Why do I feel like this?

I have been told i have cancer (as per my other post)... I have been told that my blood and pathologly report does not marry up with my MRI for my staging. My hospital have now asking for a second opinion from one of the largest cancer hospital in the Yorkshire area, which i honestly think is fantastic.

I have read so many posts here and want to hug everyone going through the waiting and treatments as i think your all so brave. But i am unsure why i dont feel anything (emotionally) I am not worried or even scared, my personality i never presume and i always turn everything into a positive... but surely i should not feel so normal... in fact i am reassuring all my family and friends (which i find amusing) as they seem to be more upset than i am... tonight is my first sleepless night thinking why am I so happy when I should be worried,

anyway hugs to everyoone

15 Replies

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  • Cathi68, I think it's wonderful that you feel OK. You do not have a specific diagnosis yet and you're wisely and patiently waiting for answers. You are probably also healthfully detached from what's happening. This is a very adaptive approach. After all, right now, there's not much you can do other than simply enjoying your life.

  • I wouldn't waste time and sleep by worrying about it. Just go with it. One day at a time. xxx

  • Hi lovely,

    Echoing what the others have said go with the flow until you have a definitive answer there's not much else you can do until then xxx

  • Cath, I think what you are doing is entirely normal...and well done to your hospital for suggesting a second opinion. Often those who know the most are those most prepared to admit they need help!

    Whatever the result am sure you will handle it admirably; thanks so much for posting. Chris xx

  • My personal theory is that how anyone reacts to illness is never 'out of character'. It's not a right/wrong good/bad thing. It's how you are! x

  • Hi Cath

    Not everyone reacts the same. I am similar to you. As soon as I knew type and stage etc I did what was necessary. If I had got to get my affairs in order then so be it. It was not anything I could change.

    I do get fed up of reassuring others. I also get a bit fed up of people telling me how brave I am. I realise they they care and are being kind.

    I am a very pragmatic person which not many can be in the face of cancer. As for being worried or scared- well I feel it is what it is. Just because I do not feel emotional or scared about it does not stop me trying to get the best treatment available.

    Be yourself and not what others would like or expect.

    Regards Fay

  • thank you so much for all your kind words, irony is to worry why i am not worried about the treatments or ops i will be facing... so it is quite normal just to be yourself and manage each stage as it comes....phewww lol

  • Hi Cathi, I am glad you do feel like this & hope this feeling you have carries on. It's very important to have a good frame of mind as long as possible but don't forget we are here for you.💟

    I had to cast my mind back to when I was told something was wrong & it could be cancer. They had found a large mass on my left ovarie but had to wait for a couple of weeks for my results. I had been in pain for 5 years lots of problems but nothing picked up. I had a dreadful GP who was really rude to me.

    My mum, aunty & cousin had already died of this but for some reason I was being quite brave carrying on working in a charity shop & also collecting money for a very well known cancer charity.

    I found out on Friday the 13th 2015. I was sitting next to my daughter in law she was my rock no way could I had heard that news on my own.

    I was going to collect money again for this cancer charity the next day but when I phoned them with the news I was shocked by their response. Instead of saying we are so sorry to hear you have cancer they said "Does this mean you won't be collecting for us tomorrow.? Then after that they completely snubbed me!!!! I don't give any of my money or time to this charity now.

    I wish you all the best I will keep my fingers cross for you take care Cindyxx

  • thank you, i have had similar the last few weeks during tests, the people who i thought would understand me have been shocked i am doing ok, i am sorry you found rude and weird behaviour from the unexpected people... i work in a small office, none of us are besties (so to speak) and found an amazing new friend within the group who has been my sounding board, she has stepped up and shown me a side of a person who i would like to become amazing friends with ... so far i have been treated with the most respect ever, expect off one of my tests when the senior hospital gyno introduced herself with a hello then first words out her mouth which was quite abrupt saying you dont have cancer so dont worry just doing sum tests your doctor wants.... and now.. i do have cancer... but i am putting it down to her busy schedule and urgent doctors referral...

    anyway hugs and take care

  • Hi Cathi, I completely understand where you are coming from.

    At the time I had just found out about having this cancer I told my boss of the charity shop I was working at & wow she & the team was brilliant. They sent me a big get well card, a massive bunch of flowers & chocolates. Even now my old boss texts me almost everyday & they still send me beautifully gifts when I get good or bad news.

    Like you the people I thought would be supportive turned out to be really poor. It's times like this when you find out who your real friends are. Thank you for your reply keep us up dated take care Cindyxx

  • Hi Catherine, your reaction to your diagnosis mirrors my own. I have late stage 3 but was originally told that it was probably stage 4 and possibly inoperable. I could not understand the calmness I felt either. I initially put it down to having already worked out for my self what was going on, which helped. Since then I've wondered about it but I just think it affects all of us differently. You may have a reaction later. I have never been through a "why me?" stage, or an angry stage, or anything like that. It's just life, and no one ever promised me life would be fair. The support I got from family and friends did almost make it a happy time, it was a bit weird.

    Even if our lives' will not be as long as we'd expected then to be, treatment can seem like a long road and there are many turns ahead, no one can know what's around the corner - sometimes it's worse when there are no storms as it is then that we remember, and our losses can become overwhelming. My approach is to try to be grateful for what I have not what I've lost. Here ends the pep talk! ❤️

  • thank you for your reply and i totally agree, today the panel is discussing my case as a second opinion and will find out tomorrow, i do find writing my thoughts here does release any negative thoughts and i am just focusing on my family xxxx plus today is my birthday woootttt my last year in my 40's lol

  • Happy Birthday Cath 🎉🍾🎂❤️

  • hi Cathi, I know how you feel and felt it too when I was first diagnosed. Though they thought I did not have cancer, I did. They thought it was endometrial, but it was ovarian. After my hysterectomy, they had to gather 5 different oncologists to determine which kind of OV cancer it was and when it all came out, I have three different kinds of cancer - the primary Ovarian with serous and mucinous tumors, and the secondary is Endometrial. There was a lot of waiting, a lot of testing and a lot of confusion. Like you, I am a "wait and see" before determining what to do kind of person, but during the wait time, I went everywhere emotionally from "it's probably not cancer" to "it's late Stage 4 cancer" and tried to "think through" all possible scenarios - all without much fear or emotion (that came later). It helped me ready for the diagnosis when it finally came (I wrote about it on a blog in an article called "Jumping through Hopes" you can read it here: mycancerconfessions.com/201... )

    Medicine is as much an art as it is a science and sometimes the answers we so desperately seek are not clear to the physicians who treat us. Be patient, spend time planning for the "what if" if it helps you to keep control, question what does not seem right/feel right (it's your body and NO ONE knows it like you) and you'll be ready for whatever comes. Keep us updated and know you are not alone.

  • thank you so much and hugs.... yeap i have weekly updates from my nurse and tomorrow hopefully some news, i will just wait for each hurdle as in my mind easier to do one hurdle at a time xxx

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