My lovely mum has recently been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. We’re awaiting staging etc so as you can imagine there’s a lot of worry and uncertainty going on right now.
I feel pretty useless as there’s nothing I can do or say that will help right now. But I’m just after some advice on what I can do once we know more and anything anyone has found personally has really helped lift spirits, helped physically or mentally. I just want to make my mum feel as well as can be and give her the strength and fight she will need to get through this, because I may be an adult but I’m not ready to live without my mum… I need her.
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Doodlemama12
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Once you know what it is, where it is and have a treatment plan it becomes manageable.
I promise.
It's the not knowing - the oscillating between hoping for the best, while fearing the worst that's mental exhausting.
But once you know what you're dealing with, you deal with it.
There are thousands of women here, all have been where you and your mum have been. So whatever lies ahead know that there are women here who have walked that path already.
They will always be ready to share their experience and wisdom.
They will provide illumination for you and your mum's path no matter how dark it feels to you.
We're here to commiserate, advise, laugh, and cry with you.
Personally, I did jigsaws to pass the eternity it took to get the results. I needed to stay present, in the moment, while I waited to hear how bad / good / ugly it was.
I'm sorry you find yourself here. I'm sorry about your mum too.
I’ve been in your position as the daughter then 12 years later in your mum’s position with the OC and having daughters of my own. There’s no right or wrong way to approach it. I think it will help you when you have all the info and a plan of treatment to concentrate on. The road ahead is long and unknown with bumps along the way but we have all experienced this and it does get easier as time goes on. Best wishes to you and your mum xx Jen
Thank you. I appreciate you sharing your experience of both sides, I’m sorry cancer has affected your life so much. I really hope you’re doing well now xx
Thank you for your kind reply. My mum only had 35 days after diagnosis but I was diagnosed at early stage and I’m doing very well thank you, I feel I’m doing well for both of us. Take care xx Jen
keep her mind busy understand she might be tired understand she may change her eating habits i like milkshakes cold stuff cream foods everyone different been through 8 chemo have good days bad a lot of stress very fatigued i like going for a drive release the stress having husband that totally cooks for me love smoothies ginger ale and ice cream keep the nausea in check very important know that after chemo mouth feels like metal hard time sleeping got some sleeping pills to help anxiety pills also if you need it too me like being pregnant i want certain things i hope this helps best wishes and glad your their for your mom
A fellow daughter here who also has a lovely mum I can’t live without.
The uncertainty at the start is so hard to navigate, but once she gets a treatment plan you will all find things a bit easier.
My biggest piece of advice is to try and keep things as normal as possible. My mum always say she doesn’t want her life to be about cancer, so while I always ask her how she is, I make sure I talk to her about the normal mundane things in life.
Thank you so much. I will definitely try to keep things normal for her, as I think I’ve been slightly overbearing with her since finding out. I will just stick to how we would normally chat unless she brings up her health x
All the above advice 😘and also don't Google anything as its terrifying, and out of date! Things have changed in the last 2years and continue to. I wish you and your mother all the best and send a big welsh CWTCH 🥰x
Has your Mum had surgery already as you say she has been diagnosed but is awaiting staging? If she’s post surgery, short walks help physically and mentally. Not knowing is the worst. Keep occupied, try to keep things as normal as possible, be positive and be kind to each other. Things will move quickly once a treatment plan is in place. If you can, go with your mum, or get someone else to accompany her to appointments as it’s often overwhelming with a lot of things to take in along with the emotions so it’s easy to miss important information.
No she hasn’t had surgery yet. Just diagnosis awaiting further tests and to see the consultant for a plan. Unfortunately there is a huge backlog in this particular field of oncology, I could go off on a huge tangent about how more funding should be put into preventative testing on all women for women’s cancers as they’re so prevalent… but I fear I’d never stop once I started.
I plan to go to all her appointments with her, armed with a pad and pen so I don’t forget any information we are given.
Thank you for taking the time to answer, your advice is very helpful x
Let her be selfish and let her do what she wants. When you see her, just say "what would you like to do today?" and let her choose. If she doesn't want to do anything and is just stewing, maybe take her out to a cafe that she likes for a cup of tea/coffee and a slice of cake. Keep it low key but let her know you're there for her (sounds like you've done that already!)
Thank you for your advice. I think taking her out for tea and cake would be lovely for her. I have arranged for us to have pedicures next week which she is looking forward to. Such a delicate balance of wanting to get her up and about and positive without causing her pain or diminishing her feelings of sadness (which she is perfectly entitled to have) x
Hi, some ladies diagnosed terminal go on living for 10 years and I have even heard of surviving 20 years and still going. Huge improvements in treatment are now being made.
Do not be reluctant to join groups such as the one on Ovacome for friends and relatives. If you help yourself to cope you will be helping your beloved mum, too.
Here is a link to some more information about our family and friends group at Ovacome: ovacome.org.uk/Event/family... . The group is held over Zoom and the next session will be 27 August at 11am. You would be very welcome to attend. Please do let me know if we can help with any further information about this.
Welcome to our online community and thank you for your post. I can see all the supportive replies that you have had from our community sharing their advice and experiences.
In one of these responses, Trickysite mentioned our family and friends support group, so I just wanted to share some more information about this group. Our families and friends group meet over Zoom once a month. The next session is due to be held on 27 August 2024 at 11:00am and you would be very welcome. Here is a link to some more information: ovacome.org.uk/event/family... . Please do let me know if I can help with any further information about this or if you would like to arrange a call to find out more about what to expect.
We are here to support you so please do get in touch if there is ever anything that we can help with or if you would like a friendly chat. Our support service is available Monday – Friday, 10am – 5pm. You can contact us by messaging us on the forum, emailing support@ovacome.org.uk or by giving us a call on 0800 008 7054.
So much well wishing, sound advice and positivity already sent you and your mum’s way. I just wanted to say that as well as taking in pen and paper to the appointment it might be worth asking if the oncologist has any objection to you recording the consultation. I’ve found it so useful, even with my husband by my side taking notes it’s not possible to take it all in and sometimes when listening back I’ve discovered information that brings clarity or raises questions to ask the CNS.
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