Oxycontin, the legal Heroin!: Hi everyone. I... - Pain Concern

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Oxycontin, the legal Heroin!

Ritchie1268 profile image
53 Replies

Hi everyone.

I'll keep this as short as I possibly can so please bear with me! 😊

I'm Ritchie, 50'yrs old from the UK.

I was diagnosed with Degenerative Disc Desease in my back when I was around 36'yrs old, but have suffered from neck & back problems all my working life. The DDD I've been told was caused by a very manual job I did for 20+yrs hand stacking over 3k concrete slabs per shift, weighing 125kg each on a daily basis.

Anyway, to keep it as short as i can, I became addicted to Oxycontin for around 9'yrs, taking 1500mgs per day for the last 2'yrs that I was addicted to this drug.

I'm very happy to say, that after being free from Oxycontin now since August 2015, I'm still here, even though I don't know how after taking as much as I did over those years but, I'm still here!!

I never took any illegal drugs of any kind before the prescribed Oxycontin that just kept increasing in dosage month on month!

There is so very much more that I want to say but, for now, I just wanted to introduce myself & give a very brief description & also to say that, I swore that if I ever got free from the Oxycontin, that I would do everything I could do to help others in a similar situation to what I went through, as I found the help was almost non existent for those like me, who found themselves addicted to prescription drugs!

I went from working from aged 14 every weekend, to leaving school aged 16, very manual labour for over 20'yrs to working my way up the ladder to Operations Manager paying 40% tax, company car etc, no money worries, to losing absolutely everything, all down to my prescription medication addiction, and I'm still suffering from many side effects to this day.

I'm by no means qualified in anything medication wise, just want to help others as much as I possibly can, even if I can just be there for someone to talk too, as I have been there, lost everything but came out the other end a much wiser & stronger person for it.

Now wanting to help prevent others from reaching the point I found myself in, with no help from a system that should provide that help, that leaves you to suffer alone.

Thank you

Ritchie

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Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268

Hello Bananas5,

Thank you!!

It always strikes a chord with me as some people who've never actually experienced any of this, always seem to think it's just the "druggies" & they deserve it!!

As you very rightly say, it can happen to anyone of us!

I've Never touched drugs before, I even turned Morphine down as pain relief as I was so worried about the strength, later finding out it's nothing compared to the Oxycontin!

I decided I wanted my life back, as apart from destroying it, it was ruling every minute of every hour of every single day.

I changed Dr's because the one that put me on it just said, "if you want to come off it, just cut down" I said sorry, but that's just like putting a bottle of Whiskey in front of an alcoholic &. Saying, don't touch it!!

My new GP started me on a taper program, I was doing really well till I got down to 320mgs per day & then I hit a solid brick wall. I became so very depressed, I wouldn't go out, didn't want to speak to or see anyone. Didn't want to live anymore, just wanted it to all go away! I lost all interest in my hobbies, one being playing guitar, the other was polishing watches, removing scratches bringing back to looking brand new again etc.

I wrote to my MP as I couldn't get any help anywhere.

My new GP put me in touch with an addiction psychiatrist who actually said: "I would give you Methadone to stop all the withdrawals but, as you're not a Heroin addict I can't. If you came back & said you're addicted to Heroin, I could help you"

So he was basically saying, go get illegal Heroin off the streets & I'll help you, even though you're taking stronger than Heroin, legal medication wise!!

I managed to find a charity based in London called "Release" Claire, the lady there was absolutely amazing & I can honestly say, if it wasn't for Claire & Release helping me, I don't think I'd be here right now!

They spoke to the addiction psychiatrist on my behalf & actually got him to change his mind! They helped, (after I signed a confirmation paper) to talk to my GP also which helped!

After Releases intervention, the addiction psychiatrist agreed to put me on 115 mils of methadone per day, I'm now pleased to say I'm down to 10 mils per day & reducing by 1 mil per wk & my aim is to start 2019 methadone free!!

I'm still not on any pain relief as I don't want any, but I am in agony most days. Im waiting to hear back from the pain clinic regarding a course on how to deal with pain etc, also to get my nerves burnt back to help the pain.

The effects of all that Oxycontin has now left me, well, not good to be honest.

But, the main thing is I'm not a statistic.

The many thousands of innocent people in America this drug has killed through overdose is incredible!

Purdue Pharma have been found over $700million to date by certain states in the USA, wiping a whole generation out in Kentucky alone!!

The senator for Kentucky even helped with his words when I contacted him, that's another story!!

You & your David are doing amazing from what you're saying, and please, if ever I can help either of you in any way, then please don't hesitate to ask anything, if I can help you, I will. I have the contact details for Release if you should ever need them.

Take care of each other & thank you again!

Ritchie xx

in reply to Ritchie1268

We could be twins in alot of ways.I was on methadone 20 years for severe chronic pain n took 6 yrs on my own coming off it.done its damage too.wow..least I'm not alone :)

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

That's really weird because I was just thinking the same!

At the end of the day, it's great to know that there are people that have gone through similar to each other & to know that at times, as lonely as we may feel, there is always someone going through exactly what we're going through!

Good to know we're not always as alone as we think we are & there are others out there going or gone through similar that we can relate & talk to, to help each other through issues!!

in reply to Ritchie1268

Crazy but all true

ssdw1958 profile image
ssdw1958

Hi Ritchie I just wanted to let you know that I am glad you are on the upswing. 😀

I have been dealing with MS they say for 14 years but with this disease it probably is much longer than that. I have been having pain for a very long time but have tried many prescriptions but yes some work too much or just were too strong. So in the end I just don’t use any of the strong stuff. Because in reality they don’t get rid of the pain. Let’s face it nothing gets rid of numb feet.

I hope you have a good day!

By the way I live the the USA.

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to ssdw1958

Hi ssdw1958.

Thank you for the welcome.

Appreciate it & no doubt we will catch up later at some point!

Thank you!!

Ritchie

ssdw1958 profile image
ssdw1958 in reply to Ritchie1268

Latter

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to ssdw1958

👍

ssdw1958 profile image
ssdw1958 in reply to Ritchie1268

I forgot to tell you I was put on Oxytocin about 4 years ago before I really new what it was all about, I had been in the hospital for 8 days with pneumonia I was given it while I was in the hospital and given a prescription when I got out I am one of those people who don’t like taking drugs so I did take it for a two to three days and decided to stop taking it. After I had stopped that’s when I started to here what was going on with that medicine I am glad I did stop. Then my neighbor whoatthe time was only was 19 years old almost died I am glad those medicines and I don’t mix. I had spoken with him and he had gone into a rehab which saved him. I’ve known him since he was 3 years old and I spoke to him and I told him I was glad everything was working out for him. I think I surprised him and he told me every one he spoke with was trying to tell him what to do. All I said to him to stay on the straight line but if he thought he was going to stray from that just get back up and get on that line again. He was glad to talk with me and he said that is what the plan was to do. They have moved and he went into the military so I pray that is what he is doing. It’s hard to live in these times but you got to know that there are people out there looking out for you.

Oh I did it aha talk, talk——

Bye for now

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to ssdw1958

ssdw1958:

With me being in the UK, at the time I was put on Oxycontin, I didn't know anything about it.

It was only after I started to realise I was hooked on the stuff, that I started doing some research on it.

That's when I started to find out about Purdue Pharma, how their sales people were being paid massive amounts in bonuses by selling this drug to Dr's in the USA, stating that one tablet would last & give pain relief for 12hrs. From my own experience I realised (for me) i was needing it far more often than that, if not I would feel like death, just the most horrible side effects, I later found out it was withdrawals!

I didn't believe I was getting withdrawals, I couldn't possibly be as withdrawals are what only Heroin addicts suffer from, right??

Then, the more I looked into it, that's when I found out that Oxycontin was actually Heroin, synthetic Heroin!!

Then I started to see all the news reports from America regarding certain states filing Lawsuits against Purdue Pharma for the amount of deaths through overdosing. Currently to date, they've paid out around $700 million in Lawsuits to certain states Kentucky being just one of them.

By this time it was too late for me as I just couldn't function without it. It ruled my whole life! The first thing I reached for when I opened my eyes & the last thing I thought about before going to sleep was Oxycontin.

When my prescription was due, I remember always waking up in the middle of the night having Panick attacks, worrying about things like, what if the pharmacy have run out & can't get it, what if my Dr was on holiday that week & the surgery wouldn't give me my prescription. I was living in the Twighlight Zone!!

And that's what my life was like for around 8 of the 9 years I was dependent on Oxycontin.

Luckily I have a great partner who stood by me through all this, the stuff she tells me from back then, I have absolutely no memory of, as most of it now is just one massive daze, memory loss & Brain fog.

Even though I've been free from it for 3 years, the effects of it remain.

Memory loss,

Severe sleep Apnoea where I would stop breathing 80 times per hour in my sleep.

Zero Testosterone levels so I had to have hormone injections, this led to my blood thickening so I stopped the hormone injections.

But due to the hormone boost, I'm like a spotty teenager covered in acne on my back & chest.

Depression & anxiety. Lost interest in everything I used to love doing.

B12 deficiency, folate & Pernicious Anemia the list goes on.

So pleased you stopped taking it!

I really hope your friend is doing ok.

Take care

Ritchie

ssdw1958 profile image
ssdw1958 in reply to Ritchie1268

My neighbors have moved so I am not sure how he’s doing but I believe he went into the military so I am hoping everything is alright.

Wegenerman profile image
Wegenerman in reply to ssdw1958

Oh😱 ssdw1958...your last line...”nothing for numb feet” finding you’re right... just now trying a cream, prescription, but only lasts an hour or so...😟

ssdw1958 profile image
ssdw1958 in reply to Wegenerman

The numb feet feeling really is bad. I think if I could feel my feet maybe I could walk better if you know what I mean.

Hey hey..newbie..welcome.I hear ya with the Oxycontin. I was on it..it made the walls move..and I was seeing little black stick figures.Not a good sign...BUT it did only help cover up my chronic pain n other hundreds of other crap I have. Doctors r really good at hiking those doses up/ ya know they gotta pay for those leased fancy Mercedes Benz cars they drive ! lol

Ur definitely right about all of it.Ive been off it since around 1998.Its some bad stuff,BUT.. for some people..it does help them.

Personally I think all pain pills do is cover up what ur going through.A bandaid of sorts.

In my case and after hundreds of meds..it was time to get off it all..wasn't doin jack for me except making new problems...and it was time to just live with what I was dealt.

Glad ur here...nice to hear someone else wants to be an ear n shoulder for others that need to see the light at the end of that dark tunnel of PAIN.

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Hey Monkeysmiles1

Thanks so much for the welcome! Very much appreciated!!

And thank you also for stating that it's nice for someone else to come along to offer support to those who are seeking it, having been through it & lucky enough to come out the other end after taking such a very high amount!⅝

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Hi & thank you for the welcome. I'm sorry I've only just seen your reply, don't know why?

You're exactly right, It does cover the pain for a while but then causes other issues that you can definitely do without hey!!

The Dr that put me on it eventually said to me: "we only normally give Oxycontin to terminally ill patients that only have a short period to live, because it don't really matter if they get addicted"

I sarcastically thanked her for telling me that after years of being on the stuff!!

Well done for breaking free of the stuff & I hope you're no longer suffering from the many side effects it causes.

trapis2 profile image
trapis2

You did fantastic getting off that drug !!! I'm off Ativan and that's been quite a struggle,but getting there. I can only imagine how hard it must be to get off a narcotic ! You did it and are such a role model for others struggling with addiction to a narcotic. Keep up the great work!!

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to trapis2

Hi trapis2.

Thank you very much for your comments.

To be completely honest, it is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life!

I haven't heard of Ativan but, I believe an addiction is an addiction no matter what it may be & that addiction is so very hard to break.

Thank you so much for your encouraging words, Congratulations on claiming your life back my friend & keep up the great fight! Well done!!!

Ritchie

deejames profile image
deejames

Hi Richie. Good to hear you story and so glad you have turned your back on opiates ( no pun intended).

Your account t of ever increasing doses and a life slipping away due to the addiction is a familiar one. Well done for having had the courage and stuck with it.

Dee

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268

Hi Dee.

Thank you very much for your comments.

It surprised me just how many people in the UK also suffered from this drug, especially when I was told by the addiction psychiatrist that I was the only one in this county that was being treated, (at that time).

The worrying thing at the time also, was just how very difficult I found it to get the help I needed to get my life back!

I often used to think that the GP helped to put me in that mess, then stuck 2 fingers up at me & didn't want to know when i was so desperately screaming for help.

I do remember the GP seeming to take great pleasure when telling me I was her most expensive patient though, costing £3000 per month in Oxycontin prescriptions & also finding it amusing that the other GP's at the surgery were constantly having a go at her for the amount I was taking per day.

Thanks again Dee

Ritchie

dinkic profile image
dinkic

Welcome to the group Ritchie, I am also on oxycontin but have gradually reduced the amount to 15 mg twice daily, I have not experienced any medical person who has told to increase the dose, if anything it is paracetamol that has increased. I too had was working in a professional position and had to retire age 49. I am glad to say oxy kept me going and now I am poorer, but richer in life, no longer wanting to stay in bed every day etc.

I hope you find the group helpful, it is sometimes nice to just have someone to vent to, our spouses and family here enough about our pain and really do not understand the daily struggle however much they try.

All I can say is the trick is to keep on going.

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268

Hi dinkic,

Thank you for the welcome!

Very well done on your reduction of Oxycontin!

One thing I found quite early on, was that every GP is different, some understand better than others but, at the end of the day, nearly all look at their big book & then say, "Try this" even though they don't know much at all about the drug they prescribe, hence the term "General" practitioner!

You must be one of the lucky ones that Paracetamol actually helps, as I'm afraid it does nothing for me & very many others, but, everyone is different.

I was only working in a professional position in the latter years of my career, hence the degenerative disc desease in my back caused by many years of very manual labour, which the surgeon said caused all my problems in my back to begin with.

Oxycontin actually kept me going also in the very early days, when I too was on the very low dosage also of 15mg twice per day. I didn't ever have the option of staying in bed everyday though, as I had a mortgage & bills to pay, so just had to get on with it etc!

I have found this group very helpful thank you!

My days of venting are now long gone to be honest, now I just try to use my experience of going to hell & back to try to help others in a similar situation to what I was in through no fault of my own, as I soon realised that help for many who needed it, was virtually non existent.

So now I just try to help others struggling with this legal Heroin, just like I did.

Thanks again for the welcome!

I've now been free of this drug for over 3'yrs. I hope you will also be free from it soon, you definitely don't have far to go now being on such a very low dosage, keep on going, I'm sure you'll soon be free!

All the best

Ritchie

Hi Ritchie, I too am a sufferer of DDD, Did you know low levels of Vitamin D and Magnesium contribute to the destruction? I barely take any meds now after checking my vitamin status's. I was low in B12, Folic Acid, Vitamin D and Magnesium

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Hi Julesnw106

Many thanks for your comments.

It's very interesting what you have said!

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with B12 deficiency, folate & Pernicious Anemia.

The MRI scan I had a few years ago confirmed the DDD & I have asked for another MRI scan as I don't believe I should be in the amount of pain I am in.

Im Just finding out about B12 & PA so not very clued up on it as of yet.

Approximately 6wks before my last PA/B12 injection around 2wks ago, I suffered almost daily with severe aching in both my legs.

I misplaced my Folic acid tablets (Brain Fog)🤔 so bought some form Boots, but they were combined with Vitamin D also.

At the weekend my legs started aching badly again so my partner asked at a health shop, they gave her some magnesium tablets for me & I have been taking 3 of them per day also, not sure if coincidence but my legs haven't been aching nearly as much!

I can't even walk a few yards anymore without the whole of my lower back seizing up, then really struggling to put one foot in front of the other, made loads worse if I'm carrying shopping etc.

I can't wash the dishes without being in pain due to standing in one position for a few minutes!

I guess what I'm trying to say after waffling on (sorry!) Is I'm now wondering if some of the pain is also due to the PA & B12 etc & not all just down to the DDD!?

Thanks again

Ritchie

in reply to Ritchie1268

Hi Ritchie, if you are on Facebook then you must join (New Beginnings b12 deficiency information and support group) they will advise you that the 3 monthly jabs are not enough, many like me self inject but the other cofactors are also very important

in reply to Ritchie1268

Also you Should be eating plenty of potassium rich foods as the b12 will use it up, my legs always become horrendous when this happens

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Thanks again for the info, I really appreciate it!

I came off Facebook a couple of years ago as I got so fed up of the many drama queens on there that are mainly attention seeking, you know the type, "I've broken one of my nails, what WILL I DO NOW!!!" All the friends then come offering advise saying - you must go to A&E or you could die! Or, "I've just stubbed my toe so will be bed bound for a week"- oh poor you, how will you ever cope!

I'm sure you know the type 😂😂😂

I've just bought a book by Martyn Hooper, founder of the Pernicious Anemia society that I've started To read, seems like a great book.

in reply to Ritchie1268

Oh okay, the book by Sally Patchlock is good (could it be b12) she also has a movie which can be watched on Amazon. Shame about Facebook as the group I’m in has a wealth of knowledge, they saved my life as I was so poorly 5 years ago and docs didn’t have a clue. BNF have just changed their guidelines for PA to every 8-12 weeks with no neurological issues, but the guidelines for neurological stands at every other day until no further improvements then onto maintenance doses. Docs seem to be giving 6 loading doses and not going by rules

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Thank you, I'll make Sure I watch that on Amazon.

I've often thought about making another account on Facebook purely for groups such as the one you mentioned as there are some very good & very helpful groups on there. And just use it purely the for specific help groups etc.

Thanks again!

in reply to Ritchie1268

Yes you should, perhaps use a pseudo name. I also have a DDD group on there which everyone loves, I have 1,100 members so far. We all support each other tremendously

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Wow that sounds really really good!!

I will look into doing that, thank you!!

in reply to Ritchie1268

m.facebook.com/groups/57745...

in reply to

m.facebook.com/groups/14304...

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Hi Jules,

What is the programme called on Amazon as I cannot find it?

in reply to Ritchie1268

Can’t find it on amazon prime now but it’s on YouTube

m.youtube.com/watch?v=OvMxJ...

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Thank You, I'll check it out xx

Bridgenov profile image
Bridgenov in reply to

What an amazing little film and such an insight I can think of so many people in the care home that could relate to these things I presume though now that it has been implemented as the norm very enlightning thank you

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268

I have found that to be the case.

Every post I've seen on here are from genuine people with genuine issues seeking help.

Really great site with people that really care & want to offer help

I’ve sent you a link for both b12 & ddd groups 😊 hopefully you will enjoy asking questions and getting some relief soon

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Thanks again! 👍

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Hi.

I have rejoined Facebook starting a brand new account & have applied to join both groups.

Thank you

Ritchie

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268

That's great!!

Hopefully there will be loads of helpful advice that will be able to help us all.

See you there xx

Hi Ritchie I’ve just added you to ddd group

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to

Thank you!

Lolarufus123 profile image
Lolarufus123

Hi Ritchie I just have a couple of questions. First of all how did you manage to get 1500 mg of Oxycodone a day? I was on 15mg and was taken off that and put on a 20mcg Bupranorphine patch. I feel like the patch must be working up to a point but I still have chronic pain. My other question is what pain meds are you on now and are they working? Lola

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to Lolarufus123

Hi Lola,

I started off on Oxycodone instant release, my Dr at the time then swapped me onto Oxycontin.

The Oxycontin would work for a short time then stopped working.

The dosage just kept on going up & up.

This was over a period of around 9 years.

When I started a taper program under my current Dr, I was doing fine till I got down to 320mgs per day, that's when I had loads of issues & really struggled.

I was taken off all the Oxy at 320mgs & put on 115mils of methadone per day to help with withdrawals.

I am currently now down to 10mils of methadone per day & dropping by 1mil per week. So hopefully starting a new year totally opiate free.

I have been off all Oxy now since August 2015.

I don't & won't take any medication for my back pain at all now. It's a struggle, but I would rather struggle than to go through the hell again that I went through for 9 years, and still struggling from even now.

I'm waiting to go on a 10 week course run by the Pain Clinic on how to manage & deal with constant pain.

Thanks Ritchie

Lulububs profile image
Lulububs

Hey well done you for being strong enough to come off them.

I think people think “ druggies” as in cocaine and heroin they dont think there are functioning full time working perscription addicts to...

I was addicted to codeine and diazepam through same problem as u degenerative hip and bulging disc through being a gymnast till i was 19 and it has knackered my body.

I found it hell to come off and i spent weeks shaking and not being able to eat it was awful..

People think because it prescribed

It safe ... its not it is just as bad as recreational drugs when u have relied on them to function!

I now stick to a good osteopath and massage no drugs whatsoever and it has worked for me.. plus i feel so much healthier

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to Lulububs

Hi Lulububs

Thank you for your post & well done to you for coming off the medication.

You're right in what you say. Because I was put onto methadone, I have to visit a clinic regular to pick up the prescription, I'm actually sat in a waiting room of the clinic right now as I write this.

I don't know if it's just me how I think but, I feel though you're judged just for being in a place like this, even though it's through no fault of your own. The times I've been messed around also, where I'm about 5 minutes away of a 45 minute drive & they ring & cancel the appointment etc. Or I've got there to pick up the script & someone has forgotten to bring it, things like this have happened numerous times. I often feel like a piece of dirt, but it maybe just me.

I often say that if I ran a business like this, I'd be bankrupt!! 😁

People often say Oxycontin is one of the hardest drugs to come off because it's Heroin but, I believe an addiction to anything is very hard to break free from, no matter what the drug is.

I'm still suffering the side effects from taking such a high amount for so long.

Good for you breaking free, well done.

Ritchie xx

Lulububs profile image
Lulububs in reply to Ritchie1268

Yeh i think ur judged no matter what ur addicted to as some people see it as a weakness! I remember my own partner saying “ only weak get addicted and also mentally unwell” hmmm lets hope nothing happens to him... see he has never had a injury has always been well and strong bodied. That constant fighting pain is soul destroying, it was all Consuming, i could not think about anything else apart from the cripppling

Pain i was in all the time, the lack of sleep....

It became exhausting. U just want it to stop

And u really don’t care what u result to in the end.

When i done my back i couldn’t move! I couldn’t get of my bed ... i eventually saw a dr who prescribed me the highest codeine amount legal in uk( are u uk or america?) naproxens and diazepam for sleep and muscle relaxants so I could go back to work. Which i eventually did but I was taking so many tablets to actually function!!!

When i woke up one morning and i had gone yellow!!! (Full homer simpson yellow) i rang dr who saw me straight away and when I saw his and the receptionist face i knew i was in the 💩. Sent straight to emergency hosp and the liver specialist was actually waiting for me (i knew it was bad) it turned out i had hep A, brought on by toxic poisoning through to many drugs!

From that moment on i vowed that was it.... jesus it was hard though, i had to go from 8 cocodamols, 2 naproxens, 2 diazepams, i was also taking CBD OIL A DAY , All to get to work.

So i sweated and went through cold

Turkey, couldnt sleep or eat could not function, didnt work for 3 week( lucky i was signed of with hep A anyway).

Eventually 3 weeks later i came out other side.

Someone suggested a recommended osteo and i saw him once and told him everything and he just said “ let me help u” and that all i wanted!! I actually cried which i had not done all way through this hell. A year down line i still see him once a month but he has more or less sorted my body and even when in pain i take myself to bed and sleep it off now not grab the painkillers.... IT HARD ... i still want to... i remember the feeling of nothinginess and numbness and i miss that but i cant do it again.

I have been left with lesions on liver and a dicky kidney so it not worth it to me.

DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK...they have not been tbrough what u have and they dont know what ur living with. Let them judge. Were strong!

It just that last bit with u the methadone.... can noone help u?counseling? Or try lowering ur dose each week? I dont know what ur goin through painwise and addiction wise but it would b great for u to b able to go that next step. It like they take one addiction away ie the oxy and given u just as big obstacle to overcome????methadone is awful stuff it just as addictive

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to Lulububs

Hi,

Wow, you did really go through it didn't you!!

I just prey your partner never gets put on drugs for anything as he'll then have to eat his words.

I was exactly the same, never ill, never visited a Dr etc, worked all my life, then WAM!!!

Oxycontin worked & did help for a very short time, then it didn't, so the dose kept on going up & up, till it eased the pain again, just so I could just feel "Normal" again. But little did I know till it was way too late!

YouTube is full of Oxycontin heartache!!

To answer your question, I was put on 115mils of Methadone, I'm now down to 9 mils per day, dropping 1 mil per week & hoping to start 2019 totally opiate free.

To be honest, I could've taken twice the dose of methadone as it was & still is just like drinking water to me. Doesn't make me high or reduce pain, just stops the withdrawals which is what I thought it should do.

When you say you'd had enough, I don't blame you. I felt exactly the same & the thing that did it for me, was I got totally sick & tired of my whole entire life, every second of every hour of ever single day being ruled by Oxycontin! Also, if I'd carried on, I'd just be yet another statistic & put even more blood on Purdue Pharmas hands & the fact I wouldn't be their to walk my beautiful daughters down the isle, killed me inside!

The Aerosmith song, "Amazing" that Steven Tyler wrote about coming off drugs means such a lot to me now. The chorus where he sings:

"It's amazing

With the blink of an eye, you finally see the light.

It's amazing

When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright

It's amazing

And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight"

I woke up one morning & said, enough is now enough & in the "blink of an eye" I decided I wanted my life back & "finally saw the light"

You're "Amazing" for claiming your life back without the use of drugs!

Very well done, keep going!!

Loads a love, hugs & everything else.

Take care

Ritchie xx

Lulububs profile image
Lulububs

Music gets u through bad times doesnt it ...

I remember when i was at my worst i would lay in bath and listen to “ queens of the stoneage” and i would think “ if i give in i wont ever hear music again” and that was sad it made me sad and it seen me through alot of bad times in my life.

Stay strong.... listen to good music... and know u are a fighter and things can only get better when u been at the bottom u know the

Only way is up!

Ritchie1268 profile image
Ritchie1268 in reply to Lulububs

It does but, the thing is, I wasn't interested in it at all through those times. It's only recently when I've started to feel like my old self again that I've started to love music all over again.

I've always really loved music, but that's just one of the things this drug took away, I can't explain why. I loved playing the guitar, I'd play it whenever I got the chance. I bought a really expensive electro acoustic guitar a few years ago, one I've always wanted, i would play it every day, then it just sat in its case when this all started.

Thank fully, I've now started to play it & love it all over again.

Queens of the stone age are a great band.

You're right, when things can't possibly get any lower, the only was is up!

BlanketTime1 profile image
BlanketTime1

welcome. also congratulations on your recovery!

i'm so sorry you are going through such an atrocious time. with the god question *shrugs, and I hate how it all just keeps piling on and piling on. I don't really have any words that can make this easier for you, but this community is very good about reaching out and being here for each other. I've only been a member for a short time, but on bad days (like today), I check in here and am inspired.

you and your loved ones are in my thoughts. stay strong.

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