Giving up

I am beginning to think that my cancer might be returning, after 6 goes of carbo/taxol and 8 doses of Avastin. I was NED in January, and had begun to feel better generally, but in the past fortnight I have had persistent pain in my right groin, and increasing tiredness.

I am 70 next Monday. I am of the opinion that I don't want to go on having more operations, chemo etc. What I can't find out is whether just lying back and waiting for the end is worse than treatment, or whether the palliative care teams really can make sure you have a peaceful and pain-free death.

12 Replies

  • Hi Rachael Firstly I just want to say that I really hope your fears are unfounded but if you do decide against further treatment I can only advise from looking after my mum at home with cancer. She originally had Ovarian Cancer, Stage 3, which didn't return but succumbed to Bowel Cancer and her passing was pain free and very peaceful. I wish you well, do let us know how you get on. The pain may not be related to your OC, I frequently experience pain in the groin area, goodness knows what causes it. Big hug, Kathy xx

  • Hi Rachael...I concur with Kathy and hopefully your fears of recurrence are unfounded. But similarly to what Kathy said, I cared for my darling Mum at home, who was diagnosed stage 4 primary liver cancer (so palliative from the get go) and although she was in pain from the metastases to her bones, we managed, on the whole, to keep on top of it all for her and keep her very comfortable, at home, until the end where it was very peaceful. I can only imagine what the thought of more treatment must be like for anyone, but I very much hope that you can celebrate your 70th birthday in comfort and style (Happy Birthday for Monday by the way) and perhaps you can go about getting some clarification in relation to the pain you have been experiencing to perhaps settle your fears? Let us know how you get on. Thinking of you hun xx

  • Hi Rachael, I was sadden to read your post , I do understand how you feel I will be 72 in July and I been fighting this beast for 2 1/2 years and this has been my 3 rd reassurance. The chemo I'm' on is not working and I'm now waiting to see what is next . Like you I wonder is it better to just let it go it's course and it 's been hard at times. so I hope with all my heart you can come to the right decision for you. Happy Birthday Rachel for Monday and many many more my love pleas keep in touch there are a lot of lovely ladies on this site with good advice and encouragement ..Cheers Lorraine xx

  • Hi Rachael. I am so sad to read your post and I do understand why you must be so scared. Please contact your doctor to see what is causing your pain, it is possibly not related to the cancer. I hope you have a lovely birthday on Monday and I hope you have many more to come. Please keep in touch and let us know. Sending lots of love ❤️ xx Jane

  • Happy 70th birthday for Monday. Do speak to your CNS about the pain you're experiencing; it may be nothing to do with your cancer or treatment.

    Its might be this pain and the thought that you might have to immediately start a new and different treatment regime so soon that is making you think enough is enough but you may well enjoy years treatment free. However I understand that end of life care from the palliative care teams, either at home or in a hospice can give a pain-free and peaceful passing away. All the best!

  • Rachael, I completely understand all of your concerns. Please go to your doctor and get your pain checked out. I have adhesions from TAH with bowel and bladder resections. I get pains in my groin area every single day. At first I was sure the bugger had come back, but after visits to my doc and some changes in diet I now have fewer pains. I too have pondered my demise. Like you, I do not want to suffer. I also know that I'm enjoying every single moment being alive right now! So, go get medical attention for your current discomfort and tiredness. FYI- Stress makes us all need more sleep. Love to you my dear.

  • Hi Rachel, I'm sorry to read that your feeling this way. If you have moire Avastin to get can I suggest you ask for a PICC line as this definitely makes administering treatment so much easier. The thought of the nurse trying to find a vein can make us so anxious and the PICC line will remove that anxiety.

    I cannot offer advice on palliative care as haven't had experience. I would hope that they could control any pain and make our passing easier for us.

    70 is not old there are many ladies much older on this forum. Try taking it one step at a time. Contact your CNS about the pain, see what's happening and discuss all options, including a PICC line before making any decisions. Have a lovely 70th birthday on Monday. Ann xx

  • Hi Rachael

    First I want to say happy birthday in Monday. As I will be 72 this year I certainly don't consider you old or me either . I don't know when you were diagnosed or if this was your first treatment but we all know how hard it can be to go through it. There may be totally innocent reasons for your groin pain and other women's replies would back that up. Don't make any decisions until you clear it up with your doctor. Many times even when we are NED this disease can hit you like a sledgehammer psychologically. If you have never seen a Cancer psychologist do consider seeing one. I could not have got through without mine . I do wish you all the best . Take care


  • Do not give up. I am 71 and in a trial for Olaparib. It will soon be approved for use for all ovarian cancer patients. There are many new promising drugs being approved and although there is no cure, these new drugs are easier on the body and hopefully will be extending our lives in hopes for a cure. This is a pill taken twice a day with less side affects than Chemo. Prayers are with you in hopes you find the right treatment.

  • Thank you all for your supportive comments. I went to see my rather gloomy GP yesterday. He says helpful things like 'you are going through the worst thing anyone can have' and 'it might be a recurrence, or it might not'. He is lovely, but not exactly encouraging! My next dose of Avastin is next Tuesday, so I will have an appointment with the oncologist in the morning. I will be more insistent about getting a date for a scan - should have been the beginning of the month. Putting all thought of mortality aside for the weekend, birthday get together with children tomorrow then out with OH on Monday.

  • Thinking of you Rachael, and hope you enjoy your birthday celebrations.

  • Hi Rachel,firstly belated birthday greetings😀🍰🎉🍷x

    I too had and still do to an extent pain in my groin and hip area .I am under Palliative Care (Brilliant care) as I'm incurable and inoperative,been on this for almost 3 years ,stage 4 advanced.I was worried like you last week regarding groin pain.My Palliative care nurse set my mind at ease.Turns out its from Bowels being sluggish so started a regime of movicol,maxalon and senna, pain deminished greatly.Im on Olaparib also since last yr,BRCA positive.I feel extreamly tired at times.

    At the end of the day,lovely though our GPS are,they cannot see inside of us and can only go on what we tell them so your both blinded by uncertainty.I hope you have got help and information by now from your Onc team xx

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