Feeling Sad

[Katmal-UK]

I have felt so down the last few weeks, not even sure why, stress at work maybe I just don't know. What I do know is that I came onto the Forum last night and couldn't believe what I was reading, the loss of beautiful women, taken too soon. Never met but felt like I knew them through their posts or replies. The feeling of sadness has magnified, I don't think the time of year helps but I'm trying to reason it out...... we go on, supporting one another, offering advice, a virtual hug and love along the way. I wish each and every one of you a Happy Christmas and a Happy 2018. To our teal angels above I will raise a glass and shed a tear. Onwards and Upwards ladies ......Kathy xx

[Yoshbosh]

Oh Kathy 🙁 It’s OK to feel sad, but you need to look after yourself and ask for help if it carries on or you feel worse. The latest news in our forum has been a big blow, and it always seems worse at Christmas. Sending a gentle ((((hug)))). Take care,

Vicki xxx

[Katmal-UK in reply to Yoshbosh]

I'm hoping it's just work related given I have been doing my own work plus 2 others and one of the ladies takes a week off for a headache and the bosses go awwww poor thing. I went for a check up and all I got was 'oh you just went for a routine checkup ' , they just don't get it! Maybe I'm feeling over sensitive and put upon lol. Also everyone has gone home and guess who has to work until 5.30 - time off in lieu of course...... ok remind me how that works when there is nobody to cover me...... and the one lady in question who is supposed to be assisting me is off ill again....... im not even sure they know what the excuse is this time . I'm probably too dependable though I do keep pointing out that the cemetery is full of people who were 'indispensible'. Still, shoulodn't complain, I did manage to get a whole 15 mins lunch hour today!. OK moan over .... I will stop feeling sorry for myself, others have it much worse......

[Caroles1 in reply to Katmal-UK]

Hi Kathy,

I don't come on here too much now, but am so sad at what I have been reading, these are ladies that have passed, maybe we didnt know them personally but they have responded to our posts and we are all in the same boat,no matter what the twists or turns we endure.

I know how you feel and although I don't work now I too am sick of the fact I am Ned at the moment and have others not taking into consideration what I have been through.

I think the more we show how capable we are the less people think we go through, not suggesting you change, because I can't either, I am maybe too capable, always will be.

Maybe don't be too available? Take a couple of days off sick?😈

Happy Christmas xxx

[chrissapam in reply to Caroles1]

I agree with this, have been doing everything pretty much whilst on weekly taxol and was surprised when I ended up in hospital(!)

All of you stop trying to over compensate for your illness ....tell your bosses women used to retire at 60 for a reason....and think about whether we are doing ourselves any favours by pretending we are always fine....even if we are not sure...try to remember this over the Christmas break and let everyone help you...I know it's boring..! C xxx

[Caroles1 in reply to chrissapam]

Goodo C !, I shrug off any help, anyone who asks how I am I always go, "I'm fine", even if I am not, have done it all through my illness and treatment and now people don't ask, even though I am Ned I still get tired, still have down days. So I agree, if you are offered help, take it and make no excuses for how you feel,

Happy seasons greetings to you all

Cxxx

[GINI-54 in reply to Katmal-UK]

I understand just how your feeling, now my hair is growing back everyone thinks I’m fine. I’ve got the same issues with work, even my other half has fallen back into his lazy ways , and with Xmas planning I’m exhausted. I’d had full debunking in Jan followed by 6 months Chemo. I’ve been diagnosed with the brcca1 gene and been recommended to have my breasts removed next year, but on top of that my scan showed up things on my bones and lung so I’ve just had a pet scan which I get the results from being of Jan. I know there’s something wrong, I can feel it, but I don’t want to worry my family. But I’m so flat, I’m coming across grumpy and miserable instead of the happpy soul I normally am. So I know how you feel, maybe we should all arrange a get together so we can be happy and sad together. The sharing of experiences ,and the support on this forum as helped me through many a dark day. Sending Christmas wishes to one and all, may the new year be a happy and positive one. Xx

[Tempestteapot]

I just wanted to comment Kathy as although I'm not dealing with ovarian cancer personally, I had a close brush myself and had TAH/BSO surgery and also lost my Mum to ovca.

I have followed this forum virtually silently ever since, willing each and every one of you on into health and recovery. The last few days and announcements of the passing of dear ladies whose names I have come to recognise has been so very, very sad and devastating.

I have discussed this forum with my wonderful surgeon who did my surgery (I still see him regularly) and he thinks every single woman with an Ovca diagnosis are truly remarkable that he has met in their determination of spirit in fighting this awful disease, and he is contributing research and hoping that real developments are made soon in the early detection and treatment. It is so very, very needed.

I'm sending so much love to you all here, even though I obviously don't know you all and am only on the 'periphery' of this group. And I'm thinking so much about the 'teal angels' and their dear families and loved ones at this time.

I hope you didn't mind me posting. xxx

[Katmal-UK in reply to Tempestteapot]

Hi not at all, never feel you cannot post. I think we are a determined bunch, made of stern stuff, I know I have' met' some truly amazing and inspirational ladies here on the forum, some no longer with us but who I think about regularly and their families at this time of year. xx

[Lyndy]

It’s a weird time of year Kathy. I have also been struck with the blues recently but you are right the growing list of our lovely virtual friends lost to this thing is heartbreaking.

Time for a gratitude list perhaps?

I am certainly very grateful for our fantastic forum...without it I would be alone with ‘the thing’.

Trying to let go of ‘the perfect Christmas ‘ and to welcome the ‘not quite right...feeling a bit wobbly Christmas ‘.

All good wishes everyone xx Lyndy

[Andrea63]

Hi Kathy - it’s a difficult time of year and there has been a lot of bad news here and for me elsewhere as well. I have cried a lot on December.

Over the holiday I’m going to take some time to think about what is important and plan a few nice things. We need to make the most of things but it can be hard to decide what to do when we’re juggling family, work and so much uncertainty.

I hope you have a lovely break from work and a bit of time to relax and plan a few treats.

Take care

Andrea

[ShropshireJo]

Hi Kathy. So sorry you’re feeling down at the moment. May be the break from work will give you time to breathe. This time of year is very stressful for working women let alone those dealing with physical and emotional fallout from OC too. Sending you a big hug and my very best warmest wishes for Christmas. Love Jo 🌻🌺🌸🌼🌹 🎄

[Hidden]

Hi Kathy ours not to reason why regarding those we lost on the past day or so. It is sad for the families and we will lose the wisdom and kindness of these beautiful souls. For various reasons Xmas can be a roller coaster of emotions. It is okay not to be okay. Sending you kind hugs and hope you can get out and go for a walk during the festive season. Sometimes we just need alone time

[Hidden]

Hi Kathy. Yes what a sad week. I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today. You’ve always given me such good advice. Love Chris 😘😘

[Mrs_Atko]

Kathy...sending you a little warming ((hug)) from me...I'm just catching up with all the news on here having been away and my heart is breaking Such a horribly sad thing to hear we have lost more of our beautiful teal warriors and so close to Xmas. Those we have lost and all who are still fighting...you are all very much in my thoughts and i'm sending you lots and lots of comfort and love. Jemima xx

[GoldenGourd]

Same to you Kathy. Onwards, upwards but still remembering the special people we have had to say goodbye to all too soon.

Xx Netti

[henrib]

Kathy - "To our teal angels above I will raise a glass and shed a tear" I will do the same and send you a virtual hug. I get the blues too, please be kind to yourself. Try not to pick up the slack for the slackers...I say "try" because I am the same and it takes practice to let that go.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas and fully savored lunch hours in 2018 - you deserve it!

Valerie

[MH500]

Kathy, you are a linchpin on this site and you are usually very upbeat sounding. But, you are allowed to feel down, it’s ok!! The sadness on here this past few days has impacted us all. I sat and cried and cried last evening and then had an uncharacteristic anger episode just at the bloody injustice of it all. All these beautiful women being taken from their families........Then I cheered for Vicki Yoshbosh and her good news, and cried tears of joy for her.....

Like others have said it’s a very strange time of year for many and then add OC and it doubles. We as a community have taken a hit ‘together.We will never forget our sleeping angels, but we must plough on ‘together’.

Please have a peaceful and joyous Christmas for yourself and your family

Much love, Marian xxxxx

[Zena41]

Sending hugs to lovely kathy.

Put that pen down get your slippers on and forget work pour a glass 🥃

[Kryssy]

Oh Kathy. You were the first person to reply to my first nervous post. I'll never forget that. I do hope that you can find a way to get through this sadness. At this time of year we tend to reflect on the last 12 months and all the sad news and shed loads of pressure we've endured all year comes to mind and then it's Christmas and we are supposed to be jolly and bright but in truth we think more of those we love and have gone forever, a million things to organise and buy and the general mayhem and fuss that surrounds one chaotic day. On top of that we are cold, damp and rarely see the sunshine - except for lucky Lorraine in Oz. It's no wonder we feel totally wrecked.

I learned this week that talking to someone is so helpful, especially someone who isn't going to be affected by what you say. Sometimes family and friends feel your pain and sadness so you end up feeling guilty for passing that to them. I came very close to doing something very silly this week. I just thought that everyone would be better off if I was dead. It's so out of character for me but I got stuck in a black hole and there was no way out. My turning point was when admin intervened and asked me to contact them as my posts were worrying them. Thankfully I did. I'm still a bit sad but not suicidal anymore. I know it's ok to feel sad and to work through it and come out the other side. Don't apologise for your sadness or tell yourself to buck up, there's worse off etc. At the moment it's about you and how you feel and you need to be heard.

We are all here for you, as you were for me that very first post. Please try to talk to someone who will listen, understand and not make you feel guilty for it. Bless you.

Big love xxx

[Katmal-UK in reply to Kryssy]

Thanks Kryssy. I m hoping its just 'seasonal blues' but time will tell, everyone at work thinks Im 'amazing' , Im not but I suppose its the 'face' I present because I carry on. I do hope you are feeling better and I can tell you one thing , nobody would be better off if you werent here, especially your family and all of us here on the forum. Losing the other ladies recently rocked us all, I know Im struggling with the news. Im off out early today to get my nails done which Im hoping will cheer me up.... doubt it lol. Thank you for your kind words xx Kathy

[harpist_UK]

I'm sorry you have been feeling down, Kathy - it's a bit of a strain always to be labelled 'amazing' and OC always makes us vulnerable to lows. It's hard for other people to see that this never goes away for us however well we look, and when sympathy goes to people with normal headaches, colds, man flu etc it is hard to take! The sad loss of friends on the same journey is always difficult because it makes us reflect on our own journey too. I hope you have a restful Christmas and some joy with family and friends, and perhaps plan a treat for next year. Christine x

[Katiebairdie]

Moan all you like nobody here will mind, this is a great place to let all our feelings out.

Regarding your workplace, we are always told that nobody is indispensable so you really should do as you would be done by and suddenly invent a pain and take a few days off to recover.

Hope your nails look great and you get some lovely treats on Christmas Day.

K xx

[IrishMollyO]

Hi Kathy

It’s seven am and after my usual broken sleep I am reading the posts. It has been such a sad week and magnified by the fact that it’s Christmas week . We are all bound to be feeling like this after reading about women we have got to know finally succumbing to this evil disease . I’m sure these same women would not want us feeling sad and upset but they would know they will never be forgotten .

Then I read about your experience at work and I got angry on your behalf . I’m so glad I was already retired before diagnosis as people don’t understand that looking good doesnt always show the true picture . As I worked in the head office of an airline you can pick out the malingerers after a while. They are the ones whose headaches seemed to merit two days sick keave or even a week if you can persuade a gullible doctor !

I hope you have plenty of time off over Christmas to recharge your batteries Kathy. Happy Christmas and I hope you have a New year filled with hope , health and happiness . Take care

XXX

[January-2016-UK]

The lack of light is possibly affecting your mood, especially with all the sad news we’ve had recently. Spring and summer are on their way!

As regards work, unless you’re looking at a substantial pay rise, it’s time to say enough is enough.

Happy Christmas to you and your family!

Helen

[Travelmonster]

Really sorry to hear you feel sad, sending a big virtual hug.

Paula xxxx

[Hidden]

I haven’t been on here for a while as I was struggling a little reading about so many ladies recurring. It was scaring me.

To read about the very sad loss of all the lovely teal ladies is devastating.

What a shock.

It’s a very hard time of year for lots of people for so many different reasons.

It’s a time of year that we are supposed to be happy and merry but do some it’s a sad time.

Don’t apologise for feeling down.

This is the place for you to be able to express how you feel knowing that everyone here understands.

I sometimes think that other people have no idea at all what goes on in our bodies or minds. But here everyone does.

I too will raise a glass to the teal angels knowing how strongly they fought.

Xxx

[Jo-Jo1-UK]

Sorry your having a down patch Kathy, not like you as you are always a pillar of strength to everyone on this forum. Like all the lovely ladies say, it's probably just time of year. Doing the job of 3 people is tough, plus the build up to Christmas and the anxiety around your 'routine appointment'. People just don't understand the meaning behind us going for these check ups, for us sadly we are faced with the harsh reality of this on here every day and yesterday was incredibly sad and tragic with the passing of 3 lovely ladies. I hope you feel better after a break from work over Christmas. Love and best wishes, Jo xxx

[Jessica-DianeB]

Sending a big virtual hug your way Kathy xxx

[angeladale]

So many wonderful responses and of course , I agree with everyone . It has been a very, very sad week , too many leaving us . Did we know all these women , personally ? No, but we share such similar stories , same anxieties , fears and longings . We all " know " one another , we are a part of humanity . I have quoted John Donne recently and now again , " ask not for whom the bell tolls , it tolls for thee , " And that is why we cry .

At this time of the year , we are bombarded with the idea of Happy Families , dark days , no light , we are tired .....with so many demands being made when really we want to curl up and hybernate !! ( that's me folks ! )

Feeling sad is allowing ourselves to accept the inevitable , perhaps . It doesn't mean we are depressed when we cry , but releasing our terrors perhaps, that we have not allowed ourselves to previously .

It is indeed a sad time on this site .

But we are here and we will keep going for as long as we can .

May I wish everyone a 2018 which is full of world peace , prosperity for those with nothing , and joy in what we do have .

And may the scientists have light bulb moments !

Hugs to all in a big , on line group hug !!

[harpist_UK in reply to angeladale]

Thank you for your reflections, Angela. Wise and insightful. May all our wishes come true

[chrissapam]

Oh Kathy, am sorry you feel like this....you have been, and still are such an inspiration on this site; I suppose you must sometimes wonder why you are still here when others aren't.....but some of it is probably genetic .....was not your mother in a somewhat similar position?

Whatever happens....don't let them maybe inadvertently, undermine you at work...request shorter hours....they are supposed to consider this seriously and think about enjoying yourself.....or if you need to,leave!

Think about it all over Christmas...although lovely it can be such an exhausting time....we are all rooting for you to recover your sparkle! Love and hugs, Chris xxx

[lorraine71-Australia]

HI Kathy Like you I'm feeling down and yet I have a lot to be thankful for a lovely supportive family and when I was diagnosed I was told I would not see the year out 3 years and I'm still here.

The last two Christmas I felt very down thinking this could be my last, so this year after worrying for 3 years I thought right I'm going to have the family here for lunch and celebrate

Christmas but here I am trying to cook and still can not lift my spirits maybe the sad news about our friends has not helped.

When the family arrives and my lovely grandchild are here I Wii have to give myself a good kick.

I would like to wish you and all the ladies a very merry Christmas and as you said give a thought for are missing teal angles and their family's ..all best for 2018 love Lorraine xx

[Kim1958]

I think that feeling down is part of the ovarian cancer experience at times. It is such a huge battle that requires so much strength, and sometimes we just get down about it. I have been there myself on several occasions! It's okay to let yourself feel your feelings, and it is good to talk about it here. We all understand. I will raise a glass to our teal angels as well, and send you a big virtual hug. Kim xx

[Bubbles-1]

Sending you lots of love Kathy, and to all the wonderfully strong, courageous, beautiful women on this forum.

So very sad on the loss of our ladies, praying for them and their families.

Much love, Michelle ❤️Xx

[Hidden]

What wise words from everyone.

Kathy, you've more than enough reason to feel down. We live this as best we can, all amazing in different ways, but others' lack of insight can be wearing. I too am sick of having my resilience admired! And the resentment at carrying others at work is utterly wearing.

What a run of devastating news this week too, especially for the loved ones, but hurting us all too.

I generally hate this time of year, the short days and lack of light, the endless encouragement to pointless consumerism, the marketisation of happy families, the need to socialise relentlessly.

It seems worse this year somehow. I'm very upset, sad and angry, about the enormous increase in people sleeping on the street near us, our food bank's desperate appeals for supplies, refugees all over the world, unwanted and stuck in limbo. And don't even get me started with fears for the future of this country! There are at least some worries we are fortunate not to have.

If this sounds a bit pious and po-faced, that isn't at all what I mean. Perhaps a soul clearing early morning rant-ette!

I've finally got my little tree decorated and made my wreath and am off to do more baking for little gifts for people and ice the cake. I'm looking forward to seeing the people I'll be seeing...... but, at the same time....

Onwards and upwards, you good women, on all fronts at once, at the moment! xx

[Solange]

I empathise completely!! It doesn't sound at all pious or po-faced.

Hope you have a Happy Christmas. Keep caring, even if we can't change much of the World's wrongs.

Love, Solange 😊

[SarahsJourney]

Kathy, reading this just now. I hope your mood lifted enough for you to enjoy some of the festivities. It’s only a day isn’t it. Yet we place so much emphasis on it. Well I do anyway.

Wanted to just send a hug and say I get it xxx