Why do I do this?

I've been browsing on a hysterectomy forum and read about someone who kept their cervix because they were worried about a prolapse, now I know that it's a little different for me so I went for the whole caboodle, although the surgeon was happy for me to decide, at that point I was scared by then about cancer spreading and cells settling in anything left behind. Maybe a knee jerk reaction, who knows. It hasn't affected my sex life as I thought it might despite my nervousness about stitches etc but now 9 weeks post op everything seems to be getting back to normal. It may sound silly as I can hardly put it back but now I'm worried. Then I read a post about someone saying they are 48, so 2 years older than me and are going to age quicker post hysterectomy. Is that true?

Although I have an itchy scar I am using E45 which has helped and the lumpy line has started to go, I suffer a little with hot nights, but even that has settled down, but when I look in the mirror I see I look a little grey around the edges, face not hair, and my belly feels fat and saggy I want my ooph back instead of being lazy and not exercising because I'm worried I'll be shattered, or my scar will stretch.

Hopefully once chemo starts I'll start to get back on my feet, I took flowers to the cemetery for my son for Christmas today and I guess it has made me a little sad, Christmas is tough without him.

LA

16 Replies

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  • It is so much early days yet for you, Lily-Ann. It's also hard to get your head around all that has been happening. I don't know about ageing faster. There is a lot you can do about keeping good health and keeping the signs of the menopause at bay. In good time you can work on your tummy but it's too soon to start doing crunches yet! My scar hasn't ever gone away. It's a bit lumpy and bumpy but I am proud of it. It comes out in the sun on a Greek beach each year and I am not ashamed of what it looks like. The hot flushes are controllable, as are the sweaty night time moments .....not the sex, I mean the hot sweats ;-) as for feeling a little grey around the edges, you have had a huge shock, a big op, chemo and some difficult bereavements to deal with. It must be so hard to have to go to put flowers on your child's grave. I cannot imagine ........no wonder you feel sad. I think you have to allow yourself to feel like that for a little while.

    You will get back to a more vibrant version of you again soon, I am sure. Just remember that for every negative post on the hysterectomy sites, there are probably another five (or more) women who are not on there, at home feeling very happy to be able to exercise, enjoy life, wear white trousers all the summer, and not to have to splash out on Lillets and pads ;-)

    I hope you're still feeling a bit more hopeful. If not and you want more info, or just to say whatever you're feeling, we'll be here

    Love n hugs

    Wendy xx

  • Hi Lily-Anne

    Last year, after treatment had finished, I had a facial. The beauty therapist doing it said that my skin was in better condition than her own! (I am 44 now) I have just kept to my normal skin care regime. I use Body shop products, mostly from their vitamin e range, plus their eye gel! Based on this, I don't feel that I have aged any earlier. It takes a while to get back to normal after the op, let alone the chemo afterwards, I started swimming about 6 weeks after chemo finished, and built up very slowly, so be careful not to overdo things.

    All the best

    Chris

  • Dear Lily-Anne

    I hadn't realised how much you've suffered recently. I'm really sorry to hear that you lost your son. That is just the most awful thing to try to deal with.

    It's very soon post-op to be worrying about getting fit right now. You need 6 weeks of doing absolutely nothing except gentle walks and being pampered. Only then can you start thinking about doing something to get back your body shape and fitness.

    I really would stop looking at all these sites. It's not doing you any good at all. I've had a radical hysterectomy, cervix and all, and I'm better for it. The saying 'You're as old as you feel' is right. A hysterectomy won't make you older without being wiser and in that there is beauty.

    Please do keep posting if you have questions or worries. It's good to share them and I'm sure you'll get lots of support and helpful ideas to cope with this disease.

    Sending lots of love and cyber hugs. xxx Annie

  • Hello Lilly Anne.

    I am 38 had my hysterectomy last year. I know exactly how you feel because i feel the exact same way.. I have drove my self crazy thinking that all this has changed the person i was. And in some ways it has. Some days i do feel really old and I hate it.. But you know what? We are still here still fighting and still living. I think that that is what you we need to focus on. I have some days where i look grey round the edges But Lilly Anne you are only 9 weeks post op give yourself a break it a huge thing to get over and takes time. I was the same because i went to work i thought that i should be looking and feeling like my old self.. This was just silly because even though the outside is healing the inside takes a long time. You and your body have been through hell and it will take a lot longer than 9 weeks to fix itself. Also you have chemo coming up so you need to take it easy for that.

    I too am so so sorry to hear that you lost your son. That is an awful thing to endure my heart and prayers go out to you..

    Please please give yourself time to heal and get through this tough time in your life. You will in time feel like your self again. Ive been assured of this so im giving my self the time to get there.

    Lots and Lots of love

    and a merry christmas

    suzanne. xxxxx

  • Now what do we always say? Stop with the web wandering already. It stresses you out unnecessarily if you do any more than letting it become a more informed background - the web is not for making decisions based on. All losing cervix means is being a bit shorter down there is my understanding, but again if the doc said total is best you can bet it is.

    I am worried about the ageing hing too. Always kept my skin in top condition til now and it's why I was looking at the exersise thing. Maybe we can be 'stay young' buddies but TBH look at some of the old biddies (!!!) on here - it seems to be so much in the attitude, too!

    Suggest wait and keep focused on now, not later, and ban the words "what if...?" from your vocabulary if you can...

    Sue

    xxx

  • Hey, who are you calling an old biddy?!! Enough already! LOL

  • Running joke! Am I training as one, I promise!

    Lovely thing on here, no idea if age unless people point it out :-0

  • This old biddy is going out to dinner tonight. The outfit includes pencil skirt just above the knee and shocking pink tights... in the spirit of the following:

    When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

    With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

    And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

    I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired

    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

    And run my stick along the public railings

    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

    I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

    And pick the flowers in other peoples' gardens

    And learn to spit.

    You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

    And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

    Or only bread and pickles for a week

    And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

    But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

    And pay our rent and not swear in the street

    And set a good example for the children.

    We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

    But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

    So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

    When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

    by Jenny Joseph

  • Brilliant!! I've seen bits of this but never the whole poem. This is my goal in life now! Especially spitting, at which I am total rubbish despite years of training by husband.

  • That's the poem I mentioned on here lately. Well done for finding it, Linda.

    As for all the old biddy stuff It's me, it's me!!! I gave myself the title but I never really feel old, it's all an attitude, as Sue says. It must be with me having the name Wendy and having a brother called Peter. ....... we live in Neverland!

    Love the advice, Sue. Hope you're being a good girl, LA, and taking Auntie Sue's advice! ;-)

    Love W xx

  • I'd forgotten how funny the poem was. Definitely an attitude to hold on to.

    Xx

  • Dear Lily Anne

    Like Annie, I hadn't realised you'd gone through the tragedy of losing a child. My heart goes out to you.

    She and the others have given you lots of good advice but I must reiterate, surfing of any kind is OFF LIMITS. You have every reason to be optimistic and you really need to focus on that.

    Listen to the old biddies!

    Lots of love

    Linda xx

  • Oh me neither... Should read more carefully. How terribly sad am so sorry. All the more reason though to really try not to let imagination run riot, though your fearfulness is understandable in light of this.

    Much love

    Sue

    xxx

  • I missed that too. Sorry to hear of your loss. Try to keep away from the Internet, many of he stories you read are the bad ones, they like to write up about the scary things rather than the good things. Being as positive as possible is hard when all you hear is negatives.

    Love

    Chris

  • Dear Lily Anne

    So sorry, I also didn't realise that you had suffered such a sad loss. You have done so well to cope with this. I really admire your courage.

    On the subject of age, I also believe it is mostly mind over matter. Some people are middle aged in their twenties. Some people in their eightees never lose their sense of fun and excitement. I personally am nearly 57 going on 34. I've recently had my skin admired by ladies young enough to be my daughters at the Clinique counter and by an ex-model in her early thirties. She wanted to know what I used. (Sun block every day. Got very fair skin.) I also love pencil skirts and am proud of my legs (except when there's a catheter bag strapped on to one of them but that is gone!) I might not wear sky-high minis anymore - well only indoors for my husband :) but that's the only concession I'm going to make to ageing.

    I also agree, stay away from the negative stuff on the net. These people aren't experts. They just think they are.

    With much love and best wishes

    Mary xxx

  • Hi Lily Anne

    So sorry that you are going through a rough time.You have had such a massive trauma that this is bound to take time to get over. Think about what would you say to a really close friend who is in exactly the same position as you are now, and say that to yourself.

    Somebody said to me once to look on getting past any traumatic event as a ladder. Throw everything at getting up that ladder. There are bound to be things that will push us down, illnesses, other people . feeling bad at a particular time and let's face it you have had a nightmare journey. If anything we choose to do, or can stop doing is making us feel worse then perhaps we need to consider stopping doing this activity. Many many people find on line forums such as this wonderfully safe places with people who truly understand how we feel. Sharing experiences with others also helps many of us get up that ladder. But if browsing is upsetting you on a regular basis, then please consider stopping for a while.

    I am one of the people who also had two operations and this is really hard. However two and a half years on I cannot tell you how much better I feel now compared with a few month after the second surgery, most of the time. I am also older than you , you are just a baby in comparison ! In two years you will also be felling so much better , believe me.

    Love

    Charlie xxx

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