Where now?

So it's now been a year since that fateful day when I decided to have a Facet joint injection, as nobody warned me of the actual risks, and ended up in this hell.

I really don't know how some of you do it, I've only been in this state of constant severe never ending pain for a year and I'm about ready to give up, how some of you have been like this for years I will never know.

I still can't work more than 2 days a week which at first we were managing but now bills are spiralling out of control. I can't afford to live anymore and I don't know what to do!

I am in constant severe pain, it makes me feel sick, my back locks in the middle of the night now and I am waking up screaming out in pain as I can't move and my back is locked in place. Nothing works, I'm on morphine, gabapentine, oramorph, lidocaine patches - nothing is helping. I feel so out of control.

I'm only in my early 40's and I am now having to use walking sticks to get around. I hate that people stare or constantly want to know what's wrong - then do the usual "oh I know how you feel, I've had back pain" no actually you don't have a clue how I feel. You don't wake up each morning wondering what the point of your life is anymore when you can't do anything you love, you can't even dress yourself without help! I feel like a constant burden to others and my husband. My husband gets so frustrated, and I don't blame him because again he doesn't get how I may look ok on the outside but inside I'm screaming in pain.

I start at Walton on Monday on an intensive Pain Management programme. I still don't know what is wrong with me as no body will say, Walton seemed shocked when I said I didn't know what was wrong as my last pain clinic always ignored me when I asked the question. The dr said he thought what had happened was that when the injection went in my muscle went into spasam then all the others around also went into spasam to support it and they have just stuck like that and there is no way of fixing it.

I just have to hope and pray this course works as if not I think I am out of options and the thought of living the rest of my life like this doesn't bear thinking about.

I know this post is probably all over the place but that's basically how my head is at the minute so sorry if it's like that but I just needed to get it all out.

6 Replies

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  • I've only heard very positive reports about Walton and I hope that they can achieve something with you during your stay there.

  • Well hopefully from Monday onwards I hope they will get someone to investigate further and you need to use this opportunity to ask for M.R.I scan so you know what your dealing with. Be persistent and don't give up until you get help. Explain that you need to work and your struggling to sleep, walk, work and even getting dressed. Good luck for next week and let us know how things go. Keep strong and fight for the help you need. X

  • Your not alone we are all suffering to. I hate not being able to do the simple things to. I cant work and have been of sick since feb and i am so bored frustrated and angry that i have just been left to deal with this on my own basically. Stay strong head up we will not let this beat us x

  • Hi, thanks for your replies. I have already had an MRI which only showed two bulging discs. However I have tried to tell them that lying down my pain is not as bad its when I sit and stand my extreme pain hits so I believe I need some sort of standing scan or even a CT scan but they won't listen. My original pain clinic won't refer me anywhere even though A&E asked for it to be done and I have asked. I am not sure if they are hiding something or what.

    So my final thing is the intensive pain management course I start tomorrow. I was basically told I went to Walton or that was it.

    So I am going tomorrow with as open a mind as I can - they know I'm angry and bitter so they are actually going to give me extra pscyology appointments.

    It's weird but thanks Bee1964 it's nice to actually know I'm not alone and that people understand. My family and friends don't get it as I try and do as much as I can no matter how much pain I am in when I am in company as I don't want people to treat me differently. However this can also be my downfall as they don't see that a night out means at least the following day dosed up with extra morphine and lying down in bed all day screaming in pain!

    Anyway sorry for my waffle. I am sorry Bee that you have been left to deal with it on your own - I know that off work bored and frustrated that was me last year until I managed to at least get back to work for 2 days. I just need to get back full time as I need the money! Can you not go back to your Drs and demand some help?

    I will update after tomorrow or Tuesdays course as to how things are going. I'm just scared as to what happens if it doesn't work!

  • Hi Hezzamj

    Right first of all you have to stop putting yourself through the pain of going out to please others. Having to spend a day in bed to recover is not good at all. I potter about the house as much as i can and hubby takes me to the chiropractor whenever my appointments are. Its hard enough getting up bathing and dressing in the mornings. I am going to see if i can get an appointment at the doctors this tuesday but unless i get an emergency appointment on the day i will have to wait till friday for the new appointments to be issued for another 3 weeks time. I have not seen the same doctor twice since this started. The only person who helped was a trainee doctor who went and got the back specialist doctor who then decided that maybe an MRI would be a good idea but no rush so i had to wait another month for the appointment and another week for the results. At this point i can not walk anywhere alone or without a stick. When i say walk i mean slap one foot in front of the other and hope my hand finds the wall before i hit it lol. I have had some relief from the chiropractor but the bad walking position does not help all the effort that we have put in to get my spine straight and comfortably again. In bad pain today gonna do an ice pack and take drugs in a bit. The first doctor told me i had pulled a muscle even with all the numbness and weakness in my legs so i carried on until the pain was so bad i used to dread break times at work because i couldn't cope with the pain of getting to the canteen for a drink.

    I don't think they are hiding anything from you i think you are just being treated badly by the NHS. Infact i might just call a doctor out to come to me next time because getting an appointment is so hard.

    I would have gone back to work but they are not happy about me being unstable when walking because if i fall it would be their fault so another months sick note on its way. I have a meeting with work on tuesday too they just want to see me so hubby will take me there too.

    Roll on recovery hay! Cant wait to see what the physio says lol

    You take care and don't make it worse to please others.

  • I think the most important thing is that you listen to your body. Everyone has a different pain level, and most of the docs who treat disk problems have never had one, so when they act like your pain can't be that bad, take that piece of information with a grain of salt.

    One thing that helped me when I had such an exruciating lower back/sacral problem was steroids. The neurologist put me on a course of prednisone and I had a shot. Both helped dramatically, but didn't elimate the pain. I am 69 and have had severe pain from my cervical-sacral spine since I was in a car accident at age 17 and in the hospital for 3 weeks. Sometimes I have less pain, sometimes more. Sometimes drugs help, sometimes not. I'm in the U.S. and the docs here are afraid to prescribe narcotics, unless one of them sees you in tears and then they'll give you a few hydrocodone pills.

    I hope all of you get some relief.

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