done apart from the essential jobs. I too don't really like people coming in as the house is so untidy but I've come to realise that true friends will see past this and know why it's not a showhome(tbh it never was 😂). However it used to be kept much better than it is now.
The days I try to get "up and on with it" invariably leave me in so much pain for days and feeling so bad and rubbish with myself that I ask myself why do I do it.
Please try to not beat yourself up about it... I attended a pain management programme and that helped me change my ways of thinking and coping with things. I do what I can when I can, that's the best I can do.
I like the other's ideas....I would love a cleaner but think I'd have to clean up before I could let them see the place 😂
I am going through PIP appeal tribunal at the moment and I do feel that would be a good use of it if successful - maybe getting someone in to do some 'small jobs' that we've needed doing for so long.
Sorry for going on, I replied to try and make you feel better but have rather gone on about 'woe is me' 😂
Don't beat yourself up about house work etc although I know it's so easy to do. There are so many of us feeling the same as you do.
Hi,I'm the same I try and do things, recently done some painting but had to get my son to finish it, contact your gp about occupational therapy, they make an assessment and see if there's any help they can offer you, I'm on a waiting list and recently received a letter saying it could be for a while, but the sooner you get on the list the better, like the others have said, if you have any money spare you could look up a cleaner, there's a lot of people that would clean for a tenner an hour cash in hand, have a look, but be careful, I do know and understand your frustration, same way I feel xxxxx
My wife and I were the same but due to our pain we have let the house go and we do get embarrassed but we have to live with it not them, we need help but they the government help people say that we have to have it clutter free before they will let people come and help, but that is why we are asking for help with the house,they just don't get it, so we have to pay someone to come in and help us out, before we pay them to come in and help.lol. catch 22.
I must admit I do have a cleaner but 2 times a month only wish I could have her ever week but my husband and me we just take it one day at a time if I try to do extra my husband (bless him he really is good with me )he just says OK no more and if who ever comes if the don't like it then they won't come back but honestly they come to see you not your house slowly slowly is the way to go hugs
Hi Stephanie. Sorry to learn you're feeling so down about not being able to do the jobs you need to do. One thing I did notice about your post is that you say your condition is fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis - undiagnosed. The first thing I would suggest is to see your GP and actually get it confirmed, I believe it's necessary to have an mri.? and go from there.That's what I'm having to do. Mine started this year, oddly enough after I hurt my neck whilst decorating!!! Don't know what I did but I certainly saw stars! now I've got pain in most of my muscles and some joints from the neck down so I'm wondering if the 'neck problem' started the whole thing.!
Like you, I do have osteoarthritis as well, as you know that's no fun!!
Some days are worse than others, so on better days I do as much as I can - it's depressing not being able to do things when you've been able to in the past, so I can appreciate how you feel... my place needs decorating throughout and updating too.... insufficient funds for either!
This is the first time I have joined something like this and I must admit I was wondering what it could really do for me, if anything at all, but I've just logged on and read all these lovely replies and am sat here in the bath crying knowing it's not just me. It's so hard to put into words how I feel every second of every day, despair is the closest word I can find to describe it, but I don't think most people I know would guess how bad of an internal struggle it is, even those closest to me. I think having this outlet to just word vomit my thoughts and feelings without feeling like I am burdening those closest to me or being judged or anything just feels very freeing, like I'm writing in my diary and the next time I open it I have advice written back, it's really very humbling, thank you all x
Not a lot I can add but maybe just write three things down for the week, then close one or more off through the week, so you can look back and see you have achieved through the week. Everyone here knows just wanting to believed by medical professionals and then don’t for help is mentally emotionally and physically exhausting. I have found out so much from all kinds of people through this if they have had fibromyalgia for years or just 1 day. Be gentle with yourself, I’ve even looked for a House Elf, nothing doing🙄 and take care.
House work is one of the things that has oppressed women for many many years. At the beginning of the 20th century food preparation and cooking, taking care of clothing and children along side earning money was a full time job for the working classes. But over the years more and more 'labour saving' devices came into existence. It should have made housework much easier, giving us more free time to pursue other higher things like hobbies, education, and fulfilling jobs. But it didn't. All these labour saving things did was encourage us to have cleaner and cleaner houses until many people basically end up with a mild form of OCD.
I am a single parent and my son has a physical disablity as well as autism. He was a difficult child, I couldn't take my eyes off him. I couldn't do housework. Vacuum clearers were out of the question, even the washing machine could set him off. So I stopped doing much of the house work. I also looked into *why* we do so much housework.
We used to have dirt floors, we swept them out once a year. We only had one set of clothes, we washed the outer ones rarely. We might have a bath once or twice a year only. But we were healthy and happy.
The experimental historian Ruth Goodman did an experiment where she stopped bathing. No one in the family noticed!
So rather than fret about the house not looking clean enough, spend some time thinking about why society has got to the state where people, despite all these labour saving devices, still have to spend so much time on cleaning and feel so bad when they don't.
I haven't done serious housework for years. The dust doesn't get any deeper, and I just sweep the floors occasionally. I run dishes through the dishwasher for hygiene, and keep the worktops clean, and I wash the clothes but we wear then until they are actually dirty first.
And those that come to my house say how nice and relaxing it is because they don't have to worry about getting things dirty or leaving a mark on something!
I have MS and co-morbidities. Quite the worst is fatigue - worse than chronic pain which Im finally learning to manage. I understand Stephanie. Pacing yourself is very important. I used to work like a dervish when I was well and then die for 2 days, consuming loads of painkillers. BUT I JUST HAD AN AMAZING BREAKTHROUGH. I couldn't get the hoover up the stairs so was looking for a new lighter one. I found a robot Eufy 30 - just the same price. He diddles back and forth and yes if you were watching it, you'd think he would never be done but truly - the floor is clean after him. Slow and steady. That frees me up to do small bits at a time. And he is light so I can carry him upstairs and he will do up there too. Just lift any leads or shoelaces. He also mops but I would be afraid of slipping on the wet floor. I'm doing a psychology degree and really believe there are things we can do to make our lives more bearable. I'd love it if you would have a look at my current research and maybe even take part. It's on the board. This is the link
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