No Cancer in my Body, but Cancer on my Mind

Morning Everybody! Our Oncology nurse told me about this forum earlier this week. A great comfort and very interesting. Well I am here to support the partners. The husbands, the boyfriends, the partners! The ones on the sidelines. I know how difficult the last 5 1/2 years have been for ME, and and there must be people out feeling the same as I do. Trying to underpin the family and hold together a thread of normality is extremely difficult, especially after years of having your hope and spirit chipped away. I guess I am just looking to understand a bit more about the other husbands, dads, partners and find some kind of reassurance that my journey is similar to the many others that find themselves in my position. It is tuff, and is getting tuffer all the time. I feel like I have had the lid to my emotions screwed on far too tightly, and I hope that joining this forum and finding a common ground with people will help me.

12 Replies

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  • Welcome to the forum.

    I do hope you gain support here. I know from supporting my husband with prostate cancer how hard it is being the one on the 'side-lines'. This journey we are on, whichever side, unwilling participant, or observer is a real bummer!

    However on my journey through cancer - mine, my husband's and my daughter's, I have learnt many things - the value of friends and how wonderful they can be, as far as possible finding something to enjoy about each day I have and the support, sometimes from unexpected places.

    I do hope you find support from here and also that you are able to share your thoughts and experiences with others.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Zannah x

  • Welcome to our friendship circle Super Hubby. Yours is the most difficult role of all. I'm not married to you am I?

    lol x Annie

  • Hi Annie,

    Thanks for your warm welcome. We are all in this mess together, I don't think that any role is more or less difficult than the other. Just trying to put a 'partner' spin on it really. If I can help or be helped in this awful situation we find ourselves in, then its a real bonus!

    Don't think we are are married lol

    Hope not anyway because my wife does not know that I am here! Its my space to vent and try to make a difference, I have chosen not to mention it to her!

    Try to have a nice weekend - I'm going to (try!) Xx

  • Hi Super Hubby,

    Just to let you know you're not alone on here and I know exactly where you are coming from. It is a tough position to be in both as a patient or a partner. To call this disease a life changer is an understatement and as a 'bloke' I have personally experienced emotions I didn't realise I had. While I am not as active here as I used to be, I still read frequently and maintain that it is a wonderful arena for both the giving and receiving of support.

    Welcome.

    Andy

  • Hi Andy,

    Thanks for your kind words. We continue to muddle through......

    Jim

  • Hi Super-Hubby!

    Love the reply from Annie (Whippit), and your response. Your sense of humour shines through! That's a good quality in a hubby as I well know. Laughter they say is the best medicine and there is a lot of truth in that. I would say live in the moment and make the most of the good days. There's a lot of hope with new drugs that will be on the market from 2015 so hold on to hope. Going out this evening taking my hubby out for a much deserved pint or two and a curry so gotta go.

    With best wishes, hope you find some support on here. Take care

    PS My hubby has just asked me if I have got any hair products (he is so vain), told him he has to be kidding me, my hair is about a centimetre long just started to grow back after chemo Lol x

  • Hiya super hubby,

    I'm not going to be able to add too much here, but I admire you coming forward on this forum and hope that you gain support and knowledge from us. I too, am lucky to have a superhubby, who has silently supported our young family, juggling jobs, housework etc along with the emotional care. We ladies might be the one going through the medical issues, but this disease is a whole family scenario and you partners are the ones silently supporting us, without that much public acknowledgement.

    I wish you, and your family all the best

    Dawn xx

  • welcome to the site, yes our emotions go all over the place with this cancer journey. Sometimes it is like a roller coaster. You are not alone in your feelings, it is normal to feel all wrong, Maybe it might be a good idea to find a cancer support near you or contact the macmillian nurses and you might find there is somewhere to meet others and share experiences with or talk to a counsellor. All these things help us. I felt my husband was ignoring my illness as long as I was able to get out of bed and work around the house. I did resent this attitude a lot. I did go for counselling and when speaking I was asked what did his mother die from and then it clicked, Cancer, so I was told he was hitting a brick wall because of that and wouldnt deal with my illness. So was told to ask him why didnt he talk about my illness, and why did he give out vibes that I was okay. So I did and the counsellor was totally right, he just didnt want to go there. Men can behave like this with other illnesses as well. They are different to us and they feel if they talk about it, it is real but if they dont talk about it, it will go away. Hope that this helps

  • so sorry, I hadnt read your blog name but basically the same principle applies. Try and talk to your partner, dont tell her everything will be fine because I personally hate that sentence. But maybe you can find a support group for family members. I think you are a fab man to come on here and disclose your worries

  • Welcome!

    Great that the nurse had the sense to tell you about this.

    You'll find lots of wisdom, good advice and experience on here... most importantly, that we're all in the same boat.

    There are wonderful partners etc who contribute, so I'm sure you will find people to share with.

    Like several of the other replies have said, many of us come at this horrible disease from different angles, as sufferers ourselves, with friends or partners as well.

    We're all learning as we go, even if this is a whole set of lessons we'd have been pleased to have skived off from.

    All the very best xxx

  • Hi Super hubby,

    I know it's hard for the partners of cancer sufferers my Husband has been my rock, he just takes it all on the chin,

    So keep up the good work,

    Big hugs Pam xx

  • Welcome Super Hubby - I'm sure you will get great support here.

    Annette xxx

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