My dad has died

I don't eally know why I feel the need to post this. I was with Dad at the hospital in the morning then got the call at 4.30 pm. Not unexpected - indeed a kind of relief as he had a lengthy deterioriation after a stroke.

I had a long chat with my family this evening, which along with a glass or two of wine, seemed to calm me. But now here we are at 3 am and I'm as awake as can be. My thoughts are racing again about all the family stuff - and my recurrence of course. I know I'll get through this but it almost feels too much just now. I'm tired of saying to my husband "it can't get any worse" and then being caught out again.

My relationship with my father was very complicated and he was absent for much of our childhood, however over the last couple of months I finally felt I was close to him. I just feel so sad, and I miss my mum too ( although that was 16 yrs ago).

I suppose it's what they say - you don't feel totally grown up until you lose your parents. All best wishes to everyone out there - keep the faith with me x

25 Replies

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  • Sorry - what I didn't explain in my post is that I didn't tell him about my recurrence. He was ill by then, and had been so afraid for me when I was first diagnosed that I didn't think there was any point in worrying him more. x

  • Thinking of you.

    My father died 9 years ago after being completely incapacitated by a stroke for nearly a year. It was a relief. The blessing in disguise was I didn't need to tell him about my breast cancer which I had before OC, so I do understand you didn't tell.

    It's tough losing a parent at any time, but with your other worries, not at all surprising you were awake in the wee small hours. It can feel as if things can't possibly get worse. But how much worse they would be if we were Syrian refugees on top of things.

    One of the things this forum shows time and again is just how resilient women can be.

    I miss my dad a lot, especially when I'm somewhere special to him, as I am at the moment. But it's also a pleasure to remember him.

    Wishing you strength and peace at this time xx

  • Oh dear, that is hard! We never told my mum that I had cancer, as she was too ill herself to deal with it, so I know how that feels. Hugs - you'll continue to feel sad at times, but it does eventually stop being centre stage.

    We lost a good family friend, my father-in-law and my mum, in that order, in under two months a year after my diagnosis. It was hard, but we did get through it.

    Love and best wishes,

    Barbara

  • I'm so sorry to read about your dad, so pleased that you were close again and that you managed to reconnect. You've had a shock to your emotions and to your system, even if his death was expected. You need time to process and there is a lot going on in your life too. My mum died recently and I talk out loud to her every day, that helps me but I know it's not for everyone. There will be an emotional time ahead dealing and coping with the next steps of his death and you need to try and keep as calm and stress free as possible.

    Sending you a big hug and as much strength as I can for you over the airwaves.

    Take care

    Clare xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. It was good that you had become close again and that will mean a lot while you grieve . My mother was alive for my diagnosis 5 years ago but I played it down and continued to care for her as as it made things easier. She died nearly two years and was not around for my recurrence and I'm grateful for that. It must have been so difficult for you to know and not tell .

    Of course you will be missing your mum too very much. It doesn't really matter how long ago it happened as its such a big loss of the first important prople in our lives . I hope you have managed to sleep as I turned on my ipad when I woke up at 7 to read your sad news . I wish you all the best for the future and may your parents rest in peace . Take care.

    XXX

  • Hi Minard, I am so sorry to hear your dad has died. Sending you a virtual hug, Yosh x

  • It was six years since I lost my Dad a couple of weeks ago. I miss him a lot. Even if you are prepared for their departure it doesn't soften the blow. Sending you my condolences

    LA xx

  • I'm sorry to read your sad news. Sending you much love and prayers x

  • So sorry to hear your news. I lost my dad 9 years ago and still think about him. I am glad he never knew what I went through as we were very close. You have to think about yourself now and give yourself some treats every now and again. Your dad would have wanted that for you. Take care x

  • Hi Minard,

    I'm so sorry for your loss.I am an only child and I lost my mum in 2010 and my dad died of a broken heart 6 months later.

    There isn't a day I don't think of them both with fondness and am relieved they never knew about my cancer.

    I'm so pleased you were close to your dad when he passed,I promise you it will get easier,but right now you need time to grieve.Its of no surprise you couldn't sleep,I spent a lot of times awake mulling things over in my head in the middle of the night,still do.

    Just be kind to yourself and remember the good times you had with your dad,take care

    Carole xxx

  • Minard,

    So sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost my mum last year and miss her terribly, its not easy at any age to say goodbye to a parent!

    May your dad rest in peace.

    Dx

  • Please accept my condolences. I know what it feels like to lose both parents, my dad first and then 10 years later my mum. Suddenly felt all alone in the world, which was silly really as I had my husband and two daughters! I'm so glad you and your dad were reconciled and he had been in good health to allow you to get to know each oither. As you say, his passing was probably for the best as I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to be left incapacitated. Each day will become easier for you I'm sure and sleep will return. Gods Bless. Ann xo

  • Minard so sorry to hear about your dad, my thoughts and prayers are with you at this sad time.

    L x

  • Very sorry for your loss. It's definitely a milestone losing your parents. My dad also had a stroke and then lived for 10 years but had really had enough by the end so it was a sense of relief mixed with grief but now I can think of him with a smile. Mum died this year and it's still hard to believe she's really gone even though she too was ready to go. It's good that you were reconciled with your dad, that will give you peace as you get through this time. Sending hugs

    Madeline x

  • Im sorry for your loss. It is hard and I can only imagine what are you going through. You need some time and try to do anything what will help you deal with all this stuff. Write posts, blog, meet friends or lock yourself in room - whatever will give you some relief. Just remember, we are stronger than we think and even it is hard time now...the good days will come as well. I wish you all the best, take care

    Zaneta from hairless beauty, xx

  • Hi I'm so sorry for your loss, I know how it feels I lost my dad many years ago but still miss him.

    Wishing you all the best

    Karen

    Xx

  • Sorry about your dad

    Really hope you feel ok

    Lots of love

    Judy x

  • So sorry you lost your Dad. I lost my Mum after completing my first treatment and it was hard. However it must be a help that you got closer to your Dad before he died. You have a hard week or ten days ahead of you and probably wont have time to think of treatment. I will be thinking of you

  • So sorry to hear you have lost your dad. Thinking of you x

  • So sorry - thinking of you. x

  • Minard, I'm so sorry to read the sad news about your father's death. I don't think we are ever really prepared for how we feel when we lose a parent. My mum was desperately ill, as was my dear Mum-in-law, before they died and I really wanted them both to pass away as quickly as possible, as they were suffering. My husband and I really wanted them to die and be at peace, but when each of them did succumb, I couldn't believe the sadness and grief I felt. I feel for you, especially as you finally had become close to your Dad. You'll get through this, though, it probably feels like the last straw at the moment. I think we need our downs, in a way, to make us appreciate our ups, which will come again.

    Sending love and Sympathy, Solange

  • So sorry to hear your sad news, Sending my condolence and virtual hugs. Xx

  • Thanks to everyone for their kind responses. I feel a little better now as we're into funeral-planning mode, and I'm thinking through all the lovely little memories I can bring to that event. You have all helped me take stock, and to appreciate that I had got to a good place with my father.

    I hope everyone has a good weekend. We all deserve it!

    Caroline x

  • I'm really sorry to read about your dad .. My dad died 16 years ago if lung cancer I still have chats with him in my head 😖 Like you mentioned it was a relief when he passed as he had been so I'll after his recurrence but still heart wrenching.. After he passed I prayed that I would not get cancer as I saw how it ravaged a healthy man. Here I find myself with OC ironic... Without this forum I no I would not be as strong ... I so no where your coming from with it can't get any worse then it does but all we can do is fight and be there for each other ❤️❤️

  • minard Im so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself darling. Stress can play a huge part with our health and you need to focus on getting well. Sending love and hugs your way.

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