I'm only 7 months into this awful journey and I keep thinking of the what ifs.
What if this is my last Christmas with my family ( youngest is only 10)
When their birthdays come around I think what if this is the last one I'll have with them
Please don't get me wrong I am so so happy I'm still here. But this time last year I was healthy looking forward to a great new year now nothing is normal anymore.
6 rounds chemo. 2 surgeries & starting Avastin next month
I would just love to know how to get past these feelings 😔
Take care everyone ❤
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Pixiepurple
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I think time is a great healer. You are still in the early stages of dealing with everything. I finished chemo on 30th January (my daughter’s birthday) this year. At first all my thoughts were ‘what if’ but as time has gone on and I’ve had my check ups and CA125 checks I’ve started to feel less anxious.
I was very fortunate I was not ill at all with the cancer and I think this makes a huge difference but chemo wasn’t exactly a picnic and I’ve been left with severe neuropathy which does affect me going forward.
I also have a good cry when I need one and that lets out a lot of emotion…. Be kind to yourself and realistic that it’s ok to have a ‘wobble’ now and again!
Imagine wasting all this good time worrying constantly and 17 years later you are writing on this forum about how you’ve never had a recurrence 🤷🏻♀️
Wishing you all the best for this New Year! Xx Jen
Thank you for the reply SuffolkJen. I am so hoping time will help. Feeling bit better now Christmas is behind me. I do know I should cry more but I can't I do think some counselling is needed. Thank you for taking the time to reply. Best wishes to you for 2024 xx
Don’t apologise for any negativity this is a tough journey and full of ups and downs. How you’re feeling is entirely natural and I remember for the first year after diagnosis and treatment I was tearful a lot of the time.
All I can say is as time passes and you’re feeling stronger you do just carry on with life and try to put the what ifs to one side although I know some days it’s hard. My twins were 12 when I was diagnosed and I was terrified of leaving them…but they both started university in September and are now grown up and living their own happy lives.
There are many ladies on here who are many years in and living full lives, some never having recurred and some who have but still in treatment and doing well. Even in the 6 years since I’ve been diagnosed the treatments for OC have moved on so much with different maintenance drugs helping women’s outcomes.
Just take one day at a time, seek the positives in every day and tell yourself you’ll beat it, you’re strong and you’ll get through this. Sending hugs to you,
Thank you Lizzy this is such a wonderful reply. Your twins starting university. So amazing. Given me so much hope. I would be so happy to be around to see my 3 go to college. Thank you for the hugs. I would be lost without these replies xx
Hi. Time helps but mainly I found that waking up each day and making the most of that day, the here and now. I was diagnosed stage 3b HGS OC BRAC2 in Oct 2007 and told my prognosis was poor and that I had 2 years. I got angry and defiant. Obv still here despite 2 recurrences, 3 clinical trials, the first being Avastin, and still currently on a trial for Olaparib which I have been on 10 years almost to the day. I have been NED 10 years 4 months.My onc thinks it may be that all cancer cells have been eradicated. I won’t say try and think positive, its more a case of taking each day and take it for what it is, the present, a present. Enjoy the simple things, even if that’s doing the ironing lol. Don’t worry about tomorrow, NOBODY is guaranteed tomorrow, all worrying does is ruin the here and now. Big hug xx Kathy xx
Thank you Kathy you are so strong & amazing news you have defeated the odds. 10 years & 4 months unbelievable. I have tried to put these thoughts behind me & take one day at a time xx
I am so glad you posted this Pixiepurple, I have had a really bad wobble over Christmas and those thoughts you mention have been there for me too.
Somehow knowing that someone else is experiencing the same thing cuts through the isolation you feel when everyone else seems so positive and you are the only person with doomy thoughts.
You helped me today and I hope that by sharing what’s bugging you support for you will flow from others. There’s no doubt that this journey makes you mentally tough xx
I think Christmas is particularly a tough one for “what ifs” and I have been feeling more anxious than normal last few weeks because of being a memorable time and it is difficult not too look back and wonder what the new year might bring.
Time has helped me to settle and reflect about the enormity of having cancer and acknowledge how traumatic it is. It is shit (excuse my language) and I am scared at times but I have also learned that there is still a life with good moments despite the illness and the uncertainty and I try to hold on to that idea when I am feeling down and anxious.
I wish you all the best and good health for the future.
Hi Ana Jim thank you so much for your honesty. It is just an awful journey we are on but its so good to be able to support each other. One day at a time x
Hello Pixiepurple, as so often with this site, I love what each person shares - the honesty, openness, acceptance and always, hope and kindness. My contribution is to consider the support that is available at Ovacome, their Supprt Team to talk to, their information sheets and webinars etc. etc. Most of us are 'Living with cancer' for many, many more months than 'dying from cancer', so explore all the support you feel with help you. Looking after yourself means you are better placed to look after and enjoy your family. As Katmal says, no-one knows how much of life we have ahead.
Warmest wishes for this most unwanted and unplanned next phase of LIFE. xx
After my husband suffered a major stroke in 2018, I was left having to work out how to cope. I learnt quite quickly to focus on what I could control each day. I’m convinced this mindset stood me in good stead when I was diagnosed in Feb 2021.
The what if’s are inevitable but try and bring yourself back to the here and now. Do something each day that makes you happy. find time for yourself. Make memories with your loved ones - these will follow you always.
It’s so difficult, but the only thing that has worked for us is to say thank god for today, today - everything is okay with our family. Wishing you the best.
Hello. I reply to you from a different perspective. My daughter too was diagnosed in June 2023 with Grade 3 HS Ovarian Cancer. Doctors and A&E has missed this twice as they failed to do the proper tests. (CA125 blood test would have provided an insight) She was told she had a muscle strain or a rumbling appendix. However once diagnosed and with a fantastic team of surgeons and health care professionals she is NED and approaching her final chemo. My daughter has been absolutely amazing, like you all are, but as her mum I worry every day. We have had some very difficult conversations as she has an 11 year old son. If there are any other mums out there who are going through this with their daughters and how you are coping with the “what ifs” as all I want to do is support her in the best possible way, how are you managing.
I hope you all continue to do well on your journey and all the best for 2024.
I so hope your daughter wins this battle. And I hope some Mums make contact. Both my parents are not with me any more & I'm happy they are not around I would hate to put them through this worry. But I do hope they are watching me from heaven x
Thank you Pixie Purple. I wish you well on your journey. I would give anything to take this from my daughter. But at the moment she is doing well and long may she continue to do so. All the stories on here are full of optimism and positivity by all you brave beautiful ladies. God bless you all.
I dont think you are being negative. I have just turned 72. Live alone with my dog as I am divorced and like many I have many ‘dips’. I try to get on with life and I feel grateful that I have my children and grand children and knowing that there is always someone younger than me and often suffering bad side effects from treatment. I had a tear in my eye as I looked at my family and friends over Christmas and New Year celebrations as we sang Auld Lang Syne. Be kind to yourself. Sending good wishes for 2024 and enjoying your life with your family. 🙏
Hi Pixiepurple Thank you for sharing your what if feelings. I think these are completely natural and understandable given the immense journey we are all on. I have had many melt downs and what if moments. I have found time also helps and living as full and positively as is possible within each day. Also seek out support from friends and family but also professionally. My local Macmillan Centre has and is fantastic. ( I am in the uk)I plan looking forward as much as I can and have made some excellent memories so far. I was diagnosed in the 6 Jan 2020 after many sessions of chemo and the maintenance drug Rucaparib I am still standing and fighting. Research is going on and trials are looking into new drugs and chemo to help turn things around.
Remember we are strong especially together. My best wishes for 2024. Love. BB.
I think it is entirely normal to have the ‘what ifs’. I am relatively early in my journey, 2 years post diagnosis and not a day goes by when I don’t think about the future and worry about my 15 yr old daughter and all those milestones I might miss.
However, on the flip side it has also made me determined to enjoy the here and now, I do treat myself to that new dress and I do book the holidays and trips out and I don’t take life for granted. That is the unique perspective we can all share. X
Hi Coco32 thank you. I must say I am looking into booking a holiday & it is so making me feel better. I have to start looking after myself too xx thank you. Its such a worry being a Mum with this disease. Thanks again x
What if feelings are normal but you don't have to let them rule your life. You have the power to say to the feelings, "Well, what if I have MANY years ahead of me?" You might find it helpful to have a chat with someone at Macmillan or Ovacome, or even to get your GP to refer you for some counselling (although there are long waiting lists). Today is New Year's Day, resolve to have a good year, you don't have to be any more specific than that. Then each day, decide to have a good day and that will help you feel better in yourself. Sending hugs!
Hi. I’m five years in with one recurrence and I remember vividly have ng your same feelings. I couldn’t be bothered to buy new clothes or make plans for six months down the road because “what if”? I sobbed while holding my newborn granddaughter because I thought she wouldn’t remember me. However as time passes I started to be less anxious. I was on Olaparib for three years and it got me to ned. As each six months between scans passed I felt more invested in the future though the what ifs are still always lurking in my mind especially in the month before each scan. At first it’s one day at a time then if you’re lucky you have longer stretches when you can live as normally as possible. I wish you a long remission!
is there a support group or someone affiliated with your cancer center? Anti-depressants may help you cope better. It’s not easy. When I start “going negative”, I redirect my thoughts to prayers like St Francis. Don’t let your mind control you. Try to control your thoughts.
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