I don't eally know why I feel the need to post this. I was with Dad at the hospital in the morning then got the call at 4.30 pm. Not unexpected - indeed a kind of relief as he had a lengthy deterioriation after a stroke.
I had a long chat with my family this evening, which along with a glass or two of wine, seemed to calm me. But now here we are at 3 am and I'm as awake as can be. My thoughts are racing again about all the family stuff - and my recurrence of course. I know I'll get through this but it almost feels too much just now. I'm tired of saying to my husband "it can't get any worse" and then being caught out again.
My relationship with my father was very complicated and he was absent for much of our childhood, however over the last couple of months I finally felt I was close to him. I just feel so sad, and I miss my mum too ( although that was 16 yrs ago).
I suppose it's what they say - you don't feel totally grown up until you lose your parents. All best wishes to everyone out there - keep the faith with me x