Scared after surgeon appt

[sunny1]

I had my consultation with the surgeon thats going to be doing my operation on 12th March. I had 3 cycles of taxol carbo that didnt shrink anything but he is happy to do the op now and then Im being referred to the Marsden after for different chemo (after they have looked at a bigger chunk under the microscope). I look for the positives when I come out of these meetings with the oncs/consultants and surgeons and Im trying to do that today. he said to me yesterday that he wont be able to get all of the cancer because some of it is behind my liver and hard to get to. hes going to do debulking and omentum removal and basically he said get as much as he can and until he goes in he wont know what he needs to do, so prepared me for poss bowel surgery etc. He said the aim is to get me to remission and 'keep it at bay' but what scares me is the fact that I feel they are telling me that it wont be got rid of at all, yet he said hes happy to do the surgery and that they dont 'waste' surgery hours if they dont think its beneficial. My OC is slow growing yet spread is extensive, so the voices in my head are telling me that Im not going to be free of this disease, yet he did say the aim is to get me to remission.

Im well and healthy, pain free and carry on with my life as best I can as a single mum with 2 kids yet when the fear creeps in its too much for me to let my brain face the unthinkable.

I guess today is the 'sinking in' of the appt yesterday and its always a lot to take in esp knowing I have my surgery in 3 weeks time and its very scary. I know tomorrow I will be ok and I havent had a dark day for ages and I really dont like it

Is there anyone that has had OC that has gone near the liver (they have just said its behind it and sitting on it, not that its necessarily 'attached' to it. I guess Im just looking for some reassurance because I feel a bit freaked at the moment. Thanks, K x

[Hidden]

Hi Kate - I remember the feeling so well!

They really tell you the worst partly because you have to give your consent for all the possible things they might have to do, and partly not to build up your hopes too much, I think.

I for one, was lucky in that the tumours had not attached to anything although they were cloaking my bowel and it was thought I'd lose part of it. It really is a case of 'too much information'. Try not to worry too much, and concentrate on boosting your immune system as much as poss, so that you go into the op in the best form possible. Then you have to trust him to do the best work he can!

Mine got it 100%,; yours might too.

Much Love,

Isadora.

[sunny1]

Thanks for your reply, you always know what to say to lessen the load a bit thankyou. I think you are right, he did say there are things he has to say to every patient I guess its a disclaimer so that we dont say after the op 'you never told me that might happen!!' he did in fact say that during the op he may have to make decisions and didnt want to give people high expectations.

My friend that came with me as moral support said 'well he was a bit blunt wasnt he!' But she also said that she felt confident in him by the end of the appointment.

I guess its me letting the information sink in. I look around as see people carrying on with their day without a care, and feel so envious that they dont have something like this dominating their life but then again, we dont know what goes on behind closed doors and so many have their troubles. Im sure people would never guess what is going on with me to look at me and speak to me.

Thanks x

[BusyLizzie in reply to sunny1]

Hi Sunny,

You are so right about closed doors. The people opposite where I live noticed when I fell ill last year as I was having problems walking due to the ascites - they thought it was a bad back. All through last year they spoke with me, and even bought me flowers from their garden. 2 weeks ago she was admitted to hospital and died 2 days later - she had been drinking herself to death and quietly going more and more yellow. The neighbours all thought the ambulance was for me.

None of us know what is around the corner although like you, I long for the days when I was innocent of the time bomb.

Good luck for the op, and I am sure they will get everything they can then nuke the rest with chemo. A low grade cancer is the lesser of the evils, so that is a positive too.

Love Lizzie

X

[sunny1]

Thankyou Lizzie xx

So sad about your neighbour

Thats what I have to have hope in, that because its low grade I hope it can be kept at bay and eventually kept sleeping.

3 weeks today I have my op. eek

[ScardyCat40]

Surgery will give you your best chance sunny.

If its not a personal question have you already gone through the menopause?

[sunny1]

Im only 35 so, no

[Hidden]

Hi Sunny

My oc had spread to the liver and small bowel. I had extensive surgery back in April 2010 and I am in remission at the moment. I was told that a lot of surgeons won't operate if it's on the liver so I count myself very lucky. It was found to be quite a big mass when I was in the operating theatre and it was touch and go as to whether they would operate and I am so glad they did. Then followed the 6/7 months of chemo and so far so good. Hope everything goes well for you. Just try to keep positive.

Love and hugs Chris x x

[sunny1]

Thanks Chris

My surgeon said hes happy to do the op, and he said that theatre time is precious and they dont do it if they dont think there is benefit, so I guess I have to take positivity from that. He said its behind the liver so I dont really know what that means and I dont know why they cant operate, isnt it poss to have another operation at a later date but go in from a different way?

K x

[daisycandoit]

Hi to all of you, this is my first post on here, don't know where to begin but I had a big op last year the cancer was behind my liver and 'on it' as opposed to 'in' they took my spleen out, a bit of small bowel and stomach. They did say I would have to have a coleostomy but I did not, they were obviously explaining worst scenario. They said they got everything they could see followed by 2 more rounds of chemo, just a few months later I have a 10 cm growth in my pelvic area, they did not know what it was they thought it was too soon to be cancer when my ca 125 was the same, normal and all the other spots we even better. So today I go to find out what it is and have been very scared this time, I wish you well sunny1 and hope your op is as successful as mine was love to all, Diane x