I know I have posted on here before about this topic, I am really sorry to talk about it again, I am just really really struggling from the guilt of one of my past compulsions. The compulsion was to repeat a rude phrase out loud about a loved one to myself in private (the phrase which it wanted me to say is not something I have ever, ever thought before and the phrase it wanted me to say upsets me a lot) to prevent my intrusive thought from coming true and for my intrusive thought to stop for just one second. My ocd would not leave me alone until I repeated the phrase. It kept telling me and telling me if I didn't say it to myself what would happen, and that all my intrusive thought would come true. I feel immensely immensely guilty about giving in and doing the compulsion. The guilt is absolutely consuming me. I feel like a horrible person. I also feel alone, I haven't seen many posts about this type of compulsion, and don't see a lot about this type of compulsion. Sorry to post about this topic on here again.
Thankyou.
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purplecat223
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Hi I've not had anything exactly like this myself but I did used to have to say things myself to provide reasurrance that I'd completed some action or other. But from what you have described I would not beat yourself up. You said the phrase because you wanted to have peace of mind and for the ocd to leave you alone. As you say you didn't want to say these things and I'm sure didn't believe them; you were only trying to protect yourself as you saw it at the time, albeit it was a misplaced strategy. I don't know if you have any religious or spiritual belief but you could try praying for forgiveness. It might just help you let go of the guilt, after all you didn't say because you wanted to harm that person or anything. Tapping can also be quite good. I often tap the wall or a table or whatever if I find myself wanting to check something unnecessarily. I hope this helps somewhat.
Having OCD is like having a blackmailer constantly on your shoulder. And it is one that knows just where to get you. just where something really matters to you. So trying to make you say what you don't think, and don't feel, just to keep the OCD happy, is typical of OCD.
And then OCD loads you with guilt! As if it hadn't already done enough!
It's really difficult to resist such a blackmailer. There is no easy way out of it, but CBT techniques do offer methods by which you can combat it.
Try delaying the urge to say the rude phrase, even if it's just for a minute. Increase the minute to a couple of minutes gradually. Allow the anxiety to surge and rise, if you can, until it starts to subside. This is painful, and don't feel bad if you don't succeed. Each attempt is a chipping away at the OCD.
And please, don't feel guilty. This horrible illness has you in its grip. Don't let it add to the burden by making you feel guilty. And no need to apologize for posting again.
I do this, you feel horrible after, and people say aw just ignore it but it eats away at you! It’s just the worst thing ever, I play candy crush ( I no weird right?) but I’m 600+ level in and it literally is made to “swipe away the stress” it says so maybe that’ll help
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