Relationships and pain: Just saw something I... - Pain Concern

Pain Concern

32,078 members10,354 posts

Relationships and pain

Fedupwithmybackpain profile image

Just saw something I thought might be useful to us all myself included, seen as pain affects our relationships. Have a read, Does anyone feel like a different person to the one they were before the pain or is it just me? Would love to know.

15 Replies

I can't open the link. Could be my computer but would love to hear it.

No one who suffers chronic pain is ever the same again. No one who has any 'acquired' disability is ever the same again. You long for those days when you could run, jump or just walk. You long for a past where you worked and had a life. You are never going to be that person again sad as it is.

Relationships are hard enough at the nest of times but remember there are usually more than one person involved.

Marriages break down because the spouse can not, will not, doesn't know how to cope with you.

Soap bis put away for now - haven't even heard the article!

Pat x hopefully the link should open this time.

I know exactly what you mean, Paton, it's like we are stuck between a rock and a hard place, our spouses have no idea how the pain is affecting us, no doubt they are severely affected, they are not sure how to or don't know how to or can't cope anymore. I just wanted to know that I was not alone. I guess I knew that but to gauge how people cope, thanks for sharing. Let me know if the link opens

Thanks x

Got it now thanks. The do make the medical profession sound all dancing rather too much . Sadly they don't always give the much needed support as many stories on here tell.

But it is true. The only people who really understand any disability are those with first hand experience. Whatever that disability i.

Pat x

You are spot on,I felt it opened the door on the impact of pain us and our families.Yes only people in pain see the real daily problem, we remain positive.


Fedupwithmybackpain x

Thnaks for the link to a very interesting article. From there I read the link to the " spoon theory " by Christine Miserandino. Her theory certainly explains very well about how we work our way through our days when living with chronic pain.


You are very welcome

Ann :)

It's a jolly good question! I hardly recognise myself! I suppose if that's the case other relationships must also change. In my case, I have become very intolerant of other's insensitivity. I've just made the awful decision to separate from my husband of 26 years. What I have really needed over the last 15 years of living with pain was comfort. The lack of comfort, warmth, love has been another source of pain. Gah! It all seems relentless.


Sorry to hear that,I am looking at my life also closely and trying to work out things, kids also,the reality is the pain is ever present and relentless. Hoping a better long lasting pain relief is discovered for us.We fight on day to day, sending you positive vibes.

Thanks Fedup! Sending you hugs. X

Yes, my mind feels 20 but my body say's yeah you wish!!! :)


What a great question. I'm definitely not the same. My quality of life has been hard hit.. I used to love to just go walking . Now if I do I pay for it if I go too far. I can't do the things I used to do with the kids. That's a really hard one right there. Luckily I don't have a spouse, I'm a single mom, but it affects other relationships I have. My depression has increased lately and even some mild fleeting thoughts of suicide. After reading certain side affects of Gabapentin, my Dr believes it could be related and told me to stop taking it for awhile.. But anyway, yes I'm a new person than before.. And I'm finding it hard to like her very much.. But I try to stay positive the best I can.. Hope all is well with you. :)

Hi there JustBreathe,

Thanks so much for your reply, Very much like myself in many ways also.I was active always busy doing something or the other,now I find it difficult to do anything as the pain is very limiting and very frustrating, it does affect my relationship with my wife also. Thoughts do come into my head but I think of my kids and that keeps me going, the pain is sooo bad that it drives me out of my mind literally, currently waiting for pain management as the surgeon says he cannot do anything to stop this horrendous pain.I write songs to pour out the emotions and try to keep sane.I am taking none of the medication they prescribed me as too many side effects, will see what they say at pain management,hopefully when they book me in.I try to stay positive and take one day at a time,I am hoping to be able to sing again somehow as that is my way of forgetting the pain.I hope our pain eases, Sending you positive vibes :)

You may also like...