In praise of husbands and partners.

Sue's recent question reminded me to do something I've been meaning to do: to say something in praise of our husbands and partners. Mine was already struggling with depression when I was diagnosed and, as we worked together running a charity, we both had to give up work because the shock, and effort he put into looking after me made it impossible for him to cope. We both took early retirement and came out poorer but happier. One of the nicest things about the 2+ years I've been in remission has been having the time to spend at home with him just keeping the house and smallholding going. We are so much happier than we have been for the 26 years previously when gradually we ran ourselves into the ground 24 hours a day. Latterly that was running around after staff rather than working with clients as we had both been driven to do.

Our partners carry such a burden, They have our fear and distress to deal with, yes, but they also have the threat to the future they were planning, and the awful burden of trying to stay strong for us and other members of the family and friends. They also often try to hold down difficult jobs and positions without a great deal of support.

We often look at each other at a moment when we are both enjoying a task, a radio programme, or something on the tv, wink and say simply "Still here!".

I am more grateful to my best friend than I could ever express, and am confident that he knows this.

Isadora.

[homphomp]

Hear hear! Well said Isadora, my husband has been a tower of strength for me, keeping daily life running along while I recovered from major surgery but also just being there to hold my hand and hand me tissues when I needed them!

[lill]

So well said Isadora. I think many people don't appreciate fully that it is often a worse strain, though a different sort of strain, for families, who are usually powerless to do anything medical. Often they do not realise that the emotional and physical support they give is, in addition for us, as important as the medical support we receive. I think it is so important to let them know how much they are appreciated.

[suse]

So so true Isadora, I can't praise my husband enough, he was always there for me . I have been in remission now for 12months and he has been there for me through the good and bad times .He has been a tower of strength.

[Hidden]

Well done Isadora, you are so right where would we be without our "Right" arms.

My Husband, well I dont know where to start, he has been my Miracle.

There no matter what my state is in a day.

A big thank you to all our carers. x

[Anne-2]

Isadora, I concur competely and utterly- my husband has been my 'rock' although I dreaded telling him as he had lost his first wife to breast cancer just over twenty years ago.

I was fortunate too that he had taken early release from his profession also: I'm sure that his boss would have got very fed up with him taking time off to go with me to the hospital: at least we were spared that.

It makes a big difference doesn't it to have support at home and I find it very distressing, as I'm sure most of us do, reading blogs from people trying to cope alone especially if they have young children to look after.

[Hidden]

We are so lucky to be loved and supported by such wonderful men.Well done isadora. Thankyou all those wonderful people who are there when we need them most.

[wendydee]

Spot on, Isadora!

As so often, I totally agree with you. Mine has been with me through all sorts of things, still going strong after 40 years. He is simply brilliant. Thanks for reminding me xx

[parvinc]

Another wonderful blog Isadora, I agree with all of you. I don't think I could have coped without my rock, best friend and the one person who has gone through all the pain, and agony as well as the uncertainty of this illness. I have friends who are doing this alone and I feel a real wimp as I know I couldn't have done it without him. When I was in chronic pain and delirious from the morphine it was him who was up most of the nite stroking my head. We are all very fortunate

[bosue]

ditto to all those comments,my husband has been fanastic time off work to look after me post op, cooking cleaning, time off work every chemo day holding my hand and trying to make me laugh and being my rock my best friend I love him more each day, and thats after 41 years, I never forget to tell him I love him.

[AngelaAbell]

Yes Isadora and all the other ladies. Having a supportive partner is the best medicine. My husband nursed me through my first experience in 1998 and we discovered that we really do have a very cose relationship. The oc returned last year and i have again had the most wonderful support, We also have again realised how much we like being together and now we are both retired we are enjoying all the good times and he is helping me through the bad days. In many ways we are as happy as we have been. I donlt knw how i would have coped without him. I too feel for the ladies who have to go through this alone.