I’m a 29 year old married mother of 2. I have always been a very confident woman. I try my hardest to have a tough exterior so I don’t get hurt more then anything
When I was a child I was abused by someone very close to me. I’ve never dealt with that and I don’t really think I knew how wrong it was until I was older anyway. I’ve always tried not to think about it.
This August my youngest was playing with sidewalk chalk in the driveway and my sister pulled in the driveway in her minivan I yelled, she didn’t even come close to him but that night I dreamt she ran him over and woke up in a panic. Ever since then I have been having horrible dreams of something happen to him.
I have dreamt that the same man who hurt me is hurting him. I can’t make it stop and for something I’ve never put much thought into in my life it all came bubbling up out of no where. I can’t sleep. I’m in a constant state of anxiety. I can’t watch tv. The news or read news stories because anything about hurting small children puts me into. a panic attack. I’m going to see a phycologist on the 30th.
I don’t think I have OCD but I feel like I’m obsessing over this for sure
Any help would be great!
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Crazyisascrazydoes
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I don't know if you've got OCD, but you've clearly got some emotional issues. It's really normal to panic when your child escapes an accident. That's how a mother responds!
But the unresolved issues from your childhood are impacting on a normal motherly response. There could be a touch of PTSD in there which has suddenly reared its ugly head at the thought of harm to your little boy.
Abuse is confusing to a child. It is traumatic, even if you don't understand what the abuser is doing to you. I haven't had the systematic, ongoing abuse some people have had as children, or even a major one off instance, but I had a 'minor' incident happen to me when I was about 12 which left me disgusted and bewildered. It took thirty years for me to talk about it. So I have some understanding of how it feels to you.
As a mother you are naturally protective towards your children. The panic you felt when your little boy was in danger perhaps reminded you of how vulnerable you felt as a child. Don't let this impair your confident exterior, which is a good thing, but make sure you don't hide behind it either.
Do let us know how you get on with the psychologist. It could be that short term medication is prescribed for you, which can be very helpful, but make sure you deal with the underlying problems as well. There are quite a number of therapies that can help.
I think seeing a Phycologist is a step in the right direction, unfortunately sometimes we have to address past events before we can deal with the present and future. I often dwell on things that happened in my own life even now and im 56, but getting the right help has helped me deal with it. Good luck. Rusty.
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