Hi all I am 53years of age I suffer with CRPS had my left arm amputated and I have it in my right foot I am now in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, all that I am thinking is taking my own life not just about the crps but also the why my partner treats me, like if I ask for a drink or some thing to eat all she keeps on saying that she did not sign up for this now if it was my son asked for any think it would be yes love what do u want and he is 15 year old and can get it him self. I have no family to turn to and I cannot live on my own because with living in a wheelchair and only having one arm I did have a carer who came in did thinks for me but stop coming because of my partner. I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry for going about it, it's just that she making me more depressed


45 Replies

  • It sounds to me that you are being abused, you should contact your GP in order to get help from adult social services or look in to contacting them directly. Please don't allow this to continue. Wishing you well. Lou

  • I agree with Lou, don't let this continue,it will only bring you down. Do something about it now.

    You've made the first step by comeing on this forum. I hope someone can point you in the right direction. Take Care.

  • No one should have to put up with being treated this way. You know in your heart that this is not what love is about. I was abused myself several years ago. I found by having the right people around me, I could look at my options and then make a choice from there. Emotional support from family ,friends, social worker,support groups etc. Please don't let your partner get you down. Despite your poor health, life can be better. Keep strong and get the help you deserve.

  • In the right accommodation and with the right training there is not an awful lot that can't be done from a wheelchair.

    You need help from Social Services. You need to allow them to help you, not end your life. If your partner is so uncaring perhaps you need to consider moving. Again this is something that your GP and Social Services can help with.

    They can also get the Occupational therapist to visit you. To see what help you need. Tuition, equipment, even building adaptation. I can imagine that you need an electric wheelchair to move about in the house but if you don't have one then they need to get you one. Can you drive your wheelchair out doors? Most people need expensive alteration to front doors and door frame and level entrance.

    I have used a wheelchair for 30 yrs and I know a number of other users. Getting adaptions is not cheap. For some people the Social Services see rehousing in a council property as a cheaper option. If it gets you a new independent life would that be so bad.

    Please, before you think of ending it all please give the GP and the Social Services a go. At least let them make you an offer of help. You don't have to take it.

    Regards Rib

  • Thank u all, I am going to make appointment to see my gp on Monday u are all right I need to get out of here, I think she is only waiting to see how much compo I'm am getting from a car crash I had in 2013 because every time my lawyer phones me she is there asking has u lawyer told u yet how much u are getting and when I tell her I don't no she all ways says don't for get I am having half then when I ask for a cuppa it's God I did not sign up for this crap.

    I just want to thank u again for all u help and I will let u know how thinks go with my gp

  • Hello Yogibe

    i have been listening without comment til you last post.

    Agree completely with the others - you are not her meal ticket. Sounds like IF she evr got her hands on any money she'd be gone. You deserve better.

    It is hard but now you have made a possitve decision you have made that first step. Stick with it - I don't think she will e too happy so tell your GP and wheels will turn.

    With you all the way.

    Pat x

  • Thanks pat, I know it's going to hardi am also frightened that I am going to be on my own for the rest off my life let's face it who would want to go out with some one like me one arm and in a wheelchair, i have no family or friends the only phone calls I get are from the hospital about appointments. I'm sorry for going on all I want is for some one to put their arms around me when I am crying in pain and to know that they care is that to much to ask for.

    Hope David is ok

  • Will a virtual hug be OK cos my arms aren't quite long enough? Better believe it - may only be firtual but it's a damned big one.

    You may not have so called friends who knock on your door or ring but you'll find far more understand ones on this forum. And they care too.

    You will surprise yourself o how well you can do on your own. When i lost my sight 30 years ago there was nothing. So....I got on with inventing my own ways. Now all the leaflets etc tell me how i should do something. How u should lift david or cook or garden with a disability. Chucked 'em al out!

    See now you got me rambling!

    Where do you live? Message me if you like.


    Pat x

  • Thanks for the big hug

  • Hi Yogibe, what ever you do do not kill yourself you are in a bad position at the moment but you are entitled to help from social services, re you getting compensation your partner is not entitled to any of it even if you get divorced it is there to help you with the disability's you have for now and the future, it is not just a sum of money to think ok we hit it good so go out and spend you have to think about the future and what you will need doing for you to live an independent life do not forget to tell your lawyer that the accident is splitting up your marriage and that you now need to fund independent living for the future as it is not cheep and who ever caused it their insurance will have to pay for it.

    I know what can happen when one person becomes disabled through no fault of their own it can destroy a marriage as like your partner states she did not sign up for this which in real life is not true as most marriages state "in sickness and in health" but for most of us we do not think about what would happen if one became so disabled that they need constant care, I think you better decide for yourself weather you want your marriage to continue or not and when you decide what you want tell your partner what you have decided and then just work towards it , I know how hard it is to even think of divorce but for some it is the only way they will feel better, but the way you describe yourself I think it may be the only way you will start to feel better as living in a bad relationship can cause your pain to be much worse due to depression.

    good luck sorting yourself and you situation out

    Regards Poppy Ann.

  • Thanks poppy-ann we are not married it's hard she as her family around her I have no one, I have try and do thinks my self but with having one arm i get so mad about thinks,

  • Sadly Poppy Ann some partners can claim they have been 'caring' for you therefore part of any compensation. I realsie this isn't true in this case but where money is concerned it can turn unreasonable people into something very unpleasant.

    Pat x

  • Very true Pat I have seen people who destroy their marriage over receiving some money that they did not expect, why anyone would consider money more important that their marriage must be stupid but there are plenty who do.

    Regards Poppy Ann.

  • Hi, I knew someone older than you with both legs amputated and also a family who were unsupportive. Obviously you do not want to 'rock the boat' at home because you have to deal with the fall out. To begin with, are you given any privacy to for instance use the phone, as you obviously can use a PC? If so call someone like the Samaritans or Mind Line to just talk and get a bit of confidence back. They can also signpost you. If you have been diagnosed with depression they can provide volunteer advocates who can go with you to social services etc, fill out forms, and mediate for and with you. They come to your house or meet away from home. Call Social Services too, as they have an advocate service too where volunteers (I was one for years) can visit you in the home and provide support in meetings, form filling, go to GP appointment, legal proceeding, in fact anything YOU want. They speak on your behalf, write for you, type for you, etc, and they are FOR YOU only. Advocates empower you, give you a voice. YOU have the same rights as anyone else, it's just that at the moment someone is making you feel like you have none, which is easy to do when someone is in a wheelchair, depressed, and has limited abilities and access to the outside world. It won;t be easy, and very scary. BUT, the hard work and determination will be worth it when you have some freedom and the right care (that you deserve). Don't leave it, you are 53, that is young, so you have many years ahead of you. Start working at a new foundation for your future, as I'm sure you have a lot to offer given your circumstances, and if you manage to create a new life, you can then help others who are feeling what you are feeling. Don't give up hope please! I have been there, hopeless and contemplating giving up, but when life is over, that's it. Give yourself a chance, even if nobody else will! Let's face it, you gotta be strong, they couldn't cope with what you have coped with already (so feel strength in knowing that)! They are the weak ones! Good luck.

  • Thanks disc I will look into it

  • Ask your GP about a link worker too? If they have them in your area- they can support you for 8 weeks with benefit claims, start you in housing and adaptation claims etc as well as be someone to talk to and help you see things differently. Also have a look on Facebook and find a local pain group or disability group you could maybe meet up with?

  • There you go Yogibe, Told you you had come to the right forum.

    You've got lots of good advise there look into it.

    And even mine and Pats arms are not long enough to give you a hug

    But I'll join in with Pat and send you a really Big Hug I know how that feels

    When you just want a bit of love,we'll all I can do is send it by the boat

    Load. You take care and look after no1. Take all the advise you've been

    Given. And you ever need to talk were all here.

  • Thanks gemini71 and thanks for the hug

  • Anytime 😃

  • One further point that I have picked up is that you mention "crying in pain". Spent plenty of time doing that too. Back in my thirties when it all happened and last week too while waiting to get an appointment at the docs. If you are physically still suffering pain please don't be afraid to tell the GP that your pain meds are not strong enough. Always remember that GPs can only prescribe these by guessing. If you don't say that they are too strong and zonking you out and leaving your world in a fuzz, or that you are taking as prescribed but you are still in too much pain.

    You have come to the right place. There are lots of folk here who have been in all kinds of situations. My wife took one look at me in ICU and that was it. I never saw her again. As life turned out that was the best thing that ever happened to me.

    Regards Rib.

  • Same as Rib - again! David's wife wanted a sailor in uniform not a broken crumbled mess of a lump. She didn't even make it into ICU - just looked from the doorway. Turned and left.

    Then he met me!! Companionship, friendship, laughter and tears but soul mates for the last 20 short years


  • Hi Yogibe, My heart goes out to you, truly is does! Please listen to all the other Members invaluable advise! Nothing or no-one is worth ending you life over, you are worth so much more than that!! I can empathise/sympathise totally with you as our eldest son has CRPS aged 30 years old & in a Wheelchair too! Without the added disability of only having one arm! We had our house adapted for him many years ago, extension on Ground Floor, bedroom with Wet-room, ramped access into his room with his own front door ect. There are "Grants" available to adapt your home to suit your needs! I am unsure what they are now or in your area but certainly worth investigating into getting the Social Services involved for @ least an Occupational Therapist Assessment for your Special Needs?

    I know from watching my son, a strapping 6 foot 3 inch lad reduced to tears from this insidious Syndrome, the last thing you need is an un-supportive Partner! You need someone to love & care for you with lots of re-assurance & TLC!

    Apologies if I am speaking out of turn but that is something you Partner certainly is NOT!! It sounds to me she is only interested in the Money side of things? This is so unfair to you and you deserve so much more than she is giving or rather than Not giving! Who is to say once your money has come through and she has taken you for half of it, she may then leave you high & dry, sorry to say that is the sound of person she is!!

    In my humble opinion I would certainly get the Social Services involved to see how much help, they can provide you with? Secondly I would have a serious think about your relationship with your Partner, as it sounds detrimental to your Mental State of Mind? Perhaps you would be better off without her in your life?

    Also my son has tremendous Support from the Mental Health Team since being Diagnosed, maybe something else to think about too as they can put you in touch with the correct people to live independently if you wished to do so?!!!

    My son was suicidal when he had to drop out of Uni & it is heart-breaking!!

    Please Do Not do anything regards taking your own life, there is help out there for you? You have enough to contend with your disabilities but please trust me it is not worth your precious Life!!! My son is now glad he did not go ahead with his suicidal plan!

    Every Blessing, wishing you positive, healing vibes.

    In my thoughts & Prayers

    Love & Hugs

    Bettybaby XXXX :)

  • Thank u bettybaby

    I am under the mental health I will have a talk with them on my next appointment, some nights I'm in a lot of pain and I am crying and I call for her to help me she shouts leave me a lone and go to sleep, now if I need any meds in the night they are on the table next to my bed some times I for get to do that and if I ask her to get me some all I get from is I did not sign up for this.

    Thanks again if it was not for u people on this site I would not be a live now

    Best wishes to u all

  • This post tells me you aren't even sleeping in the same room. Am I right? What happens if you knock your meds off in the night? Can you gt to reach them? David has a bedside draw where he keeps a few cocodamol on case he needs them but the rest are away. f he needs anything during the night I get them. Just always have done. I even sleep with one ear open in case...

    Meant to ask earlier - whose house do you live in? Yours or hers? If it is rented who pays the rent and whose name on the contract? All this will make a difference when you move her out.

    If I wasn't a lady I would call her a money grabbing selfish bitch but not allowed to say that.

    Keep strong my friend - you got us on your side now - hope that's a plus!!

    Nights are always the time we all feel alone but keep posting here -always someone around.


    Pat x

  • Thanks pats

    The bungalow is rented and both are names are it we get some help from the housings I pay the rest also I pay c-tax, i think I would have to leave because of my son he is 15 and has special needs

  • He is your son? Oh sorry I thought he was your partners. That could throw the ball up in the air. At 15 he is a minor and your presumably are responsible for him? What will happen when you leave?

    Even more reason know to get help from social or advocacy. You will both have needs.

    Now i feel as if I have been prying. I'll go make a cuppa - solves all the word's problems!


  • Hi pat when I leave he will stay here with his mum, no u have not been prying, that what I am saying I he wants any thing it's yes love what u want then when I ask for some think it's what about me it's always u and what u want. U are right pat we have not Been in the bed never mind the same bedroom that's been like that for about 5years now , when I had my arm amputated I can not lie down I have to sleep sitting up and she blames me for that

  • Monday hug.


  • Hi pat been to see the gp and ask him for some help and all he said what do u want me to do

  • And?

    You told him what you told us?



  • Yes told him every thing that I told u all

    I have appointment with ot on Thursday and I know she will do some thing to help

  • Keep us all posted won't you?


  • Yes pat I will and thank u again for being here and that also go's for every body who as help me.

    Sending big hugs to pat & bettybaby

    Just one more thing pat I wish I could find some one like u that would be the icing on my cake now I'm crying like a baby give my best wishes to David

  • That is very kind but...No tears on my watch - uses far to much energy and you need it for what lies ahead. OK?

    Smile time and think towards seeing OT.


  • Ok pat feeling a lot better now looking a head now next few months are going to be hard, I know I can not live this way any more, but what if no body helps me then Im back to square one then I will have to end it.

    Thanks for every thing

  • What if? What if? Like can't. Not even going down that route. Told you smile time. One thing ata time.

    Think what your GP said - think what you are going to tellthe OT. Of course there will be obstacles, hhurdles and enormous Everest along the way. But you will be stronger and better able meet them head on.

    OK? Now off for a meeting so make a list of all positive things you have to look forward too. I was going to say put your feet up but that's like giving me a pair of binoculars to see something!!


  • Hi all been to the ot I told her everythink that has going on she phoned my GP and told him that she is going to report him because he should have help me, I broken down in front of her she is coming out to see me at home and I am waiting to see some one else who can find me a place to live and also the care that I need,

    If it was not for pat and all of u I would not be here now so from the bottom of my heart thank u

  • Come and joins us here

    Katie is trying to bring sufferers who are near each together for mutual support.

  • I didnt know whether to shriek with joy that she is listenng and helping or scream with disgust at what you have endured.

    Probably both.

    This is what you need - an OT who understands and will help. Doubt you will have long to wait either.

    You have found the courage = hang on to it cos there will be a bumpy road ahead. You don't mention partner but don't let her bully you anymore.

    This site is filled with good caring people - all behind, no alongside, you.

    Now I'm gibbering!

    Pat x

  • Thanks pat

    When I first went in she ask how are things and I just bust into tears she what's the matter I told her what as gone on and she went mad she phoned the GP up and told him that she was going to report him then slammed the phone on him, I told her everythink that as gone on at home I showed her my hand that she had stamp on the day before my hole hand is black and blue

  • Oh my God - your partner did that? She actually stamped on your hand? O God that is vile abuse, I won't even ask why.

    Are you still with her or have you manages to get away?


  • No still here for now my son off school now she won't do anything when he is here, no what happened was I was getting off my bed to my wheelchair and I fell in between them so I called her to help me and she came in called me some names then slammed on my hand she told me that it was a accident but I did not believe her I could not hold anything in my hand I had to wait for my food to go cold so I could scoop up my food with my fingers I had to get my son to hold a cup so I could have drink and my meds

  • One very sick nasty lady.

    Going to love and leave you cos I am away this week. Take good care and be good!


  • Have a great week away and thanks again pat

  • Diseases are natural and you can't deny its fact so bear it calmly and visit your physician. Please don't let your family get you down. Despite your poor health, life can be better. Keep strong and get the help you deserve.

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