My story starts about 5 years ago and to cut a long story short I have had a boarderline ovarian tumour removed last October. I have had a follow up appointment in Jan and they think the tumour cells have got into a fluid. I am therefore having blood tests and scans but besides all that I have noticed a big change in myself... I used to be quite a positive person but now I feel really depressed and I don't leave the house for about 4/5 days at a time. I have rang work and told them I am not well but really I am afraid to leave the house, something comes over me in the morning.
My marriage is on the verge of breaking, my husband doesn't understand the illness and does not even wish to understand it or support me, I think he's a bit bored of it to be honest. The whole thing has made us so distant we won't be able to get it back on track. He has strayed in the past as I couldn't give him the love and attention and so I have lost all trust in him. We constantly argue and I constantly check his phone because im so parnoid he's up to something, i have found recently he's been chatting to several girls and bitches about me constantly. I don't understand who to turn to for help and I feel like I'm losing the will the live but I have to stay strong and focussed for my 4 year daughter.
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Asiya
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From the outside looking in, it sounds like your relationship is the harder to deal with. The cancer is all 'they think' and you have not had blood and scan results yet, so there are reasons to be hopeful it is still all confined and treatable. The really hard bit is thinking the one person who should be in your corner, does not seem to be. I would very much recommend talking to macmillan, and once you have had a meeting or two with them, they may recommend you see other professionals about your situation. I am sure there are not many scenarios macmillan have not come across. If I were you, I would talk to your GP about getting a macmillan nurse to visit you when your husband is not around, and decide with the nurse what is the best way forward for you to get the support you need at this difficult time.
So sorry to hear how bad things are for you at the moment. I totally agree about Macmillan. Use this site too for a good old moan, whenever necessary. Your husband may not understand but we do! you need a friend at the moment and if you can get someone to see for counselling, it may help. Maybe Relate, I'm sure Macmillan can help if you can get a referral. You can phone them and leave a message and do tell them how low you are feeling
Hang on in there, you will get through this. Your daughter has a strong Mum!
love, Wendy xx
Almost everyone feels really low at some point during and after this illness. It's hard to understand for anyone who hasn't experienced it. There can be a delayed shock that you experience after treatment has ended.
But you can get into a spiral when you are so down that you are unable to help yourself or see things in perspective.
I'd suggest you talk to your GP very soon about the way you are feeling. S/he will be able to refer you for couselling and maybe give you some medicine that will hopefully help.
These feelings are common but help is out there if you ask for it and you do not have to feel like this. You owe it to your daughter and most of all yourself to get well.
I totally agree with Wendy and Lizie. You need someone outside the situation to talk to - preferably on a regular basis. In the past I had a really bad patch, like yours not necessarily cancer related, and our GP's surgery were excellent in recommending counselling and a counsellor. The initial 6 sessions were on the NHS and i only had a couple of meetings after that. So if the Macmillan nurse route isn't possible the GP may have alternatives.
I am so sorry that you are having such a bad time - once worry and depression sets in the world looks very bleak. But as Wndy says, your daughter has a strong loving Mum - and that is worth more than words can express.
love Angela
Hi Asiya
So sorry to hear you are feeling so low. I understand what you mean about not wanting to go out - I have been in that situation even with a supportive family so it must be even more difficult for you. I agree with everyone on here. I did contact MacMillan and am now seeing a counseller (have appointment this afternoon actually) and it does help. Even if it is just to clear your head and speak out loud all the issues you have been carrying around inside. It is horrible that we have to deal with all this but find strength where you can - through your daughter, or friends, or this online suppport group.
I am so terribly sorry to hear that you are feeling as you are. You poor thing, what a terrible situation. I would definitely echo the comments of the ladies above. Do please please find somebody to talk to about how you are feeling. I spoke to Ruth , one of the helpline nurse specialists who wass wonderful, please consider giving her a call.
Has there been any progress with your medical care ? If not try and get your GP to hurry things up.At least if you are clear about your health then that's one concern eliminated. Also ask him or her if anything can be done to help you emotionally.
I also had a borderline tumour removed and suffered emotionally as a result. However two years on I am feeling much better emotionally.I felt such a fraud as I didn't need chemo or radiotherapy, unlike most of the other ladies on here , and this made me feel even worse. I found a free computerised CBT course, called Living Life to the Full really helpful.
Try to get out and about if you can , give yourself little treats even if it's just a nice long bath and spend as much time with those who love you as you can. I'm sure your little girl is adorable, she is very lucky because she has such a strong Mummy.
Oh I really feel for you. I had a borderline ovarian tumour, right ovary and fallopian tube removed in December, and like you I have a you child ( he is 7 ). there are so many emotions that go through you, a borderline diagnosis seems to be such an inbetween area, and I can understand your emotion. I have been off work for 4 months and physically, I really feel like im getting over things, but emotionally im all over the place. I explained my feelings to my GP, and like the other ladies, I foudn my GP very useful. She said she had another person at the practice with the same and she woudl have a word with her to see if she would meet up with me, my GP also foudn out some RELIABLE information on borderine tumours, and also told me that at the hospital there is a nurse who acts as a link between the consultant and you ( i am not sure if this is a macmillan nurse) and she is going to put me in touch with them. So I think, as long as you have a reliable GP, this may be a very good route to try. It feels like you are on your own, but you are not. i have found this website really useful, and I do feel a fraud because so many people here are in a much worse situation than me and you, but i think the emotions we all go through are the same in many ways. and unless you are the person who is told the news there is no way you could possibly understand what it feels like. My fiance has found it very difficult to understand me, but he is entirely supportive and does everything he can. It doesnt sound like you have that, which is sad. at a time like this you need as much support as possible, and it is not for me to tell you what to do, but i do not think that having such a negative situation around you will be helping you at this time. if you are usually working, make the most of the extra time with your daughter. If nothing else, I have found the extra time with my son has been wonderful, it has really made me appreciate the time we spend together. Look after yourself, you have a beautiful little girl who loves you, and things will look brighter.
Hi Everyone thank you for your comments and supportive advise.
Firstly, I would like to let you know I have contacted the hospital to receive some one-to-one support which starts next week...i'm quite nervous about opening up to someone because i've been holding so much in for so long. But I have to start somewhere.
Secondly, Tracy29 you are correct i shouldn't have to deal with such a negative situation as such a difficult time.Friends and family have been telling me for some time now. His behaviour is unacceptable, although he may not be playing away the trust and love has definetly gone. it's unfair for me to deal with difficult situations when i should be concentrating on myself. we had a huge argument today (as we do every couple of weeks!) and as usual he has threatened to sell the house (which we only moved into Dec 2010) and split the money to go our own seperate ways. for him to say things like that so carelessly makes me think he appreciates nothing. I am seriously considering my future with him.
Lastly, whatever happens i am going to remain positive and have fun. i work part time so i have plenty of time to go out with my daughter and enjoy life and make the most of what i can!
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