Feeling frustrated

Sorry ladies but feel a bit frustrated lately, I feel very lucky as have very supportive hubby family and friends, my frustration is that my cancer is all some of my friends seem to want to talk about, I'm lucky in the respect I can still work and am active, I have lots of other things to talk about our conversations don't have to be all about me, some of them even avoid answering questions I ask about their lives, I've even politely said let not talk about me change the subject etc but it's as if they can't see anything else, they are very supportive but I really don't have to talk about how I feel all of the time, my husband and I obviously do talk about things but it's not our only conversation, it would drive me nuts!!!

Am I being too sensitive and ungrateful to the people that care about me, I just wish they could treat me as karen not a cancer patient!

Thank you for listening ladies, sorry for the rant.

Best wishes to you all

Xx

20 Replies

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  • I don't think you are being too sensitive ... I would feel the same I totally understand your point of view .... when I'm out with friends I want to escape the cancer thing and be me.... I still look like a cancer patient which is bad enough be I want to be me so badly ..... your friends love you and want to be reassured that your ok so I get that too but be strong and make the conversation about cancer short and change topic to something much more fun 😃

  • Thank you for your reply, my friends are lovely but it just too much sometimes, good idea xx

  • Hopefully you can tell your friends you'd like to talk about something else as you need a break from speaking about you and your cancer! "Thanks for your concern but I really need a break from that today"!!!

    Be warned though they may never mention it again due to fear of upsetting you! There is a really fine line between talking about it too much and ignoring what's going on so it is a difficult message for some to give and for some to hear, if they are not getting that message then say it louder!

    Hope it works for you 😀🙋🏼

    Take care

    Clare xx

  • You so right Clare and the last thing I want to do is hurt them but I do need to shout louder so to speak.

    Hope you are doing well thanks again

    Xx

  • Hi Karen,

    I know what you mean, I spend the first half hour or more updating friends on my treatments when we meet. I know they care but I just wish some of them would remember what I have already told them, I constantly have to go over things. But I guess it's their way of caring.

    How are you doing, and what are they going to give you now you are off of Etopiside ?

    Best wishes

  • Hi Trix I know it is hard isn't it!!

    I'm now on tamoxifen twice daily to see how it goes, then if it doesn't work chemo again not sure what regime though! Hopefully I will get a few months at least!!

    How are you doing? Xxx

  • Hi Karen,

    I had one week of Etopiside and tolerated it quite well and I will know on Thursday if there is any good news in my blood results. And start again if all ok. I did think it had done some good, but the last few days I have had loads of gas, burping and quite queasy so that's not good. Not had so much liver pain so that's good but I will have to see what awaits me on Thursday.

    Tough my god yes.

    Hope the tamoxifen works for you. X

  • Really hope it works for you Trix, wishing you all the best and lots of positive vibes your way.

    Yes I found it really tough and didn't tolerate it at all so you've done really well.

    Good luck will be thinking of you

    Xx

  • Hi Karen, no, I don't think you are being too sensitive at all. I find it much easier to talk to people who have no idea about what's going on with me! Most of my good friends are fine and will change the subject once I asked them too. With very close friends we can even find something funny about all this mess. Its important to talk about the normal stuff too. For me, the worst thing is the 'sad puppy' looks I get from people I know but not well. I try and joke about it with my husband. I guess people are just trying to be nice and some don't know how to handle it or know what to say or think you want to talk about it.

    Getting diagnosed is a huge shock and takes time to adjust, sometimes I think it takes friends longer. Keep changing the subject - the message will get through.

    Hope you have a good day. All the best, Sx

  • Thank you that's a good idea as don't want to hurt them!

    All the best and wishing you all the best

    Xx

  • Cancer is a greater problem for your friends than for you.You are right

  • I understand your frustration, but I have the opposite problem - none of my friends wants to talk about it, even when I do! I guess it's difficult to get the perfect balance. :-(

    Barbara

  • It is getting the right balance as you do need people you can talk to and you are so right.

    Xx

  • Barbara. Exactly the same with me. BUT that's my doing. When I initially told people I have cancer I made it extremely clear to them that I expected to be treated exactly as I always have been, I didn't need to be asked lots how I was as I'd tell them if I wasn't ok, if I wanted help I'd just ask, etc. I must have done a very good job of getting the message across because no one ever asks how I am!!!

    I'm fine with that because everyone has done exactly what I asked of them. I've had a couple of people say ok but if you do ever need to talk about it then come to me. So as far as I'm concerned that's all I need. Everyone to treat me in the way that I asked, but knowing that there are a couple of people who have flagged that they'll be happy to talk about cancer if I need them.

  • Actually, Barbara, I've just read your comment again and it's not exactly the same. You sound like you could do with someone asking you how you are and listening to you so you can talk about cancer.

    I must admit some of my friends are probably relieved I've said that they don't need to talk about cancer with me. Not everyone does want to. But there are sometimes people who do. Perhaps you've just not picked the right person to raise the discussion with yet? Sometimes the 'right' friend for these discussions can be the one you least expected.

    Have you been/do you go to any support groups or counselling sessions? Are you able to talk about cancer on these forums/does that help enough or do you feel like you'd like someone sat next to you talking with you?

  • Hi Karen

    I know what you mean. I had scan results a few weeks ago. My friends wanted to know all the nitty gritty. It felt like the Spanish Inquisition!

    Best wishes

    Judy xx

  • Hi Judy I know exactly what you mean, I repeat myself over and over again.

    Thanks for replying

    Best wishes

    Xxx

  • Hi luv,

    Although friends are lovely, they fall in groups of wanting to talk about the c word all the time,not wanting to talk about it at all and focus on themselves or give outpourings of grief but never talk to you again!

    Your friends think they are doing the right thing because they think that is what you want.maybe you could give them the 10 minute warning where they all talk about it for 10 minutes then after that there is a donation box if the OC is mentioned?

    My experience is if they want to be with you at all they are being kind but they don't know how to properly react

    Carolexxx

  • I like that idea Carole and yes I agree they don't know how to react around me thank you xx

  • I had a different experience when I went back to work post treatments, it wasnt mentioned, it was like it was taboo. I think the boss told them to act this way in case I would get upset. My friends are mostly outside work, well I am retired now I understand we need a break from all things medical. One day I went for a coffee with a cousin I hardly knew and it was the best thing for me. He knew nothing about my illness, all he wanted was information about another cousin. So it was great OC never came up apart from the fact he disclosed his mother and her sister, my two grandaunts died from it. He was just mentioning that he didnt think much of their gp as it was diagnosed too late. So I just agreed with him and let it go. My friends dont mention it much and that is good too, we talk about everything else. I do have a long term friend who is on treatment for a different Cancer and we do share a lot.

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