I’ve had 3 wonderful years of remission after frontline. After a CT scan showing a supraclavicular lymph node recently, my Consultant said that it would mean chemo but highly confident of remission.....today I went for a biopsy. When the radiologist popped the ultrasound on the left side of my neck she found 4 suspicious nodes in a cluster. I burst into tears..... no in fact I had a massive meltdown!!! She tried to calm me by saying it’s still small volume and whether 1 or 4 nodes the chemo will zap it. Trouble is now I’m imagining it’s in my brain, I don’t know why. This is worse than initial diagnoses psychologically, can’t stop crying xx
Ahh lovely Carole, I was hoping one of the old crew would be here, and there you are 💗. I know, it’s low volume and weirdly my peritoneal is clear as are all my organs. Trying hard tonight to get it into perspective, need to pull my big girl pants up.
You know how up and down this journey can be... today you have had a real down, potentially facing chemo again and you need to cry it out. But you will rise again and feel strong, just keep hanging on in there ❤️
I'm so sorry Marion - it's so stressful isn't it. But come on - its only a little bitty cluster and look how well the chemo worked before. You got this - blast the little blighters into oblivion with the chemo. Are you still taking the COC drugs?
So sorry to hear that you are having a reoccurrence, but remember your strength and know that you did it once and will do it again. I’ll be praying for you
I’m so sorry to hear about this recurrence. It is absolutely fine to be terrified and meltdown. In fact it would be weird if you didn’t. Fear is a legitimate feeling. It needs to be recognised and acknowledged then it can be lessened, it has less power over us. So if you need to write about it do so or even draw a picture of how it feels to express it out of your body and the stress hormones will lessen too. It’s healthy. I don’t get why medics to try to calm us instead of allowing the feelings to come out .
Hi, when I had my first recurrence after nearly 4.5 years of remission I too found it to be worse than the original diagnosis, couldnt stop crying, thinking all sorts. but you did this before, you can do this again, yr oncologist is confident of remission so hold that thought, keep that at the forefront as you go through treatment. Seek counselling, I did and found it helped to get a grasp on what was going on. I really hope you can feel better soon. Bug hug, Kathy xx
I'm really sorry to read this & I totally understand your reaction. Have you considered either radiotherapy to zap the nodes or surgery to remove them? There are so many options these days & it would mean a trip to London I think either way, but I know of many people who have had great results from radiotherapy of one sort or another. It is now available in the NHS I believe. I can find out more from my oncologist, if you like.
I’m so sorry to hear of your recurrence and can understand your anxiety and disappointment..but take comfort from the fact it seems like a very small area that has been caught early, it’s not in any organs, your oncologist is confident it will be zapped away again and you’ve had 3 good years of NED, that’s got to stand you in good stead for remission again.
I’m sure once your treatment starts again you’ll be feeling more in control and strong to fight this again, but for now I’m sending huge hugs to you,
Thank you. Yes you are right. I’m trying to process it today. I did briefly mention surgery but surgeon didn’t really seem keen, just said chemo will sort it, but I’d much rather have them removed and then chemo xx
Hi Marian. I’m so sorry to read about your first recurrence. I can echo Kathy’s feelings. It’s such a shock when it comes back after years of remission (8 in my case). I found it much harder to deal deal with than the initial diagnosis but once the shock began to wear off, it was quite a relief to find that there are now far more treatment options available. Do try talking it through with Anna, she’s a lovely lady. In the meantime, sending love and very best wishes for the next few months. Jo 🌼🌺🌻🌸🌹
I remember yours coming back after 8 years! You really must have thought that you were home and dry.
It’s a horrible little beggar isn’t it? How are you doing now? Xx
Hi Marion - any recurrence is devastating, but try not to blow it out of proportion. You will be well versed in awaiting test results as we all are. Try to keep busy and give your self lots of treats until your next appointment where you can discus your fears rationally with your oncologist. "highly confident of remission" keep saying that to yourself. Good Luck x
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Hi Lyn, yes I will keep that thought, hope you are ok? Xx
So sorry to hear your news but like you said there’s nothing in your peritoneum or anywhere else so the Chemo will blast those 4 suspicious nodes away in no time and like she said it’s a very small volume.
Keep your chin up I’m sure you’ll be all clear again in no time!
If it helps I had a complete meltdown on my first recurrence it was far worse than the initial one because we all hope it is going to stay away forever don’t we.
They are very good so we have to remember that don’t we! Back in September it was 6 which was fab! I’ll be seeing him again in March sometime so will have another test then. Just over 2 years since big op (nov 2017) after 2nd recurrence and ca125 has been in single figures since but I do take Letrozole which must have helped. Dread results of ca125 every time But get on with my life in the meantime and go to work, (went to Australia and Bali in Oct last year for 3 weeks ) as what else can I do but the thought never leaves me as you probably know!
You have a very small recurrence although in an odd place but I’m sure they’ll blast it away - try to be as positive as you can and after your initial shock which I know is horrible , I’m sure you’ll fly through it and feel a lot better in yourself as the days go by! Stay strong and if you feel well in yourself make the most of every day! Xx 😘
Sorry to hear you are facing this again - I think we all live in hope that we will not have to go through treatment again so it is understandable that recurrence is so emotionally difficult to cope with - your oncologist sounds confident that chemotherapy will halt this again for you and there are options to explore like further surgery and radiotherapy - thinking of you as you get your head around it all x
Thanks, yes I want to explore surgery but it’s not on the table at the moment. Hope all is ok with you. Xx
Marion--I had three pea size bumps in a cluster on the side of my neck--started as one, then two, then three and I could feel them--try not touching all day when you can feel them! I was told they were lymph nodes and that chemo would zap them. I am (today) about to start cycle 3 of Taxol (they just added Avastin in cycle 2) and the bumps are gone. Gone to the feel and my guess is gone on the scan (which I will have in Feb). The doctors don't seem to find them as upsetting as we do--and I am proof chemo got rid of them--which I am confident will happen for you too! I hope the crying has eased and you are right--it is harder than initial diagnosis but when the chemo starts doing its job, you will see what a fighter you are. oxoxo
I have had two different cancers (first one not ovarian). My original cancer also spread to this node (it is a filter and unfortunately a good catching point!). When pressed by me, I was told they would take it out under day surgery conditions and I told them, no I would be happier with full theatre surgery - they eventually agreed. The node was packed with cancer, but so far, it has not come back at this site in 17 years. I did not have chemo or radiotherapy for this site. Reading other posts, it looks like they can do a lot to tackle this, and I wish you every success.
So sorry to hear this news but remember that they said the chemo would zap it so try not to stress about it. I know that's easier said than done, but, I'm sure you'll be fine, so think positively about nodes being eradicated by chemo. Take care. <hugs>
So sorry to hear, totally relate to how you are feeling. Wishing you all the best with treatment xx
Hi Marian, I’m so sorry about your recurrence. Feck it anyway! I also found my recurrence far more upsetting than the original diagnosis. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve every right to be upset. Have as many meltdowns as you need.
You can beat this! Keep strong! Sending you strength and hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
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