Looks like I'm done!

[Hitchmo]

Hello lovely ladies. So -- it looks like I'm done with the chemo. I spoke with the CNS/Macmillan Nurse Lady today and got her up to speed -- that my 6th round had been delayed again on Friday, and my neutrophils lower than the previous week, etc. I told her, whatever the oncologist advises, I will do -- but if he thinks it's okay to stop now, I'd be fine with that.

Well, about 6 this evening I noticed I had a voicemail - hadn't even heard the phone ring! And it was from her, saying "I spoke with the doctor and he says it's okay to stop now. I'll cancel your next round and you've finished treatment okay bye". I had to listen to it about three times to let it sink in. She sounded so casual, and I never even spoke with the oncologist, so it all feels almost anti-climactic? But I'm sure he would have insisted on speaking with me if he had any concerns, right? They're just so weirdly chill about everything, this team. I can just imagine her saying to the oncologist, "Yeahhhh that American lady called, she wants to stop chemo, and he's like "Fine, whatever."

I have my follow up CT scan in the morning, then an appointment with the onc the week after that so I can get some reassurance then that this is all truly okay.

I'm feeling a bit weird that I didn't technically finish; a bit of a failure maybe? But mainly I'm relieved and happy. And very very grateful for all of your advice and support.

Love from Kerry xxx

[Lyndy]

I can understand you feeling a bit deflated...the medics can be so offhand but to us finishing chemo is a big deal. Hope your scan goes well and you get to feel triumphant...you've surely done really well to get this far with it when you're neutrophils were so low. Xxxx

[Hitchmo in reply to Lyndy]

Thanks Lyndy! I just this minute thought of an analgoy: it's like when you're flying, and you hit turbluence, and you look around nervously and the flight attendants are hanging out in the galley mixing gin and tonics or whatever. If the experts aren't nervous, then I'll try not to be too xxx

[Hidden]

Well it is good to have a follow up with your oncologist before you make plans to head home for a bit. I hope your ct scan will go well which I am sure it will. I would imagine the oncologist wouldnt have dismissed your decision lightly. I missed two Gem one due to Xmas and one due to low white cells but I didnt have to play catch up. I am doing okay at the moment. That was almost two years ago. I did remain on Avastin until last October but at the moment I am drug free and enjoying it. Best wishes

[Hitchmo in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Suzuki! I am so glad you are doing well now -- long may it continue! x

[grannylo]

Congratulations, ready for recuperation and recovery. So important that you have a good medical team that treat patients and not diseases. I am so pleased that you can now look forward to getting home and seeing your family. You have done really well.

No what ifs , no guilt, no failure, the only important day is today, and it was a good one. Send us an update from the other side of the world.

Love Loraine 😎. X

[Hitchmo in reply to grannylo]

Thank you so much lovely Loraine! That's top advice - "The only important day is today" - and I will take that to heart. And I'm still going to check up on you by the way - no one's getting rid of me that easily Love Kerry xx

[Shqiperia]

Congratulations my friend ☺️ Enjoy the time with your parents . God is good he will watch over us xo Suela

[LittleSan]

Hi Kerry,

I can imagine that it is an anticlimax just finding out by voice mail! I would ring her today just to get any answers you may have running through your head and so that the information feels more concrete in your thoughts.

Having said that, enjoy your freedom and recuperation! Absolutely no sense of failure.

Have a fabulous time back home.

Sandra X x

[Hitchmo in reply to LittleSan]

Hi Sandra, I was in for my scan yesterday and popped my head into the outpatients zone and saw the Macmillan nurse. She was fairly reassuring, and I'll get to speak with the oncologist next week when I go in for scan results. Thank you so much for the good words - sending you all best wishes xx

[TinaB1]

Brilliant! I can understand your mixed feelings but at least you didn't make the decision. I really don't think your doctor would leave the last one unless there would be no difference in effectiveness. I think your body's reaction would have been taken into account too as you have been left vulnerable to infection.

Well, now you can start looking forward to your reunion. Love and hugs. Xxx

[Hitchmo in reply to TinaB1]

Hi Tina! I completely agree with you - and I'm feeling more reassured that it's all perfectly fine. Thanks so much! Love & Hugs back to you xxx

[LesleyGreengran]

That does sound strange - finding you've finished with a phone message. But you have the appointment to ask further questions. I didn't get all my treatments for 2nd line, but had 20 months before I needed more. I hope you are reassured by whatever the docs tells you and the test results.

[Hitchmo in reply to LesleyGreengran]

Thanks so much. Definitely feeling more reassured about it all, now I've had a day or two for it to sink in. I hope you're holding up okay xx

[January-2016-UK]

How very odd? Why they didn't leave a message reassuring you that it wasnt urgent but asking you to call back when convenient. You would then understand fully their decision. Good luck with the scan. And you do have a chance to discuss it.

All the best.

[Hitchmo in reply to January-2016-UK]

It did seem odd! But now it's sunk in a bit, and I will get to speak to the oncologist directly next week. Thank you so much for the good wishes and I hope you're doing well x

[Hidden]

You've got a follow up appointment with your oncologist so ask all the questions you want to then, good luck with your scan results. Have a lovely time with your family, much needed I expect, lots of tlc. It's a strange feeling finishing chemo, good, I started back at work about a month afterwards and my confidence was very low, but once I got back into things it was great. Good luck and best wishes and big hugs, you've been through so much so take care and enjoy xxxx

[Hitchmo in reply to Hidden]

Thank you thank you thank you. You've been so lovely and such a big help. Big hugs back to you! xxx

[Caroles1]

Hi Kerry

the girls are right, just make sure you ask what you need to ask to satisfy yourself.

I think the end of Chemo can be an anti climax in any situation and if they say this is the end and you are ok then accept that and visit home with a clear mind and thoroughly look forward to it.

You have been very brave and got through it and give yourself a pat on the back and all the credit you deserve,

I wish you all the best and let us know how you get on

Love

Carole xx

[Hitchmo in reply to Caroles1]

Thank you Carole! You've made me tear up a bit here!

I will accept that it seems to be all over, and I will give myself more credit for getting through it. Funny how it seems like that takes a bit of time, isn't it? I thought I'd be clicking my heels and whatnot but I feel like I still have a lot to process. Saying that, I'm very happy, relieved and grateful. Thanks so much for the good wishes and support. Love Kerry xx

[Caroles1 in reply to Hitchmo]

That's fine Kerry,I was stage 1c too, still here and all good after a year off chemo, we have that in common,

Keep in touch

Carole xx

[Hitchmo in reply to Caroles1]

Thanks lovely - will do xx

[valeriel]

You are definitely not a failure! Everything crossed for your scan and then welcome to the class of watchers and waiters who try hard not to worry that the slightest twinge might be it coming back. How's this for being mixed up? I celebrated two years cancer free and then immediately thought oh dear that means I am in year 3, something is bound to happen! I guess I am an optimistic pessimist. Love Val x

[Hitchmo in reply to valeriel]

I can absolutely see myself being the same way, Val! Especially where the OVC symptoms are so vague - it must seem like every time you're feeling bloated or whatever, you must think it's back. I suppose as long as you're celebrating just as much (if not more) than worrying, and just trying to make the most of each day, you'll find the right balance. Congrats on two years, and may there be many many more! Love Kerry x

[HogwartsDK]

Kerry,

I was watching with interest as I have my second last chemo next Weds with the last on the 30th March all going according to plan and I am already wondering well what happens next! I think all of the advice you have received is spot on! One day at a time and enjoy your trip back to the States! I have to say I love visiting the States and have visited many times! I find Americans have a sense of optimism that is infectious and I have always enjoyed any trip I have made there! I am heading to NYC in September and soooooo looking forward to it!!! Have a fab break at home and grab each day by the scruff of the neck!

Best of luck with the scan results too!!!

Dxx

[Hitchmo in reply to HogwartsDK]

Oh I'm so so glad for you that you are almost done, and you've got a NYC trip to look forward to. You have the most amazing attitude -- I think it's YOUR optimism which is infectious! Reading your posts always gives me a boost! Will be sending you good thoughts for next Wednesday.

Kerry xx