worst day of my life

just got back from the hospital,finally saw the oncologist...how can i even begin to type,they said she has a large blockage of the bowel inoperable,chemo has come too late and they predict she only has days left,we have asked for these final moments to be at st richards hospice in worcester if they can get her there,moms had a fairly comfortable day,she thinks she is moving to a speciallist centre to get her well,oh how can i look her in the eye again but what a remarkle lady my mom is,even now she is thanking the nurses for cleaning her up

31 Replies

  • Oh Shaun...we all cry with you..we feel we know your mum..and know this we all fight our own corner in this terrible disease...there is not a person on here..that doesn't feel your pain.. I am so sorry...but please try and be strong for your girls...I want to help but don't know how it is still a shock even when we expect the worse...I do hope your mum will be comfortable in the hospice...I am sure they will help her with the pain..words are so inadequate..love x G x

  • Dear Shaun, My heart sank when I saw this latest post. It didn't seem too good earlier on today. What can I say? It's hard to find the right words at a time like this. If your Mum is unwilling or unable to understand the seriousness of her condition I'm sure it's best to let her continue to believe that she's leaving hospital to move to a specialist centre. I hope you can move her to St Richard's and that she can be kept comfortable.

    I'd imagine the situation where she remains unaware makes it much harder for her relatives and you shouldn't feel you can't look her in the eye. You are just doing what you can to make her feel comfortable and she will no doubt feel comforted knowing how much you love her. She certainly does seem a very dignified and admirable woman.

    Keep posting and we'll do our best to help you through these difficult days.

    love Annie xx

  • I am so sorry to hear your news. Your mum sounds like a wonderful lady thinking of others before herself. You will need to be strong for her, making these days special by having her family around. I think she will know more than you think she does......

    Gain strength from your family.... You are not alone.

    Thinking of you all x

  • My thoughts are with you all at this difficult time.


  • Shaun, I am so sorry to hear your news, You must have been devastated when they told you. Please don't feel you can't look your Mom in the eye, after all, you are trying to protect her, aren't you, and what would it serve to terrify her as well as everything else.

    I hope they will be able to move her to the hospice, but in any event I am sure she will be comforted by having you, her loving and caring son, at her side. When my own Mum was dying even though it was in many ways awful there was also something very precious about those last days and I so hope you can find this too.


  • Shaun,

    I'm so very sorry to hear this latest news. Your Mum sounds like a remarkable and strong lady. Hospice will take very good care of her and keep her comfortable through her time there. I know this latest news was like a punch in the stomach and hard to deal with, but you'll find strength inside of yourself that you din't know you had. I have a feeling your Mom knows the score, but is staying strong for her loved ones ... because that's what Moms do!

    Take care ... stay strong for your mom.


  • Shaun. I am so so sorry to hear your sad news.. My heart is with you at this very very sad time.. I cannot imagine how youvare feeling.. As Gwyn said i wish i could help but dont know how to.. So a kind and gentle ear i ls allbi can offer.

    Lots of love and prayers.

    Suzanne. Xxx

  • Dear Shaun I am so sorry to hear your mum is so poorly. I hadn't realised it was so bad. All I can do is send you, your family and your mum our gentle hugs and best wishes even though it doesnt seem much we are here for you. She will know you are and have been doing all you can and my heart goes out to you to think that this has happened but remember we all care about you and just want you to know that.

    Lots of love,

    Lucy x

  • Shaun

    I am so terribly sorry that this has happened to you and so unexpectedly. Your Mum may well know more that she it letting you know.

    You have done absolutely everything you could possibly have done for her , and I'm sure that once you are both out of the hospital you will feel somewhat relieved.

    Lots of love

    Charlie xx

  • Dear Shaun ,

    There is nothing any of us can really do to ease your pain right now but you know we are here to offer what words of comfort that might help you through the next few days .

    Monique is so right in saying that there is something so so very precious in those last few days as I felt the same when when I was with borth my dad and then later losing mum in 09 .

    Dad passed at home but mum bless her was in hospital and when I knew on the Thursday that there was no hope I stayed at the hospital with her till she passed on the Sunday and slept in a chair by her bed .

    You are doing all you can right now just by being there with mum .

    Your mum must be very proud of you .

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Shaun and your family xxx

    Love Jan xxx

  • Shaun

    Am so sorry for all you are going through with your mum. It must be so difficult to deal with as it has all been so quick. My prayers and good wishes are with you at this time. Love Kelly x

  • Oh Shaun! I am so sorry and feel for your mum! I do not know how old she is but presumably older than me (I am 72 and very aware that this disease will kill me in the end). An inoperable blockage of the bowel will make her feel very ill! I was lucky my last tumour, which was slowly closing my rectum, was operable and I am now back in control of the resulting stoma. I know that my son and daughter find it hard to face the inevitability of my death but I am relatively well at the moment and they do not have the burden of carrying knowledge that they cannot impart to me. Do go and talk to someone about how you feel. Your GP should be able to refer you for counselling which may be able to help you to cope with this burden.

    I hope that you are successful in getting your mum a place in the hospice. The hospice movement is wonderful at making the last days dignified and comfortable.

    I am thinking of you in this difficult tie but also of your mum. I hope that she will be able to say all she wants and bid goodbye to those she loves so that the end is peaceful and fulfilled for her.

    With deep concern and regard!


  • Shaun, have been following your posts, and am really sorry, you are doing what your mum wants.., be thinking of you all. Love Sue x

  • Shaun, this is such a very difficult time for you and you are being so strong in giving unwavering support to your Mum, she is very lucky to have such a devoted son. I am sure your Mum knows what lies ahead but doesn't want to upset you further by talking about it. All you can do now is be with her and thank her for making you the person you are today - a strong and loving son. Take care of those little girls, they will be suffering too.

    Love Liz X

  • Dear Shaun

    I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I do feel for you & I had tears as I read your post. You have been & are doing the best for your mum. She is very lucky to have a son who loves & cares for her. I am sure she will be made very comfortable at the hospice & you & your girls will be able to spend quality time with her.

    Although this is not what you would have wished for, at least you can be with her & give her all the love & care that you can. Try and make her feel happy & do look after yourself too.

    Keep posting so that we can support you as much as possible. I am sending you lots of positive vibes & praying for your mum.

    Lots of love, Samixa X

  • I'm really sorry to hear what you've told me. Your Mom is dealing with her difficulties in the way she feels most comfortable with and is an inspiration to her family and others isn't she. Warm heartfelt wishes are sent to you and your family....

  • Dear Shaun

    I do hope that the hospice will take your mum- they are wonderful places that allow dignity to the very end. I will pray for your mum- perhaps you can share her name with this very supportive on-line group.



  • So sorry Shaun words fail me, your mums storey has made me cry, my thoughts are with you and her. George x

  • So sorry to hear this about your mom.

    Be strong for her Shaun.

    Thinking of you both.

    Luv trish x

  • Dear Shaun,

    So sad to hear about your mum. my thoughts are with you and your family, she is so lucky to have you, stay strong. love Jorja xx

  • Dear Shaun, I am so sorry to hear about your mum, my heart goes out to you,my thoughts are with you both at this difficult time. Love Sue x

  • My heart goes out to you. For those left behing, there is no good way for someone you love to go.

    With loving thoughts


  • Dear Shaun,

    I am just so sorry for the way things have turned out.There is nothing I can say really to add to my 3 messages of yesterday, or to add to what all your friends here have written on this page. I know just what you are going through - I helplessly watched my own Mum die this time three years ago .It's heartbreaking. I can type no more - too many tears for you and your family

    With love and hugs (((( )))) Solange

  • Dear Shaun,

    All my love and sympathy go out to you. I am away at the moment but just wanted to let you know you will maybe come to regard this time as a privilege. We nursed my mother in law through her final terminal days. It was a time that ripped our hearts out but gave us some precious, sweet moments that have sustained us since. Her lack of awareness was similar to your Mum's and she was so grateful for all that was being done for her. She gradually faded away, conscious of our love and smiles. We were with her right through to the end. It does hurt like hell but her love will sustain you. Just make the love tangible and the smiles brave. Take care

    Love from us to your family, and hugs to you

    Love Wendy xx

  • Dear Shaun

    I was so sorry to read your news, everyone is thinking of you at this terrible time. I lost my own mum in the same way 10 years ago. She passed away very quickly after diagnosis, she was also bringing up the contents of her bowel - very distressing. Having the disease myself so soon after her death is very hard, but I will fight with everything I have.

    Know that you have many friends here for you at this heartbreaking time.

    Love Linda xx

  • thankyou each and everyone of you who has taken the time to reply,my mom was comfortable today,her body is slowly drifting,macmillan nurses are now helping,they say its likely to be before the weekend,my mom is called valerie,she is 67 and the matriach of our family,she was an only child and given a rough upbringing,she met my dad when she was 14 and 53 yrs later they are still together,she was a gran at 32,a great gran at 51 and has been the greatest mother anyone could ask for,she used to take cake around to the elderly neighbours,buy xmas pressies for kids of single moms in the street,she lost her mom and dad before she was 42,and has never never missed a school prom,play or parade of any of her grandkids,she believes in god,and even now wont question him,last night god bless her when saying goodnight she even apologised if her being unwell upset me,god how I will miss her,please pray for a swift pain free end,oh lord allow her dignity,she cant make it to st richards now,so thanks to all of you,as I said ladies,angels dont always have wings...xxx

  • dear shaun

    i am so so sorry for the pain and the hurt u are suffering,.. its so hard loosing a parent, ive lost both my mam and dad to cancer... ur mam sounds a lovely lady. my heart goes out to u and uour girls....

    god bless u and ur family at this sad time


  • dear shaun you and your mum will be in my thoughts and prayers tonite. my heart goes out to you and you are a truly caring and wonderful son.your mum must be so proud of you.x

  • So sorry. Take comfort from the fact that you have been there for her. That is what really matters. xxx

  • Dear Shaun my heart goes out to you and your family. Tears are running as I read... Your mum sounds like she is one in a million, you have been strong and devoted.... sounds like you are an angel to me...

    Linda xxxx

  • Even though I do not know you, my heart goes out to you. Your post made me cry. I am a mother whose daughter has been through OC and is still suffering from the effects of it. Although I am coming from a different angle from you, it is still hard to watch a loved one suffer. I hope you find comfort in the support of all the truly lovely, brave and inspirational ladies on here. We feel your pain.


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