13 years ago aged 23 i bent wrongly around a doorway and felt a pop and my spine drop slightly at the same time falling to my knees. After a arguement about calling a ambulance because i didnt want to make a fuss they were called. At the time they said it was probally muscles , so me being stubborn really didnt want to waste anytime & slowly left as they said if i can make it to a phone i can go. All night i was in tears and the next day i had no choice to go to the doctor who swiftly sent me back to the hospital, where i spent the next 5 days on my back L5 /S1 had herniated in fabulous style. I spent a year or so struggling with it and it really wasnt to bad , then 8 years ago i went to open a door and was on th floor again , i knew what had happened but struggled to my feet as not to make a fuss, I wasnt in the best of relationships it was quite abusive physically and emotionally . Anyway i didnt see a doctor for 3 years , i slowly went from standing to not being able to stand what so ever and dragging my left leg. I eventually got to a doctor who did a scan and said L5/S1 had gone again in remarkable fashion and recommended a disectomy and fusion but gave me 6 months to think it over. Inbetween this time i got out of the relationship ,had a breakdown and moved away for a short time. I had a couple of buldging discs also just under my ribs.
I came home after the 6 months feeling refreshed to a certain extent , i went to the pain clinic to find out the 6 months had passed and the new surgeon thought it was to much of a risk to do the operation and tried me on various pills instead. I ended up on 125mg of fentanyl which near on knocked me out for 6 weeks. With 4 teenagers this was not a life i wanted to lead nor for my new partner. I tried gaberpentin but with severe insomnia taking 4 tablets over the day really just wasnt working for me. The pain clinic have now just said you have chronic pain theres nothing we can do and see the pain psychiatrist every 8 weeks. I remain on 75mg of fentanyl which to be honest doesnt work on me anymore , ive been on it for nearly 5 years now. I hurt completly from my waist down & own my left leg , i have no reflex in my left ankle either. Ive just been told theres nothing anyone can do and live with it.
I really want to live my life , im 36 yrs old & confined to the house and piling on weight. I never complain to the doctors or even go anymore to say how painful it is , or the lack of sleep that i get to the point if i dont sleep i throw up the following day, as im pretty sure ill have the response theres no more we can do.... what do i do??? do i really have to sit here for the rest of my life and deal with it , i do go out when i can even if its for a short walk , even if i get stuck out , which happens quite often and end up on the floor but i dont want to be in either.
any suggestions would be great