Hate is a strong word ?

I hate I have ovarian cancer ,I hate I was diagnosed on Christmas eve with secondary ,I hate I was given an oncologist who I had no faith in ,I hate I developed a blood clot ,I hate that I can not have surgery to remove the cancer,I hate I have to have an injection every day ,I hate I am on palliative care ,I hate no tells me anything, I hate being ill ,I hate feeling so lost ,I hate that I did not what to get out of bed today ,I hate feeling I have no future ,I hate what OC has done to my family most of all ,well let's hope I have a better day tomorrow :)

36 Replies

  • Bless you,all of us at some time have these feelings, and often feel guilty.you must try tofocus on the positive aspects of your life, the times when you do feel ok.I know the highs and lows are sometimes unbearable, but that's the way it is. We have no choice other than to make the best of what we have. Embrace your family and try to find the strength to cope.It is always sad when professionals let us down at times when we are desperate for support, but we have to desperately try to remain positive when we can tohelp our bodies fight against this disease.Dont forget you are not alone, we are all here for you.

    Lots of love,keep in touch xxxxx

  • Thanks Jackie0 xxxxxx Ann .

  • Oh how I feel for you I too hate this foul illness, and what we have to go through to stay alive.my kidneys playing up now and need stent as there to unblock it some days better than others, are you on chemo.? Sending you my love and hugs take care your not alone.

    Love jenny xxx

  • Jenny I think I should be sending my love and hugs to you x,I had my last chemo on 4 of June ,so have been chemo free for about 8 weeks now just got my eye brows and lashes back ,my hair is growing so fast but my body aches some days xxxAnn.

  • Hi jenny, i had stents put in into both tubes back in april. If u have any questions happy to help x

  • Thanks Suzana I am due to have them fitted on 27th august not sure how so any info I would be very grateful. I think they may do through my side? Getting a pain in my left side kidney so need it done, did you get that? It's great this site some body always there to help with advice on there experiences.

    Sending love Jenny xx

  • You are so not alone. I hate cancer so much. Its taken away so many people I love and Im battling myself even though Im currently in remission I know its just waiting to strike again. Sending you lots of hugs and best wishes that you do indeed have better days xx

  • Me too. lost nearly 5 years ago lost two best friends with in a month of each other with OC we had been young florists at the same shop for years there was a group of about 10 of us and we are still friends now ,but the two that have gone I was really close to one was my best mate ,they were only 49 and 51 ,and next Saturday is my birthday and I will be 49 !!!!!think I might have to change my name .love Ann

  • I think you'll definitely need to change your name. I hope you are having a better day today and that you have a lovely day Saturday. xxx

  • No real words of wisdom just sending you love and hugs, know you are not alone.

  • I'm sending loads of love today and hoping that in sharing this yesterday today has dawned a better day. I hope bit-by-bit you build up your strength again and you will be able to uncover some of the positives. Let us know how you are. xxx love Annie

  • Thank you annie think I needed a rant i have never been ill before and find it so frustrating and unfair xxxx

  • Dear Ann, I was just about to write 'Dear Cancer' .... you have to laugh sometimes don't you!!!! Lucky you put your name to one of your comments above.

    It must be shocking to have lost two colleagues to ovarian cancer and now to face it yourself when you have been so fit all your life. I can't quite imagine how that must affect you but it is quite by chance isn't it as ovarian cancer is a rarer cancer. I think a very important thing to think about right now is that things have moved on in the last 5 years. There are new treatments and new clinical trials coming out that are making a difference to women's lives. Not just that but each one of us is different and the disease does not affect us all the same way.

    I was diagnosed over 3 years ago and recently finished my second line of chemotherapy. I'm still on maintenance Avastin. Yes my joints ache some days and I feel tired, but I'm not sure how much I felt that way before I had cancer. I know I've been lucky. In some way I always hope that those of us who have an easier journey fly the banner for those who don't and that we might use our time raising awareness of ovarian cancer. One positive thing that shines from this thread is that you have enjoyed good health so far. That's a great start and will stand you in good stead. My surgeon said that was my greatest hope 3 1/2 years ago and I hope it is the same for you.

    It's good to have a rant. Somehow it can clear the air a bit and help us move forward.

    Let us know how you get on. xxx Loads of love xx Annie

  • Know how you feel, hope you find the strength to pick yourself up and get back the possitives again! Look forwards, bite the bullet and fight. Your here and thats a big plus and a good place to be! Hope good news comes your way soon. Lots of love Carole xxx

  • I know how you feel, as like the other ladies on this site, I am sure we have all been there with some of your hates. However, don't let hate take over, you still have a life to lead, you have a wonderful family supporting you and I hope you now have an understanding oncologist looking after you. Why not empower yourself and make it your mission to warn other women in your area of the signs and symptoms of this horrible disease. Thinking of you and sending you a big hug. Ann xo

  • Big hug back Ann .xxxann

  • I understand

  • That says it all ,xxxxAnn

  • Hi there Ann, we all have days or a run of days that we feel like this. Life is unfair but we have to get ourselves up and brush ourselves down and star a new day. I do hope there is someone you can go to for support outside the family ie Macmillan nurses or a cancer support group. We are lucky here in that we have a few Cancer Support Houses where you can go and let it all go. I said to my daughter yesterday, how is it that some of the nastiest people get away with stuff, and are never ill. It is so frustrating to have to live with this cancer. But living with it is better than not living. Hope you have a better day today. Do try and get out and meet a friend or just go for a coffee on your own or treat yourself to something nice, because you are worth it.

  • Hope you're having a better day today Ann - sending lots of hugs and love.

    Annette xxx


  • I have tried for the last eight months to keep my fight going for my family ,friends and me ,but some days I just feel like the stuffing been kicked out of me.(stuffing replaced naughty word because you are all ladies on here xxxxAnn

  • Dear Ann,

    I also have walked in the same shoes as you. Sometimes the psychological effects of this disease far out weigh the physical. I have added you to our prayer chain at church and will remember you myself. I hope that we all can maintain a better quality of life and grab onto something positive each day.

    I am on my 6th line of chemotherapy and just got to my 5 year anniversary. I was told I would not make it 2 years. In my darkest days I was able to see the smallest rays of hope. I hope you find your rays.

    Hold on tight!

    Hugs coming your way.


  • Thank you carol-b your kind words made me smile and I am sending hugs back .xxx Ann

  • Sending lots of hugs. On 3rd line chemo now and when feeling poorly get very down. My Ray of light is from this site and all the other women battling oc. I know i'm not alone xxx.

  • Sending hugs back xxxAnn

  • So sorry you feel as you do, Ann. I know exactly how it is. It's good to have a good rant - does us the world of good. ( rather a lot of goods in that sentence!!). I do hope you perk up soon and manage to feel happier. The hardest thing to do, but is sooo important, is to try and remember that there is more in your life than cancer. When I have my bad patches I try and think of something different to do, to get out of the house. One day ,when I felt like you do , I got my husband to take me to the fish and chip shop and we sat in the park to eat them straight out of the paper. It made me feel heaps better. The chips were extra specially nice, I enjoyed watching the kids having fun, near me, the dogs walking past with their owners and sniffing and looking back, longingly, at our bags, the air did me good and best of all - I didn't have to cook that day. Maybe you could get friends and family to email you jokes. My friends do that quite a lot and it perks me up to have a giggle. My daughter's friend was very ill and she told everyone that she didn't need cards or presents - she would like everyone to send her jokes when they had them sent to them, it helped her a lot.

    Hope you find things to cheer you up, thinking of you and keeping my fingers crossed for you, love Solange :-)

  • Hello Cancer48

    I am only going to send you HOPE, LOVE, KIND WISHES & POSITIVE THOUGHTS.... and that's all I wanted to say.

    Love from another Christmas diagnosis woman,,, Daisies

  • Love back to you daisies and it is a bitch to be told you have OC but to be told at Christmas and carry on so not to spoil it for your family ,when the bottom has just fell out .xxxAnn.

  • Dear Ann, You're perfectly entitled to feel angry and it's much better to let it out. I wonder if it might help you to phone the Ovacome helpline or Macmillan? We're all here for you. xxx

  • xxx

  • Dear Ann, I read your post when you first posted it and I thought (without sending you a message) "I hope she feels better soon", and today I woke up feeling lost and sad and then I saw your post again and thought "I feel you", this time sending you this message to let you know (which I'm sure you already know) that you are not alone and all of us feel down and hate the world sometimes, but it's ok and there's always support around you!

    Love and hugs from Hong Kong,


  • Thank you Amanda and I hope tomorrow brings a better day for you ,I send my love too McCAnn.

  • When you think about the trauma your body has to cope with and also the pressure emotionally it is no wonder you are feeling low. When I was diagnosed I had some awful thoughts to deal with, mainly my children and how they would cope, we spend a lot of our life coping but worrying about the what ifs can sometimes make us fall into a dark hole of depression. I really feel for you.

    LA xx

  • Oh poor you I've been there though not yet as far along the line as you, just anticipating sometimes and feeling that the life I had a few years ago is over. But I had a wonderful day yesterday with my grandchildren and can live for what I still have now for a while. I sometimes think I shouldn't see them too much (only every few weeks already as they are 70 miles away and I don't drive that distance any more), because they'll just miss me more. But I regret never having known one of my grannies so it's a bit swings and roundabouts. I hope you have some better days soon.

  • Thanks Lesley .xxxAnn

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